Author's Chapter Notes:
Thanks again to Gidget!
6. Lost & Lonely – Marie.

After watching Logan in the cage I manage to finally get back to the bar, Gina is giving me a knowing look. All I can muster is a “Shut up!” as I pour more drinks and try and keep my cool. As I am filling my tray again, I chance a quick glance at the cage; Logan is coming out and nods in my direction, a cocky smirk on his face.

Turning away I can feel my cheeks burning. Where’s a big hole in the ground when you need one? Tony is on the mic again announcing some other fool who wants to start a fight and try to win some money. Logan isn’t the challenger anymore, another quick glance and I see him buttoning his shirt, hiding away his massive and slightly sweaty chest.

I knock over a beer bottle and Gina laughs. “Woman! Will you concentrate?”

I laugh. “I’m trying!” While I’m trying I keep thinking. And thinking. And thinking. As the match keeps running through my mind, I think I may have figured something out. Something important. It gives me hope, hope that things aren’t so bad. Hope that maybe I’m not alone.

******

After three rather rushed hours, the bar finally starts to quiet down. There are still some people, sitting at tables or lounging by the bar, but only a few. For tonight, the fights have stopped. Tony is sitting at one end of the bar, counting his money while me and Gina are trying to gather up the empties and get ready to close. Claire stays at the bar.

We clear the large table at the back near the cage together. I can see Logan, he is sitting in a booth near the back of the bar area, next to the juke box, beer in one hand and a cigar in the other. There’s a girl next his table, she dances to the music, but keeps chatting away to him, laughing some dumb fake laugh and wiggling herself up against him. She’s skinny, long jet black hair and she would be pretty without all the make-up and veneer. I sigh. Jealous much?

“Marie, honey, if you don’t like what you see, stop watching.”

I shrug and turn to Gina. “I dunno. I guess…never mind.” I go to pick up the glasses, but she stops me.

“What?”

“I guess I kinda thought, that…well maybe he liked me a little.” I shrug again and smile weakly. “But seeing as he’s sitting over there with little-miss-wiggle-a-lot, I guess not.”

“I think her surname is Suzuki.” She laughs, but I don’t get the joke and I think she sees that on my face. “As in, she gets ridden a lot.”

“Oh, I see.” We stand next to one another and lean against the table watching her dance in front of him, and I have to say the poor man looks bored. “You can always tell the ones with no friends.”

“God yes, ‘cos if she had any, someone sure would have told that poor girl desperation ain’t a good look.” We both laugh and Logan’s head turns. I’m caught in his eyes for a second before I drop my head a little. As I look back at him, he’s still looking at me, and his little friend pouts and actually dances in front of him. I hear Gina chuckle. “Yep, desperate.”

We both laugh and carry on clearing the tables before taking the glasses back to the bar and loading up the dishwasher. Another quiet hour passes and Logan is the only one left, he sent his little dancer away a little while ago, she pouted and huffed and I think she even stamped her foot, but she left. Claire has gone and I’m just about to leave Gina and Tony to finish the rest of the clearing up.

As I’m putting on my huge sweater, I watch Tony go and talk to Logan. I’m too far away to hear, they laugh about something, shake hands and Logan starts putting his leather jacket on.

Gina nudges my arm. “Girl, why don’t you ask him to walk you home?”

Frowning, I wrap my scarf around my neck. “Are you kidding? I don’t think so. Let him have his skinny-Suzuki.”

We both chuckle a little, then hug and I leave without a second glance at Logan. I really wanted to look, I really wanted say ‘bye’. But I guess I feel a little hurt. I feel like I waited ages to see him again and now I’m just disappointed. Guess I wasted a lot of time thinking about him when he truly wasn’t interested at all. I suppose I should have realised. I should have listened to the brutally honest voice in my head.

By the time I cross over into the entrance of the trailer park, my feet feel like they are frozen and so does the rest of me. This sweater really isn’t big enough, even though it reaches my knees.

My cold fingers fumble with the key, and just as I open the door a strong hand on my arm turns me around, I only have time to give a little shout and the weight of a man knocks me backwards. “GET OFF ME!”

His hands are all over and his face is in my neck. “Come on Marie,, give a man a chance.” His words are slurred and I try and push him off, he smells like beer and as he raises his head I recognise him.

“Martin Clearwater you get off me this second or I’m gonna tell your Mama you’re a smelly would-be rapist!”

Suddenly his weight is gone and there’s a loud thud when he lands on the ground a few feet away from the front of my trailer. I get up and see Logan about to kick him in the head. “NO!”

