When word spread through the mansion that Scott had found Logan and Jean having sex in the Danger Room, everyone looked at me, pity in their eyes, obviously waiting for me to snap. I think there was a bet going to see if I would break Jean's nose or settle for ripping out her hair, but in the end, I didn't do anything, cause I knew it really wasn't my right. I loved Logan with all my heart, but he and I had never crossed the line from close friends to lovers, I had no say in who he did and did not sleep with, though I was pissed, for Scott's sake that he had chosen Jean, cause Scott was a good guy, he had been a good friend to me and I didn't like seeing him hurt.
It was quite a mess around the school for a while, tensions were high, Scott was pissed, and hurt, Storm wouldn't speak to Jean and I didn't want to be in the room with her, but I was furious most of all with Logan, who said 'it' hadn't been planed, 'it' had just happened.
"The 'it' we are talking about is sex and while I am the first to admit that I don't know a lot about 'it' I am sure 'it' doesn't just happen because 'it' seems like something that requires just a little thought."
"Marie…"
"If you're with Jean, then you're with Jean, but don't ask me to understand or accept or pretend this is right cause in your heart, you know it's not."
I left the conversation at that, I didn't know what else to say, I was hurt and angry, so for a while I just avoided Logan and Jean because she kept sending me this smug look that told me she felt as if she had won some sort of tug a war.
And I guess she had.
Logan was, after all, in her bed.
Bitch.
Course, being angry, that didn't make me stop loving Logan, it just made me want to prove I could stop pining away for him, so when Remy asked me out, I went and when he kissed me, I allowed it, though it made me feel sad, cause I had finally learned how to control my skin following my run in with Carol and I had wanted it to be Logan that I kissed.
But he was too wrapped up with Jean.
As for Scott, after four months, he moved on with Kitty, who was thrilled for the chance to be there for the guy she had been crazy about since our high school days and it was obvious to me that Kitty was good for Scott, that she brought out a carefree side of him Jean had always suppressed.
It was also around that time I began to sense that things were not coming up all rosy in 'The Land Of Logan And Jean'.
My first clue came when I found Logan sleeping on the sofa in the rec room for three nights in a row.
I told myself I wouldn't ask.
I told myself I didn't care.
Me and Logan didn't talk much anymore.
I was fooling myself, cause on the third morning of seeing him there, I went into the rec room and with a sigh I set down beside him on the couch and he glanced at me, more than just a little surprised.
"Hey, kid."
"Hey yourself."
"I…" He looked from me to the dead television.
"Look, Logan, I know we haven't been as close as we use to be and that's on me cause I can't deal with the Jean thing…"
"Marie…"
"Something's up, Logan. I can sense it. I just thought you might want to talk."
"Are you sure?" He sounded tired, maybe cautious.
"Sure I'm sure."
"It's about Jean."
And there goes my stomach wanting to spew vomit.
"What about her?"
"Things ain't so great right now."
I nodded, telling myself to pretend that I was talking to Jubes or Bobby about problems they were having.
Do not, I ordered myself, picture Jean.
"All relationships hit rough patches, Logan. I mean, it can't be perfect all the time."
"It ain't been perfect none of the time, with me and Jeannie, cause of how we hooked up when she was with Scooter still, so there has been some tension all along and well, to be honest, Jean can…"
"Be difficult to live with day to day." I finished for him and he smiled.
"To say the least."
"Some people are that way."
"And now…"
"Now what?"
He turned so he was facing me more and I mirrored his position, recalling that we use to sit like that all the time, so we could have eye contact.
God, I missed that.
I missed him.
I still loved him.
"What's that word when you kind of want to ask a pretend question?"
"Hypothetical."
"Yeah. That. Let's do a hypothetical question."
"Okay."
"Let say, you have this relationship with this person that you wanted to you know, be with for a while, and you get with them and all, only let's say a few months into this new relationship you got going with this person…"
"Go on, Logan."
"What if you were with someone, in bed, having sex, and the wrong name got called out in the heat of the…moment."
I went wide eyed at that.
"Oh."
"Oh?"
"Well, I mean…" I sighed. "If I am getting what you're saying, then…"
"It means something, don't it?"
