The day my mutation decided to manifest itself as I enjoyed my first (and what I later assumed would be my last kiss) my first reaction was to figure that for some reason unknown to me, I was seriously cursed by God. I figured that maybe he just hated me, or maybe I had done something really horrible in a past life and I was being punished for it on this go around on earth. I mean, one second I was just a normal teenager girl and the next, I’m this freak of nature than can easily kill with a touch…one second I had parents that loved me, and then suddenly, those same parents are tossing me out of the house, telling me I am as good as dead to them and they never want to see me again or even hear from me.
My dad said I was an abomination.
Not a compliment, as you can guess, and I could hear his voice calling me that the entire time I was out on the road, hitchhiking my way to Canada, telling myself that I could find a home for myself in Alaska.
But I knew the truth.
There was no home for me. No safe haven. I had nothing and no one and I was certain it would always be that way.
Until Logan.
You know, never even in my wildest dreams did I think someone like Logan existed in this insane world. I certainly never thought I would meet a man quite like him…a man that was strong and brave and crass and rude and stubborn…one look at Logan would be enough to scare most good southern girls shitless, but me, when I looked at him, I knew I had found something special.
I had found my soul mate.
I can’t really explain how I knew it so suddenly and so thoroughly, but even before he and I spoke, I just knew in my heart, in my soul, that this man and I were connected in some fundamental way. I just knew I was his and he was mine. It was as simple and as complex as that…I felt as if all my travels hadn’t been leading me towards Alaska, but towards this man that looked so hard and dangerous, yet when I looked at him, I saw something in his eyes that confirmed for me that he was the one person that had the means to understand me and accept me and care for me.
Sitting at that bar, I just felt pulled to him…our eyes kept locking and I just felt like I was being drawn towards my fate.
Then that nut job pulled a knife and the next thing I knew I was in the back of his truck hiding away and when he tried to drive off, I somehow knew even before he stopped that he would not leave me there.
And he didn’t.
He took me with him.
He nearly died for me.
Twice.
And then he left with the promise that he would return, he left his dog tags in my hand and even if he did not know it yet, when he walked out that door, he took my heart with him. I had no choice in that matter, because my heart was his…I was his, it was more than a crush as Jeannie called it each time she cornered me in the months that followed and told me I needed to get over Logan because he would never see me as anything more than a child.
You are a burden to him, Jeannie said, he feels as if he has to take care of you and if you really cared about him as you say you do, you would release him from his promise so he can be with the one he really wants.
So he could be with her, she added.
I went cold and still at those words and I remained that way as Jean explained to me that Logan had told her he loved her, that he would have stayed and been with her, if he had not been so uncomfortable with me looking at him with moony eyes.
The Logan in my head said she was lying and I wanted to believe it.
Then she hit with the low blow.
She said Logan could never be happy with some freak he couldn’t even touch.
And that made me wonder…
Maybe she had a point.
I mean, having Logan in my head, I kind of new that he was a man that liked sex a lot and me…well, I didn’t want to kill him, I couldn’t control my skin, I didn’t know that I ever could, so a lot of what Jean said made sense.
I hated her for that.
I hated myself more.
But I told myself that I had to do it. For Logan. If I wasn’t around, he would be free to be with Jean or someone…he wouldn’t have to worry about me…I waited until Jean left my room and I threw a few things in a bag, took Logan’s tags off my neck, crying the entire time as I wrote him a note.
I told him thanks for all he had done for me, I told him that I would never forget him, but I was releasing him from his promise to care for me, so he could move on with his life and be happy.
I told him I loved him and always would.
I told him I wished I could have been different.
I left the note in a place where Jubes would find it, cause I knew she would be sure to get it to Logan, whereas Jean would throw it away.
I waited until midnight and I slipped from the mansion with tears in my eyes.
And once again, I was homeless and alone and confused, and once again, I decided to hitch my way across the county, deciding that maybe Alaska would be okay…maybe I could build a life there.
But I knew it would not be much life without Logan.
