Chapter five-
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He was still staring at her.
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And she didn’t like it.
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Moments ago she had grabbed his face
She had done what she only had dreamed she would one day do.
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She had opened up her mind to him.
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He could see everything rattling around in her head.
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She knew he could.
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But she also knew that he would keep himself guarded.
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“why Emma?”
His words broke into her thoughts.
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“she was the only one who had so much to hide Sugah”
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She didn’t need to speak out loud.
Knew he could see the answer if he only looked.
But then again she hadn’t invited him to.
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“what do you mean Anna?”
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“Ah needed a telepath, and Ah needed a strong one. I knew Emma be reading tha’ minds of people around her, so Ah knew if Ah came for her she would know, she would know she couldn’t stop mah’ but she would keep her mind locked away.”
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She paused watching him.
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She knew he was seeing how she attacked Emma.
. How she had flown right into Emma’s window and threw her to the floor.
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“Logan, Ah didn’t want her roaming around in mah mind while Ah am trying to show you what Ah am thinking.”
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She heard his thoughts before he spoke.
She almost grinned.
There was for now, a mental link between them.
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“you’re a smart kid Anna”
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She hated being called “kid”
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She was a woman.
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A full blooded woman.
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And she needed to show him.
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Her mind raced through memories until she found the right one.
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She wished she were a telepath.
The memories so clear.
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So intense.
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She could almost smell and taste them
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Rogue was 16 when Logan left.
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Left to go run down ghosts at alkali lake.
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Sure he was around here and there.
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He was at the mansion sometimes.
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But he was never really there.
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Time changed.
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It was her seventeenth birthday.
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She watched Logan hand her a small box.
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Her heart soared.
She knew that Logan knew her like no one else did.
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Like no one else cared to.
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Inside the box was something she didn’t even need.
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He had gotten her driving courses.
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She already had her drivers license for almost six months.
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“I’m sorry kid, I just forgot.”
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That was all the excuse he gave her.
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A while later it was Jean Grey’s birthday.
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He got Jean Grey tickets to her favorite play.
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Dinner at her favorite resturant.
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Rogue had been heart broken.
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Until.
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Until she had watched Jean hug Logan.
And tell him that her and Scott would have a wonderful evening thanks to him.
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Rogue caught it.
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The way that Logan faked a smile.
The way his arms hung limp when he hugged jean.
The way that his eyes clouded when he looked at Scott.
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For years Rogue had been the kid that Logan forgot.
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She always wanted to be the woman he remembered.
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It was her 18th birthday.
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She could almost taste the birthday cake.
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Logan had promised to make up her last birthday to her.
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He gave her a set of keys.
Told her he was taking her for a ride on his bike.
Going somewhere special.
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That night after the birthday cake.
And the singing.
And buying cigarettes cause she could and not because she smoked.
And dancing until her feet hurt.
He took her out.
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They drove up a huge hill.
The wind whipping her hair into her face.
At the top there was a spectacular view of the city.
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It seemed like hours that they sat there on a rock and talked.
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For the first time Logan told her his true feelings.
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“Kid” he said.
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“you ain’t a kid no more, you used to be that kid that tagged along with me. You were like my side kick. But Anna, you were the kid I always forgot about, the one kid that I tried my damnnest not to think about when I was gone. Some days I wonder if you’re the only reason why I’m here, you ain’t got anyone to take care of you, so I had to, and I’m sorry that you got the shitty care that I provided. But Anna somewhere in there you became this wonderful woman. A woman I will never forget.”
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Rogue held her breath as she waited for Logan to speak.
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She knew he saw the same memories that she did.
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“what rogue? What are you trying to tell me?”
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She waited.
She didn’t want to say it.
Her eyes threatened to spill over with unshed tears before he finally spoke again.
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“you don’t like me calling you kid cause I forgot about you when you were a kid?”
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She nodded.
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“or you don’t like me calling you kid cause you are trying to prove you are a woman, and you want me to prove to you all the ways you are a woman?”
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She blushed hotly
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She knew that he could see it.
Knew that he could see her embarrassment.
And then she realized that he could see the thoughts running through her head.
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“tell me rogue, do you want me because you’re lonely?”
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Her breath caught in her throat.
He was using this against her.
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He was picking apart her mind and making short work of sorting things out.
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“rogue, you’re not answering.”
His voice was rough.
“or did you want me because you thought you couldn’t kill me? Or did you just think that I was a man that could prove to you in all ways just how much of a woman you are?”
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Her breath caught as she thought of something.
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She knew how to prove it to him.
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There had once been a time where she was fragile.
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Shortly after turning 18 she had heard of a cure.
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She could have fixed her poison like skin.
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Three weeks after taking the cure she was in her room with Bobby Drake.
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She told him she wanted him to be her first.
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She was lying.
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But she knew she couldn’t have the man she wanted.
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And she really liked bobby.
