Title: The Saddest Revelation
Series: Last Call

Rating: PG 13
Verse: Post X3
Summary: Marie figures some things out.
Genre: Angst, Shipper
Disclaimer: I do not own the X-men, Marvel does.

The moon didn’t live up to my high expectations. The dreams had been different but ever present; this time revolving around possibilities and Logan in the moonlight. I woke with a start, my was breathing labored and my heart was pounding. The feeling was so familiar I expected to see the phone ring and Logan’s number to pop up on the screen. It didn’t, of course, and I crawled out of my cocoon and grabbed a bottle of water to take care of the mornings necessities. I ate some fruit and was driving within the half hour.

I didn’t stop in any towns I passed, just ran straight through eating on the road and using up my gas reserves until I felt if I didn’t get gas I would run out before the next opportunity came around. It was three days later. The newer Jeep is much better on gas. I stopped only long enough to fill my tank and gas cans, and grab some more water and food before hitting the road again.

I’d broken down every night since I saw him, and tonight was exactly the same. It’s a week ago today I saw him, and I can’t control myself anymore. It seemed as if the running got to me, and now I’m pullover on the side of the road, I’ve tried to nap, but I couldn’t so now I’m resting. Weariness is setting in; my body is accustomed to more activity, and the emotional drain is too much.

I heard the crinkle again, and I wasn’t getting any sleep so I dug around in the pockets of his jacket. I wore it all the time now. I found it in the left inside pocket, my fingers realized what I was holding before my brain wrapped around it. Folded in quarters, was the drawing of Jean from that night. I’d completely forgotten he’d had one on him, and as I opened the up page I braced myself for the inevitable ripping of my heart in two. Twin emotions of excruciating sadness, so alike yet so different.

My eyes adjusted, and settled on the long smooth lines, I hadn’t realized he drew with charcoal. It was a contrast of shadows and rays of light. She was turned toward a left, half cast in darkness looking forlorn and elated at the same time. Pain shot through my heart, acute in every little detail of the drawing. It was smudged in places, where his fingers had caressed the face, but it was obvious that when he was finished drawing he’d treated it with something to keep the charcoal perfect.

I recognized the setting; it was a bench near the pond on Xavier’s land. It was probably dusk; the trees were in the same type of light arrangement as the figure. I knew the place well. He must have drawn it from memory, because I didn’t think he’d been out there for months, I knew I hadn’t.

Tears were streaming down my face before I’d managed to do anything but breathe one sharp intake of breath. I moved the paper quickly to avoid wetting it with my streaming tears, my heart was beating rapidly. The sobs met my ears and it took me a moment of shock to realize they were coming from me. I couldn’t form coherent thought for some time. It’s very much the same feeling I was expecting. My heart was torn in two, but instead of different types of pain they were exactly alike. One huge pool of despair and fear, complete and utter shame and regret.

I was looking at a drawing of myself.

I awoke with a start and feared a horrible heart rending nightmare. I looked again at the page in my hand and realized with another choked sob that I had cried myself to sleep. I knew I needed to get back on the road, so I took a few minutes to calm down. Attempting some of the meditation that Logan had taught me. After a few more renewed sobs, I managed to calm down enough to drive.

I rolled the windows down and drove slower than the limit. I stopped and bought something minor but memorable at every possible stop between me and the next town. First it was a pair of shiny purple gloves at small gas station. Then it was an opaque forest green scarf at a general store. I went into a bar and bought a glass of milk. I stopped at a strip joint and had a cheeseburger.

I went to every place of business in the first town I came to. I went to the gas station and filled the Jeep, I went to the general store and bought a pretty blouse. I stopped at the diner and got a milkshake, and some sandwiches. Even spent some time at the park eating those sandwiches. I spoke to as many people as possible; trying to leave a trail so wide even an elephant couldn’t miss it. They didn’t have a hotel, so I had to move on.

When I arrived at the first town with a hotel, again with the same stopping and buying routine, it was with a fearful and heavy heart. I was elated and mournful at the same time. I’ll bet I was replica of the drawing I had flattened out and placed between the pages of the Road Atlas. I went to the general store and bought a large envelope, slipping the picture inside it. My fingers shook as I checked into the hotel. I asked the man for an extra key. When he gave it to me I slid it into the envelope and sealed it.

“It there anything else you need miss?” For the past 4 weeks I had been barely speaking to anyone, living out of my jeep and alone in my head. I still started every time someone directed conversation at me. 

I looked into his eyes for a second before replying. “Yeah, I’ll be expecting company. When a man named Logan comes asking for something at the front desk, give him this. Also, I’m not sure how long I’ll be staying. Until he gets here I guess.” I darted a look around, suddenly uncomfortable; fear, worry, and confusion slipping its fingers around my heart.

He studied me for a second, before speaking. “There will be an extra fee if someone is staying in the room.”

“Fine, but I don’t know when he’ll be here, so... Just charge it when he gets here, ok?” I was edgy; I needed a bath and some tea to calm my nerves. He nodded at that and made a notation on the appointment planner laid out in front of him.

“Well, you’re all set. I’ve made a note of that. You can reach your room by…” he told me how to get to my room, and I was thankful to again have a bottom floor room with a parking space right in front. I made quick work of bringing my things inside, and dug out a small box of tea. I heated some water in the microwave and sipped it while I filled the drawers with my things.

An hour later, I was freshly washed, all my things were put away, and I was considerably calmer. I didn’t cry under the cover of the water. I dressed and found my way to the diner, it wasn’t until I was seated and being waited on until I realized I was back in the town with the redheaded waitress. I must have really gotten turned around. I hadn’t seen her, so she must not have been working. 

