He watched Marie as she talked to Damask as she ate, watching her small movements, almost birdlike, as if she felt that she was taking up too much room. Feeling embarrassed for her as he had felt like that when he’d first arrived. Storm had piled her plate high with different foods, a little of everything from the fridge as well as the cupboards.
Totally absorbed by her Marie didn’t notice him come back into the room but Damask did, she lit up when he walked in and he could smell the sweetness in the room that emanated from her. Smiling he went over and helped himself to a piece of chicken from Damasks plate, noticing him for the first time Marie watched as he whispered something to Damask and she nodded.
Logan's eyes met Marie’s and he felt her blush again, the heat rising from her centre and spreading out across her. He always did that to her no matter where they were, all he had to do was glance in her direction and her eyes would be at his. He needed to talk to her before these two got together, alone in a room.
There were a few things he needed to get clear with her and it wasn’t going to be easy. Moving across to her he watched her eyes following his movements and the animal howled its need. Standing next to Marie he could smell her excitement at him being there, so close to her, almost touching her. He broke the silence between them first.
“I understand you've got a lot of stuff to move over to your new room. Shall we get started while Damask finishes with Storm?” Her eyes drifted up slowly to his and he felt as if he’d just asked her to sleep with him, the intensity in them was almost too much for Logan to look at.
Keeping her voice light she answered. “Sure I’d like to get settled in before the news spreads. Although no doubt everyone knows by now if Jubilee has anything to do with it.” She pushed herself off the chair and walked out of the kitchen, he couldn’t help but notice the way she walked. Her hips swung now with a much more adult gait and he had to pull his eyes up off her and walk by the side of her.
“How have you been?” He tried to make the question light hearted but he really did need to know.
“Not too bad, classes have been difficult but that’s expected.” She looked into his face as they walked toward the stairs. He was trying not to look concerned. “I did have a mishap with Bobby though.” His eyes met hers and she almost recoiled from the jealousy she found there.
“What mishap?” A blush bloomed on her cheeks as they climbed to the second floor.
“Well I’ve been trying to control my gift, you know turn it off. I can do it for a while as long as I don’t get distracted. The Professor said it’d take me some time to get it fully under control but he’s pleased with the progress I’ve made.” Her joy didn’t reach him and he turned to face her on the last flight.
“What happened Marie?” His tone was annoyed and he’d called her Marie, letting her know he wanted the answer now not later.
She ignored him and walked down the corridor to her room. Growling softly under his breath he followed her, sensing her discomfort he needed to know what had happened, so he just followed her into the room.
He came face to face with a half naked Jubilee instead. Screams erupted and he was pushed out of the room by Kitty. Listening to the voices inside he waited until they’d calmed down and then he knocked, “Is it safe now? Is everyone dressed?” The vocal chorus he received was in the affirmative and he entered the room. Marie was over in the corner packing up her clothes, her stuff and her books. Jubilee was helping but Kitty just watched the things going into the bags, her mind always open she often spoke what was on it before thinking.
“What’s this Damask like then? Is it true she has a smell that the boys would beat down the door to get at? I can’t see that being much of a problem,” her eyes smiling and her face split with a grin that he worried at.
“Try walking through a Mall like that and you’ll understand quick enough.” His tone was gruff and he felt riled by her lack of thought. She was quick to answer back. “But you’d get all the attention of the guys, the nice, young, *hot*, guys.” Her eyes glazed over as her mind played the images over in her head. He’d burst that bubble.
“Yeah and the old guys, the mall rats, the tramps, the ladies too.” He saw the look of disgust flow across her face as he spoke.
“Eeeewww, ladies? Tramps? Mall Rats!” The true extent of her powers now made clear Kitty changed her mind. “No thanks, she can keep it. How does she cope with it?”
Logan's eyes met Marie’s as he spoke.
“You have to have a strong mind and an even stronger guardian.” He could feel her thoughts raging under the surface of his own, wondering if he’d been strong enough to resist her charms. She wasn’t going to like the answer.
After everything was packed he hefted three of the bags and she carried two. “How come you’ve got so much stuff?” She looked at him as if he’d just said that the sky was orange.