"Well, I would think it means the person that called out someone else's name was…well, I think it means they had to be thinking about that person."
Am I blushing? Yes.
"I agree." He set back.
"Logan, I am so sorry." I placed a hand on his arm.
"Marie…"
"I hate that she did that to you."
"Wait, kid…"
"I mean, she has you, and you're the most wonderful guy there is in the world and if she is calling out someone else's name cause she's thinking about someone else, then she is a total fool."
He smiled at that, the classic Logan smile that always made my heart flutter.
"You're one of a kind, kid."
"Aren't you glad? I don't think the world could handle another me."
"The world would be lucky if more people like you were in it."
He said it in a voice that was almost a whisper and I could see in his eyes that he really meant what he had said and it made me ache for things I knew I could never have as the unmistakable sound of someone clearing their throat shattered the silence that had stretched between us and we looked up to see Jean in the doorway.
Standing, I forced a smile.
"Good morning, Jean."
"Rogue."
Shit. She said my name like it left a bad taste in her mouth.
Excuse me, Red, but *you're* the one fucking the man I love and shouting out a name that ain't his, you dirty ho.
"I'll talk to you later, kid."
"Bye, Logan."
And with that, I got the hell out of Dodge.
**************************************************
About a week after my talk with Logan, I set Remy down and I told him we couldn't see one another anymore. I wasn't fair, me dating him when my heart was with Logan, and always would be and when I started to cry, he touched my face gently and told me not to be upset because he understood.
"Remy, he understand, dat it's always been Wolverine."
"Remy…"
"For what it is worth, Remy, he think de Wolverine be a fool for wanting Jean when he could have you."
"That is really sweet."
"It is de truth. Besides, why any man would want Jean makes no sense to Remy, cause a man could get de frost bite on his dick fucking that cold crotch."
Despite everything, I laughed so hard I had fresh tears in my eyes when Remy kissed me and walked me back inside the mansion just in time for both of us to get a mental message from the professor.
We had a mission.
Life went on even in the midst of heartache.
*******************************************
The tears finally stopped, leaving me feeling nothing but numb as I set beside him, my hands clutching one of his as I reminded myself again and again that Hank had said he would be fine.
He just needed time.
Even with his healing factor, he needed time.
He had, after all, nearly been silenced in two.
For a while, only his spine and some muscle had held him together, after Magneto had used his power to send that huge chunk of metal flying through the air.
At me.
It had been intend for me.
But Logan…he saw it…he saw it happening and even though he knew I would survive it just as well as he did, he shoved me out of the way and he took the blow himself and he had fallen to the ground.
And blood.
God, there had been so much blood.
I had called out for Jean, but she had sent me a mental message, telling me to retreat, to get back to the jet cause Magneto had us at an disadvantage and we had to pull out then and there.
She wanted me to leave Logan.
He can fend for himself, Rogue, she had said in my mind.
I fired back for her to fuck off.
I got Logan out of there myself, I flew him back to the jet and then I stayed at his side while Hank looked him over.
I didn't look at Jean or speak to Jean and I was glad when I set with Logan for a long time without her there.
Course, she showed up.
No surprise.
"Well, isn't this special."
The scorn in her voice was undeniable, but I didn't look back at her, I just set there, my hand holding to his.
He was gonna be fine.
"Not now, Jean."
"Yes, now, Rogue. This has been coming for a long time."
Sighing, I laid Logan's hand on the bed and I turned to look at Jean, not surprised to see that she looked cool and calm and together.
"Say what you need to say, Jean."
"I guess you think you've won. He saved you again."
"He saw a teammate in trouble…"
"He saw you in trouble." She spat. "It's always you. Always Rogue. Or Marie rather."
I frowned at that. "How…"
"How did I know your *real* name?"
"Yeah. How?"
"Logan told me."
But I shook my head. "No. He wouldn't have. You must have looked in his mind."
"I didn't have to look in his mind, because I figured out Marie was you're real name when he screamed it out while fucking me."
Oh.
Oh shit.
Logan had been the one to call out someone else's name.
Not Jean.
He had called out *my* name.
Wrong or not, that made me want to do a little dance, right there in the med lab, but I remembered I was twenty two and not twelve.
