Rogue smiled with pleasure as the hot sun beat down upon her upturned face, enjoying the way the bright light shone through her closed eyelids. The fresh scent of pine and the rich smell of the marshy soil teased her nose with their familiarity. Nearby she could her the river burbling, almost sounding like a gurgling chuckle and a sigh escaped her lips; she was home.
"It's beautiful here Rogue," Charles said truthfully and Rogue opened her eyes to peer up at him. He sat on a large boulder overlooking the river, his blue eyes drinking in the sights of the heavy growth of vegetation around them and the large body of water stretching out before them as the sun slowly began it's decent in the sky. In the distance a whippoorwill awaiting the oncoming night let loose its mournful cry while a playful breeze rustled the leaves in the trees, causing a handful of small flowers from a tupelo tree to scatter on the ground where Rogue sat.
"Ain't it though? Mos' folks think of a swamp as a bad thing, somethin' ugly. Nobody really sees how amazin' it is in it's own way." Rogue replied, a fond smile curving her lips as she surveyed the tranquility of the place surrounding her. "When ah was growin' up, ah actually made that ol' beaten path behind us from all the times ah use to come out here to get away."
At Charles' curious look, she shrugged nonchalantly and continued easily, "See, one day when ah was little girl and mah Daddy was in one o' his tempers, ah made the mistake o' makin' too much noise while he was takin' a nap." At this, Rogue paused momentarily, a bitter look entering her far away eyes. Charles saw it and immediately reached for her hand, grasping it tightly in his own as Rogue went on.
"Anyway, ah got a nasty lickin' for that, so ah jus'... ran. Ah ran into the woods and kept on goin', an' didn't stop til ah got here. Ah was so tired an' sore that ah just collapsed. Ah had never felt so sorry fo' mahself, but once ah lifted mah head an' looked aroun', it was jus' so pretty here ah forgot ah wanted to cry. Ever since then, every time ah was feelin' blue or jus' wanted to daydream, ah would come here."
Charles nodded in understanding though his blue eyes were sad. "You've had a hard time in life, haven't you?" he ask, going on before she could reply. "I wish I could have been there for you somehow. Your father..."
"It doesn't matter anymore," Rogue quickly interjected, seeing the anger in his eyes as he contemplated her childhood. "Blood doesn't make a family. Love does. Ah learned that when you an' the others took me in."
Drawing in a deep breath, Charles gave her hand another squeeze before a teasing light entered his eyes as he studied the majestic scenery around them once more. "So this is where your mind would go to during every one of your classes with me. Honestly, were my lectures so boring?"
"O' course not!" Rogue laughingly protested. "It's jus' after Erik, ah pretty much knew everything ya taught. Also if ah got too absorbed in what ya were sayin', sometime's ol' Buckethead would get get a little restless. Seems y'all have some differin' views on certain things." She shrugged, batting her eyelashes innocently at him. "Guess ah didn't wanna make a scene in the classroom. Y'know, start screamin' atcha an' whatnot."
Charles laughed softly and placed one hand over her head as she leaned against his legs from where she sat on the ground next to him. A part of her worried that she would ruin her pretty yellow dress from the marshy floor, but mostly she just couldn't bring herself to care. Momma always said ah was givin' her grey hairs from the amount o' dresses ah'd ruined from playin' in the mud. Guess some things never change, Rogue thought in amusement while the sun painted the sky with a multitude of brilliant shades of scarlet. Everything was so perfect, so peaceful; she never wanted the moment to end.
"Thank you for sharing this with me Rogue," Charles spoke suddenly, looking down to meet Rogue's eyes. "I know you value your secrets and guard them carefully. Allowing me to see this... I'm honoured."
Rogue blushed as she toyed with a leaf, touched that he appreciated it so much. Clearing her throat, she dropped the now-mangled leaf and pointed to a stout tree a bit further up the river bank. "See that ol' oak tree down yonder?" she asked while Charles nodded affirmatively. "Me an' Cody, we used to - "
"Cody and I," he corrected absent-mindedly with the air of long habit.
"Cody an' ah, Professor," Rogue continued, a playful look in her eyes while Charles merely smiled indulgently at her snarky tone. "We used to have a rope hung on that big branch over the water, that ya could swing on then let go once you're in the right spot." She laughed nostalgically. "Cody would get me so darn mad! Ah'd go on it an' he'd be yellin' at me, 'girl, whatcha doin' on that rope? That there's a boy's rope!' An' ah'd holler right back at him, 'no it ain't Cody! This is a girl's rope jus' as much as a boy's!' We always used to fight like an ol' married couple, even when we was jus' bitin' ankles."
Charles laughed along with her for a few moments, before he sighed regretfully as he lightly tapped the top of Rogue's head with a milkweed flower. She looked up at him, her happy smile falling from her face when she saw his expression. Seeing her questioning stare, he told her simply, "It's time for you to go back now."
Rogue quickly looked down at her knees; she had known this was coming, but it still hurt. "Ah don't wanna leave ya," she mumbled, fighting the tears that were already welling in her eyes even as she rose to her feet.
Charles remained seated on the boulder and he raised one hand to flick a tear from her cheek. "We'll see each other again," he promised earnestly. "You may not recognize me, not at first. But you'll know me."
"How?" Rogue cried out in distress, worried that he was wrong, that she wouldn't know him while Charles laughed at her worry as he gave her a gentle push towards the well-worn footpath that lead out of the woods.
