David.
Logan.
Eric.
Logan again.
Bobby.
John.
All the men I have touched in my life time…all the voice lodged deep inside my head, nearly overwhelming me at time, with their thoughts, their feelings, their memories, and worse yet, their nightmares.
Out of the five, Eric and Logan had the worst nightmares, hands down.
Until he nearly got the life sucked from him kissing me, nothing bad had ever really happened to David. He had a good life, two parents that loved him, a desire to maybe be good enough to play professional football someday…yeah, David had it pretty easy when compared to the other occupants in my head.
Bobby…now there is a mixture of good and bad. Bobby didn’t bring any wild dreams into my head, I really didn’t get that much from him, but I received enough to know that Bobby sort of lives a lie. I mean, don’t get me wrong, all the kindness and warm understanding he showed me is real, he has a good heart and a true desire to help people, but kissing me wasn’t Bobby’s way of showing me he really wanted to get past my who toxic skin thing…he was trying to make himself believe he could respond to a girl, but he found out pretty quickly that his interest rested elsewhere.
Which leads us to John. Wow. John has some rage issues, he was kicked out by his family at a pretty young age and he never felt as if he belonged anywhere, not even at the mansion. He hated anyone who could seem more normal than he felt…he was impressed with his power, yet he resented it at the same time, because it marked him as different, a freak among freaks, which is something I can relate to easily, but the main thing that I got from John was the reality that he and Bobby needed to sit down for a long talk, cause neither of them saw the other as simply a best friend and nothing more.
You guessed it, Bobby and John have it bad for one another.
I have never told anyone, but I have had some interesting dreams about those two, left over fragments of dreams they have had about one another and let me tell you, Bobby and John are quite imaginative.
And let me also tell you, their dreams are far less unsettling than Eric’s.
Now, let me just say, I have not forgive old Mags for the trying to kill me thing, and I doubt that I ever will forgive him. But I do understand him…I understand his fears for our kind, for mutants and the future we might face if humans allow their irrational fears to control them.
He has seen what fear can do.
He saw first hand what horrible things men are capable of doing.
Eric was in a Death Camp, he lost his mother and father…he saw sights that I can not begin to describe, but they are sights that I see again and again each time his horrible nightmares fill my mind.
And then there is Logan.
Christ, that man has faced hell…I have seen in vivid detail what those doctors did to him, how they cut him open and poured hot metal along his bones while they laughed the entire time.
I have seen him waking up naked in the snow, covered in blood.
I have felt his horror at realizing he recalled nothing but his name, that the only link he had to his past were tags he wore around his neck.
I have seen him fight and kill and I have felt how much he has hated himself at times.
Logan is the one of the five that I have gotten the most of and I am glad, because aside from the nightmares, I have gotten his strength and his courage and his sense of honor and his loyal nature.
There is so much more to Logan than anyone else has ever realize…he is a wonderful man and I adore him and when I have his nightmares, I cry the hardest because I feel a connection to Logan that makes me feel his pain more intently than all the others.
And it is Logan that is there for me, when I wake up in terror.
It’s Logan that holds me close and sooths my fears and tells me that it’s all okay and he is there…he whispers gentle words in the darkness and when my tears finally cease he gently kisses my lips and moves his strong hands along my body, touching me in all the places that no other man has ever or will ever explore.
Gently, with passion and tenderness and love, Logan always makes love to me as all traces of the nightmare fades from my mind and all I can concentrate on his him; all that matters is his touch…his lips on my breast…his mouth moving down my body so slowly, as he devours each naked inch until I begin to wither and beg and finally, he surrounds me completely as he eases inside of me and I looked up at him, into those hazel eyes that are windows into the most beautiful soul I have ever known.
David.
Logan.
Eric.
Logan again.
Bobby.
John.
And lastly, Logan…forever Logan…his touch and voice and passion surrounded me night after night and he is always there to chase away the darkness and ease the pain and with him at my side, I know I can face the nightmares and battle back the voice; with Logan at my side, I can face and survive anything because his strength is mine and my heart is safe in his hands.
The End
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