No Secrets
She clasped her shivering hand with his. His hand was warm and steady. There was no hesitation in his eyes.
“Are you sure about this?” She asked.
“It’s time to get things straight between us. No more lurking in the bushes. I need you to trust me if we are going to stick together,” he said, reaching with his other hand, tucking a strand of stray hair behind her ear.
She opened the connection. She had time to hear Logan’s pained gasp, and then he was pouring in to her. Steady flow of feelings and memories. At first she tried to sort them out, but finally gave up. There was so much of it. She could do it later. Instead she concentrated to feelings that filtered to the top of his thoughts. There was loneliness. Anger. Suspicion. Longing. Hate. Hurt. Grief. Fear. Then sudden emptiness. She tried to let go of his hand. His fingers curled around hers tighter. Something was coming. She could feel it. Something wild and feral, approaching rapidly. She renewed her efforts to break their connection. Her mind was a jumbled mess. She couldn’t concentrate enough to turn off her skin. Logan’s other hand, now trembling, grasped firm hold from her hair and pulled her face close to his.
“Stop fucking around. You need to know,” he ground out through gritted teeth. Then his lips brushed hers and they were kissing. She stood in the snow, in the middle of nowhere, next to his beat up camper, dressed to her thick, green cloak, and he was kissing her, hands cupping her face, warm, hard body pushing her against the side of the camper, and there was only love and caring.
When he came back to his senses Marie was sitting on the other side of the campfire, deep frown on her face. He sat up slowly, still feeling a little woozy.
“Got what you need?” He asked, hating the way he sounded, but he simply had no energy for the small talk. She nodded.
“Good. I’ll go to bed. After you sort it out, do what you have to do,” he said and crawled to the tent on his hands and knees. He fell asleep in a matter of seconds.
Images of him with a tiny baby. Changing diapers. Baby grasping his hand with chubby fingers. Strong, protective feeling.
Rage. Clawed hand hovering over the sleeping toddler. Child sucking her thumb and reaching for the hand in her sleep. Claws retreating before she hurts herself.
Little older child. Long hair. His hands braiding it. Fire crackling in the background. Hint of sadness and worry.
Anger. Shame. Frustration.
“Daddy! Look what I can do!” Giggling. Lots of giggles.
“Hang on. I don’t want you to fall off.”
“Faster! Faster, daddy!” A swing. Small, fragile back under his palms.
“Why can’t I go? Please, daddy, let me go! I want to see other people!” Hurting now. Sudden urge to tell her to leave but can’t. Have to protect. That was the deal. Can’t mess this up now.
Fear.
Failure. Failed her for the second time. Aislin’s gone. Shouldn’t have let her go.
Lost. Alone and lost. No reason to live. No reason to die.
NotMarieNotMarieNotMarie!ShutUp!
First cut across her stomach. Not too deep, don’t want to kill her too fast. Maybe little scratches over her breasts, too. Just deep enough to make her bleed. But first have to cut off her hair. Can’t have her looking like her. That’s a no-no. Have enough nightmares as it is, thank you. Could of course fuck with her before I start. Wonder how she would react?
Shut up!
… Marie?…
Have to make her better. Can’t fuck this up now. Have to make it work. Come on, kid! Wake up! Don’t you dare to die on me now!
MARIE!
Relief.
She pinched the bridge of her nose. Sorting out the mess that was his head was giving her a headache. She had gotten everything to the right chronological order. Now only question was should she open that can of worms, or just rely to the last image he had sent her.
He woke up when she entered. Instead of going straight to her own sleeping bag she cuddled next to him.
“Some things I didn’t quite comprehend. There were some… Some things you could have left out,” she said, fiddling with the buttons of his shirt, avoiding his gaze.
“I wanted you to know everything. There shouldn’t be secrets between us. Not anymore,” he said, pulling her closer and wrapping his arm around her. She allowed it and laid her head on his chest.
“There were many things I liked. And I’m so sorry for what I put you through. If I had known about your feelings…” She started, but he hushed her.
“You chose Bobby. That’s long gone now. At first I was so fucking jealous I wanted to skewer him, but when I saw how happy you were… I learned to accept it. Raising Aislin opened my eyes for good. You know, she once asked me why didn’t I tell you how do I feel.”
“You said you thought you didn’t have the right to do that.”
“Yeah. And I didn’t. But I think now I have that right. I love you, Marie.” She scooted higher until she could see him face-to-face, and pressed soft kiss on his lips.
“And I love you. But honey? I have a headache. Can we go to sleep?”
He woke up when something soft and warm touched his lips. He didn’t open his eyes, but tightened his hold around her and answered to her kiss, deepening it. This was what he had dreamed for years. Waking next to her, holding her. His hands started to roam over her body, hesitantly.
“Good morning,” she whispered when they finally broke their kiss and he opened his eyes. His hands had settled to her waist, and he was just staring at her.
“Say something.” She started to get uncomfortable under his gaze. Instead of talking he rolled them over, ending on top of her and lowered his head to another, more heated kiss.
His heart was hammering in his chest. His whole body was trembling. He couldn’t remember last time he was this nervous.
“Marie, I…” She hushed him placing one delicate finger to his lips.
“I want this. I know you want this.”
“Yeah. I’m just not sure what to do. What do you want? Talk to me. Tell me what to do,” he nearly pleaded. She wrapped her legs around his waist and pulled his head closer, nibbling his lower lip gently.
“I want you to put all those fantasies I got from you to good use. You can forget gloves and scarves, we don’t need those anymore, but…”
“I don’t need fantasies when I got you,” Logan whispered, rolling over again so that she was straddling him. She placed her hands on his chest, and for a moment they just stayed there.
“We probably should get up and get going. I don’t want to go further with you, not here, not now.” He finally broke the silence.
“Awww… First you get the girl all worked up, and then dump her? Way to go, lover boy!” Marie giggled and slid off from him. Logan smiled sheepishly.
“It has been a while. Couple of decades. I want us to take things slowly. We have time. With them messing up your mutation we have forever. And my idea of our first time doesn’t involve tent and cold water to wash up afterwards. At my cabin, if it still stands, I have a bed. There’s bathtub. There’s kitchen and fireplace. Real walls and roof above our head.”
“You really have given some thought for this, have you?” Marie smiled, her heart fluttering in her chest. Logan’s smile faltered a bit, and he coughed and cleared his throat.
“First time I thought about you, about us like this, happened when we sat in my camper. You asked me about my claws. Did they hurt when they came out. So, yeah… I have given some thought for this.”
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