I stumble to my feet and run to Logan. “No stop, Logan, he’s drunk, he’s just a kid, he doesn’t mean it.” I look at his face and all I can see is anger and it shocks me a little.

Martin stumbles to his feet and starts slurring again. “Sorry Marie, I didn’t mean nothing by it. Just saw you walking home and thought I would say hi, and then I think I fell on you a little bit.” He staggers and rubs his head. “Are you really gonna tell my mama?”

I sigh. “Not if you promise not to do that ever again.”

“I, I wont. Promise.” He smiles rather weakly. “Night.” He drunkenly salutes Logan. “Night, Mr…er, sir.” And he begins to stagger off.

Letting out the breath I didn’t realise I was holding, I turn to Logan. “Thanks.” His expression is still angry and I don’t really know what else to say to him, so I walk forward and pick up my bag that’s still by my front step.

“Are you alright?” His voice is gruff and low.

“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine.” I turn and sit on the step.

“You sure? You’re shaking.” He squats in front of me and takes my hands in his; his expression softens as he holds me.

I shrug a little, liking the heat he radiates. “Was a little scared there for a second, but he wouldn’t hurt me, he’s just a dumbass. He lives just outside of town with his mom, he’s more afraid of her than anything else in the world.”

“You left pretty quick, I was gonna walk you home again.”

Standing up I brush the dirt off my backside. “Oh, well I thought you’d had enough entertainment for the evening and I don’t really dance that well.” My voice is still a little shaky, but it holds the right amount of sarcasm.

He chuckles a little bit and smirks at me. “She wasn’t really my type.”

“What, too desperate for you?” I smirk back at him, feeling less shaky now.

“Yeah, I prefer my women a little less desperate.” His smirk turns into a slightly bigger smile. “It’s cold out, you gonna invite me in?”

I flush a little. “Er, yeah, sorry. Come in.” I turn and walk into my trailer, turning the lights on as I go. He follows me in and closes the door behind us. It’s not a big place, but it’s just right for me; a bedroom with a bathroom in it at one end, a little kitchen/dinner with a built in bench along one side, a square table and then a space at the other end for a living room. I have a sofa, a stereo/tv unit and one huge chair and that’s it. I point to the little table next to my kitchen counter. “Have a seat, I’ll make some coffee.”

“So did you get enough entertainment earlier?” He removes his jackets, while I take off my sweater and hang it by the door.

I move toward my little kitchen area. “What do you mean?”

He leans on the edge of the counter, watching me. “I saw you watching the fight.”

The colour rushes into my face again and I turn my back on him, filling the kettle to keep my hands busy. “Yeah. It was over pretty quick.”

“I normally last longer than that darlin’.”

Turning around I try to ignore the blatant innuendo and lean my back on the counter facing him. “It was very interesting, enlightening even.”

I watch as he folds his arms across his chest, noticing how his forearms ripple and bulge, and the smirk is back on his lips. “Really. Like how?”

overlooking him over head to toe, I mentally add up what I’ve been trying to put together in my head. I think I’m right about him. I sure as hell hope I’m right, or this conversation isn’t going to go very well. “Nobody walks away from a fight like that without a mark to show for it.”

The smirk disappears, He looks at his boots briefly and shifts around. “He lost his money, he was lucky he didn’t loose something else.”

I watch him shift around and make up my mind to just say what I’m thinking. “I know what you are.”

His hazel eyes shoot upward and meet mine; nailing me to the spot with the intensity of their gaze. He takes a couple of steps forward and cages me in against the counter. “Really, and what is that?”

That hit a huge nerve and now I’m thinking maybe I should have kept my mouth shut because he looks a little dangerous up this close, but then I guess it’s too late for that. “Like me.”

He face is very close to mine; I see his brow draw together. “Like you?”

I nod and I notice how close I am to his nose. “Yeah, like me… a mutant.” He steps back at that and a little bit of shock shows on his face before he composes himself again. My nerves get the better of me and I ramble. “My skin, it’s my mutation, it, um, can hurt people, like, um, suck their life out or something like that. I uh, I kinda guessed, yours is healing real quick.” His eyes narrow a little and my confidence dips even more. “Unless I’ve just made a big mistake and you’re about to lynch me for being a freak, which won’t be too good.”

In the small space of my kitchen I watch him watching me. He stares and again I’m wishing that I could read minds and figure out what he’s thinking, because I really have no idea and it scares me a little.

“You’re a mutant?” He asks and I nod weakly. “And you figured all this out on your own?” I nod again. He frowns at me again and crosses his arms over his chest again, his jaw is set. “Who are you?”

I’m slightly taken aback by his aggressive tone and body language. “Ur, Marie Roberts…”

“That’s a lie. What’s your real name?”

