Ah get up in the middle of the night—Look at mah clock, realize it's three A.M. an' Ah don't care…The nightmares a girl can have after what Ah' been through…Good Lord, sometimes Ah gotta' get up in th' middle of the night when Ah've had a nightmare `r Ah'll just go crazy an' Ah mean it! Usually Ah'll get a cup'pa tea `r somethin', `r maybe raid the freezer f'r some ice cream, but t'night Ah know even that won't settle me…But by God Ah know what will…
Ah decided Ah'd go downstairs an' hang out in the old gym, th' one no one uses anymore. Ah find workin' out c'n be the best thing t' clear the head, sometimes. `R at least take one's focus off th' mind an' put it on th' body, whose impulses an' motivations `re a lot easier t' understand! Ah find that with Logan in mah head as strong as `e is right now the best thing t' do when Ah'm in a conflicted emotional state is t' just ignore the "emotions" side altogether an' "work it off" from a physical standpoint. Y' can burn off a lot of emotional pain that way, if y' know how…
Ah sneak furtively into th' doorway an' realize someone's already there—Logan! Ohhhhh, just what I don't need! Here he's been drivin' me crazy an' he doesn't even know it! He's everything ta' me, an' Ah wonder if he's noticed! He helped take some ah' that soul-searin' pain away when Ah was at mah lowest…He took it on `imself an' it wasn't fair `cause `e shouldn't'a had ta' do that but he did and Ah know it's b'cause he loves me… He's mah martyr, and he's just been so good t' me…Bet he doesn't know what a comfort `e's been, taking that loneliness from me th' way he managed to…Only he got t' me this way, and Ah think, only me t' him…He's the only one that truly understands me. Ah hope he knows that.
Ah love him so much—With everything in me…Mah heart, mah soul, hey even mah body if Ah could…An' God knows Ah wish Ah could…Drives me mad sometimes, thinkin' ah' what `e could do t' me—Ah took `is mem'ries, y' know, so Ah know how he'd treat a woman an' it's just not fair!
Ah realize there's music playin' in the background during `is practice. Funny, Ah think at first, but on further reflection it almost makes sense…
Ah'm tappin' mah foot an' swayin' along a little to the bass line, just on account'a it's so catchy! Ah watch `im pull a pretty complex flip t' take out `is last target, an' Ah know he only does it `cause he could sense me here. He's showin' off f'r his girl, God love `im… He's such a sweetheart when y' really get t' know `im…
Suddenly, since Ah didn't notice before, Ah realize what the song is— Nine Inch Nails' "Closer"! An'…Oh, dear Lord…! Ah shivered as Ah considered the chorus f'r a long moment…Ah look over at Logan now, more than a little nervous. It was as if Ah was sayin' "Is this how you'd want it t' be? Between us?"
He turned now and smiled at me, a little tenderly, as if t' say "No. It'd be better than that…More important—You know it…"
Ah smiled back, a little knowing. "Yeah, Ah know…" Another little pang hits me as Ah realize th' last verse was playin'—All that stuff about isolation, an' loneliness, and all that we took from one another, all that we claimed, made our own just so the other wouldn't have t' bear it alone, changed into companionship, a human connection… Love. Maybe someday.
Ah watch `im trash a punchin' bag that'd clearly seen better days, then, as we hear another verse play, we look into each other's eyes again. He's in love with me, that much Ah know. He thinks it's a flawed love, like he couldn't give me everything Ah needed—But he'd be dead wrong! `Cause he's everything Ah need. Ah just hope he can see it in mah eyes. An' you know what, Ah think as `e smiles back at me, that he can…
The Wolverine & Rogue Fanfiction Archive
Barely Legal Since 2000