She could feel him watching her, no matter where he was in the school she could feel his eyes on her, she went everywhere with him being just a few steps behind her. Yet, if she stopped and turned to look for him she never found him, as if he was avoiding her, it had been the same since they’d come back from Liberty Island.
When she’d come home with him in the Blackbird, Jean tending to his wounds, stripping the uniform from his battered body her mind had been torn in two. Seeing herself laid out there on the small bed yet her own thoughts about why he’d risked everything to save her swirling with the imprint she’d taken from him. Jean had made her leave eventually after she’d growled at her, getting increasingly upset by being down in the med bay. Logan’s personality pushing forward clouding her own, lost and afraid she’d gone to his room by mistake, wrapping herself up in the familiar scent and falling asleep for a few hours.
Waking to the night half gone and her mind her own again, Logan was in there with her but he was like a piece of dark chiffon over her mind. Hard to grab hold of but easier to wrap around her when she wanted to, over the time he healed up down in med bay she’d sifted through what she’d gained from him. Not just his attitude and annoyance at being left down there but his instincts and drives, a few memories to add to the nightmares she’d taken from him when he’d stabbed her through the chest.
The one she’d had the most pleasure looking at upto now had been the one where he’d picked her up, alone on the road. His gaze lingering on her as he’d pulled away and the surge of pure need making him brake for her. Knowing that he needed her in some way, the promise he’d made to her on the train being another bright thing in his mind. A promise was something he never made, not to anyone, not even to himself; he broke them too often. Yet, he’d given one to her seeing her own face looking up at his and the glow that had entered her skin when she’d asked him if he promised. The fear he’d felt and quickly squashed giving her the answer he’d been afraid of saying for years, he’d promised and he’d kept to his word. Almost killing himself in the process if his memories were correct, Sabretooth had been a deadly opponent, if it hadn’t had been for Cyclops she doubted he’d have reached her in time.
Logan had gone somewhere with Cyclops straight after his recovery, they’d returned after two days. Cyclops a little tired but Logan had looked crushed. He’d hidden in his room for nearly a week, only coming out for food when he really had to, in the end The Professor had gone to see him. He’d been out of his room the next day; grim faced but there. She’d tried to talk to him but he’d blanked her more than once, stepping away from her making her wonder why, until she’d gotten her usual period dreams. They’d been a whole new ball game and it had opened up something else she’d taken from him without knowing.
Her moods hadn’t always been this severe, swinging between happy and an almost manic need for violence. She’d ended up in the gym, punching the hell out of the training bag, hair plastered to her head and feeling no better for it. She had her own room what with her skin being an issue and she’d decided to get a shower and try to sleep, grumbling all the time as she’d walked through the halls. Snapping at people as she passed them, even sending a barbed comment Storm’s way watching her immaculate eyebrows rise as she passed her. A look of complete puzzlement covering Storm’s face as she’d climbed the stairs, throwing herself under the shower trying to pummel the frustration out of her pores, when Logan’s mind made itself known.
Skin on skin under falling water, breathing hurried and rushed, as the memory passed through her, her own frustration deepened, sharpening itself to a point. Her mind finally realising what she needed, sex. She needed sexual release but had no idea of how to get it, her upbringing had been pure Southern Baptist, her mother determined that her daughter was going to be a virgin on her wedding night. Cody had only been allowed in her room because they’d been friends for almost all their lives, her first kiss had ended in disaster so sex had been something for everyone else to talk about, think about and do. Even Bobby was on the outside of her affections, knowing that someone like him would eventually find someone else to be with when he got bored of not being able to touch her.
So here she was standing under the warmth of the shower her skin itching with the sensation of it, making her frustration build knowing what she wanted but not how to get it. Yet there was someone who did an she didn’t have to go far to find him. Pulling her mind down she let the gossamer threads of Logan’s mind surface, letting the water trickle across her sensitive skin, allowing his mind to surface over her own. Watching a memory unfold, snapshots of skin and bodies joined, pleasure so complete that it dulled everything else. Her own hands running over her skin as it unfolded, seeing another woman’s sex in front of her, learning from the memory where to touch and how. When her own pleasure was assured she closed the memory off, having enough to ease the frustration that was burning through her blood. She’d taken her time that first time under the shower, learning what she could about herself, her skin so very sensitive, since she had no other touch but her own. It had been enough but it hadn’t eased the ache she’d felt deep inside herself, that could only be solved by someone else and that was never going to happen. Her tears had melted under the hot water as she’d gotten clean but the ghost of Logan had been watching her as much as she’d been watching him and he wasn’t finished yet. Not by a long chalk.
