She came awake suddenly, a scream trapped in her throat as she struggled away from the memory of the nightmare. She was dripping with sweat, her hair matted from the moisture, her blanket tossed to the floor and her sheet tangled around her legs. She could still feel their hands on her body, roaming and pinching, seeking whatever they wanted to take from her, forcing her to do what they wanted.
Except, in her dreams, it wasn’t just five of them, but more. Hundreds more. And it wasn’t just their hands they used, but whatever they wanted. She could still feel their eyes burning into her…
But the feeling of being watched hadn’t washed away with the rest of her nightmare. Instead, it seemed heightened as she came fully awake. Snapping her eyes open, she found a small amount of light pouring in from the door, wrapped around the lone figure that stood there, watching her. She wondered how long he had been there and whether or not it had been her screams that had brought him to her room. Why hadn’t he ventured further inside than the door? Had he only just barely arrived, or had he been watching her the entire time?
“What do you want, Logan?” she asked hoarsely, disentangling her legs from the sheet and tossing it down to the floor. She wasn’t going to be able to get any sleep now, not with the images still in her mind. Glancing at the clock, she groaned silently to herself. It was 4:30. The sun hadn’t risen yet, but there was no point in going back to sleep now. Maybe once she got rid of her visitor, she would go for a swim.
Turning on the light on her nightstand, she winced slightly as the room was bathed in a soft glow. She needed to work on adjusting her heightened senses.
“Nightmare?” Logan asked, his voice full of concern even as his features softened just a bit. “I could have heard you all the way downstairs.”
“Is this why you’re here? To check on me?” she asked angrily as he closed the door behind him. She could see his shoulders hunch with tension at her words, and knew that she had hit a sore spot with him. She sighed, knowing that maybe even he didn’t need such harshness at this time of the morning. “Yeah, Logan. Another nightmare.”
“Was it one of mine?” She used to have his nightmares as often as he did right after she absorbed him. Through the years, they tapered off to the point where she would have one every couple of weeks, but she hadn’t had one since she was captured. Now she had her own nightmares to battle. She wondered how long it would be before she missed his.
She shook her head no, watching his shoulders visibly relax. “Nope. One of my own. Did you need something?”
She was hoping that this was a trivial visit, although she knew by the way he shrugged his shoulders and looked away that she wasn’t going to be so lucky. She really hoped that he didn’t want to talk about what had happened in the woods. Though her heart still yearned for him and her arms ached to touch him, she wasn’t going to change her mind about her decision. She wasn’t ready for his offer. She refused to go through a lifetime of his self-destructive behavior, much less an eternity. There was too much he would never be able to let go of.
“Was it about the lab?” Logan asked, sitting on her bed, just next to where she had curled her legs toward her. She knew what he was thinking. He wanted to know if she was put through the same torture he had been. If she had been poked and prodded.
“It was about my guards,” she replied angrily, closing in on herself.
“Want to talk about it?” he asked slowly. He had known that bad things were possible in places like that, that she had to have gone through something horrible at the hands of those men. But it didn’t make it any easier to hear her speak about it.
“No,” she replied quickly, her tone leaving no room for discussion. “This little visit isn’t just because of bad dreams, Logan. What do you want?”
“You, Marie,” he whispered slowly, his voice becoming gruff and warm. “I want you with me, in my bed.”
She couldn’t help but laugh at him, the anger and pain pushing through. “Maybe I don’t want you anymore, Logan. Maybe that ship has sailed and it isn’t coming back. Now, if you would kindly leave my room, I need to pee.”
She jumped from the bed, heading towards the bathroom. He wasn’t going to let her get away that easily, though. Grabbing her by the hand, he pulled her back to him, his eyes glued to hers. The warmth of her skin against his was overpowering, to say the least. Her scent was intoxicating to him, and the pain and fear from the nightmare only made him want to hold her close to him. He had never felt anything like this before. He was sure of that.
“Quit walking away from me, Marie,” he whispered slowly, grabbing her hips and burying his face in her stomach.