“A young woman needs a lot of clothes,” her voice dropped a note. “Especially me.” Closing the door they walked back the way they had come, the corridors were quiet at this time of evening. Most students were studying or outside enjoying the last of the sunshine before winter took hold. They walked in silence to the teachers wing, finding the door to the room already open and the beds turned down and ready. He watched as her face bloomed as she realised that they both had double beds, big enough for anyone or anything. Choosing the bed nearest the door she put her bags down on it, putting the ones he was carrying down on the floor he closed the door and turned the lock. She turned to face him as she heard the lock snap home.
“Why did you do that?” Logan's eyes hit hers and he saw her flinch, the blush creeping up over her pale skin. He could smell her excitement but also her fear of him and underneath his calm exterior it excited him.
“We need to talk. Now.” He walked toward her and she backed away a little, keeping her distance from him. Not allowing him near her. “What happened with Bobby Marie? What did you do?”
She sat on the bed and wrung her gloved hands. Tears sprung into the corners of her eyes as she lifted her head to look at him. “I didn’t mean to hurt him, we were trying to…” she struggled with the word, with the intimacy of it. He helped her even though he didn't want to think about what she was going to say.
“You wanted to touch him.” Her eyes pierced him as he struck the nerve and he felt the pain in her gaze. Biting down her tears she answered.
“Yeah, I wanted to touch him, not just touch him either.” Her eyes looked for the spark of jealousy they had seen earlier and inwardly she smiled when she saw it rise in his gaze. “Do you know how hard it’s been for me? To want so much and not be able to, not even to kiss someone? Jesus, I’m human. I have needs you know!”
Her voice strained and high. “I’m supposed to be going out on dates at my age, having fun, getting laid!” His eyes still on her he walked over to her, kneeling so his face was closer to hers. So his scent was closer, so his warmth was closer, he heard her breath catch in her throat as she realised how close he was. How near he was, all she had to do was reach out, to concentrate and reach out, to feel his skin under her fingers, to taste his scent on her tongue.
He needed her so much, so badly he thought he’d burst with it. “I love you Marie.” The words stopped her in her tracks, the tears halted and her eyes grew wide. As if this was too much to take in. His hands slid over her back and pulled her toward him, into his heat. His head buried between her breasts, he felt himself stiffen as her nipples came proud of her shirt’s material. “I’ve needed you for so long, I didn’t know if you wanted me. I know I’m not the easiest guy to reach.” Her hands which had been limp by her sides, wound themselves around his back and into his hair. Her touch making him growl softly, his need for her almost becoming unbearable.
Moving his head up to look into her eyes he spoke. “I’ve never thanked you for finding me. I want to thank you, to give you something from me. Just for you, no-one else. Just you.” She could feel his thoughts, smell his hunger and she knew she couldn’t, not now. Her eyes scanned his face and new tears formed. Shaking her head she murmured, “You can’t I’ll hurt you, just like Bobby, just like before.” Pushing him away from her she moved over the bed and showed her back to him. Her voice full of tears reached him.
“When you left, I never expected you back. I knew you were going for good, you did too didn’t you?”
“Yeah I knew.” Voice low and soft, this was going to hurt, “I saw you watching me.”
“But you didn’t stop did you? You just got on the bike and left, leaving me here with Bobby.”
“Where you were safe.”
She turned on him then, her eyes sparking with anger.
“Safe? Here, after what had happened? Did you know we all slept huddled together for weeks after that? That Kitty almost got herself stuck in a wall? That Jubilee couldn’t sleep knowing you weren’t here to protect us?” Her look made him feel like a dog. “Where we were *safe*? We were safe wherever you were, till you left.” She turned her back on him and he got up off his knees and sat on that edge of the bed.
“I had to go.”
“No you didn’t, you just wanted to get back to how you were.” She stumbled over the words. “Before you met me.”
The knife went deep and he felt the blade of it twist, cutting right to the core of him. He had to respond, she thought he had run away from her, that it was her fault.
