Chapter six-
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It was already dark by the time he found his way back to the x-mansion.
.
His chest no longer hurt.
.
But he ached.
.
His body was stiff.
.
He hadn’t wanted to see everything inside of her mind.
.
He’d hated seeing how she longed for him.
.
He didn’t want to see how a little back rub had stirred her feelings so much.
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She had been 18.
And so depressed she was going to try to commit suicide.
He had brought her back.
Given her back her life.
.
But now he knew he had caused so much more.
.
He had seen how his touch stirred her body.
.
Made her flesh come to life.
.
And damn himself he had enjoyed knowing that.
Reveled in the fact that he made her feel such things.
.
But he knew he couldn’t let her depend on him that much.
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But this time, she had broken his heart.
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She had left.
.
She had walked away.
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And he realized she had taken his heart with her.
Taken all his hopes of keeping her too.
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He had tried to protect her.
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Tried to keep her innocent.
And safe.
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But nothing could compare to this.
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He retched again.
.
Nothing.
His body had purged everything hours ago.
If only he could purge his thoughts.
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He caught her scent as soon as he entered into the mansion.
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It was faded, hours old.
.
But he followed it still.
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Straight to her room.
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Her room smelled like tears.
But everything important was gone.
Every memento of him was notably absent as well.
He sighed looking at her pictures still hanging on the wall.
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She had left her memories.
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He followed her tear laced scent.
It led straight to his own room.
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Sitting upon his bed was a box.
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His dog tags sitting on top of the lid.
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His chest felt like an elephant was sitting on it.
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He knew what was in the box.
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But he opened it anyways.
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Inside lay every gift he had ever given her.
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One particular thing caught his eye.
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The ticket stub to Rent.
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He was crying now.
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Logan.
Was.
Crying.
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He knew he had lost.
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Knew she was gone.
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And he knew that if he looked he wouldn’t find her.
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She knew him too well.
She had seen inside his head so many times.
She knew how he worked.
Knew how to hide from him.
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He took a deep breath and prayed.
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Prayed in several languages.
And to several different deities.
Prayed to ones he had only heard of.
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He prayed that he would not find one thing.
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His hands shook as he began to take everything from the box.
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“Goddamit anna!”
He cried out.
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Her phone was sitting there.
Right there in the bottom of the box.
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There was one new message.
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He stared at it for a long time.
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Finally he checked that damn message.
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It was for him.
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She said not to worry and that she would be safe.
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And that she would come back one day.
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That was all he could take.
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“don’t come back to me”
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He could hardly finish the sentence.
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“come home to me Anna.”
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“Logan why don’t you just ask Xavier to locate her?”
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It had been weeks.
Weeks since his precious Rogue left.
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He had become a shell of himself.
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Everyone wondered what was wrong with him.
.
Everyone except for Jean Grey.
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She had asked him where rogue was.
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When he didn’t tell her?
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Well she took a look for herself.
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She had braved his minds traps.
Just to find what had happened to the woman who had become like a younger sister to her.
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She had not found everything.
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But she saw enough.
Saw enough to encourage logan.
Whenever she got a chance.
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“if you want her. Go get her. If you say she is yours. Then have her.”
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Jean had been so patient with him.
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Until today.
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Today Jean had a rude wakening.
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One of the students had found logan.
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Deposited on the doorstep.
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Bloodied and brusied.
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He had taken all of this too hard.
.
And now every day he went out looking for a fight.
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But this.
This was too far.
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When a student found him.
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That called for an intervention.
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“Look Red, I aint gonna ask Charlie for help. I just gotta wait this out. And as much as you dissagree, I gotta do this. I gotta do it for her and I gotta do it for me.”
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Jean was not happy.
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Nor was she buying this story.
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“really now, shes trying to put me in her place. I leave like this all the time. And she? Well she probably feels like this, feels like shes starving.”
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“Logan you need to find her. You need to bring her back. We don’t even know if shes still alive. How can you go on not knowing? If I were you I wouldn’t have ever let her walk away.”
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Logan stood up suddenly.
The cup of coffee he had been drinking was slammed onto the table.
His napkin thrown down with as much force as possisable.
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“Jean you don’t know shit. You don’t know what it was like to see her like that. Youre a telepath, you ever look into scotts brain when hes trying to explain something? Well maybe it was like that. She was like dying to show me how she felt, how she ached to be touched. How she longed to have a man touch her like Scott touches you. And you know what? I could feel it too, I could feel how her body ached, could feel how desperately lonely she felt. And now I can still feel starving feeling. that’s how she felt every time I was gone Jean. She felt like she was starving, poor kid fed off of my affection. I was that womans everything. I was her world, and what did I do? I fucked her over Jean, I trampled over every inch of her soul. And how did I do that you ask? I tried to protect her, I tried to give her what I thought she deserved. But never once ever asked her what she wanted, what she needed. I was too selfish to even care. I was killing her Jean, I was ruining her. Shes a beautiful creature and I destroyed that. She wont be the same if she comes back. She knows that. I know that. You know that. What do I do now? Do I leave and hope that I can find her? She knows how to hide from me, hows how I look and where I will go. She knows me too well jean, so I gotta sit here and suffer, sit here like she used to and play the waiting game. I have to suffer, I have to sit here watching out the window waiting for her to come home and take this pain away. And most of all. I gotta hope that when she comes home. Shes still mine.”
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