Someone was watching. Her senses told her, her trained mind confirmed it. Someone had been lurking in the shadows for days, and all she could do was wait for them to come out.
*******
The wind tugged at her long ponytail, whipping loose strands of deep brunette around her face. The streaks of icy white were long gone, concealed by an unfaltering commitment to hair dye. Logan had found the discarded box of hair color while snooping through her garbage bin the night before. He’d scoped out the house yesterday, just like today. He’d watched with covetous eyes as Marie went about a day in her life. She’d piled the kid into the Jeep in the early morning, headed out for work and kindergarten, and returned in the late afternoon. Today she was home, working in the yard while the kid was at school.
Logan chanced the opportunity to break cover and move in closer. Marie had carved out a decent life for herself. Modest house in the suburbs, work at a small legal practice, and a son that looked healthy and happy, but there’d been few signs of Daddy. He was probably one of those traveling professionals, a salesman or some crap; gone a lot, but treated her right and fit right into her new world. No one would ever suspect that Marie used to be a mutant; a freak. Not just a harmless freak either. No, she had been one of the dangerous ones, just like Logan.
Her new friends would never know of her sacrifice for a chance to touch, an opportunity to be normal. She’d stuck around Xavier’s for a while, even gone to law school, but then she’d gotten tangled up with one of the mutants at the mansion. The guy tried to screw her up good too. He’d put her through the mother of all mind fucks and Logan hated the bastard. He wanted to gut him for it…and he had tried, but never could finish the job. He had never hated his own mutation more, because he deserved to die for what he’d done to Marie.
Was it five years ago that he’d run away from the school, the team, Marie, everything? It was hard to keep track of time when the years didn’t wear on you. He’d gone back eventually, but Marie wasn’t there.
He had told himself he was glad she was gone. He didn’t want to deal with it, and maybe she’d finally get on with her life. He didn’t need to see her face, hear her voice, or find out how truly damned he was. He convinced himself he didn’t need her to be there, even if it was a lie. He didn’t want or deserve her forgiveness either. He needed the guilt, he needed the loathing. Time hadn’t eased those emotions, but seeing her now lifted some of the burden. She was doing better than the rest of them. She was better off in this world.
Logan watched Marie yank weeds from a bed of pansies like she was fighting back demons. She was still in great shape, and by all accounts seemed healthy. Only one thing bothered him about the whole scene. Even from this distance, he knew her signs; she was nervous - and scared. She wasn’t a contented soccer mom going to and from home, relaxed in her little bit of suburbia. Despite the niche she had found in this normal life, she was on constant alert.
Logan could sense it in her posture, see it in her watchful eyes every time she took the kid somewhere, the nervous energy she exuded even while doing yard work. Maybe she was skittish because her man was away from home, maybe she sensed she was being watched, but Logan’s gut told him it was something more. He didn’t like it. He’d hurt Marie before, but emotional pain was different to physical pain. Even if he didn’t have a right, he was hardwired to protect her.
Logan’s intention had been just to check; one last look to make sure she was safe, before vanishing from the grid completely. He’d picked up on her anxiety and needed reassurance, more than just a visual. He told himself that’s all it was. He didn’t take the time to question the other intentions that quickly moved one foot in front of the other, crossing him over to her front yard.
*******
Marie sensed him before she saw him. He always changed everything around her when he got close. It was like his presence altered the air itself. She felt it, felt the atmosphere change to become heavy and full. She swallowed hard and rose to her feet before he entered the yard. Logan stopped a few feet in front of her. They watched each other in silence, waiting for the other to do or say something.
She hadn’t changed. Up close, Logan could see that her face was exactly as he remembered. She’d lost some of the soft roundness of youth, but her complexion was still fair and smooth. Her skin looked deceptively cool, but he knew different. With him, every time he touched her, it was vibrant and warm, flushed with life. It colored even now, and his fingers itched to brush across her cheek.
“Marie,” he finally said, keeping his hands by his sides.
“Logan,” her voice was matter of fact, but she wasn’t blinking.
Another endless moment passed before she spoke again.
“What are you doing here?”
There was no anger in her voice, no derision, just honest disbelief. Logan shifted his weight, tugging at his jacket. It was his version of vulnerable and only Marie ever made him feel it.
“I needed to see if you were okay before...things are bad right now…”
“We should get inside,” she interrupted sharply, already mounting the stairs of the porch, “before someone sees you.”
