I’m such an idiot. I can’t believe I thought that everything would be peachy keen. I feel so helpless, and it’s all my fault. Right now, I wish, more than anything, that Logan had stopped me that night in the hallway. I wish he’d told me to go upstairs and pack, like I’d expected. I wish he’d told me that I was perfect the way I was, just like Storm said. Why didn’t I listen to her? Who the hell am I to think that I know more than her? She’s never done anything but look out for my well being, so why did I think this time was any different?
Her door is ajar, and her light is on. It’s almost 2:00 in the morning, but nobody gets much sleep around here anymore. I knock softly, and she summons her visitor. She looks very surprised to see me, almost disappointed. “Rogue…” She sets the photo album that she was looking through onto her bed and fidgets with her shirt. “You should be in bed.”
“So should you,” I reply, weakly. “I’m sorry to bother you, I just need someone to talk to.”
“Oh,” she nods. “Well, this is more than unexpected… What’s troubling you?”
“Professor Munroe,” I begin, my voice shaking. “I know you’re upset with my decision…but I feel so…so….” That familiar choking feeling is in my throat, and my nose stings as I try to repress tears. “I feel really messed up and alone, and I just don’t know what to do. And, I mean, I know there are lot bigger problems than mine right now, and I know that the Professor’s back, but I need some guidance. And if it’ll make you any less mad at me, I regret what I did. So badly…”
She crosses the room and pulls me into a liberating embrace. She gently rubs my back and says, “Rogue, I am not mad at you. Nobody is mad at you. None of us can understand the pain you go through, knowing that you cannot touch people. We take it for granted; I’ll be the first to admit it. I just wanted to make sure that you knew how much you were cared for.”
“I just feel so lost,” I sob. “I can’t stay here, but I’ve got no where to go.”
“Rogue, look at me.” She places her hands firmly over my temples and I’m forced to meet her eyes. “No matter what kind of DNA you’ve got, you’re always welcome here. This is your home. This is your choice.”
I snivel and wipe my eyes, self-consciously. I’ve always thought I look pretty ugly when I cry. Storm squeezes my arms gently, and I know that she doesn’t hate me. “How’s the Professor?”
She sighs and looks away. “He’s alright. It’s so hard to get used to. He was gone one moment, and now he’s here. Why don’t you go say hello to him in the morning? I’m sure he’d like to see you.”
“Oh, no!” I protest. “It was hard enough for me to work up nerve to talk to you. I… I don’t think I could face him. Of all people, I’ve let him down the most.”
“Rogue, Charles believes in free will, and he will understand why you did what you did. Go to him. I know that he will give you peace of mind.”
I smile slightly, and she hugs me again. “Now, get some sleep. Tomorrow is a new day.”
“Okay. Thank you, Storm.” I make sure she comprehends my sincerity.
“Ororo,” she corrects me. “I consider you my colleague…and my friend. Good night, Rogue.”
She walks me to her door, and I thank her again. “Good night.”
If the decision is mine, then I’m going to make it. In my bathroom, I rummage through the drawer and retrieve a pair of scissors. I take a deep breath and begin to cut. Short strands of chocolate, red, and white hair fall haphazardly into the sink. I trim a good 6 inches, up to my shoulders. It’s kind of uneven, but I like it. I don’t worry one bit what anybody will think of it tomorrow.
It doesn’t matter, because I’ll be gone.
****************************************************************************
I take a deep breath as I approach the steel doors of the med lab… or what’s left of them. Dr. McCoy is toying with the IV that is hooked up to a tired and fragile looking bald man lying across a metal slab. His eyes are closed, but I get the feeling that he’s not sleeping. I pause at the threshold, waiting for permission to enter.
Professor Xavier opens his eyes and asks, “Rogue?”
Dr. McCoy turns around to question him, but sees me and understands. “Ah, Rogue. You’re up very early.”
“Yeah…” I shrug. “I… I just wanted to say goodbye, before everyone wakes up and bombards the Professor down here.”
“Goodbye?” the Professor processes the information. “You’re leaving.” It’s more of a statement than a question. He knows everything. He’s probably in my head right now.
“Yeah. Please don’t try to stop me. Just hear me out.”
Dr. McCoy looks back and forth between us, expecting Professor Xavier to intervene. Instead he replies, “Alright then.”
“Professor,” I begin. “I want you to know that I’m so very grateful for everything you’ve given me. This place has been my home, and you’ve done everything in your power to keep me safe. You’ve introduced me to amazing people, and you’ve given me the opportunity to live a good life as a mutant, instead of being an outcast. But, I was foolish…”
“You took the cure,” he sighs.
I need not ask how he knows. “I’m sorry. I thought it was what I wanted, but everything has gone wrong. So, I’ve decided that I have to leave. I don’t belong here anymore, but I just wanted to let you know that I’ll never forget what you’ve done for me.”
“Rogue,” he smiles warmly, “I am not mad at you. No need to stow away on a train.”
I can’t help but laugh. I ran the last time I thought he was angry. “I know… but this is what I feel is right. I’m sorry.”
“Please, Rogue, come here,” he reaches out his arm.
Cautiously, I walk toward him and grasp his hand. He has that proverbial twinkle in his eyes. His voice pervades my thoughts. You have always been strong. Great power lies ahead.
I frown in confusion, unsure of his meaning. He smiles and says, “Take care, dear Rogue.”
I hesitate, hoping he will explain his characteristically elusive words, but no luck. “Thank you, Professor. Good bye.”
****************************************************************************
I manage to avoid the people who will make my departure difficult—Bobby, Storm, and Logan. I walk through the front doors, and there is a car waiting. The chauffeur opens the door for me, and says, “Where am I taking you, Miss?”
I shake my head in astonishment. The Professor knew my plan, and he had arranged this for me. The driver takes my bag and places it in the trunk. I slide into the backseat, and he shuts the door. Once he settles into the driver seat, he glances into the rearview mirror and asks again, “Where to?”
I take one last look at the mansion and reply, “New Rochelle.”
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Author's Chapter Notes:
Disclaimer: The X-Men and their likenesses belong to Marvel and Fox, not me.