She’d gotten into bed early, apologising to those she’d snapped at telling them it was her period being a little screwy. Jean had asked her to come and see her if she got any worse; she’d prescribe something for her mood swings. Smiling she’d left them all and gone to bed hoping for sleep to just blank out the day and give her some respite. She got the respite she needed from the waking world but not from Logan, she got something entirely different from him.
The dream opened with her home, her house filled with the golden afternoon light she loved, dust motes dancing in the slow air currents that shifted through the rooms. Everything was as it should be, her mom was in the kitchen her voice carrying upstairs as she cooked, her father out in the garage tinkering with the old Cadillac he’d been fixing up for years. She was back in her room, the walls covered in pictures and dreams of her future, the only difference in her mind was that there was another door next to her closet. Curious she reached out her hand to the doorknob but the door swung open on its own, flying backward to reveal Logan, a naked, dirty, injured and growling Logan. Moving away from him quickly, he caught her naked arm, his touch on her skin hot and rough, eyes wide she looked at the grip he had on her. Nothing, her skin wasn’t hurting him, she didn’t hurt him here, she’d hurt Cody here more times than she ever wanted to remember in this room but this was different. The door had never been here before for one when she’d been replaying events here in her dreams, what was happening now was totally different.
Logan pushed her backward to her bed, his hands already shredding her clothes, tearing at her in his need to touch her. A desperation lodged deep in his eyes, even as feral as he was she could see it in him, he needed her, wanted her and she decided to go with it. He covered her with his weight, pinning her down knowing he wanted to dominate her, to make her feel small, yet she had her own stifled needs surging through her. Letting go she surrendered her mind to it, biting his skin, wrapping her legs around his thighs, doing everything she couldn’t do in reality. Feeling the tatters of cloth moved away with rough hands, claws snagging her underwear as he cut it away from her. Her throat keening, encouraging him to do more, her hands never still, touching him, holding, kneading his flesh and muscle. Only when he pulled her hips down did she get a good look at him; his eyes were dark, burning with need for her. Only when she kissed him did he move, spreading her wide so he could enter her, the burning stretch of her sex wasn’t painful nor was the slight tearing of her flesh.
The feel of Logan inside her body was more than enough, the dream shattering, her room flew away in pieces, leaving only her and Logan joined at the hips. His movements on her harsh and powerful, almost desperate as he pushed into her, her body responding with it’s own powerful grip on him. Her nails gripping his skin, almost tearing into him as he shifted inside her, each powerful thrust into her making her grip him tighter. Locked around his body as he gripped her shoulders, meeting her eyes with his own darkness. Her mouth forming his name as she felt herself spasm around him, the word being spoken in the real world along with the blooming scent of her frustrated release.
Inside the dream, Logan locked her up in his embrace as he filled her, almost suffocating her with his strength, with his need, his teeth finding her shoulder and biting down, leaving a red ring on her pale skin. His growl deep in his chest as he slowed his movements, he didn’t stop he just slowed down, his grip on her never lessening. He had her and he wasn’t going to give her up, she was his and he wasn’t letting her go not for any reason. Smiling to herself, she let herself drop into a deeper sleep, fading from the dream just happy to feel the end of her frustration for now.
Outside her door Logan was barely hanging onto his sanity, he’d been drawn to her room, woken in the middle of the night by a call, a need so sharp he’d had to answer it. He’d been avoiding her ever since they got back from Alkali, the wreckage of the place reminding him that he had nothing, no past, and no future. The only decent thing he had done was to bring Marie back from the dead, almost at the cost of his own life. He’d seen her around the school, smiling, happy, complete, she didn’t need him messing her up any more than he already had done. He’d heard her nightmares from down the hall and he knew where they’d come from, him. So he’d stayed away, kept a distance between them both, avoiding contact just in case he hurt her anymore than he already had done. Nevertheless, the call had reached into his mind, she’d needed him, she was hurting and she needed him and he’d gone to her room. Driven by the instinct he’d ended up outside her door, his hand on the doorknob when he’d heard her voice speak his name, ‘Logan.’ The inflection was one he’d heard from others over the years, women whose names he couldn’t remember, and then he’d caught the scent of her coming through the solid wooden door. Her body ready for him, needing him, calling to him, it was all he could do to breathe never mind think. His hand was still on the doorknob, the grip he had on it making his knuckles white, gritting his teeth he forced his blades free. The pain clearing his head for a second, letting his common sense take over, the blades embedded in the doorframe, three marks sunk deep in the dark wood as he withdrew them. Turning away from her door Logan walked away, his mind on how to leave without letting everyone down, he’d made a deal with The Professor and he needed him around. If he left, he’d be going back on his word but if he stayed he’d have to sever everything with Marie or he’d be back here again and next time he knew, he’d be going inside.
