I woke up the next morning in what I thought was a strange situation, but with what felt like the best sleep I have had in well……ever. What was strange about it was the position I, or rather, we were in. I was held firmly against him, one of his arms draped across my stomach; it was new, and yet I felt strangely relaxed and comfortable. However, when my eyes had focused and I saw that my alarm clock had read 11:30 a.m., all was forgotten.
“Crap!” I yelled as I sat up in bed.
“What is it,” Logan grumbled from behind me, arms out and claws extended.
“Ah’m late for my classes!” I replied, jumping out of bed.
“Damn it, kid, don’t yell like that,” he said as he retracted his claws. “I could’ve gutted you!”
“Ah’m sorry!” I yelled back as I hurriedly went through my drawers, looking for something to wear. “It’s almost noon and Ah already missed three of my classes, four if Ah don’t hurry up.”
“Hey, come ‘ere.”
“Logan,” I protested, trying to resist him pulling me toward my bed. “Logan, Ah have to go to class!”
He sat down. “No you don’t, you can stay here.”
“Logan, Ah can’t…”
He sighed. Then he wrapped his arms around my waist and buried his face in my stomach. “Darlin’, that was the best sleep I’ve had since I can remember, and I’m not ready to wake up yet,” he mumbled, almost incoherently. “Just…just don’t go.”
I was shocked speechless by not only the words he was saying, but by how much he seemed to need me. I opened my mouth to protest- I really did need to go to class- but with the look in his tired eyes I couldn’t deny him.
I sighed. “Okay.”
He relaxed his grip on me, mumbled a quick ‘thanks, baby’ and crawled back into bed. I went quickly over to the window and pulled the shade down; there was no way I was going to be able to fall back asleep with midday sunlight flooding the room. With the room darkened to my liking, I crawled back under the covers where Logan reached out to me. Then he suddenly tugged me to him, rubbed his face in my hair, inhaling and then breathing a sigh of relief. He was asleep minutes later.
My heart fluttered, it’s not like I could help it even if I wanted to. That’s the last thought I had before I fell back into a deep sleep.
X X X
That became almost a nightly ritual; I would wake from a nightmare and Logan would be right there to comfort me. Most days I would wake up in the morning and kick him out of my room so I could get ready for class, but more than once Logan and I slept late and I, with some convincing from Logan, couldn’t bring myself to get out of bed. On the weekends we slept most of the day away in each others arms, him only leaving to find us something to eat. That’s about as far as it went though; we slept in each others arms, talked and comforted each other, but that was it and I wanted more.
But between our sleeping together and my daydreams of us being together in the way I wanted, it took months before I found out I wasn’t the only one in that bed who suffered from nightmares.
X X X
It was the weekend after my first Thanksgiving at Xavier’s school. I woke from another nightmare, alone and terrified. Logan had gone out that night, probably to a bar, after a little coaxing from me. I could tell from his shorter fuse he was having lately that he was going stir crazy, being in every night so I could sleep well, as well as having to deal with the extra people that were around for the holiday. He declined his bad mood, of course, but I knew better. I didn’t know when he was going to be back so to calm my nerves I snuck into Logan’s room after curfew. Being surrounded by his scent seemed to help me fall asleep but apparently it doesn’t help in keeping the nightmares away, which brings me back to now. I had woken from a nightmare alone and afraid. From the looks of it, Logan wasn’t back yet even though his clock said it was well after midnight. Without Logan there to comfort me, I got out of bed and headed down to the kitchen to find some comfort food in hope to chase away the images in my head.
I was down there for almost an hour, devouring a carton of chocolate ice cream and that seem to have calmed me down and I was heading back to Logan’s room to try to get back to sleep. It was then I heard a blood curdling howl that came from the end of the teacher’s wing, from where Logan’s room was. I ran down there as fast as I could and found Logan in his bathroom, emptying his stomach into the toilet.
“Logan?” I called from the bathroom doorway.
“Get out, kid,” he said between heaves.
“Logan…”
“Get out!”
