She leaned back against the headboard, listening to the sound of the birds chirping on her roof, and dreading leaving the warm bed. But after another few seconds she tossed the blankets off the side of the bed, left it and stretched her aching muscles. She hated mornings with a passion, preferring lazy afternoons and exciting evenings. Mornings were always hectic and painful, spent floating between dreaming and consciousness.
The door to the bedroom opened and James came in, smiling like the cat that ate the canary and she remembered, cheeks burning, that she was naked. "Good morning, beautiful." She smiled uncertainly, nervously threading her fingers through her chocolate brown hair. He was beside her in less than a second, his strong arms wrapping themselves around her waist and his lips trailing kisses down her throat. She could feel his excitement and knew he wanted to go back to bed.
"I'm going to be late," she mumbled, and took his face in her hands. She splayed her fingers across his cheeks and kissed him deeply. When she broke away from him, his eyes were closed. It never failed to amaze her how much he desired her, how she could actually be someone's mistress and never really feel guilty or happy.
She went into the bathroom and took a hot shower. Then she dressed and put on her make-up. Her hair was still wet from the shower, but she didn't bother drying it. She just pinned it up and rushed back out of the bathroom. He was sitting on her made bed, wearing an immaculate black suit, looking as perfect as if he's just walked off the pages of a Calvin Klein catalogue. "You make me sick," she laughed. "Where are you going looking so perfect?" He raised his eyebrow at her, grinning.
"Fine, don't tell me..." Her voice was light and teasing but her heart dropped down to her shoes. He was going to see his wife. Maybe some fancy-schmancy lunch at Le Cirque or drinks at the Plaza. It didn't matter. He would be with her.
"I love you!" he called after her, as she ran down the stairs, and she looked up at him and waved with a smile, but she never answered. She didn't love him.
"How come you left the party early last night?" Kitty asked. She asked casually, but Marie could practically feel the curiosity radiating from her body.
She lit a cigarette to buy herself some time, and inhaled deeply. "Paper to write," she said shortly. "Spent the whole night in the library."
Kitty pounced. "The library? But I went to the library, I never saw you."
Marie shook her head, saying calmly: "No, I mean the public library." Kitty nodded, let down.
"That must be why you look so tired..."
Marie looked at her sharply, feeling irritation creeping in. But Kitty's gossipy mood seemed to have passed however, and she busied herself boring Marie with long stories about some loser college boy and what they did in the library. Marie smiled at all the right parts, giggled immaturely at all the right parts and even blushed occasionally. Meanwhile, she was so unbearably bored that she wanted to kill herself or kill Kitty. Why did school start so goddamn early anyway?
"And then he kissed me and he said he'd call me today and I just know he's a keeper!" Kitty gushed
Marie nodded enthusiastically, wondering how a girl with such good grades managed to be so utterly clueless with real life situations. College boy was never going to call her, he only said so to save face. That's what happens when you put out on the first 'date'. But Kitty would be hopeful for days and then she'd realize and make everyone around her miserable to make herself feel better. Marie sighed to herself as she sat down at her desk. It wasn't as if she was in a position to criticize: she was sleeping with a married man who she didn't love and certainly didn't love her.
For the hundredth time, Marie promised herself she'd break it off soon. It wasn't as if she was happy, she doubted even he was happy. It was just making everything, literally everything so complicated and...
"Rogue, would you please answer the question?'' Ororo asked, looking concerned rather than angry. None of the teachers ever got angry with her. One of the advantages of being known as the girl with toxic skin. They didn't know she'd been able to touch for over a year now. Snickers filled the class.
Marie bit her lip. She'd missed something. "Um, could you repeat the question, please, Ms. Munroe?"
More laughter and whispering. With one severe look, the class quieted down. She could strike them with lightning if she felt like it. It tends to inspire a little fear. "Rogue, are you all right?" Ms. Munroe asked, sinking down to her knees beside Marie's desk. "You're very pale."
Marie's cheeks heated up. "Uh, sure. I was up late last night, that's all."
Ms. Munroe watched her for a long moment. Marie felt uncomfortable under her penetrable gaze and wondered whether she was a telepath too. But finally, she seemed to accept the excuse and asked someone else a question. Marie tuned out again, against her better judgement. There was just so much to think about.
"Rogue? May I speak to you?" Ms. Munroe asked, just as the bell rang.
Marie suppressed the urge to grimace, and nodded dutifully. "Kay."
When she was close enough, she stayed standing. It would be easier to lie while towering over her. Ororo, seeming to sense this, stood up. "Logan is worried."
Logan? There was a jolt in her stomach as a rush of memories came to her. Suddenly, for the first time since she'd been in the machine, Marie felt tears flood into her eyes. She opened her eyes very wide to keep them from spilling over onto her cheeks. "And why the hell is that?" she asked, her voice rising.
Be angry, be angry, she told herself urgently. Anything was better than crying at the simple mention of his name.
