Three days later, she opened her eyes and found herself completely alone in a dark hospital room. Though there were no clocks or windows to indicate it, she knew that it was still night. There was no doubt in her mind that it was just before dawn. It was her animal instinct kicking in.
At first, her body tightened, lost in a nightmare that she had been captured again. She could feel a new entity within her, growling and pushing her to fight for escape, even if it meant her death. Had anyone been in the room with her during those first moments of blurred awareness, she might not have been able to hold back.
Then everything quickly came back to her. The room around her was familiar and almost welcoming. It was the same room she had sat in after Logan had given her his life on top of that statue, waiting for him to wake up. She had been half in love with him then, half in awe. Had never known someone so deep and harsh before, someone in so much pain and so angry at the world. And she had allowed herself to fantasize about being the girl who could capture his attention and bring him the happiness he was searching for.
But she was still a naïve young girl then, even with all the men running rampant in her mind. She had still willed herself to believe in happily ever after and gentlemen in fancy armor with white steeds. She had still believed that there was hope for a normal life, even with her mutation. She wasn’t a naïve young girl anymore.
As she thought about those days, sitting beside his bed, waiting for him to wake, being dragged to do other things by Bobby and a reluctant John, she found herself becoming more and more angry. She would have given him everything, and instead, he had turned to another woman. A woman, who could not only touch, but was beautiful and elegant; one who had none of the innocence of a child, and who was sure of herself. A woman who was already spoken for.
Rogue wondered if it would have hurt less if he had fallen for Storm. Would she still be this bitter and angry? She hoped not, but there was no definitive answer. With Storm, Rogue could see the attraction. She was beautiful and elegant, like Jean, but also scarred and flawed. Of course, Jean had scars too, but she had been sheltered and coddled, first by her own family, and then again by Professor Xavier and Scott.
Jean had been given everything she could possibly want to make up for what she had lost, while Rogue and Storm had both been left to fend for themselves. But to make her even more irresistible, the telepath had been given the love and devotion of two men, both as different from each other as possible, both willing to give their lives for her. Rogue had only found love filled with shame. Even Bobby hadn’t truly loved her. She was tired of seeing the pity in everyone’s eyes as she passed them in the halls. She was tired of being ‘poor Rogue’.
As she sat up in the hospital bed, feeling the nerves in her legs reawaken, Rogue felt a smile play on her lips. Soon enough they would know that she was no longer the poor little Rogue. She would never again have to endure anyone’s pity.
~*~*~*~*~*~
“Ah!” Beast exclaimed as he entered the room, surprised to find his patient awake and already sitting up. It wasn’t much of a shock, though. He had known that she would just need to take her own time to come back to them.
Rogue gave the doctor a genuine smile, relaxing at the sight of the big, blue man. She had always respected the man before her, even more so after she had witnessed him defending the cure to Storm.
“And how are you feeling this morning?” He stopped at her bedside, keeping his attention solely on her even though she knew that he was anticipating checking her vitals.
“Good, Dr. McCoy. Better.” She didn’t want to give too many details.
He smiled at her answer, understanding her desire for privacy. “I do have to ask you a few important questions. Just to be positive that everything is how it seems.”
“You want to make sure that I’m really me, and not one of the other people running around in my head,” Rogue stated quickly, shaking her head slightly. She understood perfectly, and considering the maniacs she had stowed away within her mind, she really couldn’t blame them.
“Exactly,” Hank replied, looking at his chart. He was happy to find that she not only understood, but had no hostility or offence in her voice. “Now, first off, can you tell me your name? Your birth name?”
“That’s not something you would know anyway,” Rogue replied slowly, waiting for his reaction. She had never given anyone her full name since she had left home. The few people who knew her by any name other than Rogue only knew her as Marie. He wouldn’t find that information in any file that she knew about, and if he did, there would be hell to pay.
“Alright, let’s try something else,” Hank said slowly, realizing by looking through the chart that the girl was right. Absently, he wondered if there were any other people here who had never given such important information. That would have to be taken care of, even if it meant fake documentation for some of the students.
“The last time I saw you, Hank, I was being reassured by Storm that there was nothing wrong with me, that I didn’t need the cure. Then you said something about not shedding on the couch.” Rogue allowed another smile to shine through as she spoke, unable to hide her gratitude.