I stood there at the door contemplating what to do, but I’m not much for listening so I went in. I wet down a wash cloth with cool water, sat down on the tub and waited for him to stop heaving.
“You done?” I asked after a few minutes.
“Yeah,” he answered, breathing heavily.
I flushed the toilet and handed him the wash cloth. “Your nightmares get that bad a lot?”
“No. haven’t been this bad since…….since I first woke up.”
“Oh. How long ago was that?”
He thought for a minute. “Fifteen years.”
“Hmmm. And you don’t remember anythin’ before that?”
“No. Only thing I knew was a name, and I found that on my tags,” he replied. Then he surprised me by folding his arms across my lap and laying his head down. I couldn’t think of any way to respond to his move but to run my fingers through his thick mane.
“Don’t even know if Logan is my real name.”
Then he made a sound that was somewhere between a growl and a purr.
I froze. “What?”
“Don’t stop, that feels good.”
“Oh,” I said and felt a small smile creep at the corners of my mouth.
We sat like that for a few minutes before Logan spoke again.
“Why do you care so much?”
“Care ‘bout what?”
“Me.”
I snorted. “Ya know… Ah could ask you the same question.”
He sniffed. “Get out!”
“What?” I asked, confused.
“No, not you,” he growled and turned around.
There in the bedroom stood Mr. Summers and Dr. Grey.
Startled, I stood up too fast and lost my balance. Thanks to Logan’s quick reflexes, he
caught me before I could crack my skull on the ceramic tile.
“You know I don’t like how this looks, Rogue,” Mr. Summers started.
“Ah know. Logan just had a nightmare.” I then placed a hand on Logan’s chest in hopes to cease his growling, with no luck. “Ah was just tryin’ to help. He’s fine now. Could you go? Please?”
Mr. Summers opened his mouth to say something when Dr. Grey cut him off. “Scott, they’re fine.”
“But Jean, their behavior is inappropriate.”
“Scott come on, leave them alone.”
“But…….”
“Come on,” and with that she guided him out of the room, closing the door behind her.
I breathed a sigh of relief and then went to Logan, who was sitting on the toilet seat lid. He had his elbows propped up on his knees and his face in his hands.
“Logan?” I called, standing in front of him. “You okay?”
He looked up at me. “Yeah, just got these images in my head that wont go away,” he explained, scrubbing a hand over his face.
“Scenes from your nightmares?’
“Yeah.”
I couldn’t do anything but sympathize with him. “Hey, why don’t you come to bed with me,” I suggested.
“Darlin’ I don’t think sleep is on the agenda for me tonight.”
I chewed on my lip for a moment, thinking.
“Well you could come keep me company while Ah sleep….” I suggested, giving him a half smile.
He sighed. “Alright.”
X X X
BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!
That’s the rude awakening I got the next morning.
BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!
And it wouldn’t stop.
“Logan? Logan answer the door right now!”
Startled, I sat up in bed. It was Mr. Summers knocking, rather pounding on the door. I looked to my left where Logan was sound asleep, arm still wrapped loosely around my waist. A smile crept onto my lips.
BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!
“Logan!” Mr. Summers called again. The door knob rattled, but didn’t give as it was locked.
My train of thought interrupted, I decided maybe I should wake Logan up.
I pushed at his shoulder. “Logan?”
“Hmmm?”
It’s funny how Mr. Summers practically breaking the door down didn’t wake Logan up but my quiet voice could.
“Logan, Mr. Summers at the door,” I said, shaking him again.
“Summers can knock ‘til hell freezes over; I’m not getting up,” he groaned, eyes still closed and he pulled me closer.
BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!
“Logan, if you don’t open this door right now, I’m gonna blast the damned thing down.”
“Logan…” I whined. I was starting to get a bit nervous.
Logan chuckled and sat up. “Fuck, I don’t think Xavier will like that. Stay put I’ll be right back,” he said as he rolled out of bed.
Logan opened the door enough to see out. “The fuck do you want? I’m trying to sleep,” he growled.
“Did Rogue go to her room last night?” Scott asked.