"Jean…"
"What? What do you want to say? That you're sorry? That it's not your fault?"
"It isn't my fault, Jean."
"Bullshit. You love this. You've wanted Logan all along."
"You're right. I won't deny that. I love Logan. I always have."
"I know. I know you love him."
"But do you? Do you love him? Are you capable of love?"
"Don't think you are better than me."
"I didn't say I was."
"But you think it." She accused.
Again, I sighed. "Look, you have problems you need to deal with that have nothing to do with me or Logan."
"I guess it must be true if Rogue says it."
"Fuck you, Jean."
She smiled coldly. "You can have him, Rogue. I don't want him anymore."
"No shit. You wanted to leave him on the battlefield."
"I don't believe in picking up used trash."
I would have knocked the shit out of her then and there, but a soft moan coming from Logan drew me back to him and I forgot about Jean as I turned to his side, to run my hand through his hair, whispering his name.
"Marie…" He forced his eyes opened, but winced.
"I'm here, sugar. I'm right here."
"You…okay…"
I blinked back tears. "Just fine. I'm just fine."
"Scared…so scared…can't lose you…"
"Don't talk now, Logan. Rest."
He opened his eyes again. "Messed up…so much…already…got to get it right…"
"Logan…"
"You…always been you…Marie…love you…"
There was no fighting back the tears, so I allowed them to fall freely.
"I love you too, Logan. Always have."
"Still…"
"Always…"
A sigh escaped him. "Good…not too late…"
"Not too late, Logan. It's not too late."
He managed a half smile before he closed his eyes again and drifted off to sleep and when I looked back over my shoulder I found Jean had gone, something for which I was glad as I set down once more and found contentment in watching Logan sleep.
*****************************************
Despite Logan's protest, by joining forces, me and Hank managed to keep him in the med lab for three days before I finally relented to his request for a real bed and I had Hank move him to my room.
I thought the kind blue doctor might raise an eyebrow at that, but he only smiled and took Logan there himself.
It was pretty obvious to everyone by then that he and Jean were over, because the day after the mission, she threw herself at Scott and told him she wanted him back and that she regretted the mistake she had made with Logan.
Scott didn't bite.
He told her he loved Kitty, that he was done with her, that he had known all along that she would end up alone when all was said and done cause he had sensed from the start that Logan loved me.
Jean went off, she screamed and yelled and made a sense and as a result, Charles told her she needed to take some time off, to go and be alone and learn to deal with her emotions.
She would be gone for at least six months, working on projects in Paris.
She didn't bother to say goodbye to Logan despite the fact he had seen her in the med lab, before she left and he tried hard to tell her he was sorry, but she ignored him and she didn't come looking to have a conversation with me and I was glad.
I had nothing to say to her.
Me and Logan, however, had a lot to say.
Once he was in my room, we had a long talk about his calling out *my* name when he was with Jean and he admitted that he had been fighting his feelings for me for a long time, because he didn't think he was right for me.
He thought I deserved better.
I told him that I figured he was the best.
And how many girls have a guy that's willing to die for them?
He asked me if I could get past the Jean thing.
I told him I could and would get past it.
"I love you, Marie."
"I love you too, Logan."
"I'm sorry it took so long for me to get it right."
I smiled. "Well, you did get it right and that's all that matters."
"And when Jean comes back, are you gonna be bothered by her?"
It was a fair question and I considered it for a moment.
"You know, for a long time, even before you and Jean hooked up, I was jealous of Jean and how perfect and beautiful she seemed, but I have finally realize that she isn't really that perfect, that she is as flawed as anyone and she has some serious issues that she hides behind that perfect façade."
"Baby, she don't hold a candle to you."
"See? When you say that now, I believe it."
"For what it is worth, I am sorry…"
But she shook her head. "No sorry. It's over. I love you."
"I love you too, Marie."
I laid down beside him, my head on his chest, amazed by how free I felt of anger and jealousy.
I just felt happy.
I felt loved.
Loved by Logan.
*Finally*.
Forever.
What more could I ask for?
I *finally* had all I had ever wanted and it was even better than I had ever imagined it could or would be,
THE END
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