He remembered the incident well, realizing that the conversation had been a catalytic moment in the days that followed. Rogue would realize how important that memory was for all of them. Anyone else in her head would probably just look past it, considering their own opinions on the cure. “Very good. Now, all of your tests have shown positive indications concerning the state of your physical health…”
“Of course they would,” Rogue said slowly, interrupting him before he could start making any speeches. “I do have a healing factor now. Any damage that could have been caused would have healed almost instantaneously.”
“Correct,” Hank said slowly, surprised that she already had this information.
“I’ve suspected this for a while now. Ever since I got that boost from Victor after the escape. What I don’t understand is why it would happen now,” she said slowly. “Does this mean that my mutation is still evolving?”
“Actually, it’s not so much continuing to evolve as it is imprinting,” Hank explained slowly. “You already understand how your mutation works. How coming into any physical contact with another person results in the…”
“The absorption of memories, abilities, and even some physical and personality traits,” Marie interjected, growing impatient. She had been over this numerous times with not only the resident psychics, but the blue doctor himself. “I know all that. Tell me what I don’t know.”
“Alright,” Hank replied slowly, realizing that the girl had probably just stopped him from rambling. “What we hadn’t realized was that when you absorb another person, certain aspects of their DNA becomes encoded with your own. Usually, that DNA encoding is not strong enough to last. The longer you hold on, the stronger the imprinting is. You don’t always retain these abilities. Now, consider the case of the Danvers woman. You kept physical contact with her longer than anyone else before. Parts of her DNA have permanently imprinted on yours. Because of this, you will continue to retain the mutant abilities of this woman.”
“Then why haven’t I lost the feral mutations?” Rogue asked slowly, grasping what he was saying. “I didn’t touch either man that long.”
“That’s where your mutation twists. You see, when you have imprinted the DNA into your system, you actually keep most of the strand you absorb. Each time you absorb the same mutation, you keep a little more. The more often you come into contact, the more you copy, the stronger the bond becomes. Until eventually, as with your feral mutations, you completely copy and maintain what was previously absorbed.” He couldn’t tell whether or not she had understood what he was trying to explain, but he could see that she was processing what he was telling her.
“So, basically, the more I touch a person, the more I keep, until eventually, everything becomes permanent,” Rogue said slowly, more to herself than to him. “Why didn’t this happen the last time I touched Logan, whom I have touched multiple times? Why did it happen when I touched Victor, whom I’ve only touched with my mutation on once?”
“That is what is unique to your mutation,” Hank replied, continuing his explanation. “While the two men are not related in any way, they are bonded by the fact that they share the same mutations, rapid healing and heightened senses. Because they share these mutations, they do share some of the same DNA and genetic structure, so coming into direct physical contact with both men as often as you have has caused you to retain most of their mutations. You haven’t developed their more physical mutations yet, though, such as their unique claws. That is one aspect that, while similar in both men, is not completely identical.”
“So if I touch Logan with my mutation on a couple more times, I would have bone claws?” Rogue asked slowly, not really thinking about what she was saying.
Hank looked at her quizzically for a moment, wrapping his mind around her comment. “What do you mean, bone claws?”
“Oh… Well, one of the things that I discovered from having Victor’s memories is that Logan has always had claws, just, originally they were made of bone,” Rogue explained slowly. “I believe that his claws were coated with the same adamantium used to coat the rest of his skeleton. Victor knew Logan around this time, but I’m not sure if he knew him both before and after the surgery. They do share a past, but I haven’t really looked into the memories to find out how long that past extends. There are just too many things that I would rather not have to experience if I don’t have to.”
“I see. Well, that is something interesting to go on. That would explain why Victor insisted on provoking Logan with the name ‘Jimmy’. Could that have been Logan’s name at some point?” Hank asked slowly, thinking over the different scenarios that could be related.
“I couldn’t say. Like I said, I’m pretty much avoiding all of Victor’s memories. He’s become a good friend when I needed one, and I am not going to taint that with any more knowledge than I already have.” Rogue looked away quickly, her modesty showing her discomfort with the subject.
Hank nodded his head slowly, understanding the girl’s insistence on privacy. “That’s perfectly understandable. Actually, there was something else that you mentioned that I wanted to ask you about. You mentioned that ‘if your mutation was on’. What did you mean by that?”
