Vengeance and guilt were two bitches of things Rogue just couldn’t seem to escape.
It was even harder when only one of them was truly her own personal emotion. The other was another being’s entirely.
These were the consequences of her cursed skin. Sucking the very essence of a person until they lived inside of you is like becoming Death itself, only sometimes if she held on to long, that other person became the undead as she liked to call it. Forever a voice inside of her or an imprint. Forever stuck it seemed.
Carol Danvers was the undead that followed her around and she was full of vengeance.
Rogue in return was full of guilt. The two hand in hand.
Carol was but a fading presence most of the time, but her everlasting powers of strength, flight and invulnerability were constant reminders that Rogue was a thief in her own way, no better than some.
But when the dreams came, when the night wasn’t as sound as she would have liked it and her mind was too clear, she was forced to remember that Carol was the ghost that walked with her. Carol was the shadow that threatened to swallow her whole.
And the thing with Carol was that sometimes she had her good days and sometimes she had her bad days like anyone else.
Tonight was a bad one.
She was falling, fast. The air sailing past her ears, almost painfully. She called out but the scream caught in her throat.
Her arms flailed around her useless as she tried to stop falling.
Suddenly, she felt the change in the air as she knew the end was near.
Abruptly, she crashed through the water’s surface.
Bubbles flew up around her as she struggled for the surface but she seemed weighed down by something. She could hardly see anything around her, the bubbles never appeared to disappear, and they only multiplied. The eerie green water swirled around her and every time she kicked the bubbles spilled out around her.
She needed air. Where before there’d been too much there was not enough now.
Struggling she kept reaching for the surface when suddenly a hand reached through and pulled her up.
She gasped for air quickly but it didn’t seem to matter as the very hands that had been her saviour wrapped themselves around her throat.
Her eyes wide as she looked up at shock as Carol Danvers’ green eyes stared back at her with hate. Her strong hands wrapped around her throat, unconcerned about her long blond hair that fell on Rogue’s face.
Reaching up, Rogue tried in vain to release Carol’s grip but her water soaked gloves slipped and fumbled.
“Let go,” she gasped. “Please let go.”
She could feel herself becoming dizzy as she struggled but Carol’s grip only became stronger.
“Please....” she gasped again, her eyes watering.
“You know what I think, Rogue,” Carol spat as she leaned in. “I think you wanted it this way. How else could you go back unless you showed them how great you were without them?”
“Noo....” she coughed. “It ...it wasn’t like that...you...”
“Don’t play the blame game with me, Rogue,” Carol hissed.
“All that strength, all that power that’s yours now but they have no idea how weak you really are.”
Carol leaned in to whisper in her ear. “How tainted you are.”
“Let me go.”
“Poison.”
Carol smiled down at her and forced her to turn her head suddenly to the side. Rogue’s eyes followed as she was faced with a wall made out of green water that rippled still.
“There is no escape, Rogue.”
Rogue struggled to look away as she morphed into Mystique and was faced with her reflection of the blue mutant.
“Look!” Carol yelled as she forced her head sideways.
“No...nooo..no,” she repeated as she scrunched her eyes close.
“There is no escape, Rogue,” a deeper voice spoke above her.
Opening her eyes, she screamed as Logan suddenly loomed over her, his eyes cold and a flamed with fury.
He leaned in suddenly and she thought she was going to suffocate.
“No!” she screamed.
Rogue jolted awake with a gasp as she felt herself gulping for air. She could feel the sweat beading on the back of her neck and around her forehead. Taking deep breaths she tried to steady her heart beat as she grazed her neck slowly.
Leaning forward she rested her head on her knees as she tried to forget the nightmare.
One of the problems with the nightmares was that she could blame it all on Carol but there wasn’t enough of Carol’s personality left in her, after a helpful mutant had made sure Rogue would be able to survive after the attack mentally. The nightmares were Rogue’s own manifestations and she was not a fan of the sudden change that particular nightmare had taken on at the end. Logan and Carol in the same dream were too much.
Carol haunted her because of her own guilt and the reason she’d ever even come in contact with the other mutant had been because of one simple thing, vengeance.
Vengeance was a powerful thing and Rogue had unfortunately found herself caught in the middle of it.
Her dream had one truth to it. Carol had been the one to attack her.
The attack was the price of associating with someone like Mystique.
Mystique had a lot more enemies then friends.
Carol Danvers had been an enemy.
Rogue wasn’t exactly aware of all the details but she knew Carol and Mystique had a past that was full of betrayal and mistrust, mostly on Mystique’s part. Not that that was much of a surprise.