Ever since then Logan had been like a ghost to her, everyone else managed to see him at some point in the week but not her. The weeks of avoidance had dragged to months and still Logan managed to avoid her, if he couldn’t he made sure he left first usually with someone else. He’d even moved her to Cyclops’s training group, so she wasn’t near him, she’d taken the disappearance of Logan from her life in her stride until she’d heard Kitty and Jubilee talking about the field trip he’d taken their group on. He’d shown them the basic’s of survival, how to make a shelter, lay traps and make a small clean water well. She’d asked them when they’d done this and they’d both replied Thursday afternoon. The same day she had her appointments with The Professor about controlling her mutation. The only reason she was even trying to control her skin wasn’t for Bobby; it had been for him. In her mind she’d looked for an answer for his avoidance of her and had come up with one, her skin. It had hurt to hear that he wasn’t even in the school when she was trying so hard to be normal, it hurt her deeply and she knew then that Logan wasn’t just avoiding everyone he really was specifically avoiding ‘her’. Yet, she knew he watched her, she’d caught him doing it, she’d been resting under a tree after physics. Her books were spread around her reflecting the weak sun onto her skin, warming her through.
Her mind had been wandering, throwing up the latest in her erotic dreams of late; the Logan in her head had been waiting for her when she’d fallen asleep last night. There wasn’t a night he wasn’t there waiting for her now, it made the times she was with Bobby seem insubstantial compared to the touch Logan gave her in her mind. Taking hold of her he’d licked and kissed her all over, tasting all of her from the top of her head to the balls of her feet. She’d just been remembering the attention he’d lavished on her breasts when her eyes had snapped open to see Logan watching her across the lawn. It was too far to see the expression on his face but the tension was obvious in his movements, as he’d turned away from her. Her mind had been made up then, she’d talk to The Professor about him, ask him if he knew why Logan was purposefully avoiding her.
Thursday rolled around and she found herself seated in her usual chair across from The Professor, the calm grey gaze comforting her nerves. She knew he wouldn’t look inside her head not unless she wanted him to, he’d made that clear from the very start of their work together. Now she was here she didn’t know what to ask first, luckily she was projecting her fears loud enough for The Professor to catch. “Why don’t you ask him yourself Rogue?” Her head came up a little a small smile on her lips, as she knew he’d seen and read her fear correctly.
“Ah can’t find him to ask or ah would’ve by now.” She got up and walked over to the window, her reflection showing her the pain lodged in her gaze. “He’s avoidin’ me on purpose and ah don’t know why.” She heard The Professor sigh and she turned to look at him, his hands steepled over his lap.
“Logan is a very complex human being Rogue, you know that more than anyone else here. He probably has a very good reason, one I’m sure he’d share with you if he could.” It was right then and there that she knew The Professor knew exactly why Logan was avoiding her and her smile dropped away to be replaced by a cold grip around her chest. The next words out of her mouth hurt to say but she just had to hear the answer for herself.
“You know don’t you?” The Professor didn’t answer her but his small smile and gaze said everything for him, turning away from the window, she walked to the door opening it wide. The calm voice of The Professor reaching her before she walked through it, “Don’t you want to do your exercises today?”
She looked at the man who knew what she’d done wrong but would never tell her how she’d managed to drive Logan away from her. The bitterness in her voice filled the quiet space making The Professor’s calm face darken with its strength.
“What for? Ah’ve lost everything ah ever had here, what’s the point?” With that, she closed the door, tears falling unnoticed as she walked back to her room. Her mind already filling with plans of travel, of routes she could take places to go where being clothed and covered all the time wasn’t a problem. Alaska sounded good, remembering her dreams when she’d been at home, the trip she’d planned. Maybe it was time to get going again, she had nothing else to look forward to only the road. This time she’d take a car, get lost on the way West, change name and dye her hair, become someone else, someone Logan might have wanted to know instead of who she was now.
The summons came in the middle of his lecture, he was showing the kids how to keep a petrol motor running in subzero temperatures, Bobby helpfully providing the subzero temperature. Looking up at the assembled faces he just got up and walked out, they knew what to do if a teacher was called away. Behind him Logan heard the class disbanding, the motor being switched off and books being closed. Shouting over his shoulder to the group, “Make sure you’re all familiar with that engine, next week we’re stripping and rebuilding it.” The collective groan was enough to make him smile as he headed to the office, the tone of Xaviers summons enough to make the smile slip away as he caught the scent of Marie gently fading in the hallway.