"I..." Ororo hesitated, looking guilty, "I've been in touch with him. Keeping him up to date."
There was no need to fake the anger now. Gut-wrenching, bone-deep, burning anger overtook her in a matter of seconds. She wanted to beat the shit out of her, and she'd never wanted to beat the shit out of anyone. Her knuckles itched, and she knew it would only be relieved be feeling claws tear through them. Yeah, it sucks having extra personalities in your head.
"How...dare. you. You...you bitch!"
Ororo flinched, but didn't argue. "Rogue, honey, please let me explain."
Marie had never been so angry in her life. Well, fine, it was the second time she'd been this angry. She sat down, feeling dizzy. "Why the fuck would I let you do anything? You've been spying on me and...and reporting back to that-that- bastard!" She swallowed hard, trying very hard to keep from crying.
"I wasn't spying, Rogue. He loves you and he feels very badly about how things went between you, last time."
Last time.
Marie jumped up. "Oh, does he, now? Does he feel badly about it? About telling me he loved me..."
Here come the tears.
"...like a father/brother, practically ripping my heart out in the process and then using me...using me as some kind of, of, bait, so the merry little fucking X-men could go in and save Jean and everybody lives happily ever after? No. No fucking way. Goddamn it, I thought you were different. Did you know? Did you know that I was strapped to an operating table before you fucking superheroes came to get me? Do you know I have a six-inch-scar across my stomach?"
Ororo was crying too. "You weren't bait, honey, I swear we didn't know things would work out the way they did."
Marie's whole body went suddenly limp, and the anger washed away. She was just heartbroken. "He knew. He didn't mean for me to get hurt, but he knew I was bait."
Rogue left the classroom, promising herself she would never break it off with James, he was her only friend in the world.
"James?"
"Marie, baby, is that you?"
"Yes. I need you to come get me."
"What's wrong?"
"Everything. Just, please, come and get me, okay?"
"I...I can't, baby. I'm here with. With my wife. She's in the bathroom."
"Oh. Oh, of course."
"You know I want to be with you. I love you, not her. Always you, since the day we met. Oh, fuck. Hey, honey...Bob, can I call you back?"
"Fuck yourself, James."
........line goes dead......
Rogue slammed the phone on the hook. She sighed deeply, resting her forehead against the plastic wall of the phone booth. Why couldn't anything ever go well? She didn't cry though, or even sigh again. Things were over with James, Logan used her, Ororo spied on her, she could touch but it only made her more desperately sad, and she had just nothing going for her. Just nothing. Fuck.
"Fucking Logan, this is all his fault."
"How ya figure that one, darlin'?" A familiar voice murmured.
Her blood went cold. Logan was standing behind her.
"What are you doing here?" Marie asked, suddenly exhausted. She would've been angry, but she just didn't have the energy.
She closed her eyes, so she could only hear their breathing and the rain outside. His hand was on her shoulder. "I don't have the energy for you, for anything right now." Her voice shook.
"Because of that man?"
She turned to face him.
"How do you know about him? Ms. Munroe didn't know."
He was so, so gorgeous. She had almost forgotten just how much he could blow her away without even trying. But now, he definitely looked different. His face was clean-shaven, and instead of his customary jeans and pointy hair, he wore black slacks and a black button-down shirt. She stared at him in amazement.
"What do ya think, darlin'?"
"What happened to you? You look..."
"Civilized?" He grinned, and he reminded her of James. Which reminded her of just about everything else.
"Why are you here?" she said.
The grin faded. "Because I love you, darlin'."
It was the worst thing he could've said.
"Like a dad? Or a brother? You know most brothers don't turn their sisters over to the likes of Magneto. Even if they don't know he'll sell her to the lab people."
Logan flinched. "I didn't know. Scott came up with it, and I swear to God if I knew..."
"Logan. You told me you needed me to go on the mission with you. You said you needed the support, that you couldn't do it without me, in case she was dead already. And before I know it, I'm telekinetically given to Magneto by Jean, who's working for them and he sells me to the most...sick...evil....scientists in the world. And they drugged me, and I wake up and their cutting me open..."
"God, baby, I'm so sorry-"
"Let me finish. They're laughing and saying how clever they are and I..."
The secret. The big, horrible secret that had been festering inside her. What the hell.
"I manage to touch one of them and I want to kill him and nothing happens. I'm just laying there, touchable."
"What?"
"And then you came and you saved me and I hated you and...and..." The truth was sinking in. He hadn't known she was bait. He'd saved her and she'd given him nothing but grief.
"Logan, I'm-"
She couldn't finish, he kissed her. When their lips broke apart, they were smiling widely. "Okay, now I'm going to kill that James guy." She laughed, hoping he wasn't serious.
End
The Wolverine & Rogue Fanfiction Archive
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Story Notes:
Dedicated to Licia, who hates Jean as much as I do. Redheaded bitch.