'It had seemed so'.....she struggled to find the word to write in her journal, the one thing that eluded her, the truth on butterfly wings that flitted away from her thoughts.
Inside her mind it burrowed away from her like some white rabbit down a hole, his high strung voice squeaking out his pain as he ran.
Her hand went to the chain around her neck, the little steel balls connected in a row, sliding across her skin as she pulled the chain round and round, lifting it to her lips and tasting herself on the metal. The sweat of her skin, the way she held herself tense as the words eluded her pencil. Throwing it aside she forced herself to look outside to where the thing that was causing her all this frustration was getting ready to leave.
She opened the window and looked down hoping that he'd look up, her fingers still clothed in the gloves that had been given to her. Feeling them slide over the stone asshe leaned out, further, further until she was risking everything on the grip of her finger ends. The breeze took past her flowing over the garden and past his nose, he stopped for a second, breathing deep. Then he traced the scent to source, and found her almost out of the window. The face went from calm to concern in a heartbeat, the voice she'd wanted to hear rang across the grounds to her ears.
"Get inside kid, you'll kill yourself if you're not careful!"
Her heartbeat slowed, cool water filled her veins as she shifted herself backward, the cold not leaving her as the voice in her head laughed at the emotions she'd been hanging on the man outside, the man who was leaving her behind.
She'd been careful, oh so careful, given life again when in reality no one had asked her if she'd wanted the burden again. After 'seeing' so much, 'feeling' so much from those who touched her, was it any wonder she'd held out hope of something from the man who'd saved her?
She pulled herself in, making sure he saw her pull the window shut, her hand as she waved goodbye at him, seeing his face wonder at her meaning. The tag she hung on the window catch glinting in the sunlight, before she turned away from the window into her lonely bathroom.
Logan got to the trainstation when the first doubts niggled him, when the first itch of 'wrongness' made him phone the mansion from the payphones there. They were saying she was fine, that she was in her room and there wasn't anything to worry about.
It didn't stop him from turning round though and when he got through the gates the sight of an ambulance was enough to chill his blood. Her window was open again and the noise of men trying to save a life was drifting down to his ears. And in the sweet breeze his tag turned, flickering light across his vision. His footsteps hollow as he half ran, half staggered to her open window; listening to the frantic sounds ceasing and a choked sob being stifled by his own throat. The tears he blamed on the flickering light of the dogtag, the loneliness he only blamed on himself.
And in the bathroom the journal finally filled, her words scattered on the journal page like her blood on the bright white surfaces....
'It had seemed so.....pointless, what's the point in living when your life, what your living 'for'leaves you behind?'
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Story Notes:
A dark one about abandonment and the consequences.
Chapter End Notes:
Let me know what you think, good or bad. Jo