12. Lost & Lonely – Marie
So I’m left standing in a hospital room with a bruised and battered girl that I don’t know. Thanks, Logan. We look at each other and she bursts out laughing.
“Awkward!!”
I laugh too and instantly feel more at ease with her.
“So, you’re Marie.” She holds out her hand for me to shake, which given that she knows I put Logan out with a touch is rather…touching. I feel bad that I can’t force myself to take her hand. “I’m Jubilee, nice to meet ya. Take a seat chica.”
I sit down on the end of the hospital bed. “Nice to meet you too.” I can’t help but look at all her bruises. “It’s probably a stupid question, but, are you okay?”
She laughs. “I’ve been better chica. It could be worse, I could be dead. But I’m not so I’m gonna be more than slightly grateful for that.” She leans forward a little and touches my gloved hand. “Are you okay?”
Again, I am taken aback by the way she is so willing to touch me. But then I am wearing gloves so that kinda negates the problem. Still I wore gloves at home all the time and that never negated any kind of issue with my parents wanting to touch me, they simply just didn’t. “Been better.”
“This place is, pretty full on.”
I take a deep breath. “Full on is a description I would definitely go for.” I shrug. “I just don’t want to cause anymore trouble, for Logan or anyone else.”
“He’s a big boy; he can take care of himself, even if he does have to have a four hour nap to do it.”
“Don’t - I never meant for that to happen, my mutation doesn’t usually come on without…”
“Hey, hey it’s fine, I was only kidding. Although I will admit that I find it absolutely hilarious that he got taken out by a 95lb girl. That is never gonna get old!” Even with the bruises her smile is blinding. She laughs, then grips her sides. “Ow!”
“Laughing doesn’t help, I take it.”
“Not really. But it’s fine, I’ll be back to my normal, irritating self in no time.” I laugh a little and look around the room. There are a bunch of flowers in one corner and a couple of cards next to it, she catches me looking and I blush a little. “I know it’s not exactly full to the brim with well wishers and floral tributes is it. I’m not very popular. I’m loud and refuse to conform to the ‘I’m a mutant and therefore must be quiet’ regime.”
“I wish I could be like that. But when you get used to hiding, you just hide.”
“Logan’s good at that one, the whole hiding in plain sight thing.”
“People seem to find him anyway though I guess.”
“Yeah, tell me about it.” She looks at her bandaged hand and sighs. I can’t help but be drawn back to thinking what their relationship is, why does he care about her so much? Is it just a protective thing? Is that how he sees me? She is pretty; I can see how Logan could be interested in her.
“So you and Logan, are, good, um, friends?”
She laughs. “Oh yeah, with benefits, I’ve been using him for sex for years!” She looks at my face and laughs, grabbing her sides as it hurts but carries on laughing. “GOD, your face. Don’t worry chica, the man is not my type at all. I prefer the more polished man, less Neanderthal and hairy. He’s all yours!”
Smiling I put my hands over my face and really want to crawl away. “Was it really that obvious what I was getting at? Sorry.”
“Oh no, real subtle… like a house brick.” She doubles over laughing and I join her. And that’s how Logan finds us, both laughing and Jubilee holding her side and laughing through the pain.
“You two’re getting on fine then.” He leans down a kisses me on the top of my head. “You alright?”
I nod. “Yeah, I’m fine. Tired. You?”
His hand comes up, lightly touching my face, his fingers feel warm against me and for a second I’m just lost in his eyes. “Better now. Lets go, Yella needs her rest.”
“Well goodnight then, ‘cos you two seriously need a room.”
I give her a light hug and follow Logan out the door. We walk slowly though the quiet halls back to his room where he starts to take off his shirt. “Just gonna jump in the shower, you alright for a minute?”
I smile and nod. He throws his shirt on the bed next to where I’m sitting. His bare back is facing me and I really like the view, his skin is the perfect shade of tan and there isn’t a mark on it anywhere, it’s flawless. I can feel the heat rise in my cheeks as his belt lands in the same place his shirt did, then his shoes and socks and just as he starts to undo his jeans he goes into the bathroom.
Have to admit I am a little disappointed, but what should I have expected? Last time he came anywhere near me I put him out for four goddamned hours. No wonder the only thing on his mind is taking a shower. I flop backwards on his bed and stare at the ceiling, guessing it will be a while before he even thinks about touching me again. What was I thinking? Why did I come here? All I’m going to do is cause trouble and possibly kill someone.
Just like Cody. I did that; I ruined his life and his parent’s lives, his friend’s lives, everything is lost and that was my fault. He isn’t dead, but it’s the loss of ‘life’. His life. His bright future. Whatever college he would have gone to, the vacations he would have taken, the girlfriends, his wife, children. Everything. I mean, who’s to say he wouldn’t have found a cure for cancer or figured out how to power the world without killing the planet.
Wonderful, now I feel even worse. I should have just kept out of Logan’s way, never told him anything about me and let him pass me by, like everybody else. My head hurts and I'm so tired. Laying here I can feel sleep take me, and I let it. That way I don’t have to think about how undesirable someone you can’t touch really is.
