I felt like I'd been hit by a truck. A big-ass truck. That was the first thought that came into my head when I opened my eyes the next morning. Strangely enough, I felt more like myself than I had for the last entire week. Logan had been right, his presence in my head had really taken over. Our frantic and mildly violent lovemaking the night before really had been the work of the Logan in my head. I sat up slowly and noticed it was already ten in the morning. I'd slept like the dead. Logan was already gone, which was fine with me until I got moving and loosened up my aching muscles. I crawled out of his bed and grabbed the first shirt I found on the floor. It was one of his and probably dirty, but I didn't even care. I threw it around myself and made my way to the bathroom. I really had to pee, first of all, and I wanted to do nothing more than throw myself in a hot shower.
As I flushed the toilet, I caught a glimpse of my reflection in the full-length mirror. I looked about as bad as I felt. I slipped off Logan's shirt and started taking inventory of the marks across my skin. My inner thighs were bruised from having my legs wrapped around his waist. There were distinct bite marks across my collarbone and breasts. Fingerprints on my hips and butt. My entire back was spotted with bruises from being slammed against the door. My arms had spotted bruises. My whole body was marked up. I didn't remember any of this hurting during the sex. I was shocked at how out of control we'd gotten. As I was staring at my reflection, I heard a sound at the door. I spun around to see Logan staring at me. I grabbed his shirt and went to put it on, but he grabbed it and ripped it from my hands.
"Look at what I did to you," he demanded. "This is why you should've gone to your room alone. I lost control and I shouldn't have. I'm so sorry, kid."
"No! Logan, don't apologize. I'm as guilty as you are. I was out of control, too. I'm fine. The bruises will go away, and it'll be fine." He was shaking his head. "Logan, I mean it, I'll be fine." He threw his shirt back at me and turned to leave the bathroom. I followed him and we sat down on the bed, beside each other.
"You know we were really loud, right?" I looked at him, not understanding what he was trying to say. "Everyone on this floor heard us. The Professor isn't real happy with us right now." The panic must have shown on my face, because he raised his hand to stop me from talking. "I talked to him, it'll be fine, but we either need to keep it down, or go elsewhere to be alone. Scott thought we were trying to kill each other." That got a small, sad smile. He really did like to piss him off. "I'm sorry. I lov- I lost control." I stared at him. I remembered the whispered 'I love you' from the night before. He didn't want me to hear it. He couldn't say it to me. It triggered something in my head.
"Why don't you think you're good enough for me? Why do you think you should just suffer alone? You are ridiculous, Logan. I swear. You are a better man than you think. What the hell have you done that's so bad that you can't just be happy? You deserve to be happy. I know that Stryker convinced you that you were some kind of animal, but he was wrong. You're not an animal, Logan." I looked at him coldly. I was sick and tired to death of his tough-guy games. He was going to talk to me, and I wasn't leaving until he did.
"You don't know anything." He got up from the bed and began to pace. "I volunteered for the experiment. I don't remember why. I believe him. I think that I was a very bad guy. I think I did some terrible shit. I think I probably killed a lot of people. That part of me will always be there, Marie. You want to be with someone who did terrible things to people? You want to be with someone who was so good at being violent? Look at yourself! I made you do that! My thoughts, they told you to let me hurt you, because, deep down, it's what I need. To control. To hurt. Look in my eyes and tell me it's what you want." I looked at him. I knew he'd probably done some things in the past he wasn't proud of. I never thought of him as a killer. I looked at him and just saw Logan.
"I don't care what you think you may have done 20 damn years ago! I will only ever see you. And that is who I want. I want you. I love you. And I love everything about you, the good and the bad. I am done living in the past. You aren't getting rid of me, so you better make peace with that! Now, I need a damn shower. I'm taking one here. You can either join me or sit out here and fume some more. You're choice." I walked into the bathroom and turned on the hot water full blast. I threw off the shirt and stepped in. Idiot men. I didn't care about anything but right now.
I jumped when I felt him touch my back. He came into the shower and wrapped me in his arms. He held me for a few minutes, until he finally spoke against my ear.
"You really want this? I don't want to hurt you."
"Yes. I really want this. You won't hurt me." I leaned up and kissed his mouth. He didn't pull away, thank God, and he kissed me back. His hands roamed my body gently. I could feel his fingertips gently circle my back. The kiss was getting deeper and deeper when suddenly, he pulled away. I whimpered like a child.
"Quit whining. I'm going to get you cleaned up and get you ready to face the world. I promise to make it up to you later. Right now, I need to get you downstairs to eat before people think I have you handcuffed to my bed." I couldn't help myself, I started laughing as he washed my hair and body. When he was done, he cut off the water, wrapped me in a towel, and led me back to his bed. I sat down and he went to his door and opened it. He picked something up and turned around with a bag in his hand. I gave him a quizzical look and he tossed the bag at me.
"I had Jubilee grab some clothes for you from your room and drop them off. Now, get dressed so we can eat." We dried off and dressed. When I'd pulled on my shirt, he came over and kissed me gently. "Come on, darlin'. Time to get some food in that beautiful body of yours." He grabbed my hand and led me out the door. I felt nervous as we made our way down the deserted hallway. It was lunchtime Saturday. I couldn't believe it'd been only a week today we'd made the same walk. It felt like a lifetime ago. As we neared the dining hall, I could hear all the noise coming from inside. He must have felt me stiffen, because he stopped and looked at me.
"It'll be fine. Relax. I promise no one will give us a hard time. Let's go." I nodded, still unconvinced. He sighed heavily. "Trust me?" I did. I really did.
"Yes. I trust you. Let's go." With that, we walked into the room. Everyone stopped and stared at us. He tightened his grip on my hand and pulled me forward. Another long day. Great, that was just great.