So when Carol had been looking to settle a score with Mystique and Rogue was known to be working with her, she was the logical target in getting Mystique to come out in the open. When Carol had attacked her by surprise, Carol had gotten a surprise of her own. Carol figured her strength and invulnerability meant she’d literally be unaffected by Rogue’s minor skin problem.
She’d been wrong. Fatally wrong.
The grip around her throat had been too strong and when her skin had leapt to life at Carol’s bare touch, Carol lost the ability to control her strength and she couldn’t let go and Rogue couldn’t pry her hands loose.
Mystique had found them both lying on the ground, so she was told. Carol dead and Rogue, well she hadn’t been home either.
She did remember Mystique knocking her out because Carol was in control and she couldn’t block her essence. It had been too overwhelming.
It took a month or two to get control again.
She wanted to hate Carol herself and she wanted to hate Mystique for bringing it on her but it really was a blame game because she knew what she had been getting into in running with Mystique despite her reasons and she couldn’t hate Carol because it turned out she hadn’t been that bad of a person, despite the attempt to knock her out and use her as bait.
Carol had been turned by her vengeance against Mystique for being wronged, for being left behind on a mission she thought was helping the mutant case and not just destroying the humans. And being misguided was something Rogue knew about.
Carol didn’t really hate her. Carol no longer existed and she didn’t want to evaluate what that meant she thought about herself.
Sighing, she realized she needed some fresh air, as her small tent felt damp with her fear and sweat. Undoing the zipper she exited quietly.
Standing up straight she stretched and felt comforted by the cool air on the back of her neck.
She spotted Jubilee sitting by the fire and decided it would be rude to walk away as though she hadn’t noticed.
Walking forward towards the fire, Jubilee looked up at her and gave her a small smile. Nodding back she glanced at the sleeping Remy still tied to the tree as she sat down across from the other woman.
“Storm gave him some pain killers and patched him up a bit on her watch,” Jubilee spoke up.
“That’s mighty nice of her,” she muttered as she watched him wondering if he really was asleep.
She knew Jubilee was watching her and the silence grew as the fire cracked and spit between them.
“I’m sure you could have done more damage to him if you had really wanted to, he can’t be all that bad.”
Rogue glanced back at her and found herself smiling. “You just think he’s hot.”
Jubilee opened her mouth about to refuse when she just smirked and nodded. “Well can you blame me?”
“No,” Rogue shook her head.
“No I suppose you don’t,” Jubilee shot back with a twinkle in her eye.
“What’s that suppose to mean?” she found herself asking, suddenly feeling surprised about how comfortable Jubilee made her feel. Like they were still good friends. It was a little off putting but she figured it was actually just plain nice not to be faced with angry accusations.
“Oh come on, “Jubilee whispered. “The sexual tension between you two was pretty obvious.”
Rogue laughed lightly and sat back from the fire. “He’s working for the enemy, Jubilee.”
The other woman shrugged. “Doesn’t mean a girl can’t have some fun.”
Laughing again she shook her head. “You’re a riot.”
Jubilee sobered up quickly as her gaze became serious. “Do you really mean that?”
Rogue looked up at her and knew what she was really asking. Glancing at the fire she paused a moment before she responded, “Yeah, Jubes I did miss yah.”
When she didn’t answer back Rogue looked up at her again.
“You gunna accuse me of lying too.”
“Nah,” Jubilee replied with another shrugged. “You wouldn’t say something like that unless you meant it.”
“So now you know me,” she shot back.
Jubilee smirked at her with an easy shrug. “No I can’t say I know you like the way I did, but there are some things about people that you know are a part of who they are and no matter the time, if you knew those parts once you can recognize whether or not they’re still there and you, Rogue...” she paused to poke a stick in the fire. “Don’t lie to people you think have earned your trust and your honesty.”
Rogue crossed her legs and smirked at her warmly. “I would say you were being extremely cocky Jubilee but...thanks.”
Jubilee winked at her. “Is it possible to be your friend again?”
“I’m not so sure you’d want to get to know the new parts of me,” she muttered as she focused on the fire darkly.
The flames of the fire were hypnotically building and her focus blurred.
“How about you let me decide that?”
She watched Jubilee and found the young woman was extremely serious and wasn’t going to back down.
“Well alright then,” she spoke back with a small smile.
Jubilee smiled and almost bounced on the log as she poked the fire again. “I missed you to, Rogue.”
“Well I figured that was given,” she responded and laughed at the same time.
