Jiggling her leg as she sat on Hank’s couch in his office Rogue glanced at the wall clock for the tenth time confirming that both her and Logan had been sitting in silence for over a half n hour.
Casting an annoyed glance at him as he sat across her in a chair, with some magazine in his hand that she knew he wasn’t reading.
Exhaling a burst of air she stood up and made for the door.
“Where do you think you’re going?”
“I’m going to go upstairs and hang out with Wanda and them,” she responded tightly.
“No you’re not.”
“Really?” she hissed and turned around to face him. “You don’t want to be here any more then I do.”
Tossing the magazine on the desk he sat back in the chair.
“You will wait and see how the procedure is going. What happens to Stacy X affects you.”
Tapping her foot, she ran a hand through her hair and proceeded to sit back down across from him.
“Try to be less tense then,” she blurted out. “You’re driving me crazy.”
Tilting his head in a motion she’d come to recognize as more of a Wolverine reflex his harsh stare finally focused on her.
She waited but he remained quiet. The silence was suddenly un-nerving as he hardly blinked.
“I just mean,” she started slowly. “I know things haven’t been pleasant but ever since, ever since in the motel with her…and….” she drifted off. “You’ve been,” she paused again searching for the correct words. “Keyed up,” she finished hesitantly.
A feral smirk grew on his face and she thought perhaps she’d finally crossed a line in acknowledging something.
“So are you,” he responded in a low voice.
She was quiet as she observed the sudden stillness to his body, a tautness she’d learned long ago to recognize that he was in a more feral state.
“So what do you want to do about it?” she snapped lightly. “Have sex?”
His nostrils flared but he didn’t say anything.
“Didn’t think so,” she muttered and went back to glancing at the clock.
“You sound sad,” he mocked suddenly, his voice drawing her out of the silence.
Quickly, she snapped her head around and glared at him.
“Not in the least.”
He was still smirking but his eyes grew dark even as they appeared to shine. She could sense that they were getting into dangerous territory but she was too stubborn to listen to the warning signs.
“Don’t lie darlin’,” he drawled and she ignored what the tone of his gravely voice did to her. “I can smell you.”
Raising one eyebrow at him she leant forward. “My ability to call on your gift my come and go but did you forget sugah,” she drawled back. “I can smell you too,” she finished by tapping her noise. “Not as strong but its there.”
His expression changed subtly, not so much a frown but she could tell by the small line in between his eyebrows she’d caught him off guard.
Sitting back she waited for him to respond and when he didn’t she opened her mouth again. “So we’ve clarified that we both want each other but it doesn’t change a thing, does it?”
His head ticked to the side. “What do you mean?”
“It means, you hate me and as much as you’re here collecting on a promise you made long ago, you’re not going to mix pleasure with business not when you have the lines drawn so clear.”
Glancing at the floor briefly he slowly met her gaze.
“You got it all figured out don’tcha.”
She shrugged.
“If I hated yah, Rogue I wouldn’t be here, so at least smarten up about that. You should know that much,” he voiced bitterly.
Her eyes widened a little in response. “Angry then?”
Leaning forward his eyes focused on hers. “Hell of a lot of anger.”
She smirked defensively and she knew he could sense her sudden hesitation. She’d shown a weakness in her wall and he was picking up on it. She actually cared to know how he felt and now she’d shown her hand.
Regarding her for a moment, she knew he was observing her, watching for a crack in her façade. The conversation was suddenly to close for comfort, because the questions she’d always seen behind his eyes, since she’d left him all that time ago and since she’d woken up were suddenly shining open in his gaze and any minute now they’d be moving out of his mouth.
“Why don’t you say sorry?”
Blinking twice she glanced at him in confusion. “What?”
“Sorry for what you did. What you did to me.”
Pretending to pick off a piece of lint from her pants she looked away. “There’s no point,” she responded hating the way her voice suddenly sounded frail in comparison to his.
“It ain’t pride that’s keeping you from saying it, I know that much. I thought it was but then,” he paused as he reached into his jacket and pulled out her letter. “I read this and as much as it doesn’t make much sense, you finish it clear as day with you saying sorry.” He looked down at the letter as he opened it. “I’m sorry, Logan. Sorry for everything. Marie.”
Her voice caught in her throat as she watched the way he cradled the letter.
“Means you care. You’re not the total heartless bitch you pretend to be.” Carefully he put the letter back in his pocket. “Was it easier to say sorry when you knew you were going to die?”
“I didn’t know I was going to die,” she answered truthfully. “Despite what you think, I did not and do not have a death wish.”
Nodding his head once, his eyes were still locked on hers. She felt trapped.
“Then why’s it so hard now, to say it out loud? Don’t you think I deserve that much?”
She blinked twice as her eye sight became blurry but she refused to have herself break down in front of him.