*****
The inside of Marie’s house was not what one would call cozy. It was functional, but minimal. No fuss, no knick-knacks, just the basics. To Logan’s eye it looked like the kind of place where anyone could live…and take off on short notice.
“You shouldn’t be here Logan. What if someone followed you? You could bring a world of shit down on us. Are you sure no one tailed you?”
He gave her a sharp look to remind her he was better than that. No way was the Wolverine followed. No way in hell. She seemed to accept it as an answer and led him through the house.
“It was hard to locate you,” he said, taking in the sights and trying to grasp the fact that he was in Marie’s house. There weren’t many pictures around, just a couple of child’s drawings on the fridge and group shot including Marie and her son at a picnic. He was curious about her new family, but knew he had no right to ask.
“Obviously not hard enough, you found me.”
“Yeah, but I’m the best there…”
“Save it. What do you want?”
“I don’t want anything,” he answered and tried not to feel injured by her tone.
“Not likely.”
She looked at him, grabbing at the reality of him standing in her kitchen.
“I knew the government would never catch you. You’re too good at running.” Marie silently cursed herself. The words sounded resentful, and resentment meant you cared.
“I guess I deserve that,” Logan replied coolly.
“Ah hell Logan, I didn’t say it because you deserve it. It’s true.” She decided to give up on the farce that they could remain cool and detached and be in the same room together.
Marie let out a sigh and paced the length of the kitchen. She told herself she’d eventually recover from the shock of seeing him again, but she didn’t like him being this close, for a lot of reasons. Reason number one, he was Logan. Once love and lover of her life, he’d left a hole in her and it’d taken years, YEARS, to stop the bleeding. Reason number two, and most important she reminded herself, Logan was a wanted man. Sure he was probably the most skilled mutant out there at evading the authorities and surviving, but it didn’t change the fact that people were looking for him. He’d draw attention and that was just what she didn’t want.
“I wanted to see if you were okay,” he tried for a calm tone.
His misplaced and ill-timed concern chafed her to the bone.
“Well as you can see for yourself, I’m fine. Rest assured that I am okay and have been for a while now. So if you could leave as quietly as you came and kindly get the hell away from me.”
Logan wasn’t convinced. It was obvious his attention was unwanted, but he’d take his licks if it was necessary for her well-being. He owed her at least that much.
“You don’t act fine, Marie. I’ve seen you. You’re as nervous as a scalded cat and you’ve always sucked at lying, so try again.”
“You’re a stubborn old bastard, anyone ever tell you that? I’m nervous because you’re here. Haven’t you heard mutants are public enemy number one? So far, I’ve been safe, but if the government gets so much as a whiff that I used to be a mutant, they will not hesitate to haul me in…and I’ve got people that need me now. I don’t need you lurking around, you draw attention.”
She’d paused for a moment, but now the pacing picked up speed.
“Your family needs you, I get that. I’m not lookin’ to bring you trouble and I’m not planning on hanging around, but I can tell everything isn’t fine with you. If you think you’re in danger, I want to help. It’s the least I owe you...”
“You owe me?!” she stopped in her tracks. “You want to help me. Now? I’m not the one who needs the help anymore. You do.”
Marie took a deep breath, irritated at his bravado and shocked that she was about to tell this man to leave. For years all she’d ever wanted him to do was stay.
“Logan, I know people. People that can help you get lost, get a new identity, disappear, whatever. If you need help, I can help you. If you’ve got a place to hide for the night, I’ll talk to them and we can make contact tomorrow.”
Logan crossed his arms over his chest while his face contorted into something bitter and defensive.
“I don’t need or want you to help me hide, although it looks like you did a damn good job of it yourself.”
Her eyes narrowed to venomous slits. “Don’t you dare! Don’t you dare try to make *me* out to be a coward. You don’t ever get to do that! It’s not about me now and the X-Men should be capable of taking care of themselves. My child is the one that needs me.”
“I know that! Shit.” Logan took a deep breath, trying to rein himself in. “I didn’t come here to argue with you…and I sure didn’t come here for your charity.”
“Then why the hell did you come here?!” she snapped at him.
Exhausted from even this short interaction with her, he let a moment of honesty slip through.
“Maybe I just needed to see you! Maybe I just needed this, one last time before I have to disappear until God only knows when.”
Silence fell and only the refrigerator made a sound as the two of them stood in her kitchen. They stared at the checkered tiles on the floor, the oven or the sink like they might spring to life. They looked at anything to avoid looking at each other.
Marie finally broke the silence by crossing to the phone to scribble on a pad that lay nearby.