Entering the room Logan could scent Marie’s unhappiness, her pain was alive in the room and he wondered for one awful moment if Xavier had told her why he’d been keeping himself away from her. Meeting the pained gaze of Xavier, he knew he hadn’t told her but it had cost him something by keeping his word to Logan. “She wanted to know why you’ve been avoiding her Logan, she thinks you hate her, what she is, what she’s becoming. I didn’t tell her anything Logan, that’s for you to decide but know this before you make your decision. As she was leaving here, I caught her last projected thought; she’s leaving here as soon as she can without telling anyone. I don’t think she even cared that I was here in the room with her, she thinks she’s alone and better off somewhere else.”
The words went into his mind but they didn’t make sense, where would she go, what would she do? Just by avoiding her, he’d driven her away entirely; he’d kept a watch on her from afar, checking he wasn’t hurting her too much. She’d seemed all right, happy even without him there around her so what had changed? Turning away, he left the office his mind doing cartwheels, how was he going to explain it to her without making himself sound like some kind of pervert?
That there was something she did to him that he didn’t want to react to, that there was a part of him that wanted to grab hold of her and force her to be his and his alone. Avoiding her helped but there had been nights he’d had to ask Xavier to lock him in isolation downstairs, where he didn’t know the combination to get out. The call had been like the siren’s song, driving him to distraction until there had been nothing else but it in his mind. Always a full week of this call, then a gradual falling until there was a week’s respite then the climb of the call again until it was the only thing that haunted his dreams. He didn’t know which was worse, the dreams of the lab or the ones where Marie opened herself to him, needing him to touch her, love her, hold her to his skin until there was nothing left of him.
Taking the stairs three at a time he went down the familiar passage to her room, the sounds of her sniffing and clothes being packed hurriedly was enough to make him run. Seeing her there, back to him, pushing her clothes into the same duffel she’d come with knowing that she had more clothing now than when she’d arrived here. Every nerve in him was screaming, even as he shut the door behind him snapping the lock shut and breaking it. The only way out was through the third storey window or through the solid wood door and Marie wasn’t Kitty. She had nowhere to run and neither did he.
“Marie,” his voice sounded unsure in the quiet room, she didn’t stop packing she just kept on trying to stuff more clothes inside the already straining duffel. He caught sight of her skin, the blotched red and angry, her emotions playing out across its pale surface. Wiping her nose on her sleeve as she finally gave up on the duffel, half turning to her seeing her stood there watching him from the corner of her eye.
“What do you want?” Her tone was tired, upset, lost even; he’d never heard her like this not even on Lady Liberty when she’d known Magneto was going to kill her. Crossing his arms he leaned against the locked door, “You’re not going anywhere.” Her cheeks blazed as she turned round to see him stood in the way, her eyes darting to the doorknob and seeing it on the floor wrecked. Following her gaze adding, “The only way out is through me Marie and that’s all there is to it.” Her eyes blazed for a second then the fire inside them died replaced by a coldness that he’d seen before, a reflection of Magneto coming out of her.
“Really Wolverine? Think I wouldn’t do it? All I have to do is let him out and you’ll be as helpless as a child while I walk out of here.” His eyes narrowed as Logan caught the change in her scent, the metallic tang of Magneto on the edge of her own.
“Go ahead, let him take you over. Let him use you to kill me and then you really won’t have anything left will you?” The words seemed to knock some bluster out of her sails, clearing her eyes as she closed what she had left of Magneto back into his box. Her hands were clenched tight and she wanted to hit him, wanted to hurt him but she knew he wouldn’t feel it, so she just sat down on her bed her head hung low her hair covering her face.
“Go away Logan, go back to whatever you’re doing and leave me alone. Ah don’t want you here, especially since you’ve been avoiding me since we got back. You kept your promise, so say what you want it’s not going to change anything, Ah’m leaving as soon as you’ve finished what you’ve come here to say.”
Her hands were picking at her gloves; the surface of them stained with her tears trying to make the stains disappear. The despair in her voice made him ache, she’d given up and she was running from here, not just here but him as well. By forcing her away he’d killed the one thing he’d wanted to save, he’d wanted to keep her safe from him, from his touch, but he’d already damaged her beyond repair, he was already inside her head. She’d had his nightmares and he’d comforted her the first time it had happened, letting her wrap herself around him while the shudders passed. He’d had to lock his door that night and lost the key till morning, he’d wanted more from her than she’d been comfortable to give to him. It made him sick to his stomach that he had to tell her it wasn’t her fault she felt out of place here, that it was his. She called to him, a piece of him he wished he didn’t have but it *was* part of him and therefore something he couldn’t deny. It had been that part of him that had risked everything to bring her back to life; to fight for her even when all hope was lost. Looking at her crumbling before him lost inside her own world of pain and knowing he was the one who’d put her there.
“It’s not you.” A small weak smile flitted across her face, making her look frail.
“You could’ve fooled me Logan, ah mean everyone else gets to see you. Me when ah do get to see you for a moment you run out of the room like ah’m wearing a white coat and holding a hypodermic.” Her small laugh sounded hysterical even to herself and her eyes burned with unshed tears.