“I dunno. She left if that’s what you mean.”
“She missed her morning classes again, Logan. It’s the third time this month.”
“And you think she was in here, with me?”
I could see Logan’s grip on the door tighten. My eyes widened as I looked at the clock which indeed said I had missed my morning classes and that it was actually close to lunchtime.
“Oh shit!” I said, and immediately regretted it.
Scott managed to get past Logan.
“What the…” he said dumbfounded as his face turned a dark red color. “You know the Professor is not going to like this,” he said through gritted teeth.
It was then that I realized how bad this situation looked. Logan was standing in the doorway in just boxers and me, with my idiotic thinking- I had decided to forgo changing last night and decided to wear my tube top to bed and now, with the blanket wrapped around me like it was, it sure didn’t look like I was wearing much of anything under said blanket. I felt heat rush to my face and I was sure it was a shade darker than Mr. Summers was.
“Do you really think I give a fuck?” was Logan’s response.
Mr. Summers ignored Logan’s comment. “We’ll talk about this later, Rogue,” he told me and I nodded, my head down. “And as for you,” he aimed at Logan, “you might want to start packing your things Logan. I don’t think you’ll be able to stay here once the Professor finds out you’ve been sleeping with a student.”
Logan slammed the door after he left.
“Fucking son of a bitch!!”
His claws came out. His eyes looked wild and it looked like he wanted to hurt something…….or someone. And then I realized just what had happened.
“Oh God. Oh no. No, no, no, no, no.”
“Hey. Hey, darlin’, shhhh,” Logan said, trying to comfort me as I found myself picked up and placed in his lap. “It’ll be okay darlin’, we’ll be okay,” he said, rocking me slightly as the tears fell.
“Okay? OKAY? Logan it’s not fuckin’ okay! Ah probably just got you kicked out of ‘ere.”
“Hey now darlin’, look at me.”
I couldn’t.
“Damnit, Marie, look at me!” He said as he slipped a finger under my chin and forced my head up so I didn’t really have a choice in the matter.
“There is no way in hell that any of this is your fault! Do you hear me?”
I sniffled and nodded. “Yeah but what if you do get kicked out, Logan? What then?”
“So I’ll leave. Better off on the road anyways.”
“Yeah, but what ‘bout me?”
“What about you? You’ll come with me, won’t you?”
Again, I couldn’t look at him
“Marie?”
“Logan,” I started, still not looking at him, “Ah’ve got it good here. Ah’m back in school, Ah’ve got friends, ya know? I’m not sure I can.”
Logan sighed and kissed my forehead. We stayed like that for a while until Logan got a mental call from Professor Xavier. He was wanted in his office.
X X X
I was sitting outside Professor Xavier’s office, not because he wanted to talk to me but I had my last class with him that day and I had nothing better to do but wait around. I also had wanted in on a bit of what they were arguing about behind those closed doors, and they were arguing, quite loudly in fact that I could clearly hear the conversation. It was Logan who was the loudest, which was not surprising, but they’ve been going at it for hours, talking about ethics and morals. Arguing that I was of age, but still a student. A lot of the conversation was a bit boring but something was said that caught my attention.
Logan said that one thing that both made my stomach drop to the floor as well as shatter my heart beyond repair: “I would never fucking do that! She’s just a kid!”
I knew then that Logan would never love me in the same way I loved him.
It was then I decided that if Logan couldn’t see me as more than a ‘kid’, then he had no right to be ‘sleeping’ with a ‘kid’. He was going to have to find someone else to comfort him during the night and I guess……I guess I would have to as well.
I held the tears back until I reached his room; I absolutely hated crying in public. I let the tears fall as I went around the room collecting everything that was mine – over the past month or so we’ve been slowly moving my stuff in here, it just made more sense, but I never moved in here officially. I slept in here almost every night, we figured maybe just sleeping together to begin with would keep the nightmares at bay, and it helped……..for the most part.
