"And somewhere Alfie smiles and says `Enjoy her every cry. You can see in the dark through the eyes of Laura Mars.'" —Gold Dust, Tori Amos
He comes home to find her sitting by the window and even though she tries to hide it he knows she was waiting for him. It makes him smile and cringe. It has been ten years now and she still loves him.
Inwardly, he curses himself.
No matter how long he is gone he knows that when he comes back she will be here waiting for him. He knows it's not fair to expect this from her but he does.
One day, he fears he will come home to nothing and it will kill him.
But for now she is here and he has never been more grateful to have been given so much time to live.
Walking up the stairs he opens the door with the ease of a man with his explanation in hand. But when he begins to introduce the newest orphan he smiles to find her not next to her bags anymore. So he turns pushing a shy little girl from behind his legs. Marie smiles down at her only to glare at him and the little girl is thrilled to be ushered off to her new room by Scott, anything to be out of way.
He waits for her clipped remark about missing Valentines Day again but it doesn't come making him even more nervous. Silence is never good. So he opens his arms to her.
"I'm an asshole."
Even Logan knows when to take one for the team.
There is only a second of awkwardness as she pauses momentarily warily judging him but when he meets her eyes again that look is gone and she runs into his arms. She coos over his new island tan pointing out with a giggle the sprinkling of gray that has mysteriously seeped into his hair within four weeks.
When she finds a doll shoe in his pocket she laughs all the harder, "Softy."
He lets her babble wash over him pretending that he hadn't wasted years of their life away on becoming Charles go to hero, imagining that she is still the little girl he dropped here so long ago. He can believe that the world hasn't gone insane and that he has all the time in the world to waste but the smile lines near her eyes bring him back to reality.
She's not eighteen anymore.
Her eyes are tired but her smile is bright as she fills him in on all everything he has missed out on in the month he was gone; loves, break-ups, births, and the new additions that have all happened behind his back. Most of the names attached to the stories he doesn't recognize but he listens to it all as he rubs warmth into her ice cold hands. His mind wanders back to the days when a little thing like this would have killed him, her hand in his, but life chose to give a little. She can touch now and when they find themselves back in their room he takes full advantage of it.
Pushing him to the bed she pauses only a moment between kisses to ask, "How long?"
"Tonight."
She moves to kiss his eyelids to dismiss the sadness in them. "Okay."
"I'll be back tomorrow."
"Good."
"Chuck promised me just one day on this one."
"Okay."
And it is.
After she has fallen asleep lets his eyes travel across her in a way he could not if she was awake. He lets his finger trail down her chin to her neck past her shoulder and even in her sleep she leans into his touch. These nights are everything to him. She looks at him with such love and devotion that he almost growls, "Don't love me like that." But he can't because he needs her to love him. It is what makes him.
Morning grows so near he can feel it creeping over his shoulder and in a few hours the professor will call him out again. For now, though, he buries his head into the crook of her neck breathing her in. He wishes he could just lie here just like this forever waking up in their bed so warm and perfect. As the light shines through the window he tenses waiting for it to wake her up knowledge that he will soon be gone.
He has gives her no promises because no matter how big of a bastard he is, he could never promise her a world he can not provide. All he offers her is now and for the time being that is enough. But one day he knows it won't be.
When he sleeps now, he dreams of forever.
At the door she presses kisses into each corner of his mouth before finally letting his hand go. He can feel her eyes on him as the door closes and he turns around to find her waiting at the window for him to see her and when he does her smile is blinding.
He has never been more afraid to have so much time to live.
Because one day he knows will return home to nothing and it will kill him.
The Wolverine & Rogue Fanfiction Archive
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Story Notes:
Inspiration: Tori Amos and Linda Howard. What can I say I am wacky like that.
Warning: It is a little sad but then I like sad.
Warning: It is a little sad but then I like sad.