She was right he did do that whenever she was around, he’d gotten it down to an art form. He’d even heard others say if they wanted to know where she was all they had to look for was Logan coming from that direction. He decided on honesty.
“It’s me. There’s something wrong with me.” He heard her breath hold, raising his head to see her gaze pinning him to the door, the soft brown ringed with red. Her forehead creased as she tried to understand what he was trying to tell her, trying not to scare her or hurt her anymore than he already had. “You call me, a part of me that isn’t good for you. Something that could hurt you.”
His voice hummed with something she couldn’t recognise, if it had been anyone else she would’ve said he was afraid of telling her. This was The Wolverine, the undisputed King of the Cage, the bad ass who’d killed for money if the deal was right. He shouldn’t be afraid of her surely unless… “It’s mah skin isn’t it? It’s me.” The words he had on his lips were unheeded as she dropped her head into her gloved hands, tears flowing freely now easing the burn behind them. Not feeling the rough skinned hands pick her up by the shoulders and shake her trying to get her to look at him. Lost in her own pain, knowing that if he was afraid of her then she really didn’t have anyone left to her. When his grip on her changed, forcing her to look at him face to face, the almost tangible pain in his gaze piercing her through as he spoke through gritted teeth.
“It’s NOT you! It’s me, there’s something WRONG with ME, ME do you hear me! It’s not you, it never was, and part of me wants you! That’s what’s wrong with me, it wants you and I can’t let it have you because I’d end up hurting you. Your too important to me to let that happen, I don’t want to hurt you.”
Silence filled the room, only their breathing split the air, both of them waiting for the other to speak first. She’d thought it had been her fault, that she’d done something to annoy him, said something wrong, assumed something when she shouldn’t have. It wasn’t anything like that, it was something worse, she’d done something to him that had made him turn away from her for her own good. It was her fault. Struggling to get out of his grip he saw the guilt run across her gaze, she’d taken it all leaving nothing for him, taking it all on her own shoulders. She was fighting hard and he had no other choice but to show her, show her it wasn’t her it was him, his need, his animalistic drive that had caused all this. Her scent filled every nerve as he brought her naked face to his, even if he was out for a year it’d be worth it as long as she knew it wasn’t her fault, it was him because he couldn’t control himself around her.
The kiss wasn’t long nor was it perfect but the duration had nothing on the internal effects it had on the both of them.
Marie felt herself being pulled upward and into Logan, her senses being drowned by him, triggering the release of his mind in hers. Feeling the slow drain of her mutation beginning to slow further the longer he held her to him, the more his mind surfaced in her own. Feeling his hands holding her tight to him, crushing her as if he was trying to get under her skin, his mouth forcing her own wide open, taking everything he could from her while he could. A dying man taking his last breath making every moment count, forcing his leg between hers and bringing it up hard against her. Feeling herself tighten her own muscles against his intrusion, the sigh out of her throat before she knew it, her hands reaching for his back as she had done so often in her dreams.
Tearing away from her lips to breathe he saw her looking into him, seeing the fire in her blazing again. Not anger this time but need, she needed him, she’d always needed him her lips forming his name listening to them whisper it as she had done that night when she’d first called to him. “Logan,” her hands tightening on his shoulders as she pulled him back to her, she wanted him like this. “Please Logan, ah need you. God how ah need you.” Then it clicked, as if everything had just been put into perspective for the first time, she *had* been calling for him unconsciously. She hadn’t known why but she’d needed him, wanted him and he’d run away from her, hurting her, thinking it wasn’t her, it was him. That it was his fault for not being able to control himself around her when it was something they’d both needed. Her scent was alive, spicy and filled with need, her hips were moving against him, slowly and softly but her intentions were easy to read.
This couldn’t be real; she had to be dreaming. Logan was holding her and she wasn’t hurting him, she wasn’t killing him, the information didn’t have long to sink in before darkness slipped through his gaze. She’d seen it before but it had been in her head where she could have some vestige of control over him but here she wasn’t in control, he was, just by his size alone. A jolt of fear raced through her frame as she realised exactly who she had in her grip and the realisation froze her solid.
Wolverine wasn’t Logan and this was Wolverine who had her not Logan, the mocking laughter in her own head confirmed her fears as Wolverine tore down the door in her fragile mind. Attacking her from both sides, she was his property and now he’d claim it, trying to move her arms away from Logan she felt herself gripped painfully tight as a growl rumbled up through her. He had her and there was no escape, her throat began to form words but he didn’t allow her to speak, covering her lips with his own as Logan’s muscle moved her own slight weight backward. Knees catching the edge of the bed and making her fall, Logan still attached to her and hearing the slide of his claws locking out.