“Why don’t you say sorry?” he repeated. When she didn’t answer he sighed loudly and she knew he was growing more agitated. “Why don’t…”
“Because,” snapped, her voice trembling a little but growing steadier as she finally acknowledge him. “Because I know it’s not going to mean anything. It’s not going to change anything. Not with you. You don’t get second chances with the Wolverine.”
“A second chance?” he whispered.
“Forgiveness isn’t a part of your world, Logan.”
He watched her steadily even as her eyes watered. “I know enough to know I don’t deserve your forgiveness.”
Growling suddenly he stood up out of his chair and paced in front of her.
“God damn it Marie,” he snarled. Pacing again his feral gaze locked on her. “Of course I’m angry and…” he cut himself off as he snarled suddenly and cracked his neck and began to pace again. Abruptly he stopped in front of her and towered over her.
“I know all this relationship crap is complicated,” he began quietly. “But I never stopped wanting you and as much as I tried I could never change that.”
Leaning in his eyes became more focused. “You have no idea how hard it’s been.”
“You have no idea what the animal in me wants to do with you.”
She swallowed dryly and he was distracted by the spike of fear she gave off. Backing up he turned around. “That side of me wants to punish you some how and the man in me wants to run and I can’t…”
Whirling around again he faced her. “It’s not about forgiveness, it’s about re-education.”
“You betrayed me.”
“I know,” she whispered.
“You betrayed us.”
She nodded slowly.
“And as fucked up as it sounds that part of me wants to take you away, wants to break you down and re-build you so you’d never be able to do it again but I don’t want to be like that….I don’t want to be that type of man. I never tried to control you, if that’s what you think.”
“I never wanted to. I wanted to protect you. I wanted to protect what was mine. What was ours.”
“I know,” she whispered again. The palms of her hands were pressed against her eyes. “You’re a good man, Logan.”
“It was never going to be full of flowers and candies, Rogue. It was never going to be about that. There was always a part of this that was dark and primal. You were my mate. They all thought I was going to be the one to mess it up, but it was you. They thought I didn’t understand what it meant to be in such a relationship. I was committed. You knew that, you knew beyond any of them what us being together meant. But maybe they were right; maybe you were just too young to understand. But don’t pretend you weren’t aware of the promise you made to me when you gave yourself freely to me and in return I’d simply done the same.”
“Oh god,” she breathed as she felt the silent tears fall down her face.
“And now I’ve just been fighting inside me on what I want. Because yes I know there’s no solid trust there anymore, but you, you’ve just given up. Decided everything for the both of us.”
“What are you saying?”
He stood still with his back towards her again. “I’m saying I want you but I don’t trust you.”
“Isn’t that just all the same then,” she shuddered.
“Marie…”
“You deserve to be happy, Logan.”
He frowned at the sound of her teeth chattering. Turning around his eyes widened in shock and she glanced up at him in surprise.
“What?”
“Shit, Marie,” he gasped as he cupped her face. His thumb brushed against the tears that had fallen but instead of water he removed the ice that had formed on her face.
She convulsed slightly. Reaching down he trailed his fingers across her one hand that was becoming blue, solid ice, much like they had both seen Bobby do a thousand times.
“Stay with me,” he urged as he shrugged his jacket off and searched for the vials. Getting the shot ready he glanced at her in concern.
“Pretty shitty time to have a physical breakdown,” she trembled.
“You just had to put the spotlight back on you, didn’t yah darlin’.”
She tried to smile but found she couldn’t as she trembled again.
Rolling up her sleeve he frowned when her whole arm was iced up.
“Fuck.”
Reaching over to her other arm he quickly rolled it up, already aware of the fact that the top of her shoulder was icing up.
Jabbing the needle in she jerked but he held her down as he injected it all. Slowly, she sank against the couch as he removed the needle. Breathing deeply she tried to focus as the ice began to disappear.
“If this is the reaction I get every time I try and talk about something, it ain’t fair.”
In response her lips twitched into a small smile. Sighing deeply, she felt her head grow heavy. Focusing she opened her eyes. She could feel the high slowly creeping up on her as her body relaxed and the sudden mutation receded, but her eyes still glistened as she fought to focus on him.
“I am sorry you know,” she whispered.
Finding her eyes heavy she closed them and felt his finger briefly brush away one of her bangs. Opening her eyes once more she licked her lips.
“But we both know you haven’t gotten the answers you’re looking for.”
Abruptly, she felt herself un-able to focus and she slumped against him.
His strong hands moved her to lie across the whole couch.
“Incredible timing as always,” he remarked and she smirked through her haze.
Rolling her head to the side she spotted his blurry form at the edge of her vision.
“You can’t forgive me,” she whispered breathless. “I don’t forgive myself.”
If he responded she didn’t know as she drifted off to sleep but she could feel the weight of his warm hand on her back.
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