He found her sitting at a table in the library, a large pile of books planted in front of her, and completely alone. The students in the room tended to give her a wide berth, as if she was too dangerous to even get close to. He watched as one boy walked all the way around the room to retrieve a book from one of the shelves just behind her, his eyes never leaving her still form. Everyone’s attention was completely focused on her; he doubted they had even noticed he was in the room.
“They’ve always been like this, since before, when I was a student,” she remarked, not looking up. It was then that eyes began to wander to the person she was addressing, and he could practically feel the fear in the room grow. He wanted to let out a growl, but stopped when she shrugged. She must have felt it, too. “It used to bother me, when I first got here, but you get used to it after a while. And eventually, it gets to the point that you don’t notice.”
“How do you not notice this?” he asked as he watched a couple of the children give up and hurry out. “These people are supposed to be your friends.”
“Most of these people are just scared children. Some of them didn’t even come here until after I left and only know the stories the others have told. Leave it alone, Victor,” she replied, finally lifting her gaze from the book and meeting his. “They fear you almost as much as they fear me.”
He didn’t make a retort to her comment, only snorted before taking a seat next to her. Glancing at the spines of the books she had piled in front of her, he was startled by what she was reading. “How many books on Psychology can a person read?”
“Now that I know the key to my mutation, I need to work on it. That work requires research,” Rogue replied, continuing her reading. “Plus, a few of these have some interesting chapters on what happens to the psyche after being held hostage for long periods of time.”
“And why do you want to research that?” Victor asked, not understanding her need to gather as much information as possible. He would rather just put it all behind him and forget everything that happened.
She sighed, putting the book down and looking him in the eye. “This experience has changed us all in one way or another. Take you, for instance. Before all of this happened, would you really have been willing to step foot in this mansion and not tear someone to shreds?” She paused to let that sink in. “John has been more humble. Knowing Carol’s past and her upbringing, having her inside my head, I can say for a fact that she was perfectly sane before being thrown into that hell.”
“And you’re trying to find answers about why this happened? I can tell you why,” Victor said with a chuckle. “Plain and simple torture. We changed because we had to. You got stronger. I bet you weren’t so willing to die before. Not the way you would have if we hadn’t gotten my collar off.”
“I know that,” Rogue replied, “and I understand why. What I want to figure out is how I am going to live with this for eternity.”
“That’s simple, Frail,” Victor replied, closing the book before her. “There really isn’t anything you can do about it. There will be no forgive and forget. You’ll never be able to let go of it completely. And you’re a fool to believe that you could. A hundred years from now, you’ll be minding your own business and happy as ever, and then suddenly, you’re hit with something that will remind you of every second of hell you endured in that place.”
“You sound like you’ve been through all of this before,” Rogue interjected with a smile.
“When you’ve lived as long as I have, you go through hell more than once.” The words were out before he fully realized what he was telling her. She tried to play it off as if what he had just admitted wasn’t so bad, but the way her body tensed and her scent spiked was enough to know that his information penetrated her mind. “I’m not saying that it happens like clockwork, Rogue. It’s just that… it’s one of those things that is bound to happen. You can’t avoid it forever, especially when you’re looking at a lifetime of forever. You just have to remind yourself that it’s never permanent. One way or another you will break free from your captors. No matter how long it takes, you will get through it. Forever is much shorter for everyone else than it is for us.”
“What’s the longest time you’ve been in a position like that?” Rogue asked, unsure if she really wanted to know the truth.
Victor sighed deeply, running a taloned hand through his hair. “Fifteen years. It was government. Special ops. I was apart of a team of mutants who were trained to do the things that no one else would. Those ‘special missions’ that upstanding members of society would frown upon. There were no files on what we did. It was a messy job, but necessary. But something went wrong, and we were disbanded.”
“What happened?” Rogue asked slowly.
“I did my job and my partner didn’t agree with my decision,” Victor replied slowly, not wanting to give her too much information. “It was the catalyst that led to the destruction of the entire team. A lot of people died because of it. I was held prisoner for fifteen years after that. It was a long time before I knew what happened to him.”
She knew by the way his eyes darted around the room and the way his hands fidgeted that the conversation was over. No matter how many more questions she asked, he wouldn’t give her any more answers.
“You wanna play some pool?” she asked abruptly, hoping to break the tension in the room.
~*~*~*~*~*~
As they played, Rogue couldn’t help but wonder about the conversation they had shared in the library. She wasn’t positive, but she had a good guess as to who had been Victor’s partner. It was another piece of the puzzle and she wondered if she would be able to gain the entire picture without having to go through Victor’s memories. If she did dig through her own mind, would she be able to ignore everything he had done?
~*~*~*~*~*~
He knew where they were even before he caught their scents. He could tell by the horde of children walking from their direction, grumbling about not being able to relax in a death trap. He smiled a little, remembering a time when the children thought of him in the same light.
They were playing a game of pool, and thoroughly enjoying themselves, it seemed. He couldn’t tell who was winning from his vantage point, but doubted it mattered too much. Both were smiling and laughing, talking about trivial things.
They hadn’t caught his scent, thanks to the A/C blowing across the room. Besides, both were too wrapped up in their game to suspect that someone was watching. He could feel the jealousy building up as the game continued. He could remember a time when she had felt relaxed with him, too; when they could be found together at anytime of day or night, playing a game of pool and enjoying each other’s company. He didn’t just love her; he missed her and what they used to have together. He missed her friendship.