I can still remember it perfectly.
That last day, leavin' everything I've ever known behind, runnin' away from everything and everyone that now hates me.
Even if they don't know really understand why.
So I packed. Gathered the clothes I really needed, a few belongings that I couldn't bear to part with and took that final look around the house. Filled one duffel bag and resolved myself to somethin' better. I walked through my parent's room, stared at the backyard where I used to play with friends, sat on top of the car that used to drive me to school.
And it hurt so bad. I almost didn't leave then, but then I noticed something in the passenger seat. Openin' the unlocked door and grabbin' it in a gloved hand, I took a good long look at what made me really leave: Cody's hospital bracelet.
I had found it in his hospital room after he had left. After his parents wouldn't let me talk to him. After he had stared at me in fear the first time he laid eyes on me after wakin' up.
And I had only kissed him. My first kiss.
Guess it'll be my last.
I took down my map above my bed, taking the beads with me, and in its place I tacked a note for my mama. Told her I needed to be somewhere else, away from all this pain and from all these people that asked why I was all of a sudden not touchin' people and coverin' my skin.
How am I supposed to explain that I can hurt them bad without them hatin' me?
The first leg of my runnin' was a bus. They aren't so bad, lonely mostly. Got all these people on a long trip just like you, and no one talks to each other. I saw so much scenery on that bus, but when it ended I was stuck. Didn't have any more money left outside of a few dollars and a girl's gotta eat.
So I hitchhiked. Found some truck drivers willin' to take on a pretty girl for some company and a smile. They didn't try to hurt me; one of them even bought me dinner at this truck stop, which I appreciated. He said he had a little girl at home 'bout my age and that if he couldn't see her well fed and smilin', he'd see me that way.
But then I was back on the road, clingin' to the kindness of strangers. The second trucker wasn't bad, kept quiet and looked like all he wanted was a hot meal and a place to sleep. I fell asleep not too long after we left, and that night I was at the bar in Laughlin, but I couldn't believe it. It was as if my whole world had gone white, where a few days ago I was surrounded by dusky greens and browns. All that snow after all that livin' in the south, it was like an alien planet to me.
But I guess I got lucky. I wasn't ever allowed into places like that bar back home, the men rowdy and rough to women like me, but what I saw in there was my salvation. A man with claws in his hands that wasn't afraid to stand up for himself.
I envy for him that. I wish I could be that honest. And strong.
And I still don't know why I followed him, but when he was stalkin' out of that bar with a fist of cash in a hand and insults bein' flung at him, I had to go. It was like someone was shovin' me to the door, and like a silly fool I obeyed and snuck into his trailer to join him on the road he was takin'.
All of which landed me where I am now. In Westchester, New York, surrounded by a bunch of people that are like me, all of us different from the rest of the world. I like them and I'll stay around, but he's gone again. Left to find part of his past with a promise to return. Like Cody, I've got him in my head, havin' touched him and takin' some of him inside me, but he's different.
I like him there. Even though I know he's somewhere on a road wanderin' his way into his own secrets, he's here too, rattlin' around my head and makin' me feel less alone. I keep cuttin' off the circulation to my one hand by clutchin' his dog tags too hard, but I don't care. He gave 'em to me with a promise of returnin', and I'm gonna hold on to them 'til he does.
I guess I fancy him. That's what the others say; that I like him and wanna be special to him, and I guess they're right. I think about him and wonder what he's goin' through, and hope that he still remembers me back here, remembers his promise he made to protect me.
I know he'll come back. He will. Even the Professor says so, but no one knows when. I don't like moonin' and lookin' sad around the school, makin' boys like Bobby think I don't like them, but I can't really help it. It's part of me, like he is now, and I have to wonder how long I can only live with a memory, and an echo of him in me.
I just want to see him again for real. Touch him with a gloved hand, have him dare to hold me on the train like he did, doin' what everyone else seems afraid to do.
But I'll wait. He said he'll be back here so I'm stayin' where he can find me.
END
The Wolverine & Rogue Fanfiction Archive
Barely Legal Since 2000
Story Notes:
This is for those of you slowly turning me to the Logan and R/L side. you know who you are. *bg*