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Author's Chapter Notes:
Ok so I know it has been a long time since I updated this story, I had a super busy summer and I'm sorry. Hopefully now that my oldest is back in school and my mom has officially closed her pool for the summer (lol) I'll have more time to update. I hope you like this chapter :)

Chapter 5:: Bobby
Song: Happy by Saving Jane
I can walk around with a pretty face on
Even when I'm black and blue
What's the point in telling everybody
I'm not over you.
I'm so happy for you
I could cry



I shouldn’t feel like this – all bitter and jealous with more than a hint of regret – I really shouldn’t. It’s not right, it’s not appropriate.

I loved Marie from the first time I saw her come into our classroom and take the seat between me and Jubilee and Kitty – and that is where she has permanently been since… between me and Kitty. Being the new girl, John tried to impress her and normally I wouldn’t compete with anyone for a girl’s attention but for her I made an exception and used my power to ice his ball of flame.

Childish but it worked.

We started to hang out a lot more becoming good friends and then one day I worked up the nerve to hold her hand and that was how we started dating. We spent all our time together and most of that time, Jubilee, John, Peter and Kitty were with us. We were a little clique within the mansion. A group of best friends and like any group of young friends, friendships turned into crushes and crushes either got crushed or turned into something more.

John and Jubilee bantered but there was a flirtation beneath it and Kitty looked at me like I looked at Rogue, but I was so infatuated with Rogue that I didn’t notice.

Rogue and I held hands and tickled and hugged and… that’s about it. We couldn’t kiss, couldn’t touch, I couldn’t even move a strand of her platinum hair away from her perfect face. It frustrated me to no end. Especially when I saw the other couples in the mansion touching skin to skin, when we would go out or party and I couldn’t dance with her because what if I touched her skin. I saw what it did to Wolverine and he has a healing factor.

John told me to not be an ass and let a girl like Rogue get away. I told him that he was doing the same thing with Jubilee. I told him I heard him talking on the phone to a girl named Marie and that was wrong because of the way Jubilee looked at him. He told me I was pathetic and didn’t know shit. He was just being moody like he always was those days. Then he deflected to The Brotherhood. That hurt.

I hated that I had a girlfriend I couldn’t touch, even if I did love her. I was telling the truth when I said I didn’t put any pressure on her but she was right when she said my mind was only on one thing. It bothered me that I was still a virgin when John and even Peter weren’t. It got to me.

That’s when I started to take notice of the way Kitty looked at me.

I didn’t have to go to her room to check up on her the night of the Professor’s funeral. Rogue loved him more than any of us, he was practically her father they spent so much time together, but I didn’t go to her. I went to Kitty. I comforted Kitty. I knew she was in love with me by then and I wanted to know how far I could take it. When she kissed me I damn near had an accident in my pants. It had been so long since I felt a girl’s skin that I kissed her back. I got lost in touching and Kitty was just thrilled that I was paying attention to her that way that we ended up in bed together and I wasn’t a virgin anymore.

When I woke up in Kitty’s bed I felt horrible. I cheated on the girl I loved so much and I used my best friend as a substitute, used her for her ability to touch. Then on top of that I found out Rogue was gone. To where? I didn’t know for sure at the time but my guess was to get the cure. One the one hand it hurt me to think she was going to get rid of her mutation, it was a gift, a privilege. It made us special. But on the other hand it excited me to think when she came back I could touch her, kiss her, make love to her, show her how much I loved her. It didn’t stop me from crawling into Kitty’s willing arms each night she was gone.

I hated myself for it.

When she came back and told me she couldn’t do it, that it was who she was, in that moment I was so proud of her. It wasn’t until later that night while I was once again in Kitty’s bed that I realized that what I needed and what I wanted was two completely different things. I had come to a fork in the road and I needed to decide what was more important to me; my desire for touch and normalcy or my love for Rogue. I am ashamed to admit that I went with my desires.

I broke up with Rogue and after some time I stopped hiding what Kitty and I had and we started going out. Kitty was thrilled, Jubilee and Peter were upset with me but Rogue didn’t seem to care, in fact she didn’t notice that I had started dating Kitty for almost a month.

She was spending all her time between the Professor in his office, who had come back to us in a new body that once belonged to a brain dead thirty year old, Storm in her garden and Wolverine in the Danger Room. After a few months I noticed the way she changed. What little baby fat she had was now nonexistent with all the training she was doing. She carried herself much more confidently and she started to wear tighter more revealing clothes.

It drove me nuts whenever I saw her and I wanted to go to her and kiss her but I valued my life.

