They drove back to the motel. Logan was puffing his cigar, Rogue mulling over his words. Was it really like that? Did Logan feel like he was forced to spend time with her at home? And if he felt like that, why had he volunteered when she had asked him to spend even more time with her? And what did he mean when he said that they had to act certain way with each other?
“I… I want to ask you something…” She ventured when Logan parked the car in front of the motel.
“Go ahead.”
“There’s something I don’t understand… If you feel like you have to spend time with me… Doesn’t that mean that you don’t want to do that?” She asked, already fearing the worst. And when Logan didn’t answer immediately she started to have second thoughts. Would she really like to hear his answer?
“No. Shit. That is… No. I do want to spend time with you, I do. Just not the way everybody thinks we should,” he finally said. Then seemed to think about it for few minutes.
“When they look at us, they see you. They have gotten an idea that you have some sort of fucking crush on me. And they see me. Like some sort of guardian for you. I think…”
Her cheeks started reddening. People weren’t necessarily wrong in their assessment of the situation. Was Logan really that oblivious?
“I think both parts may be true. Up to some point. But there has got to be more than that. And I want to find out what it is, because the way the things are developing back home… We can’t have any kind of life of our own if we settle in to those roles.”
She was red as a beet already. And it looked like Logan wasn’t finished yet. At this rate she’d pop an artery soon.
“If you… If you like me that way… It’s okay. I’m fine with that. And I want you to know that I’ll always be there for you…”
Her heart was hammering so loud that she was dead on sure Logan would soon ask her to tune down the noise. She wasn’t sure of which was more embarrassing. Logan knowing about her crush on him, or him being ‘fine’ with it.
“I just want you to know something. This thing… What we have going on, I think it’s more than what people make it to be. I’m not going to go all mushy and stuff, I’m no good at that kind of things…”
Logan rambled on. Didn’t he see that she was already down? Did he have to kick her for good measure as well? She tried not to listen anymore. Perhaps she could forget this whole deal if she tried hard enough? Perhaps…
“I love you,” he suddenly blurted.
She fled from the truck. Out of all things to say he just had to choose those words. He just had to choose the shortest route, easiest way to placate a silly little girl who thought that she was in love with him. She ran through the night, tears streaming down her reddened cheeks, anger and fear warring over reign of her emotions. And of course she didn’t get far. Not far enough before Logan caught her and forced her to stop, forced her to look at him. And he seemed to be every bit as embarrassed as she.
“Say something! If you don’t like it, tell me to stop! Tell me to leave you alone if I’m wrong, if everybody’s wrong and you don’t love me after all; tell me to get the fuck out of your life!”
Of course he chose anger out of all the options on the emotional stray. He didn’t do fear. And that spurred on equal response from her. She could feel it simmering somewhere deep, surfacing fast.
“I can’t tell you to get the fuck away from me! I have loved you as far as I can remember!”
It came out all wrong. She hadn’t mean to shout it at his face like an insult, but it came out sounding like the worst kind there was. Like her love for him was something she hated with passion. Anger in his eyes rose tenfold, then slowly ebbed, giving way to resignation.
“Fine. We better go and get some sleep. We’ll be leaving early tomorrow,” he grunted, let go of her and turned around. Walked back to the motel, his whole posture screaming of disappointment.
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