“Look…my son will be home from school soon and I wouldn’t know how to begin to explain you. I’m going to give you my number. So if you’re still around tomorrow and feel…inclined, call me. Whether you want my help or not, I’ll still see what I can do. Maybe by tomorrow you’ll actually believe that I am okay…but after that, regardless, you need to go, for your safety and mine.”
Logan took the slip of paper from her hand and shoved it in his back pocket. He tried to think of something else to say, some way to tie up loose ends. He wouldn’t say thank you, any more than he’d say I’m sorry. Those were simple words, ordinary phrases that were grossly inappropriate for what was between them. So he didn’t say anything. He didn’t know if he’d call tomorrow, but he’d be back to watch her, even if for one last time.
**********
Logan didn’t call the next day. He showed up on her front porch instead. Before he even managed a knock, Marie had the door jerked open and he was shuffled inside.
“Jesus Logan. You were supposed to call. I thought you’d left already.”
He took a long look into her worried eyes as she gazed up at him. He thought maybe he still saw some warmth there, even behind the clipped tone.
“Didn’t call because I don’t need the help, but…I wanted to say goodbye this time.”
“Oh,” she replied and looked down at her hands; the slender fingers, the creases and lines that made them a woman’s hands, not a little girl’s. She’d been a girl when he left her, but it was a woman who stood before him now; so why did she always feel a little more childlike, a little bit helpless, whenever he was around? She felt an innate need to lean on him, to open up, but she wouldn’t. She couldn’t, never again. She wasn’t a child anymore, dammit, and she definitely wasn’t helpless. Obviously, Logan wasn’t helpless either.
“Well, dropping by is a nice enough gesture but it’s not necessary. I’m fine here, really. You take care of yourself,” she said succinctly.
Logan could take a hint and knew when he was being rushed off. He could let her have her way and leave obediently, but that wasn’t going to happen. He had something to say first.
“You know, you got a good life here. I never could’ve given you this.” He shook his head to stop her interruption. “It’s not an excuse, just the truth.”
“As you see it, you mean? The truth as you see it,” Marie laughed at the irony. “Maybe so Logan. Maybe you couldn’t have given me this…or maybe you just wouldn’t.”
She heard a car door slam and realized it was time for the car pool to drop off her son. Glancing nervously at her watch, she ordered Logan over her shoulder as she went towards the door.
“Wait right there.”
She quickly made her way outside to intercept her child. She wanted him to play in the backyard just until Logan left. She didn’t want to explain the intimidating man who was talking with Mommy. Never one to follow instructions well, Logan quietly eased out onto the front porch. Curiosity over Marie’s kid finally got the best of him.
She was kneeling down to his eye level and was fussing with his shirt while she spoke softly to him. It was a natural, every day occurrence, but somehow, Logan felt like he was intruding on a private moment. Their bond was obvious and her devotion surrounded them, making Logan feel all the more the outsider.
The boy looked healthy and strong. He had his mother’s fair coloring and dark brown hair. He had her mouth too, but the eyes … the eyes were different. Marie turned and shifted uneasily as Logan moved closer. Her son’s eyes were light and brightly aware, seemingly absorbing everything. They watched Logan closely, aware of his every movement. For someone so young, his eyes were exceptionally cunning and sharp, almost animal like…what some might even call – feral.
Recognition hit Logan and drained the blood from his face.
“Marie?” he said, sounding confused yet dangerous.
“Honey,” she leaned towards the boy protectively, “why don’t you go play in the back while Mommy finishes talking to this man, okay? It’s okay; I’ll be there in just a minute.”
Logan felt his world tip on its axis as he watched the boy eye him suspiciously and begrudgingly leave to round the side of the house.
“Marie,” he said.
She didn’t answer him, but stared silently in the direction of her child
“Marie,” he said again, his voice louder as he grabbed her arm. “Look at me. Tell me - tell me the boy isn’t mine. Dammit Marie! Tell me that’s not our son!”
The Wolverine & Rogue Fanfiction Archive
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Author's Chapter Notes:
This takes place years after X3. Marie took the cure, it was permanent, and the Mutant Registration Act has gone into effect. She has her own life among humans while the world of mutants is thrown into chaos.
A very special thank you to both Laenwyn and JaqofSpades for beta; without you guys, this fic would not be here. Y’all are the greatest!
A very special thank you to both Laenwyn and JaqofSpades for beta; without you guys, this fic would not be here. Y’all are the greatest!