A black haired waitress I remembered from my previous visit brought me a Turkey Club and a tall glass of soda; I tried to pull her into conversation when she came back around to check to make sure I had everything I needed. “Were you working here about a week and a half ago, when a dark haired guy came through on a motorcycle?”

She tilted her head to the side, thinking over what I’d asked for a few seconds. “I think I know who you’re talking about. Dark hair, pretty eyes, needs a shave, really handsome in that heartbroken walking pain kinda way?”

I visibly flinched at her words. “Yeah, that’s him. Did he stick around?”

She eyed me carefully, before answering. “For a bit yeah, he came in and had a big lunch. Then took off on that bike. Looks like he’s been on the road a bit. So do you, for that matter, you all running from each other?”

I sighed and got a little more heartbroken at the pain I’d caused him. My eyes were downcast, staring into my French Fries while I answered. “Were. Now I’m waiting for him to catch up.” She nodded then, and walked away. I finished my food and went back to the hotel. It was late, and I needed sleep.

When I got back to my room I flipped open the throw away cell I had bought and typed out a text to Logan. It was simple and to the point. I knew it was pointless for me to try to find him, I had to wait it out. He’d figure out where I was. I typed out my message.

“You did smell me that night. I did drive off like a bat out of hell. Come back to that hotel. Go to the check in desk. There’s something there for you. After that, Room 105.”

I went to sleep clinging to his jacket that night, and the next two nights.

I had been slipping a little deeper into despair for the last two days. I hadn’t thought I’d done that well of a job of loosing him. Maybe he didn’t have his X-Cell on him. Maybe he did and he didn’t care. Maybe he’d changed his mind. Maybe my huge mistake had altered everything. Maybe he didn’t want me anymore.

My mind was reeling from all the horrible possibilities as I drifted into sleep.

I was brought fully awake by something metallic and suddenly the jiggling of the door lock had my attention. Someone was using a ring of keys to try to open the door. It couldn’t be Logan, he would only have the choice of one key. I racked my brain to try to remember who I’d spoken too this afternoon when I’d renewed the room and checked on Logan’s package.

I grabbed the jacket and pulled it on, took hold of the baseball bat I’d kept in my Jeep for self defense which had been recently relocated to under the blankets directly behind me, and slipped off the mattress. My bare feet made no sound as I tiptoed across the carpet. I immediately regretted wearing a nightgown to bed instead of sleep pants. It wasn’t until I was safely locked in the bathroom, that I remembered who’d been at the desk that afternoon.

It was the same man who’d checked me in days ago. Which meant someone else was at the desk. I was so scared when I heard the room door open that I could barely grasp the bat when I climbed backward into the tub. I heard the angry exclamation and the grumbling when whoever it was realized I wasn’t in the room, and I heard him walk heavily toward the bathroom door and shook the handle. My heart skyrocketed into the stratosphere because I knew the lock on this door was nowhere near a sturdy as the one on the main door.

He could easily have broken the lock, but apparently he had a key for that too. When the door opened I swung the bat at him, and he easily caught it in his hand and tossed it behind him, into the darkened room. I screamed.

As hard as I fought the fear it began to overwhelm me. The state of my already battered emotions sent me over the edge and into sheer paranoia. I fought and kicked and screamed and hoped like hell that someone would hear me. I landed a really good kick to his groin, which bought me the thrilling pleasure of being backhanded into the rim of the sink. The world went black.

A hazy flash of the past three years since I’d known Logan flashed across my closed eyelids. Suddenly his scent was overpowering, and I couldn’t control the tearing sobs that crashed though my body. I sank further into his jacket and begged for the world to swallow me whole. I couldn’t wake up into another nightmare, and I didn’t want to be in this exquisitely painful dream any longer.

“Shhh, baby. It’s ok.” My heart flew into overdrive and my eyes snapped open. I couldn’t believe he was here, here with me. And I wasn’t in some horrible nightmare. I looked up into his golden eyes and when I finally, finally, allowed myself to really believe what was going on, I went from lying meekly in his arms to launching at him, my arms wrapping around his neck.

I tried speaking, but the sobs weren’t helping anything and it was a mumbled jumble of apologies and pleads and thankfulness. I sobbed into his neck and cried all over his shoulder for a good five minutes before I as managed to calm down enough to speak. He was an ever calming presence the entire time, rubbing my back and murmuring into my ear.

“You smell so good,” I whispered at him. “I’ve missed it so much. You coat barely smells like you anymore. It’s just really faint right here at the collar. Mostly it smells like me now.” I snuggled deeper into his embrace and gripped him tightly. “I’m sorry,” I said. “I didn’t know, I thought…”

“Shhh… sleep. You need it right now. It’s been a rough night.” He pulled the jacket off of me and pulled the blankets over us. His voice settled like velvet over me, smooth and soft, and little gruff. I drifted into sleep, but right before I settled into the quiet protection of Logan’s arms, I jerked awake.

“Where is he?” I asked, my voice quivering. I had been in the middle of dreamland and wakefulness when I remembered in vivid detail my attacker. “The clerk” I nearly shouted frantic, “Logan, where did he go, is he coming back?”

He growled low and soft. It was like a purr very soothing, and his hands roamed over me, calming me down considerably. “The police took him away. I knocked him out, and someone had already called the police because of your screaming. Or he’d be dead. I had just opened the package you left for me at the front desk when I heard you. I dropped everything and ran here. You got him good, and had just hit the floor when I got here.”

He leaned down and kissed the top of my head. Then he brushed his lips over my eyelids and I settled back down on his chest. I took in the sound of his heart beat, loud and clear, and wished we’d be able to work everything out.

“We’ll have to go down to the station tomorrow for a bit, don’t worry about that now. Sleep.” I did. Luckily I wouldn’t have to worry about nightmares, but I did wonder why my head didn’t hurt nearly as much as it should.