Rogue fell quiet, knowing full well that she would have to explain everything soon enough. “Can you ask Storm to come in here? I think I need to discuss a few things with you first.”
~*~*~*~*~*~
He found himself pacing back and forth in front of the infirmary, wondering why the hell Beast wasn’t letting them in. He had come down every day to check on her, unable to stay away even after what she had said to him. He needed to see her when she woke; he had things to tell her. Things that even he wasn’t sure he knew how to say.
Obviously, he wasn’t the only one waiting for that magical moment when she would open her eyes. Victor had shown up just after he had, taking a seat and waiting patiently on a hard chair just across the hall from him. Neither man said anything to the other, even as the doors to the area opened again, revealing the third and fourth people who just refused to go away.
Havok walked in quickly, followed by not only Kitty, but Bobby and Pyro.
“What the hell do you kids want?” Logan growled slowly, eyeing them up and down. It was bad enough that he had to deal with Victor’s presence; he wasn’t in the mood to deal with all of them.
“I told them not to come,” Havok replied slowly, pretending that Logan wasn’t directing the question at him too. Without hesitation, he took a seat next to Victor. “But Kitty insisted that I was her responsibility. As for the other two, well, who knows?”
Victor continued to pretend that there was no one else in the room as they paused. The only acknowledgment he gave was a quick nod to Havok as the younger man took his seat.
“What makes you think that you’re welcome down here?” Logan asked in a huff, eyeing the others quickly. He couldn’t bring himself to ask the same of Havok, knowing the relationship that he shared with Rogue. As much as it hurt to see that there was another man who could make her happy, he had to admit to himself that he was glad she had at least found some happiness.
“I’ve got to stick with him,” Kitty replied quickly, trying not to show how intimidated she really was. “Storm told me to keep an eye on him.”
“Well I’m telling you that you can go do what you want now. I’ll keep an eye on him,” Logan said calmly, yet unable to hide the annoyance in his voice.
“But are you going to be able to watch both of them?” Obviously the girl wasn’t as street smart as most of the other mutants in the mansion. Logan didn’t say anything as he raised an eyebrow at her. “Whatever. Just call me when you’re done with him.”
He waited until Kitty was out of the room before turning his gaze on the other two. “Well?”
“I don’t know,” Pyro replied nonchalantly, shrugging his shoulders and rolling his eyes. “He dragged me down here with him.”
Logan looked at Bobby, knowing the chances were good that the firestarter was right.
The boy puffed out his chest as he spoke, trying to muster the courage it would take to speak to the man in front of him, much less demand anything. “I want to know how she’s doing just as much as the rest of you.”
“Then we’ll tell you when we find out,” Logan replied, giving the boy a dismissive glance before continuing his pacing.
Bobby paused for a moment, knowing that he could get gutted by either feral mutant if he wasn’t careful. He wasn’t planning on being careful, though. He was tired of being treated like nothing by these two men. He was now leader of the X-Men and this was his home. “She’s my girlfriend and my teammate. I deserve to be here, too.”
Both Havok and Pyro stopped breathing. Neither had realized that the other boy could be this stupid.
Victor stood from his chair, quietly maneuvering himself between Bobby and the door. Logan froze midstride, turning his gaze on him. “Your girlfriend and your teammate?”
“What makes you think she’s your girlfriend?” Havok asked slowly, joining the other two men.
“Stay out of it, Havok,” Logan growled, without shifting his gaze. “We all know that she’s not his girlfriend and hasn’t been for a long time. But what makes you think she’s your teammate?”
“She’s still an X-Man, regardless of her decision,” Bobby replied. “She’ll have to do some probation, of course…”
“Probation?” Logan couldn’t believe what he was hearing, and judging from the low growl that came from directly behind Bobby, neither could Victor. “You really are fucked up in the head, boy. Do you have any idea what she’s been through?”
“That’s no one’s fault but her own. She made her decision and she’s got to live with it.” Bobby refused to be intimidated, and Logan found himself wanting to tear the little shit to shreds. “She’s still welcome on the team, but she’s going to have to prove her reliability.”
“You can’t be serious,” Victor said quickly. Although he chuckled as he spoke, it was obvious that he had nothing playful in mind. For the first time, Logan could see how the other feral mutant might make a good teammate.