Inside her mind Wolverine was already on top of her, his eyes boring into her own, the darkness inside them becoming cold and indifferent as he plunged into her. Seeing him as he really was, an animal that took what it could whenever it could, the pleasure he was creating inside her marred by the knowledge that he’d been using her, getting her ready for this, for Logan.
Pulling herself back to Logan she found her voice, filled with anger, with pain, “NO!” She managed to land a punch on the side of his head, through her tear filled eyes she caught the look he had in his eyes, darkness, no shine of hazel just darkness. This wasn’t Logan, this was what he’d been trying to protect her from, what she’d been calling to and allowing to use her inside her own mind, this was Wolverine. She knew he’d rape her as easily as he’d eat something he’d caught in a trap, she was prey that’s all and she’d been caught so very easily.
The lessons she’d been through with Cyclops came back, forcing her to think straight, shifting her leg just as Wolverine tried to cut her jeans away. Bunching her thigh muscles just right, his satisfied grunt as he thought she was giving in to his demands on her. Instead she planted her feet squarely on his abdomen and pushed as hard as she could, flicking her switch in her head to ‘full’. Concentrating on hurting him, making him feel her power as he passed her naked skin, feeling the jolt of it hit her as his strength filled her shaking tired muscles. He was off her and on the floor, shuddering as he tried to recover from her touch, inside her mind Wolverine was shaking with rage. How could she do this to him, he’d saved her, he’d given her life, she was his, he had rights to her! She turned on him, using her mind to wrap him up in a cage in her mind, making it look like the nightmares she’d suffered. Seeing his eyes go wide and the stink of his fear reducing him further, locking him up in a tank filled with green water, the look of despair almost making her hate herself for doing it. But that wasn’t Logan, that was Wolverine and he was trying to hurt her, Logan never would.
Bringing herself back round to the room she looked at her clothing, most of it had been shredded, there were bruises forming already on her skin from where he’d handled her. Logan’s hands had made these, Logan, who had Wolverine riding just underneath the surface all the time. She had to leave now more than ever, when he came round he’d want to talk to her but she didn’t want to face him. She never wanted to see the pain in his face as he tried to apologise for something she’d wanted him to do until she’d realised exactly what she’d been asking for.
Getting dressed quickly, she checked on his breathing before she used what she had left of Magneto to wrench the wrecked lock open. He was out for the count and probably would be for a good while, she had to see The Professor before she left, she had to tell him what had happened just so he could stop Logan from following her. Grabbing her overstuffed duffel, Marie didn’t even look back, there was nothing else she could do, she’d gotten what she’d thought she’d wanted, thing was it was Logan who’d be paying for it.
Inside his head all he’d cared about was her, that she wanted to have him touch her, that she’d needed him all this time and he’d been an idiot and never asked her if it was true till now. It was as he’d been kissing her that Wolverine had surfaced, anger replacing care, lust replacing love, tightening his grip on her skin instead of cherishing each touch. Wolverine wanted her now, he’d been denied for nearly five months, all the nights he’d lain awake frustrated and hard coming back swiftly flooding him with need. Losing ground to Wolverine until he was sat back just a spectator as his needs won over.
Feeling Marie tense in his arms, sensing her fear of him growing as he kissed her further, closing off her voice with his lips. Taking advantage of his weight, his grip he had on her, moving her backward toward the bed, to what he wanted from her. Sliding out his claws running their edges down her clothes shredding them through, freeing her skin to his touch, her fear becoming stronger as he moved to her jeans.
Listening to her one call of defiance, ‘NO!’ the sound only making him more eager, the punch she managed to land on his head ineffectual in its strength, snapping his gaze back to her own. Watching as she worked out who had her, what he wanted and how helpless she really was. Feeling her shift to allow him entrance, a growling smile lodged in his throat that never sounded as she got her legs under him and pushed him away with all her strength. Her skin switching on viciously, draining him of thought, strength, and consciousness. Logan finally surfacing again as he lost everything to the blackness, hoping that this time she’d killed him. Part of him still aware as she left the room, the sound of her breathing soft and filled with pain something he’d be waking to in his nightmares for years to come.
Shaky she just walked straight into the office, not heeding the other students in there with him, one look was all it took and everyone left filing out of a different door. When they’d gone she could let the tears fall, feeling the tracks widen as they went. Opening her mind to show The Professor everything, seeing his calm grey gaze harden as he thought he understood what had happened. “No it’s not what you think, it was Wolverine not Logan. Ah can’t stay here, not if he’s here ah’d kill him ah know that now.” She felt the warmth of Xaviers mind touch her own and she knew he understood.
“Please take what you need Rogue, I won’t tell him where you are.” She nodded and went over to him, her gloved hand touching his own pale skinned hand.