“Marie it wasn’t you I ran away from, it was me.” He heard her turn over, felt the pressure on the bed as she moved. “I didn’t want to feel again, to feel the loss of someone I’d loved.” Her felt her thoughts move. “Not Jean. You.”
Her silence made him fill it. “I knew I’d never love Jean the way I love you. I touched you and like it or not you’re inside my head now. I can feel you there if I concentrate hard enough. I started out by just caring for you, to get you somewhere you could be at home, with others who could care for you. But you’d already got in by then, where I couldn’t forget you. Seeing you with Bobby made me happy because I thought you were happy. I didn’t want to get in the way, to mess things up.” He turned round, tears were falling on the bed, staining the cover. Her eyes downcast he touched her hair and she looked up into him.
“I love you Logan, I always have. You said you’d protect me and then you left me alone, here where I was supposed to be safe, where the bullet holes have just been repaired in the kitchen. Where the bodies of dead soldiers were carried out, killed by *you* protecting us. I had no-one else to turn to, so I turned to Bobby and I nearly killed him.” He pulled her toward him and they laid side by side, her head on his shoulder as she told him what had happened.
******************************************************
She had planned everything, she had a sheer body stocking that covered her everywhere, including her hands, it had cost a pretty penny too but it was worth it. They were going to be together at last, to feel each other, to be normal, to do what normal nineteen year olds did. Bobby had been fielding off offers all summer from various girls, he wanted her. The girl with the dangerous skin. She’d been practising her control with Jubilee and Kitty, she could control herself for at least five minutes now. It would be the best five minutes they’d ever have, well at least for now. Both Jubilee and Kitty were in on the plan and they helped to get Bobby up to their room.
Blindfolded he’d been led inside and then that was her cue to do what she’d wanted to, to touch, to feel, to kiss. He’d run his hands over her and he knew what was going on, he could feel the small layer of fabric between them and it didn’t matter to him. He just had her. They were together at last, alone, not looked over like children.
She told him how it had gone wrong, there was a hole, such a small hole that it didn’t seem to matter at the time. His hands had run over her skin, sending her senses reeling, stoking the fires she kept banked too long. She needed so much, to be touched, stroked, held, loved. His hands had barely stopped moving when she noticed something was wrong, his breathing had become shallow and she could feel him in her mind. Frightened she’d pushed herself away from him and then she’d seen it, the tear, the small tear in her stocking. Bobby had been dressed in his summer shorts, his legs had been gripping hers, one pressed against her. Trying to help her find the release she needed.
He couldn’t help but remember the night he’d spent with Damask where he had done the same. She had been so close, so near to releasing all her frustration when she’d almost killed him. He’d spent two weeks in the infirmary, after that she’d refused to see him. The damage had been done, she’d never let him touch her again. When he’d come round he’d seemed distant and almost afraid of her, as if she would hurt him just by looking at her.
But the worst had been the thoughts she’d picked up, he was doing it out of pity, not love for her but pity. That she was so alone, so needy that he thought he was helping her, letting her be normal just for a moment. She hated herself for that, for being a image of pity for someone, a half-person because she couldn’t touch someone, couldn’t hold someone without a barrier between them. She hated herself for that and Bobby had pointed it out to her with his pity.
Seeing her pour out all the bitterness she’d been holding in from everyone made his heart ache, he should have been there for her. Watched more closely than he had, it was obvious now he thought about it, Bobby had always defended her from others taunts but not with the passion of a lover. With the voice of a friend, he’d talked to her and she’d responded, taking what she’d needed and not questioning what he really meant.
He stroked her hair and turned his face to hers. “D’you feel better now?” She nodded. “You hate me?” Her eyes cleared and she looked at him with the eyes of a woman, not a child.
“No. I don’t hate you.”
“Good.” He bent his head toward hers and kissed her lips lightly, just brushing his lips against hers, sending shudders through her. “I’m back and I’m not going anywhere, not without you.” He saw her hunger there, laying just beneath the surface and he ached for it. “Keep practicing Marie, give me those five minutes,” he moved even closer to her and she saw his own animal hunger for her in there. “You know I won’t disappoint you, you won’t kill me. I’ve touched you twice and survived, I’m willing to try for a third. Are you?” Her head bent toward his, so close that he could taste her breath.