The space we are in is almost clausterphobic, his size makes it seem even smaller and I’m starting to feel a little hemmed in. “That is my real…”

“No it’s not. Marie may be real, but your last name, you’re lying darlin’ and I don’t like it.”

How the hell does he know I lied, how could he know? Have to say it annoys me a little, I like being anonymous. “So what? I lied about my last name…it’s not like everyone else doesn’t do it.”

“No, no, this is all too….set up. I walk into a small town I’ve been coming to for years and suddenly there’s a girl, one I like, and she just happens to be a mutant and just happens to have figured out I am too…na, sorry darlin’, that just doesn’t cut it. Who are you? Who do you work for?”

I’m fumbling in my head to find some words to convince him, but all I can register is that he said he liked me. “I work for Tony, you know that, and my last name is none of your damn business. Um, I, ….how do you know I lied?” ‘Cos I really want to know.

He sizes me up again with his eyes. “You really just figured this out, no one- I mean, you just did?” I nod. “You’re telling the truth ain’t you.” It’s not a question, he lets out a breath and rubs the back of his neck, I can tell it’s in relief.

I shrug. “Well yeah, I mean it wasn’t too difficult, if you look close enough you can see that you just... heal.” I take a step close and put my hand up to his face, touching his cheek lightly, his skin feels surprisingly soft. It’s more a fascination about how it works than anything else. “It’s just that there’s not even a scratch on you, and that guy battered you.”

He reaches up and takes hold of my wrist gently. He doesn’t move my hand away from his face, just leaves it there, while he’s holding me. “It’s a healing factor, or regeneration, comes hand-in-hand with enhanced senses; smell, hearing stuff like that. It’s how I knew you lied about your name. I can smell a lie, literally. That’s how I know you’re being honest now.”

“Oh. Guess that’s…handy.” I simply stare into his eyes and he stares back. His features have softened again. He is so gorgeous.

“Your skin, how does that work?” he pulls my hand away and looks at it, as if he expects to see something there.

“Uh, I only used it once, by accident. I didn’t mean to do it, but….I can control it now, turn it off and on. It kinds, pulls stuff out of people, like thoughts, memories, how they feel as well as their energy. It’s a little freaky.” I pull my hand away. “But like I said, it’s under control.”

“So you really are hiding in this town.” He leans back against the counter again, relaxing a little.

“Yeah. Family issues, you know. Ended up here, but I like it, it’s nice for the most part.” He gives me a little smile, and I can’t keep staring at him so I turn around and start to make our coffee. I sigh with a little bit of relief, also. I honestly thought for a second there he was going to go a bit nuts. “So, how did you end up a teacher or coach or whatever?”

I hear him blow out a breath. “Long story. But, cut short, I helped someone out and we ended up at this school, it’s run by a mutant. He helped me with a few things and I ended up getting a, well, a job, out of it.”

I know he means that school in Westchester, Xavier’s, but I can’t tell him I looked it up on the net or he really will think I’m some weird stalker. “Sounds like a good deal.” I turn and hand him a mug of coffee. “Sugar, milk?”

“Nah, just black is fine darlin’.”

Squeezing past him I go and sit at my small dining table, he follows behind me and settles next to me. I bring my foot up so it can rest on the bench and sip my coffee. There’s a small radio on the shelf behind me, I lean back and flip it on; the silence is killing me.

“So tell me about your family issues then?”

I sip my coffee again. “Uh, well let’s just say I didn’t turn out quite how my parents wanted me to. It’s not socially acceptable to have a daughter who can render people unconscious with a kiss, don’t you know?” I chuckle a little.

“A kiss?” I can hear the smirk in his voice without even looking, but I feel compelled to look, so I turn and meet his eyes. And then blush, a lot.

“Well, just a little one. My first one actually. Yeah, first kiss, that sucked.” I chuckle again, and so does he.

“What happened?”

“You can’t really want to know that?”

“I’m curious, enlighten me.”

I shrug and give a silly grin like a complete girl. “Kay. We lived in Meridian, really nice place, but ‘really’ Southern, if you know what I mean.” He smiles and nods. “I had my boyfriend in my room, we were talking about stuff. What I wanted to do after graduation. I had this big trip planned, was gonna travel around the states, work my way to Canada, then up to Anchorage. We talked, like normal, and then we kissed.” My smile fades. “It all happened real quick. He just… flooded me, everything he thought, wanted, hated, all his dreams and ambitions, it was all in my head. He’s still there sometimes. Next thing I know I’m screaming and my parents called an ambulance. Then, well, I just ran. Seemed easier, you know, easier than staying there.”