“Get out, Bobby,” Logan growled slowly, moving closer to the boy. “You have no business being here.”
“Actually, he does.” Everyone was so focused on the ice mutant that no one noticed the door open at the opposite end of the room.
The voice was familiar and Logan felt his spine melt at the sound of it. He hadn’t expected to see her again like this. This wasn’t in any of the scenarios he had run through his mind when picturing this meeting. There had been a few where she had woken to find him gutting Bobby, but the look on her face had seemed happier and she was usually cheering him on.
Rogue stepped forward slowly, Hank and Storm following close behind. It looked as if they had been wrapped up in a deep discussion when she had stumbled on the scene. She gave each of them a scowl, making the hall tense for everyone. “He’s correct in the assumption that he is team leader now. He has a right to be here if he truly is concerned. There are some things that need to be discussed and he should be in on it, along with the rest of the X-Men and my own team. I would appreciate it if you would round up everyone who came in with us, Victor. We’re going to have this meeting in the War Room. Bobby, I believe you should meet with the rest of your team there now.”
She didn’t say another word before turning and walking away.
~*~*~*~*~*~
“As you can all plainly see, I’m no longer in a coma,” Rogue began once everyone in the room was seated. “I regained consciousness early this morning actually. I am perfectly healthy, thanks to my newfound abilities, and I’ve been able to control and restrain Carol with some outside help. Just like with my team, you will not have to fear what may happen.
“But there is more,” Rogue paused, letting her news seep in. She wasn’t sure how to explain it all, but she knew she would have to try. “Along with the abilities I have gained, I have also discovered why it is that I have not been able to learn to control my abilities. It seems that my mutation is actually more mentally based than physical as we had all originally suspected. When my mutation first manifested, the way it manifested was what completely threw me off. I was having my first kiss. If my mutation had manifested while I was being attacked or in some kind or danger, then I may have been more thankful for what happened. As it was, it wasn’t fear or anger that had heightened my adrenalin and caused my mutation, it was purely hormonal. Because of this, I became afraid of what I was, and in trying to suppress it, I developed a mental block around what I needed to know in order to develop control.”
“So you can control it now?” Jubilee asked quickly, practically jumping out of her seat.
“Not quite,” Rogue replied with a small smile. “I can turn it on and off at will, but the concentration needed is exhausting. As I grow accustomed to it, though, controlling my mutation will become easier with time.”
Logan watched her closely, following the way her eyes trailed around the room, connecting with everyone but himself. It was as if he was invisible to her, as if she had forgotten he was even in the room. He watched through her entire speech, but not once did her eyes meet his. Instead, she seemed to look past him, at the wall he was currently leaning against.
“Now, while I am here, my team has decided to remain at my side. After speaking with both Hank and Ororo early this morning, we all came to the conclusion that this would be the best course to take,” she said, watching the different reactions across the room. “My team is not ready to protect an entire city yet. They need training and discipline. While I am working on my own control, Storm and I agreed that my team will remain here and train with the X-Men. I know that there are members of my team that none of you trust. I’m not asking you to teach them everything you know. Just what they need to know to survive on the streets.”
“So we have to teach Sabertooth how to survive?” Kitty asked, her voice high with tension. “You’re not serious.”
“Actually, I am perfectly serious,” Rogue replied sternly, her voice devoid of all humor. “I wasn’t including Victor in this. He really doesn’t need the training, but he can help you with yours if you like.”
“No thanks,” Kitty replied quickly, sitting back in her chair again. Rogue smiled at her slowly, not bothering to hide the disappointment in her eyes.
“With that, I would also like to add that my team will now be treated as guests and not prisoners,” Rogue decreed. “All of them. No more babysitters. No more shadows. No more sleeping in the isolation tank.”
She and Storm had gone back and forth on this for over an hour while the others had waited outside her room that morning. And while Storm had raised some valid points, Rogue also reminded her that Victor had been held captive for the last few years. He had been the only one keeping her alive. Rogue also reminded her that she wouldn’t have done anything to put the children of the mansion in danger, and that he had helped all of them escape from the lab. Storm made her promise that if anything happened, she would not hesitate to take the feral mutant out herself. Rogue did not hesitate to agree, knowing full well that she was probably the only one who would be able to anyway.
