Ororo waited for Logan at the bottom of the stairs. And waited, and waited. Gray clouds gathered over the mansion and thunder rolled in the distance, an atmospheric manifestation of the roiling emotions the weather witch could barely contain.
Finally, he appeared at the top of the stairs, dressed in his leather jacket, a black t-shirt, jeans and boots. He had the keys to Scott’s motorcycle in his hand.
“What the hell were you thinking?” she hissed through gritted teeth as he approached.
Clearly, he was in no shape to handle a lecture from her, not now, not about Rogue. He came at her with both barrels blazing.
“Oh, you know, you’re right. I must have been out of my head to actually want to help her. Next time she keels over I’ll just leave her there on the tile while you go for a stroll in the goddamn garden!”
His voice actually cracked. She was sure of it. Cracked, like he was choked up and trying to yell at the same time. Her intuition went on high alert.
“Logan, did something happen that Rogue didn’t tell me?”
He didn’t answer her right away. He just stood there looking at her. No, more like through her, like he was in deep thought. Then his eyes focused on her again.
“No, nothing happened.”
If that was the whole truth, she’d smoke one of his disgusting cigars every day for a week. He was hiding something; they both were. She knew that much. What she didn’t know yet was whether it was something of any real significance or if it was simply their embarrassment at being caught in an awkward situation.
-----
Rogue leaned her head against the door, her palms flat, pressing on the polished wood. She closed her eyes and imagined his arms around her, his heart beating beneath her ear. She curled her fingers, uncurled them, pretending to play with the soft, dark hair on his rock hard chest. Would it only ever be pretend?
She was trying hard not to cry, not yet. First, she had to be heard and if she cried she wouldn’t be able to speak.
“Please, don’t tell her, Logan,” she pleaded, whispering like a lover issuing tender ‘touch me here’ commands to her beloved. “Please. Let it be our secret, my secret, just for a little while. Please. Run if you have to. I understand. Just please don’t tell her. Don’t tell any of them. Please, Logan. For me. For me.”
She went on begging, repeating herself again and again, until she couldn’t hold the tears back anymore. She slid down the door, collapsed on the rug and sobbed.
-----
Logan wrestled with his conscience while he dressed in his traveling clothes, but by the time he was on his way down the stairs he’d made up his mind to tell Storm the truth, regardless of the nodding he’d done up in Rogue’s room.
He’d never lied to Rogue, and he didn’t want to start now, but if something was happening to her, something she wasn’t controlling herself, then it was best to let the geeks in on it. What if losing her power meant that something was really wrong with her, that she was sicker than anyone realized? What if by keeping her secret he was doing more harm than good? The geeks would never forgive him. Hell, he’d never forgive himself.
But then, while he was yelling at Ororo, Rogue’s voice cut through the turmoil in his head like a lighthouse beacon through a heavy fog. The desperation in her words nearly took his breath away.
“Please, don’t tell her, Logan…Run if you have to. I understand…Don’t tell any of them…Please…For me, for me.”
And just like that, all his resolve vaporized and he knew he couldn’t do it. He told himself it was because, in the end, it wasn’t his secret to tell; it was hers. But the truth was simpler than that. He couldn’t deny her anything, least of all something she wanted—needed—this much.
So he lied for her.
“No, nothing happened.”
But he could tell Storm didn’t believe him anyway.
“Logan, did you touch her?”
That was it; the last thread of his tolerance unraveled.
Snikt.
The claws unsheathed before he could pull them back, almost as if they had minds of their own.
“What did you say?” The menacing chill in his voice surprised even him.
Ororo took two steps back, her dark eyes as wide as a midnight sky.
He moved toward her, but managed to keep the claws pointed at the floor instead of her throat. It wasn’t easy.
“You think I’d do that? Take advantage of her while she was passed out. You think I’d hurt her that way?”
Hell, no, but you’d take her every day of the week if she were willing, wouldn’t you, Bub? And twice on Sundays. Oh, fuck. Why couldn’t his conscience be on his side for once?
Ororo finally found the breath to answer him. “Of course not! I know you’d never hurt Rogue, ever. I wasn’t accusing you of anything, Logan. I was actually thinking that you might have been hurt, by her skin, when you carried her.”
“Oh.”
Snikt.
“I’m fine, Storm. This is me you’re talking to, remember? I’m sorry I got so worked up, but—“
“It’s OK, Logan. I’m sure it was upsetting to find her like that. I don’t blame you. I can see how you might have misunderstood my question, especially since I misread the situation before I had all the facts.” She laid a hand on his arm. “I do have all the facts, don’t I, Logan?”
This time he smiled and lied right to her face, calmly and without a hint of regret.
“Yeah, you know all there is to know.”
She let go of his arm. He turned and headed for the garage.
“Are you going somewhere?”
“I need fresh air and beer in large quantities,” he called over his shoulder. “When I’ve had enough of both, I’ll be back.”
And that was when he learned that lying got easier with every one he told.
-----
The sound of a motorcycle roaring down the driveway stirred Rogue from her sleep.
She’d waited for several agonizing minutes there on the floor listening for Ororo’s footsteps on the stairs, waiting for the onslaught of questions and examinations to begin. But when the dreaded knock on her door didn’t come, she had crawled into bed, her heart overflowing with gratitude—and love.
He heard her. He listened. He lied.
Knowing that she was safe, for now, she had dozed off.
As she woke, she listened to him leaving and cursed herself for what she’d said.
Run if you have to. I understand.
She did understand, much more than he realized, but that didn’t make his leaving any easier to bear. She hadn’t missed the want in his eyes before he turned his back on her. Nor had she misunderstood his pained expression when she’d looked at him like a starry-eyed teenager staring at her first crush. She had given herself away with that look, told him every impossible dream she’d ever had about the two of them becoming so much more than friends.
And with his leaving he had told her that with or without her mutation, those dreams would always be impossible.
It wasn’t fair, dammit! She couldn’t help being young any more than he could help being the Wolverine. He was so sure she couldn’t handle who he really was. Ha! Had he forgotten Liberty Island? She had the Wolverine traipsing around in her head 24/7—and Magento, too!—for chrissake! And it hadn’t sent her screaming into the night. At least, not yet. Of course, there was the occasional nightmare that caused that reaction. Still, even the professor had said she was handling everything ‘remarkably well’.
Well, if Logan was gone for good, then fine. He’d just never see that she could handle this too. It was his loss. He’d never know that she was more than capable of handling the Wolverine in her bed every bit as well as she handled him in her head.
Maybe his leaving was a good thing after all. If she had needed a reason to take charge of her own life, her own destiny, now she had one. He wasn’t here to rescue her anymore; she’d have to do that herself, starting now, with keeping her secret for as long as she could.
She didn’t want to become the class experiment. She couldn’t stand the idea of being poked and prodded and studied. She honestly didn’t care why her power had seemingly disappeared. All that mattered to her was that she was no longer ‘Rogue, the untouchable’. Oh, she’d continue to go by that name, and live by its rules, until she chose to do otherwise, but in her heart she would know that once again she was ‘just Marie’ and that was just fine with her. It was all she really wanted.
And then that same heart betrayed her, exposed her for the liar she was, with one simple truth:
So, I guess this means you’re throwing away the dog tags, right? Yeah, uh-huh, didn’t think so.
-- End Chapter 3.
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Author's Chapter Notes:
To all who reviewed the previous chapters: I can't thank you enough for taking the time to share your thoughts, so I'll just say, 'You're the bomb!'