“Yes.”
As his lips brushed hers for a second time he heard the door handle rattle, springing up and off the bed he made it across the room in a heartbeat and unlocked the door. The handle turned and Ororo and Damask walked into the room. Ororo looked over to Marie and saw the flush at her cheeks, seeing the tears still glistening in her eyes she walked over to the other vacant bed. “This one will be yours Damask, I’m sure Logan has got Rogue settled in by the looks of things.” Turning she caught his eye and saw the annoyance shine out at her. “It’s getting late and we should let you settle down for the night. If you need anything I’ll be next door.” She turned to him. “I think we should leave them to get acquainted now don’t you think?” This wasn’t a question, it was an order.
Walking over to Damask he held her and whispered his thanks for the time she’d given them both to talk. He could feel Marie’s eyes boring into his back, turning he walked over to her and held her close to him. “I’m not going to leave you. I love you. Don’t be hard on her Marie, just hear her out. Promise me?” She was confused by his words, why was he asking her to be kind, then he saw the realisation cross her face and her warm eyes grew cold and distant to him. She stiffened in his grip and he released her, looking at the two of them in the room he hoped that they’d both be alive in the morning. But judging by the look on Marie’s face he might not be. As he walked out of the room he heard Marie ask the question he’d been dreading. “So where did he find you?”
********************************************************
He was sat in Xavier’s office waiting for him, Ororo had told him that he’d wanted to see him about Damask. He’d been there for around ten minutes when the door opened and he wheeled himself in. “Ah Logan, sorry to keep you waiting. Scott was just filling me in about your little conversation earlier.” His eyebrow raised at the mention of Scott. “Oh there’s no need to worry Logan I believe you did the correct thing there. Scott has been very distant lately and he needed a ‘push’ back into reality.”
The smile that covered Xavier’s face could almost have been impish. “But we do have a slight problem with Damask. We can’t leave the room untended, especially with both Rogue and Damask inside. I was going to ask you if you’d mind sitting outside for a few nights. I’ve been scanning the general thoughts of the school and there’s more than a little curiosity about her. Especially from some of the older students.”
His eyes twinkled as he remembered his own first meeting of her as she descended from the Blackbird. “I can’t say even I’m immune from her charms but you seem to have come to terms with them. I don’t know how you did it but at the moment you’re the only one trustworthy enough to stand guard.” He gave him a sly look, “It won’t hurt your credibility with the student body either. So will you do it?” He didn’t give it much thought but he took his time in answering.
“Of course, if you think it’s the correct course of action. You know I don’t sleep much anyway. A few days without won’t kill me. As long as I can nap in the daytime.” Xavier seemed to make up his mind and moved around to the front of the desk.
“Have you eaten yet Logan? I don’t recall seeing you eat anything earlier and if you're going to be doing guard duty we don’t want you wandering away from your post do we?” Xavier had something to ask him but he didn’t want to ask him in the stuffy atmosphere of his office. Kitchens were the best places for talking, they seemed to be able to get to the heart of things quicker.
As he made them both a cold plate of meat and pickles, he could feel Xavier watching him, trying to discern the right question to ask first. He decided to help.
“What do you want to know? I know when you’re thinking, I can hear it.” He turned with the plate away from the large fridge and sat at the low table across from Xavier. Looking at the man’s open face he always found it hard to look deeply into his eyes, as if he could read what was written inside his skull. Which he could but didn’t out of respect for all living creatures, everyone needs a piece of privacy somewhere.
“How did you come across her? What has happened to you in the month’s you’ve been gone?” He moved closer to the table and picked up a small piece of meat. “Things have been hard here, ever since the attack some of the pupils haven’t felt safe since you left.” His eyes met his as he folded a piece of beef.