I had everything of mine piled at the head of the bed and was currently staring at a picture of us, taken in secret a few months ago that had made its way into a frame and on my bed one day. We were outside the garage, sitting on his motorcycle, with me in front as he was teaching me how to work the thing. We were both smiling. It took a lot of coaxing to get me on that bike that day.
A pained smile formed on my face as I tossed the picture onto the floor. I wasn’t crying over the picture, I was done crying. My eyes were puffy and my nose was red and raw.
It was after dark, I had missed dinner because I knew that word in this school spread like wildfire and I couldn’t bear to show my face. I hadn’t seen Logan since the incident this morning and I really didn’t care if I ever saw him again.
I was just about to collect my things and head back to my old room when the door swung open and in came Logan. He kissed me on the forehead and gathered me in a hug, which I didn’t return. It was then he noticed my stuff piled onto the bed.
He stepped back. “Marie, what’s going on?” he asked.
“Ah dunno, Logan. You tell me,” I retorted
“Well for starters they’re letting me stay, but that’s not what I meant. Why is all of your stuff in a pile on the bed?”
I crossed my arms across my chest. “I guess I decided you need to look for a new sleeping partner.”
“What? What the hell Marie? Tell me what’s going on?”
I smirked on the inside on how oblivious he was. “What am I to you, Logan?”
“What are you talking about,” he asked, clearly confused.
“What am Ah to you, Logan? What’s our relationship, ‘cause Ah clearly don’t know. Ah sleep with you in the same bed, have been for the past several months, but that’s it. Inside this room you call me ‘darlin’’, Ah’ve even heard you call me ‘baby’ once. You’re the only one in this building who knows my real name and the only one Ah let call me by it. But then outside that door it’s always ‘kid’. Ah’m not a kid anymore Logan! Ah’m eighteen, a legal adult; when are you gonna realize that?” I was starting to get upset but I was trying hard not to let it show.
He placed his hands on my shoulders. “Marie….”
“No!” I yelled, backing out of his embrace. “No, you don’t get to call me that anymore! Ah want to know what it is that you want from me ‘cause it feels like you’ve been using me these past few months.” That last part wasn’t entirely true.
“Darlin’, it’s complicated,” he said, stepping closer to me.
“No, Logan it’s not,” I stated, backing up until my knees hit the bed. “I want to know what you want. Most people know what….”
“I want you!” he shouted, cutting me off.
“What?” I thought I didn’t hear correctly.
“I want you,” he repeated, calmer now, still coming closer to me.
“So why don’t you take what you want, huh?” I challenged, “Ah’ve wanted you since Ah first met you and you always took what you wanted regardless, so what’s stopping you now?”
I realized I pushed him to far when I found myself flat on my back on the bed with him on top of me, his face barely and inch away from mine and my arms restrained to my sides in a grip that was actually starting to hurt.
“Because…..because I fucking love you and I can’t have you! I care about you too much and I won’t let myself! I’m an animal, I have animalistic part of me that seems to have the idea that you’re its mate and I can’t let it have you. I already have a hard time caging the beast inside of me and if I let it get to you then it could hurt you without my knowing and I wouldn’t be able to stop! Do you understand that? Do you really want to be with me when something like that could happen?”
By this time I had tears streaming down my face, tears I thought I couldn’t cry anymore and I knew I was going to have bruises on my arms come morning.
“Look me in the eye, Marie, and tell me you still want to be with me when I could hurt you, more so than I am now!”
Reluctantly I shook my head. I didn’t know that there was another side to Logan, a violent side like this.
He got up off of me. “I didn’t fucking think so,” he said coldly and he grabbed his jacket and left the room.
The Wolverine & Rogue Fanfiction Archive
Barely Legal Since 2000
Author's Chapter Notes:
A million apologies for not updating in omg.....4 months? Well my first computer broke, then I had to wait a month to get a new one. Then classes. Anyways, this chapter is longer than the other two, so I hope it will hold yall over till next update, which I'm not sure when that will be, but I have ideas going already. Yep. Enjoy!
Chapter End Notes:
I hope this hold all of you over till next time. Rate and Review plz, I live off of them.