We were each other's miracle.
I guess that's one way of puttin' it. It's weird though. Never believed in the damn things, yet I spent so long lookin' for one. Sleepless nights, restless days. Days which turned to weeks and months and years. Never knowin' who I was, not knowin' where I came from, if Logan was even my real name… it was hard. Marie always knew who she was, even if she never wanted to admit it.
I always call her Marie. Never could say `Rogue' with a straight face. Poor kid was so messed up when her powers first appeared. Who could blame her? Couldn't touch no one, not without hurtin' `em. Even messed me up pretty good for a while. Her powers… well, they made things difficult. Had to wear those horrible gloves all the time, even in the middle of summer. At first, wouldn't let no one near her even. Emotionally or physically. Got over that after a while. Bobby was good to her. If he hadn't been I would ripped him to shreds, and as the kid's still standing he musta done something right. It wound itself down though. Those things… they always do.
Like me and Jeannie. Jeannie… Jeannie was… well, she's a great woman, and that's the best I can think of. Just a good person. Loves Scott, and he loves her too. Can't remember why I tried to break `em up. Boredom? Because I had to be the Alpha male? Dunno. Got over it after a time, though I'll never stop flirtin' with her,even though the gray's startin' to show at her temples and she has less and less time for me. Jeannie's tired. They all are. Christ, soon enough we'll be opening up the X-Men Retirement Home.
We fought, we all did. Never let anyone say we didn't do everything we could. We did all of it and more. We gave everything. Lives, loves, hopes, dreams, chances at happiness or of a normal life. Not that many of us coulda had that, but we gave it up just the same.
The Institute's still here. The Professor died a few years back,left it in a trust and put Slim in charge. Big surprise there eh? He does well enough. Still teaches English. Hank, math and science. Ororo and Jean take care of the kids. Remy, to my everlasting shame, handles art.
The originals all survived. Wings is still around somewhere. Bobby's livin' in New York. They come visit now and then, bringin' new kids. We get lotsa of `em each week. There's a sister school in London, one up in Canada too. We're workin' on getting more. Muties almost outpopulate regular humans now. Ain't that a kick?
But me and Marie… I never knew what she was to me. Gave her my tags as a present, sort of a `Here, take these and get off my back, kid'. Then she grew up on me. Looked like a woman but never could be. Not really. She knew it too. Every time I looked at her, every time she looked at me lookin' at her. We both knew what we couldn't say.
The thing was… everyone always knew if she got together with anyone it would be me. `Cause of my healing power. She could touch me for a while. And every time she did, she could do it a little longer without hurting me. Course every time she did that she got a little more of me in her head. And I got a little more of her in mine. Things got… a little less feral. Less… dark, I guess. I didn't smile more. I didn't crack jokes with the Iceman or sit around and chat it up with Ororo. I never let up on Scott, and I didn't let Jubes get away with any of her shit either. But my bad times… the nightmares, came less and less. And Marie… Marie got a little stronger, a little tougher. I passed a few of my nightmares onto her, but she never complained, not once.
We used to watch the stars together. I liked knowin' that I was small. Sometimes. Knowin' that I didn't really make a difference in the big scheme of things. Sometimes it was good not to have to worry what you did, because in a hundred years, what difference would it make? Would it matter that I wasn't it town on Marie's birthday or that I gave her a gift anyway? Would it matter that I kissed Marie that night, and that it didn't hurt? That each night after that we kissed for longer, that each day I held her, longer and longer and longer until it just didn't hurt anymore? Would we make a difference?
Only to each other.
Things changed. Everything fades and shifts now and I don't know where I stand. That's all right. I've been in this world too long. Cyke and I even got a deal. Marie dies… that's when I do too. Figure he's the only one who can take me down with this healing power. Slim's eye beams without those glasses are lethal. Even for me I think.
But with any luck that's a few years yet. More than a few. But yeah… lonely miracle. We were two people that shoulda been alone. Shoulda. But we got each other instead. Marie still can't touch anyone else for very long. Bobby and Remy for a few seconds each, not that she does. Still can't take any chances. Cautious Marie. Sometimes I wonder if that's the only reason she's with me. Because I can touch her. Why would someone so gentle, so beautiful, so goddamn fragile be with me? I love her… but sometimes, I wonder, does she love me?
And then I look at the stars and realize… it's not really important. We're together, whether by choice or design. Lovin' her's a bonus. In a hundred years, will it matter? Don't think so. We'll be the nameless, the faceless. The one's whose story falls between the cracks and loses its voice. Getting kinda poetic in my old age aren't I?
*Sigh* Each other's miracle though. We got someone to spend our lives with. Maybe sometime she hates that I disappear for a week. Maybe she sometimes resents that I can touch anyone I want. I know sometimes I hate her for leaving Remy in Antarctica. I sometimes hate that she stole my memories, that she has Magneto and Creed and a dozen other people in little patches of her head. I hate that she's growing old, that one day she will die. But I can't hate the fact she spends every night in my bed, that every morning in the mansion I wake up next to her.
I can't hate my miracle, even if I don't believe in her sometimes.
Lonely Miracles
by Vertical Horizon,
It's taking much too long
To get it right
Would it be so wrong
To maybe find someone
A miracle
And all you really need
Is everything
You could never be
And so you give it all
For a miracle
Is there a trace
Inside her face
Of a lonely miracle
And so you wait
And lie awake
For lonely miracles
You never really know
What it is
Not until it goes
And if it comes again
It's a miracle
But what you miss is love
And everything
Below and up above
And could she bring it all
A miracle
Is there a trace
Inside her face
Of a lonely miracle
And so you wait
And lie awake
For lonely miracles
All you wanted was a
All you needed was a miracle
A miracle
All you wanted was a
All you needed was a miracle
A miracle
It's taking so long
To get it right
Could it be so wrong
To maybe find someone
A miracle
Is there a trace
Inside her face
Of a lonely miracle
And so you wait
And lie awake
For lonely miracles
A miracle
A miracle
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