*****
The gentle feel of fingers brushing thought my hair wakes me up slowly, just how I like it - none of that jumping out of bed crap for me. After a couple moments enjoying the sound of his breathing and the feel of his fingers in my hair I open my eyes. Perfect hazel staring back at me. “Hey.”
He’s lying on the bed next to me, mirroring my position, and I can’t see the rest of him but he’s not wearing a shirt again, which is something I can definitely get used to.
“Was I asleep long?” he touches my hair again and shakes his head. I frown a little at him. “Are you alright? Did something happen?”
“No.”
I sit up and he rolls on his back to look up at me. The look on his face is just sadness and it’s more than a little unsettling. “What?” He looks away, but I have to ask. “Do you want me to leave?”
His eyes snap back to mine. “No!”
He sighs and gets off the bed, the release of his weight on it makes my side spring up a little, and god he is heavy isn’t he? His hands land of the back of his leather desk chair with a bit of a thud and he sighs again before turning to look at me. He’s only wearing jeans and they aren’t even done up, a quick look around shows no towel or any sign that he’s gotten changed. He never got in the shower; he just laid and watched me.
This is how he behaved in my trailer just before he asked me to come with him. What if he’s changed his mind, what if he does want me to leave but he just doesn’t know how to say it? What am I supposed to do without him now? Let’s get this over with, now.
“What is it? You’re acting like you want to say something but you just can’t.”
“I don’t want you to leave. I just…”
“What? There is something going on, you’re scaring me again. Just, oh for god’s sake just say it Logan!” My voice is surprisingly strong considering I just know a huge lump of rejection is coming my way.
“I need to know I can trust you.” His voice is deep and he can’t look at me.
What, is that all? Trust, his senses tell him everything like that don’t they? That’s what I thought. “What do you want me to do? I can only tell you to trust me Logan. I don’t have anything to persuade you with. Is this, is this about my mutation and what it did to you?” Does he really think that I tried to kill him on purpose? Inspecting his shoes is all of a sudden really important, so I guess that’s my answer.
“It was just all too easy Marie and I don’t wanna think…”
I can feel panic coming over me. “I didn’t mean it! It’s never done that before I swear, I don’t know what you want me to say. I have no idea how to make you believe me or understand, god I don’t even understand how the dammed thing works. It, it’s never just flicked on like that before, well once, but that was in the bar and you were….” I back up a little realising my slip. “Never mind, it just doesn’t do it and I…”
He walks towards me backing me up a little, my legs hit the edge of the bed and I stop. I look down at his chest as its filling my vision, further down I can see his fists are balled by his sides. Okay I’m scared now, not scared because he wants me to leave, I am actually scared of him. “When I was in the bar…and?”
“You’re urm, very intimidating when you’re this close. Do you know that, has anyone ever mentioned it before?” I give a nervous laugh. “Bet they haven't, cos, well yeah, no ones gonna mention that if they wanna live… anyways.” Tell him, woman. “Well, um, if you just back up a couple of steps I’ll, I’ll tell you.” He cocks his head to one side like he’s thinking about it and then moves back a couple of steps. His arms cross over his chest and Jesus they look even bigger now.
“Well?”
“The fight night, in the bar. I was watching you. I, I think you knew that though didn’t you? It felt like you knew I was watching you, I couldn’t see your face in the dark, but I just knew.” He slowly closes the gap between us again. “When the other guy hit you, you went down pretty hard. My skin flipped on, I got it under control quick and turned it off, but it flipped on. That’s the only time it had ever done that. Seeing you get hurt just…I dunno.” I shrug and watch his face. “Will you say something already? You must know I'm not lying to you.” He just stares at my face like he’s trying to figure something out. “I can give you my real name, address everything, I'm sure the Professor can…”
“No. It’s okay.” His voice is quieter, softer. “That’s your business, you tell me when you want to, not cos you wanna prove something. You don’t need to prove it. It’s okay.” His hand comes up and touches my cheek. “I'm sorry. You have no idea how hard this is. Everything goes wrong for me Marie, everything. People die around me, people get hurt. It’s easier to just back away from people, things…”
“Don’t back away from me, please. I know everything points to me being some kind of spy or plant, but I’m not.” I touch his arms; his skin is warm under my palms. “I don’t want to hurt you - I don’t wanna hurt anyone, I'm just a normal girl, well not normal normal, but you know what I'm getting at…” I can feel the tears and my emotions bubbling over. I am all of a sudden so scared and so desperate to somehow prove to him who I am. “I'm not gonna let it slip again, I promise, I…”
He gives a little chuckle and pulls me into his chest. “Shh, shh, don’t cry, I know you’re not, its okay. I'm just bitter and paranoid. I’ll get over it.”
Looking up at him I can see the relief in his eyes, he may not trust me completely and something tells me that that might never happen, but he believes me. And that, I can live with. It’s a start, something to work on. Somehow I will make him trust me, even if it’s just a little.
“I am sorry, for everything.” He nods and kisses me, his hand reaching into my hair. Somewhere in my brain I realise that I haven't washed it - or anything else for that matter - in nearly two days. “Don’t. I need that shower.”
“So we’ll take it together.” He takes my hand and leads me slowly towards the bathroom.
******
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Author's Chapter Notes:
Beta by Gidget, thanks honey!!