“What do you mean, he’s still there sometimes?”

I take a deep breath, for some reason this feels good. It feels nice to tell someone, to get it all off my chest. I never told Gina this story, only the fact that I was a mutant. “It’s weird, like there’s a miniature version of him, in my head. I can…God why am I telling you this?”

He laughs a little. “Why not?”

I hesitate, but then decide, yeah, why not? “I can lock him away, like he’s not even there, but sometimes when I’m tired I can hear his thoughts, I get his feelings. Like I said, weird.” I turn in my seat so I’m facing him on the bench; I lean my head on the side next to me and look up at him. “Tell me about you? I’m curious now, where’re you from?”

He sinks in the seat a little and tilts his head back as he looks at the ceiling. “I’m not sure. Likewise with the weird. I can’t remember.”

“What, like amnesia?”

“Yeah. Lost at least the first twenty years of my life.” He turns his head to look at me. “That’s what Xavier, the guy from the school, hasbeen helping me with. Trying to remember.”

“Don’t you remember anything?”

“Odd bits. I get nightmares, but I can’t figure out if they’re dreams or memories. Sometimes I’ll be somewhere and a smell will trigger something off, an odd flash of memory, but I can never pin-point anything clear. I know my name is Logan, I know I’m from Canada, and that’s kinda it.”

The light catches something he’s wearing around his neck, I noticed it in the cage fight, but now I reach out for it. “Dog-tags, aren’t they a military thing, doesn’t that mean you were in the army?”

“Yeah.” He looks down at them and I quickly let go.

“Well they hold records, my dad was in the army, this number is unique, it could tell….”

“I’ve checked. There’s no record of me. Xavier has checked through some contacts, too, according to the military this number doesn’t exist.”

“I’m sorry, that must be really hard to deal with.”

“Not so much, to be honest. It’s easy to just live.”

“I can relate to that. The past sucks, literally.” We both smile.

Our conversation goes on for the next couple of hours until I can’t stop a massive yawn from escaping. “Sorry.”

“No, you should sleep, it’s nearly morning. I’ll go.” He goes to get up, but I stop him, and then we stare at each other for what seems like an eternity, but is really only a few seconds.

“Stay. This bench isn’t much but you can stretch out and… well I like having the company.” He smiles gently and nods. I smile too, and then jump up to fetch what blankets I have from my bedroom. Once I give them to him I smile with girlish abandon again. “I’ll see you in the morning.”

“Night.” He smirks back and I melt again, he really, really is gorgeous.

“Night, Logan.” I stand in my bedroom and pull the door partially shut. I can still see him through the little gap I’ve left, it’s not that I’ve done it on purpose to watch him, I just don’t like being shut in my bedroom; reminds me too much of home.

Changing into my bed shorts and top I think about our evening together. It’s really late and we must have talked for hours. It felt right, like I could trust him, somehow I know I can. I got the same feeling from him as well, like we had both found someone who we really could be honest with. He told me about what he could remember, some of his nightmares, and I feel so sorry for him. It’s bad enough not being able to remember anything, but what little he can piece together is positively awful, brutal, and scary. He told me he had been experimented on and that there were other issues with his mutation, he wouldn’t go into the details but said he would tell me, that he wanted to, just not right now. He also told me about his friends, though the way he speaks of them, they sound more like his family.

The X-men, that’s a bit of a shock. I’ve never heard of them, but I guess that’s why they are a secret organisation. I could see the pride he had in himself for being a part of something like that. Helping other mutants, and all those kids. Kids who are just like I was.

Alone, with no other option but to run from those who you thought you loved and you thought loved you. I told him about all of that too, even managed not to cry, I was very impressed with myself. He said my mother sounded like a prize bitch, I agreed, she is, was, whatever. She could have changed, but I'm not really interested in finding out. I heave a big sigh, I feel good; I feel hopeful, a little light-headed, even.

Curiosity gets the better of me and I peek through the crack in the door. He’s standing up and arranged his blankets, and now he’s taking his shirt off. He has his back to me and slowly he peels his under-shirt off over his head.

My jaw drops and I actually hop up and down a little bit as his back is revealed, full of muscles, each one ripples slightly as his arms move. I fan myself with my hand and then stifle a giggle as I move away from the door. Thinking about it, he can probably hear and smell me through the door, but I don’t care at the moment, I can be embarrassed in the morning. I can’t believe I just did that, spied on someone taking their clothes off. I crawl into bed and wrap myself in my covers, trying not to think of him nearly naked in the next room.

Yeah, it’s gonna be a long night.

***********
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