"You'll know," he replied, staring at her fondly as she walked backwards, unable to turn away from him yet. "Go on now. Our time has reached an end, and the others are waiting for you."
Rogue hesitated at the foot of the path, a question dancing on the tip of her tongue before she finally blurted out, "Do...do ah make ya proud Charles?"
His familiar blue eyes bored into hers as she stood trembling in the dying sunlight, needing his love and approval so much but so scared that she fell short. An image of her real father entered her eyes, with his braying voice and heavy fists; he had never been proud of her. Had never even wanted her.
Charles smiled at her then, a warm and loving smile that answered her question before he even opened his mouth.
"Always, my Rogue. Always."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Rogue awoke to the persistent beep of a heart monitor and a raging thirst. Keeping her eyes closed, she drew in a deep breath and took note of her surroundings: scratchy linen: check. Flat as a flapjack pillow: check. Rock hard bed: check. Cloying medicinal smell: double check. No doubt about it; she was in the Med-Bay.
A memory of her dream surfaced in her mind, bringing her a moment of happiness, before it began to recede again, leaving her clutching at desperately, wanting to remember the wonderful memory, but it was too late. Already the details became fuzzy and blurred, like smoke blowing away on the wind leaving Rogue desolate as she remembered that the Professor was gone for good.
Groaning softly at the pain in her body, she finally opened her eyes, only to meet the worried face of Scott as he sat by her bedside. A hard lump came to her throat and she immediately turned away from him, the memories of Alcatraz rising to the forefront of her brain and making her cringe in shame.
"Hey," Scott said worriedly. "Rogue, what's wrong?"
Swallowing harshly, she replied, "Ah'm sorry Scott, but ah just can't look at you. After what ah did, after ah kill - "
With a gloved hand, Scott reached out and grabbed her chin, forcing her to meet his face. "Don't. Don't do this to yourself Rogue," he said fiercely. "I know what you did, and I know you did what you had to do. There was no other way." He smiled at her crookedly, a pained look on his features. "Thank you. For letting me... see her one last time."
Rogue nodded, though her eyes continued to burn. She knew that ultimately, killing Phoenix was her only option; it didn't ease her guilty conscience much though when she knew by doing that she had killed Scott's true love at the same time. Rogue had known that Scott was alive; Jean had told her everything during the flight to Alkali lake, and Rogue had been glad to help her friend, although she had been dreading this moment of facing Scott again. She had thought he would be angry,but instead he understood and forgave her. Now it was Logan's wrath she feared.
Not wanting him to see her unease, Rogue casually asked, "Is Logan alright after ah took his powers? After Alcatraz, everything's a blank, so ah don't know if he..." She trailed off as she watched Scott's face fall before he carefully avoiding looking at her face. Suddenly she wondered why he was here with her and not Logan. Even if he had been furious with her, he still would have sat with her until she woke up, at the very least just to chew her out once she was coherent enough to hear him.
Scott's silence stretched out until he finally ground out between clenched teeth, "Logan's not here. He... left right after the jet landed."
A roar filled Rogue's mind at these words and she dug her nails into her palms to keep from crying out in pain. Logan hadn't even waited to see if she would be alright; with horror she saw that it was worse than she thought. Logan wasn't mad at her; he hated her. Not for stealing his powers, no, Rogue knew it was more than that. She had killed Jean, the woman he loved. Perhaps now he couldn't even bear to look at her, let alone be around her. Why else would he take off right away?
"I'm sorry," Scott whispered, seeing past her stony expression to the agony within.
Rogue shrugged airily, trying her best to appear nonchalant. "It's OK," she told him. "Ah guess ah'm still a bit tired. D'ya mind -"
Scott quickly rose to his feet, an apologetic look on his face. "Of course. I'll let Hank know you were awake but wanted to sleep some more."
Rogue smiled in thanks and made a show of closing her eyes, tugging the thin blanket higher up her chest and wrapping it tightly against her. She heard Scott's soft footsteps heading to the exit before the doors swished open then closed slilently behind him. Once he was gone, Rogue felt her dam break. For the first time since Jean's body was discovered at Alkali lake, since all the death and carnage began, she finally allowed herself to cry.
She cried for the loss of Charles and Jean, two wonderful people who had made her feel loved. Her dream was now nothing but a jumbled blur in her thoughts, making her feel her loss twice as much. She cried for Logan and Scott, both of whom lost their true love. And finally, she cried for herself; for that long ago girl who had never seen snow and dreamed of going to Alaska to have an adventure, and for Rogue, who knew that even if she could control her skin, a part of her would always remain untouchable; the part of her that belonged to Logan.
Well Kid, we were looking for an adventure, she thought to herself as she continued to cry desolately. We certainly found it.
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Author's Chapter Notes:
Disclaimer: i don't own the x-men, or anything relating to them... they just own me
bear with me on this chapter, it's building to something, don't worry. title comes from a song by Lifehouse. and i'd like to take this moment to thank everyone for their lovely reviews. it does my heart good to read them :) so, here we go, onwards and upwards....
bear with me on this chapter, it's building to something, don't worry. title comes from a song by Lifehouse. and i'd like to take this moment to thank everyone for their lovely reviews. it does my heart good to read them :) so, here we go, onwards and upwards....
Chapter End Notes:
sorry, I don't usually make Rogue a weepy character, but after the few days she's been having, I thought she was entitled to it. But things will get better, i promise!