Then the bombshell hit. She was seeing none other than Wolverine. I tried to feel happy for her. I tried to not feel jealous and regret, only happiness. I don’t think it worked.

And I knew he wasn’t scared of her skin like I was. I knew he touched her in the way I wish I was brave enough to do. I knew because I walked past his room and heard her moaning all the way from the hallway. I stopped in my track and I didn’t know what to do. I wanted to break down the door and freeze his ass but I knew he’d claw me to death the second he was thawed. I wanted to cry because she should have been mine. She should have been moaning my name.

I did neither. Instead I ran to the room Kitty and I share and I made love to her.

It hurt knowing someone was braver than me when it came to Rogue. I tried to be happy for her because someone was strong enough to touch her but I just wanted to run from the room every time he did. Wolverine always carried gloves in his back pocket and instantly put them on the moment she came into the room and he would pull her close to him and pull her gloves off and hold her hand. He would touch her face and even without his gloves he would move a strand of her platinum hair away from her face.

Then a month later after Kitty argued with me for the millionth time about our future together, I proposed and of course she said yes. Don’t think ill of me. I loved Kitty, I cared about her happiness and I wanted to be with her but for me there will always be Rogue.

The next day, Rogue made an announcement smiling so wide and practically vibrating with happiness. She finally learned control of her mutation. She could touch.

The first thing I did was look at Kitty’s left ring finger and felt a split second of regret but I pushed it away and allowed myself to be happy for Rogue. She had wanted this for so long. Everyone congratulated her and hugged and kissed her. When it was my turn my heart was racing. I was finally going to touch Rogue.

I wrapped my arms around her, feeling her porcelain skin, so smooth and soft and unmarred, then I leaned in and gave her a kiss on the cheek close to her lips. I knew I was pushing it but I couldn’t help it. I was trying to say goodbye to my infatuation with her. And even though Wolverine growled and Rogue tensed and Kitty barely held back a gasp, I had to do it.

I knew Rogue loved Wolverine. I knew they were happy together. I knew the first day she was here. She stayed by his side in the medlab and only left because the Professor convinced her to go to class. I could tell in the way she only gave him her true smile. She would have gone to the end of the earth for him. Did that mean she didn’t love me? I like to think she did but who knows.

Why am I rehashing this? Because today the couple along with Jubilee and John (who have gone on a few dates and are slowing getting back to what they were and what they could have been) came back after disappearing for a week together. Wolverine looked happy for the first time in all the years I’ve known him. He wasn’t smiling or laughing but there was definitely something about him that screamed happy. Rogue looked like a women in love and when I looked at her hand I knew why.

She and Wolverine had driven down to Vegas and gotten married, John and Jubilee served as witnesses. Kitty was thrilled for them – somehow Rogue and Kitty had remained great friends even though my fiancée knew how I felt about the southern belle.

I watched Kitty as she tried to steal anxious glances at me. And I knew she was trying to gauge my reaction to the news. I felt like a prick knowing that Kitty was being hurt the most out of all the parties involved. I did love her and I wouldn’t hurt Kitty anymore. There was no chance of Rogue ever being my again so if I can’t lay my feelings for Rogue to rest I would do my best to ignore them, hide them, and focus on my feelings for Kitty.

I nodded at Wolverine and shook Rogue’s hand.

“I’m so happy for the two of you,” I told them… I just wish I meant it.



Happy by Saving Jane

Filling up my empty days with red wine
Wonder what you think of me?
Lying in the grass alone and wasted
Nothing's how it used to be

I wanna be the first to call and tell you
Yesterday I heard the news
I hear you oughtta be congratulated
So I guess that's what I'll do

I'm so happy for you
I could cry
Yeah, I'm so elated
Cross my heart and hope to die
I don't think about you every night
Before I close my eyes
I'm so happy for you baby,
I could cry.

Listen to the sound of my head pounding
Wish that it was make-believe
Praying for the skies to open up and
Wash away your memory

I can walk around with a pretty face on
Even when I'm black and blue
What's the point in telling everybody
I'm not over you.

I'm so happy for you
I could cry
Yeah, I'm so elated
Cross my heart and hope to die
I don't think about you every night
Before I close my eyes
I'm so happy for you baby,
I could cry.

Cry about the love we used to have
Cry that I won't ever get you back

Filling up my empty days with red wine
Wonder what you think of me?

I'm so happy for you
I could cry
Yeah, I'm so elated
Cross my heart and hope to die
I'm so happy for you
So, so happy for you
I don't think about you every night
Before I close my eyes
I'm so happy for you baby,
I could cry.
Chapter End Notes:
I'm sorry for any mistakes I made. I had to write it between helping my son with homework and getting dinner ready ;)
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