“Will you ever regret marrying me?” Rogue asked quietly several hours later.
While Logan continued playing with the ends of Rogue’s hair, he gave the question serious thought.
“I don’t think so,” he said after a few moments. At Rogue’s questioning glance, he explained, “I mean, you’re the one person I’ve just assumed would always be part of my life. I never really gave much thought as to how our relationship might change, but I knew that you would always be my best friend and that I can trust you absolutely.”
Rogue laid her head against Logan’s shoulder and watched the way the early afternoon light shifted across the gleaming cherry wood tables in the library. They had attempted to retreat to Logan’s room, but the hallway in the teachers’ wing was unusually congested with students. They all had excuses of course, namely that they were looking for a quiet place to study and brandished notes and textbooks as proof. Logan had hrumphed quietly in disbelief and pivoted about on one heel, dragging Rogue with him by virtue of the arm he still had crooked around her shoulders and neck. Apparently Storm hadn’t yet done any damage control for that morning’s scene. And there were bound to be rumors about Rogue’s confrontation with Jubilee in the kitchen as well.
“And you know I don’t trust easily.” Logan’s soft murmur brought Rogue back to the present.
Considering his words, Rogue offered, “You don’t think you can trust everybody at the mansion? Storm and Hank? Kurt?”
Logan hesitated before answering. From her position against his side, Rogue could feel the tension that suddenly entered his frame. Shaking his head, Logan said, “Not the way I trust you.”
“Logan,” Rogue chided softly, lifting her head to look at him. Part of her was thrilled that only she was held in such high regard, but another part was worried that Logan still thought of himself as cut off from everybody else.
“It’s the same with you,” he defended.
Curious, Rogue asked, “How do you figure?”
“Who else knows your real name, kid?” Logan’s voice was soft, gentle.
“Oh.” Rogue tipped her head back onto his shoulder and laughed a little. “So, we can agree that we’ll trust them to watch our backs or come rescue us if we need help. But we don’t trust them with ourselves.”
“Uhh…” Logan mulled through her words for a moment. When he caught her full meaning, he nodded once. “Right.”
“Why don’t we trust them?”
It was Logan’s turn to laugh. “Because we’re both basket cases and figure they can’t possibly understand us?”
“There is that,” Rogue agreed, a smile in her voice. “Do you think it’ll be a problem? Turn into an us vs. them kind of thing?”
Logan shrugged and bobbled Rogue’s head. “Oh - sorry,” he said, steadying her head with a gentle hand. “It’s been that way for a while, hasn’t it? I know I don’t talk about it often, but you know I can’t help but hear what the students are always gossiping about.” He tapped an ear as a reminder of his enhanced senses. “It’s always ‘Logan and Rogue.’ They never mention one of us without talking about the other. Used to irritate me, you know.”
“Hm? Why?”
Logan made a rumbling noise of contemplation deep in his chest. Rogue smiled in contentment as she snuggled closer, liking that the sound was like a rough purr beneath her ear.
“At the beginning I didn’t have a clue in hell who I was. Didn’t seem fair that you’d be stealing what little of me I could claim.”
“Hm?” Rogue asked again.
“I mean, suddenly I wasn’t just me, you know? I was stuck together with you as one part of a pair without anybody even asking me. And it bothered me. Does that make sense?”
The hesitant note in his voice caught Rogue’s attention more than his words had.
“Yeah, it makes sense,” she said, tilting her head and studying his profile surreptitiously. He was frowning slightly. “It was different for me, though. I liked being paired with you. Made me feel less alone.” Seeing his frown ease, Rogue smiled and closed her eyes.
“Yeah,” Logan said softly. “Once I got over being irritated, it did the same for me.”
“Something Jubes said is still bothering me,” Rogue admitted after a moment.
Logan scoffed and growled a little.
“No, really, she did make a couple of good points. They were just made for the wrong reasons,” Rogue murmured.
“I’m not gonna leave you, kid,” Logan protested, anger stirring in his stomach.
Patting his chest absently, Rogue explained, “No, I was talking about what she said before that. About how we exclude other people.”
Logan caught Rogue’s hand beneath his and stilled it against his chest. He frowned again as he thought about Rogue’s words - Jubilee’s words really.
“Do you think she’s right?” Rogue continued. “When Bobby and I were together, he always hated how close you and I were. And after a while, the girls stopped asking me to hang out with them because they knew that I’d just end up going to find you at some point. Even Andy didn’t like it.”