“Yeah Cyc told me.” As had Marie, feeling the knife slip a little deeper as Xavier told him of the work he’d had to do every night for a month. Calming each mind enough to allow it to rest, including Ororo and Scott. Under the light in the kitchen he could see how much it had drained him, how much he actually relied on the chair now. Jean’s death had affected them all much more than they were willing to admit to, including him. She had been his best pupil, his hope for the future of the school. Now she was gone and he had to start all over again.
Pushing the beef into his mouth he realised how hungry he actually was, the mouthful was quickly followed by another. Chewing the mouthful he thought about how to answer the question, if he left something out Xavier would spot it. He decided on honesty.
“Well for the first month I just drove around, doing odd jobs here and there. Not really sure where I was then, found myself drifting north again and ended up in the logging town where I found Damask.” He spared him the boring details of the fights, the bar sessions and the moments of pure hatred he’d felt for himself. Meeting his gaze Xavier knew there was more to his journey but he wasn’t ready to share it yet.
He’d done things he wasn’t ready to face up to, killed for the feel of it, hired himself out for the night, selling himself like a cheap whore. Anything but feel, feel the pain of leaving Marie, losing Jean to the water, to feel part of something that actually wanted him. Until he was straight with Marie he couldn’t tell Xavier everything, she came first.
Xavier sighed heavily as he ate the remainder of the plate, looking up at him he noticed the strain etched across his features. “How are you holding together?” Xavier’s grey eyes seemed to sparkle in the light.
“Oh not too bad Logan, I’ve lost too many friends not to be used to the pain of separation. I know that we’ll all meet again someday, it’s all just a matter of timing.” He scanned Xavier’s expression looking for a way in, a chink in the armour he’d erected to keep himself composed in front of the school.
He was still a stranger to them all and the one person he could reveal himself to, like he had with Jean. He got up to leave and go on guard duty, the wall clock read 11.10pm. Most of the kids would be in bed by now, only little Jones in the tv room would be awake. As he left the kitchen he was called back, “If you ever feel like actually answering that question Logan, I’ll be here.” Looking into his smiling eyes and knowing that he’d get him eventually, get him to open up and share the pain that was still hiding he answered. “Yeah and you’d better make it a good Malt too. It’s the only thing that loosens this tongue.”
Gently laughing he walked the corridors to the teachers wing. He could hear Ororo pacing her room, her steps light and fast. Bringing his head closer to the wood he smelled another scent in there, a sharp smell mixed with sulphur. Smiling he walked on, so Kurt had shown his hand at last. They made a good match, he wondered what their kids would be like?
Pushing the thought from his mind he seated himself in the picture window opposite their door, hidden enough to watch but not to be seen watching. His thoughts ran wild about what was being said behind that door, what was being admitted to, what he’d have to pay for tomorrow. But that was tomorrow, not tonight and he had a job to do.
******************************************************
It was two in the morning when he heard the patter of footsteps, creeping up the corridor. Slowly he shifted his weight so he could see down the corridor, two young men by the looks of things. Smiling he slowly unsheathed his claws and laid his hand over his resting knee, when they were outside the door he coughed. Both of them jumped, lighting his cigar he made sure they saw his expression, his eyes burning into them. Keeping the memory of their faces for later.
“What you doin’ here boys? It’s a bit late for a walk don’t you think?” They both paled as they saw his claws we out, “Now you may not know this but I’ve been asked to sleep out here till Damask and Rogue have got their powers under control.” His eyes burned into theirs. “And you know how much I like my sleep. If I keep getting disturbed I kind of get cranky.”
Cracking his knuckles and moving the blades in between them. “Like the night we had the raid, they woke me up.” He let the information settle on their already frightened minds. “Like I said, *cranky*.”
Moving himself into a comfortable position, he looked at them both. He could smell the fear radiating from them and the animal loved it. Pushing himself off the window seat he moved toward them both, that was enough, they bolted. Not even looking behind them they ran pale faced down the corridor and didn’t stop for the stairs. Smiling he made himself comfortable in the window seat and waited for dawn.
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Author's Chapter Notes:
Marie tells Logan what an ass he's been and she gets to find out just exactly what Logan's been upto out on the road. Logan on the other hand finds out that it's not only Scott who needs him around here.