“Now, I would appreciate it if my teammates were shown to new rooms and given some clothes to wear and gear to work out in. Tomorrow, I want to start their training.” Rogue watched as most of the people stood from their seats, understanding her dismissive tone. They all filed out, one after the other. She soon found herself alone, with the one person she wasn’t ready to confront.
“We need to talk,” he said slowly, as he moved away from the wall towards her.
She stood quickly, wanting to escape, but there was no room to do so. The only way past him would be to push him out of the way, and she didn’t think she was ready to use such force. What she had neglected to mention was that she wasn’t used to her new abilities, and as such, it was dangerous for her to use them without some practice.
“There’s nothing to say, Logan,” she replied, trying to move around him. She found herself cornered, though. “May I please get by?”
“What the hell is going on?” Logan growled, stepping closer to her. “Why are you with this group? Why didn’t you call or come home?”
“Because I wasn’t wanted here,” Rogue growled back, trying to pull herself away. “These people were in that hell with me. They don’t want to see anyone go through that again, and I’m the one to lead them. Not all of them are happy about it, and I would be stupid to believe that they don’t want my job. But they’ll come around. I suspect that they’re already on the way. But the others, they respect me and give me the space I need to be their leader. They not only trust me, but their loyalty is unquestionable.”
“Even Sabertooth?” Logan asked slowly, lightly grabbing her arm. He could understand her loyalty to the others. He had been through hell too, and, had there had been others with him he would find himself loyal to them as well.
“Victor saved my life in there. He protected me from those monsters when he could,” she replied in a low voice, not tearing her eyes from him. He could see the pain and anger in those eyes, and he wanted to take a step back, but he willed himself to continue. “He didn’t use me like the others thought he would when they threw me to him. He didn’t allow them to take me away and he didn’t allow them to continue to rape me. He was prepared to fight for me. He was prepared to kill me before letting them take me again after I begged him.”
Logan didn’t know what to say. He had seen what that place had been. He had read the files that Danvers had given him and the ones found on the computer that they were able to salvage, but he had always hoped that Rogue’s mutation had kept her safe from that. He had been delusional, but now, being forced to look into her eyes, he found himself confronted with the truth.
He pulled her into his arms, inhaling her exotic scent as he did so. He wanted to comfort her, but knew that she wasn’t ready for that yet. She could go on with this façade for as long as she wanted, but he knew that she hadn’t healed yet. It was going to take more than putting up a front. “I wish I could have kept you from that. I am so sorry, Marie.”
Her anger boiled as she found herself flush against him, but it wasn’t just anger at his expression or his apology and concern. She was angrier at the way her body seemed to respond to him, the way her mind yearned for her to hold him, too, and to weep in his arms. She was angry at how she wanted to let him make this all better for her.
She was still in love with him, and she hated herself for that. Her love for him was from before, when she was still delusional. She wouldn’t allow herself to be dragged back down into that world again. She wouldn’t survive that world.
She looked up to meet his eyes, and although she didn’t want to acknowledge what she found there, she felt her heart yearn to believe that his feelings were true.
He wished that he knew the right words to say to her, but even if he did, he didn’t think that he could find the courage to say them. He stared back at her for only a second before lowering his mouth to hers, tasting her.
She hadn’t wanted to respond to his kiss, but it seemed that her brain had become disconnected from the rest of her body. Instead, she felt herself responding to the light massage of his lips against hers. And when the tip of his tongue slipped inside her mouth, giving her the opportunity to taste him completely, she couldn’t stop the moan that escaped her throat.
He held her close as he continued to kiss her, his hold only tightening as she moaned into his mouth. She tasted like nothing he had ever known before. She tasted like life and beauty and what heaven must be like. For a moment, he forgot who he was and why they were standing here in the first place as he deepened the kiss, tasting her as much as possible.
But it changed just as quickly as it had begun. Mortified that she had allowed things to go even that far between them, she pushed herself away. “I have to go.”
“Marie,” he called after her, unsure of what had just happened and why it had stopped. “We still need to talk.”
“There’s nothing to talk about,” she said quickly as she opened the door. “That…”
“That was real,” Logan interjected before she could continue. “That’s what we are. We need to talk, Marie. I have some things I need to say to you.”
“There is nothing to say, Logan.” She tore her eyes away from him, leaving the room as fast as she could before her emotions got out of hand and she allowed herself to cry over the love she still felt for him.