“Huh?” Logan asked in surprise, releasing Rogue’s hand in response to her light tug. “I only met him the one time when I dropped you off at the theater.”
Feeling sudden heat on his shoulder, Logan glanced down and saw a blush spreading over Rogue’s face. Her eyes remained closed, so he felt free to keep studying her.
“Yeah, but I talked about you to him.”
“So?” Logan said.
“Umm…I apparently talked about you a lot.” Rogue fell silent for a moment before finishing in a rush, “And it got to the point that Andy said he didn’t want to hear about you any more.”
“Jerk,” Logan said mildly. “We live together - how could you tell him about your day if you can’t talk about the people you live with.”
Logan’s shoulder became a degree warmer.
“Hmm…I never told him we live together,” Rogue mumbled, turning her mouth into his shoulder to further obscure her words.
“Why the hell not?” Logan asked in surprise.
Rogue opened her eyes and met Logan’s gaze directly.
“I…well, it’s not the usual situation for teachers to live together with students at a school, and I didn’t want him to start asking questions about what kind of school Xavier’s is.”
Logan’s shoulders shook in a silent laugh. “So the poor idiot thought you were spending all your time away from him with me?”
“I guess so,” Rogue said with chagrin, dropping her eyes. “But anyway, about us excluding people. It won’t be like that when…when the baby comes, will it?”
The honest worry in Rogue’s voice gained Logan’s full attention. He lifted the shoulder upon which her head rested so she would look up at him. He kept his shoulder in the uncomfortable position to make sure they didn’t lose eye contact as he said, “When the baby comes, keeping him safe and happy will be my number one priority - even before you.”
Rogue smiled brilliantly and with a trace of relief. “I was thinking the same thing but didn’t want to hurt your feelings by saying so,” she said smugly.
Laughing, Logan shook his head in mock disappointment. Sobering suddenly, he caught Rogue’s chin with callused fingertips.
“Marie. I want you to know that I would protect any child. And if it came down to having to make a choice between helping you or a kid…” Logan trailed off.
“You’d help the kid, of course,” Rogue finished for him. “After all, I’m an adult and I can help myself to a certain extent, right?”
“Right. But…” Logan stopped speaking abruptly and let go of her chin. Rogue waited patiently, knowing he would continue when he was ready. Even so, she waited several minutes, concentrating on the sounds of Logan’s breathing and the ticking of the grandfather clock beside the door. “But,” Logan tried again, “if it ever comes down to a choice between our kid and one of the students, what am I supposed to do?”
Rogue’s breath caught in her throat. When she spoke, her voice was a pained croak. “I don’t know. I know all the rational arguments about helping whichever person has the best chance of…of survival, but…I don’t know.”
Logan violently expelled a deep breath and scrubbed his free hand angrily through his hair, leaving it in uneven spikes.
“This is stupid,” he growled. “I don’t even know why the hell I’m thinking about this stuff.”
Rogue shrugged slowly and reached over to smooth down his hair. “I don’t know either. It’s not like it’s something we need to worry about right away, right? And we might never have to worry about it. I mean, if the baby’s like you, he could survive almost anything and wouldn‘t need to be saved.”
Eyes widening at how callous she sounded, Rogue slapped a hand over her mouth in horror.
Logan laughed humorlessly and pulled her hand away from her face. “Don’t think I haven’t thought about that, kid. As much as I hate what I am sometimes, part of me hopes our baby is the same way for the exact reason you said.”
“So you don’t think I’m awful for saying that?”
“No,” Logan said softly, “as long as you don’t think I’m awful for wishing, if the baby’s not like me, he’ll be like you so I can still heal him if he gets hurt.”
Rogue straightened away from Logan abruptly. Trying to think objectively about what he had just said, Rogue laughed bitterly at the conclusion she came to. “I can agree with that.”
They stared at each other for several minutes, each wondering how their relatively tranquil afternoon had taken such a dark turn.
“I need a beer,” Logan said abruptly, pushing to his feet.
“Me too,” Rogue seconded, grabbing his hand and following him toward the kitchen.
Neither of them noticed the child shaped shadow crouched beside the sofa they had just vacated.
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Author's Chapter Notes:
Reading all your wonderful comments about the last chapter made me smile like crazy. And considering I was in a public library at the time, I got quite a few strange looks from people. But I don't care! Thank you! :)
Chapter End Notes:
Hmm...just what will Jacie do with her new knowledge?