“Ugh, girl you have no idea what it’s been like with you gone,” Jubilee gushed suddenly as she moved to sit beside her. Rogue found herself automatically pulling away but she resisted the urge as Jubilee continued without even noticing. “I swear, I love Kitty and all but the girl has been getting such a high head with you gone. It takes two of us to keep little miss princess in line sometimes.”
Rogue laughed even if she was still a bit guarded. “Come on, Jubes, it looks like Pete must be doing her some good.”
Jubilee rolled her eyes. “Yeah I guess, but sometimes I feel bad for the guy, he has no idea sometimes what a handful she is.”
“And why are you defending her?” Jubilee suddenly asked her.
“Well,” Rogue began. “It’s not like I hate her Jubes, it’s not like I ran away because her and Bobby somehow broke my heart it was more about...”
“Abandonment and betrayal in those you trusted,” Jubilee finished.
Rogue snorted. “You make it sound like a study case, Jubes.”
“Hey I’m with yah, girl.”
Smiling easily she found herself relaxing at Jubilee’s familiarity and a warmth that had nothing to do with the fire.
“And you have no idea how mopey Logan’s been,” Jubilee whispered.
Rogue’s smile vanished as she realized she didn’t want to be talking about him, especially if the tone in Jubilee’s voice was any hint, she talked as though his problems had something to do with her.
“He’s been like some zombie.”
“He was like that even before I left, Jubes,” she replied tightly.
“No,” Jubilee replied calmly. “He was moody and angry and short tempered and full of grief and confusion but lately it’s just been...blah.”
“Blah?”
“Blah,” Jubilee repeated as though it explained everything.
“Right,” she added shortly and nodded, wishing to change the subject.
Jubilee for her part seemed to pick up on her uneasiness and was quiet for a few moments.
“Rogue,” she began quietly. “I’m not going to question you on why you’re hanging with Mystique right now but...” she paused. “Her being here, makes me gotta ask...” she trailed off but Rogue waited quietly for her to find the words.
“You’re not trying to screw the X-Men over are you?”
She knew on some level it pained Jubilee to ask her that and at the same time it was an appropriate question.
“I can honestly say that is not my intent and surprisingly it’s not Mystique’s.”
Jubilee let out a breath. “Just had to ask you know, Mystique isn’t known for her sensibility.”
Rogue laughed. “No...no she isn’t.”
“Glad to know you know that too.”
“Yeah,” she responded more quietly.
Rogue stared into the fire and found the silence refreshing as both her and Jubilee relaxed, her dream was almost forgotten. The warmth of the fire was spreading through her as she found a weariness leaving her at Jubilee’s acceptance.
“So Rogue, do tell about Mister fine assed Cajun over there?”
Rolling her eyes, she couldn’t help it as her lips twitched with mischief.
“Jubilee.”
“Like you didn’t get with that,” she exclaimed.
Rogue bit her lip and tried not to smile.
“Details,” Jubilee whispered with excitement.
Shaking her head with amusement she replied softly, “Maybe you should keep your eyes on the fire burning in front of you right now.”
“Fine,” Jubilee sulked. After a moment the other woman nudge her shoulder lightly. “It’s just nice to see your requirements aren’t just hairy and grumpy no matter how fine they look in rugged jeans.”
She raised one eyebrow up at her.
“I’m shutting up now.”
“Good.”
The fire flared and new sparks flew up into the night.
“He still looks good in rugged jeans, Rogue,” Jubilee whispered.
Rogue sighed and decided not to respond because she knew it was futile to disagree with such a statement about the Wolverine.
“You look tired, Rogue; I can handle the Cajun and Bobby’s on watch next.”
Rogue nodded slowly and realized talking with Jubilee had calmed her down.
“Thanks, Jubes,” she responded and nudged her back playfully as she stood up.
“Good night.”
“Good night, Rogue.”
***
She felt the sun burn through her eyelids abruptly as the rays of light pricked her skin and she opened her eyes only to be met with a looming shadow over her.
She squinted in confusion and was puzzled by the violent manner her tent flap had been opened with.
Blinking several times she raised a hand above her eyes and glanced with bewilderment at Logan who was hovering over her.
Glancing around the small tent, almost ignoring her, he snarled and spun around, the flap falling back in place.
What the hell, she thought.
Scrambling to her feet, the tent flap was pulled back again but far gentler than before. A smiling Mystique crouched in front of her.
She already didn’t like her wake up call.
“What the hell was that about?” she blurted out as she rubbed her eyes.
The other woman’s lips twisted into amusement.
“I think Wolverine was checking to make sure the Cajun wasn’t keeping you warm.”
“Huh?”
Mystique rolled her eyes.