“Thank you for everything, ah couldn’t have made it without ya. Ah’ll keep in touch when ah can, ah’ll probably send stuff via Jubilee.” The Professor nodded looking at the young woman in front of him, seeing her growing up second by second right in front of his eyes. She’d realised something very difficult, that Logan did love her but she brought out something inside him he desperately wanted to protect her from. The only way to do that was to be as far away from him as possible. “Tell him ah don’t hate him, tell him it’s for his own good that ah’m not here. Y’all need him here, what ya don’t need is me.” Her gaze solidified around that comment and Xavier knew he’d never see her again, she’d lose herself completely. After all, she had Logan in her head, a past master at hiding from the world. “Say bye for me will ya? Ah don’t think ah could face it and walk out of here under my own steam.”
Xaviers own gaze became clouded, as he knew what she was telling him, a forced exile so Logan could be at peace without her here. Losing herself so he could work safely with the kids around him, they needed his lessons, she didn’t. “Of course Rogue, I’ll tell them later when you’ve gone.” A soft silence went between them, stretching and finally snapping to an end, “Ya know ah think it was a bad idea me learning control, made me hope for somethin ah knew would end up hurtin someone.”
“I’m sorry Rogue,” her dark brown eyes met his for the last time and she smiled quickly like a break in storm clouds.
“Marie, mah name’s Marie. Rogue’s dead now Professor, she died upstairs when she realised what she was doing to him, what she could do to him. Rogue could do that without any guilt but me, ah can’t.” Tears were falling on the mahogany desk like bright crystal, their surface reflecting the sun round the room. “You’d better send Jean to see to him, he was still breathin okay when ah left him.” She turned away and picked up her duffel, hoisting it over her shoulder in a move reminiscent of Logan. Xavier thought about telling her that they’d be here for her if she needed them but halted the thought before saying it. She knew that already and it didn’t make any difference to her decision, Logan couldn’t leave so she would.
She left without a word to anyone else, throwing her duffel in the back of the diesel she’d chosen out of the rest of the vehicles. Specifically choosing this one because no one would notice it missing until the food run was needed. Checking the glove box and finding the blank credit card and cheque book, along with a stash of bills, a smile coming onto her face as she realised Xavier had prepared just in case. Silently thanking him she pulled out of the second home, she’d had in her life, feeling her heart tear open as the gates shut behind her. Locking her out forever, a set of hazel eyes and dreams of soft touches on her skin lost forever behind her. Setting her mind on the road Marie went to make her life alone, where she’d end up she didn’t know all that mattered was the journey.
Logan woke to the sight of a drip in his arm and a very familiar room; he was back in isolation. Pulling the drip out, he felt the groggy drugged state begin to vanish from his system, looking through the plexiglass he saw he wasn’t alone. Xavier was watching him, the calm grey gaze hitting home as his memory finally told him why he was here.
Marie underneath him, her face filled with fear eyes wide and her voice saying ‘NO!’, seeing his distress Xavier spoke to him through the thick barrier. “She’s fine Logan, you didn’t hurt her. She touched you before you could finish undressing her, she realised it wasn’t you.” The words made him feel sick to his stomach, he’d tried to rape her, Wolverine had tried to rape Marie. He wanted to plunge his claws into his heart, rip himself apart anything but face what he’d done to her. “Logan it wouldn’t solve anything, besides you’ve tried that before, it took Jean three days to get you stable again.”
“How long have I been in here?” Xavier paused before answering him and Logan felt his stomach fall away, “HOW LONG!” His grey eyes settled on Logan’s own, their strength filling his mind, settling his anger.
“Four months.”
The room spun and he had to sit down on the bed or he would’ve collapsed, he’d been in here drugged asleep for four months.
“Why?” His voice cracked as he waited to hear the worst, that he’d tried to hurt someone else tried to kill someone who was trying to help him.
“We had to sedate you when you first came round, you tried to kill yourself. We tried to revive you after a week but you just tried again. I’ve been working with you while you’ve been asleep, you wanted to die and I couldn’t allow that.” The words weren’t reaching him, all he could think of was Marie’s face and the look of fear in her eyes as he’d held her down about to take what he thought was his by rights.
Xavier interrupted his thoughts, “She’s not here Logan, she left the same day although I do have something for you from her.” He pulled out a plain piece of paper with handwriting on it, a photocopy obviously by the look of it. Sliding it through the small hatch at the side of the plexiglass airlock, Logan pushed off the bed to get it, recognising the small neat handwriting covering the page.
His hands shaking as he touched the white sheet, lost in his own world of regret and pain as Xavier watched him read.
