They know now. Every single one of them knows. I hate him. I hate Logan. Those glances and whispers that echo all around us are his fault. He brought this upon us. I hate myself. I hate myself for being so weak. I want to punish him, but there’s nothing I can do. I can’t make myself to hurt him, not after what happened at the locker room.
I should have stayed in my room that night, but I wanted to see him to make sure that he was all right. Professor was still awake when they returned from the mission, and he looked very nervous. He’s never nervous. That night? He was scrolling up and down corridors with his wheelchair, smoking cigars in chain. Yes. Professor, not Logan. From that I knew something was wrong.
Logan was nearly insane, and practically raped me at the locker room. Well, maybe a rape is too strong word for what happened. I didn’t want it at first, but in the end I was more than willing to give him anything he wanted…
I heard later what had happened. He had gone against Mystique. Of course he had won, and killed the bitch. But there had been a catch. Whole time they had fought Mystique had been wearing my face. It must have been pure torture to Logan. Only thing separating Mystique from me had been the scent. Everything else, outer appearance, voice, way she moved and talked she had copied from me. And Logan had sliced her head off. No wonder he wasn’t exactly sane that night.
And now this. We can’t even be in the same room without people staring at us and whispering to each other when they thing we don’t notice. I see them, and I know Logan must hear them. He hasn’t come to me after that night. It was nearly a week ago, and truth to be told I’m getting quite desperate. I can’t go to him. I can’t admit how much I need him. Not anymore, because it clearly annoys and embarrasses him.
He claimed me in front of everybody, and now he’s abandoning me in front of everybody.
Shit. I really am an asshole. I haven’t seen her after that night. Well, technically I see her every day, but I claimed her, and now I have done jack shit about that issue.
See, the thing is that everybody around here knows now. They know about us. Kids know that she’s my ‘girlfriend’; adults know the whole story behind this mess. Had to come clean after Scott threatened to put a hole on me for raping her.
I don’t really mind if they know, but it seems to bother her. Like she was ashamed. Ashamed of me. Ashamed of people connecting her to me.
I was her dirty little secret. It was fun while it lasted, but now that were out she’s backing off from me.
Fuck. Maybe it’s better this way. She can have a life with some kid of her own age. At least I hope so. I have tried to stay out of her way as much as she has tried to avoid me.
Christ. I don’t know how long I can keep pretending. How long until I have to have her again…
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