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And she desperately wanted to be touched.
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Bobby had kissed her so fiercely that it lit her skin ablaze
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Then it was cold.
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Everything was cold.
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“rogue!”
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Bobby had shoved her away and she could see the ice forming at the tips of her fingers.
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She had sapped his powers.
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The cure didn’t work.
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For weeks rogue was a mess.
She had gone through so much to get the cure.
Had worked so hard to convince everyone around her this was the right choice.
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No one came close to her.
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They didn’t know if she could still control her powers.
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No one touched her.
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People even stopped in their tracks to let her by.
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The sad part was that she could control her powers better then ever.
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Some people looked at her like she was a pariah.
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Others just held sympathy in their eyes.
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She and bobby had broken up.
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“Rogue” Bobby had said “I love you, but what we want and cant have is killing us both, every time I kiss you and have to pull away quick, I see it in your eyes, it takes a little bit of you away from me each and every time.”
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He had stroked her hair and left before he could see her cry.
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That was the last time she had been touched.
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She was spiraling downwards into a pit of despair.
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She wanted to scream.
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She wanted to beg for even a handshake.
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She was standing on the libraries balcony.
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She was watching Jean and Scott.
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Jean was reading a book on the grass, her feet placed in Scott’s lap.
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Rogue watched as he grinned and began to tickle Jean’s bare feet.
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That was when rogue lost it.
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She was counting to ten.
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Building her courage.
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She took a deep breath.
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She was ending it.
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She was going to jump over that railing.
She was going to kiss that concrete.
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She was ending it.
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Eight.
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Nine.
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Ten.
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“hey kiddo, I heard Bobby broke up with you”
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Rogue took a step forward.
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Rough calloused hands gently squeezed her shoulders.
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Rogue mentally cursed herself.
Of all people to show up.
It was Logan.
Of all people to touch her.
It was Logan.
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It was always Logan.
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His hands were firm as he kneaded her shoulders.
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She nearly melted.
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She hadn’t had a back rub since before her powers had manifested.
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It felt like heaven.
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As his thumbs traced her shoulder blades she had a hard time keeping her balance.
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Her eyes closed and she stayed still.
She was enjoying this too much.
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“Anna you’re acting like you’ve never had a massage before.”
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Her answer was murmured.
“been too long Logan, been too long since anyone’s even brushed against me.”
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A soft growl was all the response that he gave.
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His fingers trailed down either side of her spine.
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She was in for it.
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This was the first time that she had ached for Logan’s touch.
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She never wanted this to end.
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His hands were warm as they worked back up towards her shoulders.
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“Logan how come you’re not scared of me?”
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His hands had found her shoulders again.
His fingers trailed feather light down her arms.
When he reached her gloved fingertips he entwined his fingers with hers.
With his fingers linked with hers, he wrapped his arms around her.
His body encompassing her own.
His lips were so close to her ear as he spoke that it gave her goose bumps.
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“because Anna, you’re my rogue, I’ve seen you at your best and at your worst, seen you happy, sad, angry, hungry, PMS-ing , wounded, heartbroken, crying and even once or twice in love, and you’ve never been scary. You Anna have always been beautiful.”
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She was crying by the time she found her words.
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“but Logan, you’re the only one that touches me, I need it and I crave it, I just wish you needed me as much as I needed you.”
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“I do need you. But that is a story for another day. One day I will explain.”
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“Rogue!”
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His voice was urgent now.
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Her eyes blinked open and she waited for what seemed an eternity before he spoke again.
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“stop it Rogue, I cant stand seeing this.”
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She was finally getting to him.
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She was getting what she wanted.
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But she wasn’t getting what she needed.
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She was past wanting Logan, she needed him.
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She needed him.
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She needed him like she needed to breathe.
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Her entire life seemed to depend on him.
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“Rogue, I cant mean that much to you, you cant let me.”
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Great, she was crying now.
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Crying over him again.
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Again.
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Again and again she cried over logan.
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He broke her heart ever time he left her.
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She always told him to come home to her.
She didn’t want him to just come back.
She wanted him to come back for her.
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She needed him to come back for her.
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One day he would realize just how much she loved him.
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But would it be too late?
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“Logan, I cant stand this anymore. I think I was better off in a coma, at least I could have you in my dreams.”
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She stood and did the hardest thing she’d ever imagined.
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She walked away.
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Her bare feet crunched the dry leaves on the forest floor as she walked.
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It was several minuets later when she heard it.
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A howl.
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So primal.
So angry.
So hurt.
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It was Logan’s howl.
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A long low pitiful sound.
It sounded like a wounded animal.
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She staggered when she heard it.
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It was like she could feel his pain.
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When he howled again it was a much angrier sound.
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She fell to her knees this time.
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It felt like her chest was being ripped open.
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She wanted to go to him.
She wanted to comfort him.
She wanted to kiss away his pain.
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But she needed to walk away.
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