‘Hi there Logan, guess your wondering where I am huh? Well I’m sorry sugar but I’m not going to tell you, it’s better if you don’t know and if The Professor has done as I’ve asked him you won’t even get a clue from the paper your holding.’ He looked at Xavier the question being answered before it was spoken.
“She asked me to burn the original after I copied it for you.” Dropping his gaze back to the words on the page, he returned to his exploration.
‘I don’t blame you Logan, I underestimated something I took from you when you brought me back. Something that was calling to you, something I didn’t know how to control, you know who I mean.’ He did know, he could feel the darkness that made up Wolverine shifting inside him as he tried to pin it down, to make it suffer for driving her away from him. His eyes were stinging when he opened them again, determined to finish what she’d sent to him.
‘I didn’t realise how hard it was for you Logan, how much it must have hurt you to stay away from me, almost as much as it hurt me to see you do it but I understand why now. He’s locked up now inside my head along with what’s left of Mags, he hates you, you know, that you can keep him at bay and use him when you want to. But with me he had the control until I took it back and I’m sorry I had to hurt you to get it.’
The memory of her kicking him away surfaced; her face filled with anger and righteous indignation as her skin drained him. Sensing Wolverine hiding just under the surface of her skin waiting to take hold of her until she rounded on him.
‘I care about you Logan but I can’t be near you, I bring him out of you making him harder for you to control when I’m around and that’s not a good thing especially there. One of us had to leave and I took the chance.
Life’s not too bad for me here, I have an apartment, a job I can work in, I’m getting settled Logan. I just wanted you to know that I’m okay, that you helped in your own way, showing me how to find things that were safe.
I took from you and I suppose I owe you enough to write just once, my mamma always told me to thank those who helped me in life. An you did Logan you really did, just that I took Wolverine as well as you. I kind of understand now why you kept away from humanity so long Logan; sometimes it’s all I can do just to keep the lid on things. I’ll cope with it Logan, I have you inside my head after all, I’ll never forget you because you’ve become part of me. Just that when we’re together things aren’t so good for either of us, so I suppose what I’m asking you to do is just to get on with life. Forget what happened between us that day and just move on, find something to annoy Cyclops with or start looking for those bastards that hurt you.
Just remember that I don’t hate you, I care about you but I can’t be near you, not ever, an it hurts to write it down but it’s true. Just because it’s true don’t make it hurt any less for either of us I suppose, Xavier told me about what happened when you woke up the first time. I kind of feel responsible for that, I should have left you something, but I didn’t have time, I just had to go. I hope you forgive me for that. Well I suppose it’s time to go, don’t come looking for me Logan because I will find out and I’ll always be several steps ahead of you.’ Tearing his eyes up from the piece of paper, he saw the look in Xaviers gaze telling him everything he needed to know. If he left Xavier would tell her and keep track of him using Cerebro, warning her of his approach.
The last few lines dragged his eyes back down, ‘Live your life Logan, I am. Make meeting me something to be proud of, like I see me leaving was something good for both of us. You took me somewhere I could belong, thing was it wasn’t me that was meant to stay there. Take care of yourself Logan, Marie.’
The paper sat in his hands for a long time, different emotions running through him until one made itself more pronounced than the others. Looking at Xavier, he could see he was picking up on the projected thoughts, his face showing confusion as he tried to work out what he was feeling. Slowly as the entire thing solidified in front of him Xavier just went to the panel and opened the door for him. He was leaving, he couldn’t stay here any longer, his mind wouldn’t allow him, and he’d come home when they needed him but he wouldn’t spend another night under this roof. As he walked out of the chamber Xavier caught the small light of hope that still burned in him, that one day she’d walk back through the door if he weren’t living there. He stopped just before the main doors of the isolation block, turning back to look at Xavier with tears standing in his eyes. “One thing Chuck, don’t tell her until I’m a day away from her, give me that at least. I’ll come back when you need me but until then, I’ll be looking for her. You got me?”
All the work he’d done with him as his mind had been wide open to him, showing him the depth of care and love he had for Marie, that he had to try to find her even if he never achieved it. That he’d make it his life’s work to find her, to ask forgiveness for something he couldn’t control when he was around her. Hoping that when he did find her she’d be able to control herself as much as he’d be able to when he met her again. Xavier just nodded, he knew he’d be talking to Marie before he even got close to her, she deserved to know how much he loved her, needed her forgiveness.
Seeing his requirements met Logan left the isolation ward, the piece of paper folded up tightly in his hand, a new chain around his neck one that would stretch but never break. Even though it might tighten one day and kill him it didn’t matter, at least he knew he wasn’t alone and one day so would Marie.
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Author's Chapter Notes:
This was something I wanted to tackle, the urges of another mind taking over your own subtly, not realising until it was too late and you had no control over what you thought you had.