“Don’t be coy, Rogue,” she began. “You know very well how he thinks about...”
“Why would Remy be in here?” she demanded, not caring about her interruption. “He was tied up to that dame tree.”
Her eyes widened as she realized the problem.
“Shit,” she swore under her breath.
“Yes,” Mystique mused as she glanced out of the tent but Rogue couldn’t see anything past her. “His escape has the X-Men scurrying around like headless chickens.”
She scowled at her. “He’s a world class thief, Raven.”
“Yes, but he was injured and tied up by the Wolverine and suppose to be on watch by the dear X-Men, I see fit to place the blame on them. Don’t you agree?” she finished with a predator smile.
“God, you get off on the weirdest things,” she muttered as she slipped her jacket on.
“They messed up.”
Rogue nodded. “Speaking of which,” she began and eyed the other mutant. “I think it was a little unfair of you to be hounding Storm about Remy’s unknown appearance on their grounds. I think I recall very vividly you walking around as though you owned the place once.”
Mystique eyed her as though watching for something, but she wasn’t sure what.
“I was pretending to be a student, Rogue, much more subtle.”
“Whatever,” she responded back.
“Don’t tell me were going to have to deal with those issues again?” Mystique spoke almost carefully but her tone exposed her tired annoyance.
“Yes, it seems so unusual with me to have issues with you about pretending to be a hateful student to get me to run away,” she responded flippantly.
“Clearly you didn’t have a good night,” Mystique responded.
“Besides,” Mystique continued. “My previous infiltration at Xavier’s just proves how vulnerable they are.”
Rogue ignored her as she zipped her jacket up.
“And no daughter of mine is vulnerable.”
She bit her tongue as she refused a retort.
Mystique took her silence as the end of their conversation and she stepped back and let Rogue out. Rolling her head, Rogue glanced around the already half collapsed camp but she could hear yelling in the distance. Turning around she spotted Logan, Bobby, Jubilee and Storm by the X-Jet and none of their expressions were happy.
“It appears that the Iceman wasn’t up to the job,” Mystique spoke up.
“What?”
“Rumour has it, Remy got him all riled up again on his watch and he took off for a supposed second to refrain from losing his cool...”
Rogue eyed her in obvious contempt at the pun.
“And poof, da Gambit was disparu,” she spoke in an imitation of Remy’s voice. (Gone.)
Rogue watched from a distance as Logan yelled in Bobby’s face, his body taunt with rage and his stance rigid with annoyance.
“You should be happy, Rogue, you’ve got the Wolverine riled up, you have your ex-boyfriend being presently emasculated and the X-Men openly presented as fools and you hardly had to lift a finger.”
“That’s not how I get my kicks,” she murmured as she watched a concerned Storm intervene.
“You’ll learn.”
She frowned and followed Mystique as she poured some water on the sparking remains of the fire. Her actions were calm.
“How is any of this working out for us?” Rogue found herself demanding. It was all just one headache after another. “I fail to see how we are on the winning end of any of this.”
“Try to hide it better that your anger stems from being around people who think they know you.”
Mystique focused on her seriously. “They’re just past ties, Rogue. Commodities to use to your advantage.”
Sighing, she reached into her jacket pocket and pulled out a cigarette. “What advantage is that?” she responded, her voice broken down and tired but to her it just sounded defeated somehow.
Mystique smiled at her and she grew annoyed by the game the other woman seemed to be playing with her. It was too early for this shit.
“Remy didn’t get the diary we recovered...”
Mystique interrupted her. “I believe he tried to search before he escaped but I made sure to hide it where he’d least likely look.”
Rogue didn’t have to ask.
“I stored it on the X-Jet, we’ll pick it up on the ride.”
“We steal it from the X-Men and then you just hand it back to them!”
“If you haven’t noticed, Rogue, they’re plenty occupied.”
She shrugged her shoulders and decided she just didn’t want to argue anymore, things seemed to be falling out of her hands too quickly anyways; it was time to learn to care to a lesser degree.
“But still,” she murmured around the cigarette after a moment. “We didn’t get his copy and he’ll be following us.”
“Yeah well he’s got Wolverine’s hackles going, we’ll have a better idea when he’s around,” the other woman replied confidently. “I told you it was a good idea to get them involved.” She nodded towards the X-men in the distance where Kitty and Pete were walking out of the woods no doubt checking for any sign of Remy.
Logan suddenly turned and stared at her from far away but even with the distance she felt a shudder go through her at the accusing look on his face. He finally watched her as though she was a stranger.
“I’m still waiting on that one to pan out,” she replied with reluctance.
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