Three years. Three years was how long Marie and I were together.
I loved her, hell I still do, with all my heart. That's why I asked her to marry me. And she said yes. It was the happiest fucking day of my entire life. Marie and I were gonna be husband and wife. We were gonna have kids. Well at least try and have 'em, you know her mutation made that kinda difficult. But hell we were gonna try. I was happy. She was happy.
Then she learned to control her mutation. Then she promptly dumped my sorry ass.
She told me she learned to control it. I was so happy it was unbelievable. I could touch her, without barriers. We could have and easier time having kids. I smiled like an idiot. Hell, the whole bodysuit and scarf sex never bothered me too much, it was kinda erotic. I loved Marie, whether or not we could touch. Touch was just an added bonus.
So anyway, there I was standing in our room, grinning like a damn fool. I went in to kiss her for the first time on uncovered lips. She backed away before I could kiss her, and she had this sad expression on her face.
That's when my life pretty much ended. She told me how sorry she was, and gave me the whole it's not you it's me bullshit. I just stood there stupidly, and asked her what the hell she was saying. She said she was leaving me, and handed me back the engagement ring.
I went to a bar, and proceeded to get shit faced. And with my healing factor, that took five bottles of whiskey in an hour. The bartender thought I was gonna die from alcohol poison or some shit, and I really wished that would have happened. I wanted to die. My life was over anyway. Marie, the woman I loved more than anything on this God forsaken planet, no longer loved me.
But that's when I realized, she never loved me. She was just fucking using me. I was the only person not afraid of her fucking skin, and loved her to boot. So cause she wants a relationship, I guess she had to settle on me, cause I was the only one on the fuckin' list. And the second she learns to control it, she dumps me, calls off our Engagement. It's not her fault though. I am the one who was dumb enough to believe someone could love me. And I let her use that.
So, I moved out of our room. I had to fucking leave, even though it was my room to begin with, and she was the one who dumped me. Not even a week later she was dating the fuckin' Cajun. I wanted to rip his guts out, but no dice. Xavier would frown on that. I still didn't know why the hell I stuck around, but I guess its cause I had nowhere else to go. Or maybe, I still had some hope that Marie would come back to me.
All that hope died four months later, when Marie announced she was pregnant and was now engaged to Remy. I went ape shit. Destroyed the kitchen, and even hurt Kurt, probably the only damn fiend I had in the world. Thankfully he didn't die, but every one at the mansion looked at me, not with anger or disgust, but with pity. Even One-eye. They felt sorry for me, because Marie ripped my heart out and stomped on it. Well fuck them. I don't need pity. I hate pity.
I left the next day, and never went back. That was five years ago. Chuck has contacted me from time to time, to ask if I would help him out with some shit. I told him only if I didn't have to go anywhere near the mansion, and only if it was dangerous. He accepted, and I did some missions for him, mostly because I had nothing to do.
And that's what I do, a whole lotta nothing. I don't even fight or fuck anymore, it reminds me of her. Every time I walk into a bar, I see her. Every time I see a woman with chestnut hair, I expect to see a shockingly white streak. So I just stopped going out, except for those missions.
So I sit here in my cabin, in the middle of fuckin' nowhere. I cut myself with my claws a lot, just to see if I still feel anything. And I do. I feel pain. Physical pain. It's the only thing that's real anymore. The only thing I feel.
I still think about what I could have done to make her love me. I know it's stupid, and all thinking that does is make it worse. But She had to see something in me to be with me for three years. Unless she really is that heartless.
I try to hate her, I really do. She killed me. Not physically, my fucking mutation makes sure of that, but I only live on the outside. Inside, I am dead. But I can't hate her, because, Goddamn, I still love her. She was my soul mate. I know that. You only ever get one of those. But just because she is my soul mate, that doesn't mean she has to love me. Now I'm alone, like I was before I met her, and like I will be forever. That's my curse I guess. To live forever and always be alone. But I'm starting to not care about that anymore. I wait for death now. Just sit here and wait. Because, I'm already dead on the inside. Because of her.
Because of Marie.
Hurt
By Nine Inch Nails
I hurt my self today
To see if I still feel
I focus, on the pain
The only thing that's real
The needle tears a hole
The old familiar sting
Try to kill it, all away
But I remember every thing
{Chorus}:
What have I become?
My sweetest friend
Everyone I know goes away, in the end
And you can have it all
My empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt
I wear this crown of thorns
Upon my liar's chair
Full of broken thoughts
I cannot repair
Beneath the stain of time
The feeling disappears
You are someone else
I am still right here
{Chorus}
If I could start again
A million miles away
I would keep myself
I would find a way
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Story Notes:
I just kinda had to write this, mostly because with all the Logan/Marie stories out there, Logan usually does something to hurt Marie and screw up the relationship. I thought, what if Marie hurt Logan? I know it's a lot less likely to happen, but my girlfriend of two years broke up with me, so I was in a damn angsty mood. And the song 'Hurt' by Nine Inch Nails also inspired me. The lyrics are at the end.