She fought the urge to run her fingers through his hair and hold him. She wanted to reassure him that everything would be alright, that they would get through this, too. But, deep down, she wasn’t sure that she wouldn’t be lying to both of them.
She gave him another moment before pulling herself away and walking across the room. She was standing between the bathroom and closet doors now, wringing her hands and wishing for the days when life was just a bit simpler. When Jean and the rest of them were alive, and her biggest problem was trying to figure out how to kiss her boyfriend without sucking the life out of him.
He stood then, watching her wring her hands as she fought back the sobs.
“I can’t do this with you, Logan,” Rogue started lowly. Even after all the times her heart broke watching him walk away from her or panting after Jean, she still didn’t want to hurt him. She wouldn’t lie to herself either, and give up her self to become what he wanted. As much as she still loved him, she had to be her own person first. “I can’t be what you want. Not if I want to keep who I have become.”
“I don’t want you to be anyone else, Marie,” he replied slowly, allowing his vulnerability to show. “I just want you.”
“How can you say that when you don’t even know who I am now?” she demanded, her head tilting to the side. “You don’t know me at all anymore, Logan. I’m not that same little girl you pitied enough to let ride in your truck.”
“I know that, Marie,” he agreed quietly, standing from his position. He walked to her carefully, afraid that if he moved too quickly, she would run.
“Stop calling me that,” she whispered slowly, shaking her head. There was no anger in her voice now. “I’m not Marie, anymore. And I’m not Jean, Logan. I will never be Jean. And I will not spend eternity trying to mold myself into her. I’m not graceful or elegant and well-spoken like her. I’m not as smart or so damn sugary feminine, it would make your teeth hurt, either. And I never will be. That isn’t who I want to be, not for anyone.”
“I know that, Rogue,” he replied, careful to use her mutant name. “I’m not asking you to be.”
“Maybe not.” Rogue’s voice was filled with the bitterness of the last three years of watching the only man she had allowed into her fantasies since her mutation had manifested drool after a woman who was supposed to marry another. “But what happens when someone who is like her catches your eye? Or if your wanderlust kicks back in and you decide to just take off? I can’t follow you around for eternity, waiting for you to make up your mind.”
“We'll deal with it all one day at a time, just like any other couple. I don’t want anyone elegant or graceful,” Logan replied slowly, leaning into her as his hands found her hips again. “I want you, Marie.”
“Logan,” she managed to whisper before his mouth devoured hers. She didn’t bother pushing away, instead finding that she was just as hungry for his kiss as he was for her. His hands began to wander over her body, exploring every curve she possessed, wanting to touch her everywhere at once.
His touch wasn’t delicate, either, but possessive and wanting, his fingers grabbing her flesh as his hands found their way under her shirt.
“I love you, Marie,” he whispered into her mouth.
“I love you, too, Logan,” she whispered back, making her mind up about what her next move was going to be.
~*~*~*~*~*~
When he finally awoke, the other side of the bed was empty and cold. She was no longer lying beside him and hadn’t been for a long time. There was a note lying on the pillow though. It smelled of her, and the curvy scrawl across the page was her handwriting. His hand shook as he picked up the single sheet of paper, a small ball of dread forming in the pit of his stomach.
‘I can’t just take it one day at a time. I need more.’
- Rogue
He let out a growl as he jumped from the bed and threw on his clothes. With any luck, he would find her and let her know that she was his life.
~*~*~*~*~*~
He followed her scent to the kitchen, where Storm sat, silently sipping from a tall glass of iced tea. Their eyes connected and he knew the truth. She had left. Her team had gone with her.
The Wolverine & Rogue Fanfiction Archive
Barely Legal Since 2000
Author's Chapter Notes:
Sorry its been so long since my last update. Unfortunetly, me beta reader is on vacation right now, and it's hard to get in touch with each other. The next three chapters should be posted soon, though!
Chapter End Notes:
Read and Review! Always love the feedback!