Try as I might, I couldn’t get him off my mind, couldn’t stop longing for him, but I told myself that for his sake I had to keep going. I had to move on so he could, so he could be with Jean…it didn’t matter if I hated her as long as Logan loved her…if she could make him happy, that was the most important thing, I reasoned as a truck driver got me into Canada.
Canada.
Where I had found Logan.
Of course, I was not in Laughlin City this time. I figured that going back there would not be a good thing, as I was sure the bartender would remember me and I did not have any desire to get a bullet in the gut.
Anyway, where I ended up was not much better than Laughlin City. It was basically, the same set up, some rundown buildings that had seen far better days in the far distant past.
And there was a bar.
Lovely.
I didn’t really want to go inside, but I figured I had to, if I wanted to find a ride, so I slipped inside and I sighed in relief when I didn’t see a cage in the middle of the room because I knew such a sight would only remind me of Logan.
And I didn’t want to think about Logan.
It hurt too damn much.
Making my way to the bar, I set down, glad that I had enough money this time to at least order a cup of hot coffee.
And then it happened.
I heard it.
A seriously pissed as hell voice.
“What the fuck are you doing here?”
For a moment, I didn’t move, I couldn’t breathe, or think or feel…I just told myself in my mind that no, no, no, no, I had not just wondered into another dive bar to come face to face with HIM again.
But I knew, even before I finally turned, it was him.
Logan.
He was standing there, in jeans, his two jackets, a cigar in hand, his hair as wild as I had ever seen and his eyes not even a little amused.
I recalled Jeannie’s words.
Of course Logan wouldn’t be happy to see me, he had left New York to get away from me and now I had fallen right into his world once more. Hell, he probably thought he was the one that was cursed, with me.
Tears instantly came to my eyes and without a word, my much longed for coffee long forgotten, I picked my bag up off the floor and I ran past Logan, right out the door, into the beginnings of what would be a nasty snow storm.
Why I bothered, I don’t know…I mean this was Logan and he caught me easily, his arm wrapping around my waist to halt me cold as I cried and he turned me around so I had to look up at him, feeling like a fool, cursing myself, wishing I had just died when Mags had me and done the world a favor.
“Marie, what the hell is going on.” His hands on my shoulders were warm and strong and I wanted to melt right into him, but I could only shake my head, reminding myself I had already taken too much from this man. “Did you come here to find me? Is that it sweetheart?” But I only shook my head again, drawing in a breath to try and steady myself, knowing I had to give him so kind of answer.
“No. I swear, Logan. I swear, I wasn’t looking for you. I swear. I know you left so you could get away from me and I was…I was trying to get to Alaska, so you could go back to the mansion and be with Jean, but you’re here…” I spread my hands in a helplessly lost gesture and he frowned and told me I needed to start from the beginning, cause he was totally confused, but first, he walked me across the parking lot, to where he had a truck and camper he had just bought.
He waited until I was settled inside, he had the heather on and then he told me to talk and I did so, staring at my feet as I told him everything; I told him what Jean had said, how she had told me she was the one he wanted, that he saw me as a silly little kid and how Jean said he would never feel comfortable at the mansion as long as I was around.
I told him how I had left his dog tags along with a note telling him I was so sorry for all the problems I had cause him…I was sure Jubes would give it to him, when he got to the mansion, I quickly added, explaining that running into him had not been at all planned and I was really sorry.
After I finished, I fell silent, feeling nothing but tired and foolish…I knew Logan was pissed, I had enough of his senses to smell the anger rolling off of him, so I was more than mildly surprised when he reached for my gloved hand and I looked up at him.
He looked so handsome, in the dim light cast by the lights in the parking lot and I wanted to cry all over again as he smiled and shook his head.
It was sitting there, in that little parking lot, that Logan gently told me that Jean was full of serious shit because he had never told her he wanted her and he had not left because I made him uncomfortable.
He had left to search for his past.
And to give me time to grow up.
He told me he had loved me from the second he saw me in Laughlin City, that he had fought to hide that truth even from himself, but he was done hiding. He loved me and me alone…he didn’t care about his past anymore, or our age difference, he loved me, he was sorry he had left me in the first place…he said we could figure out a way to work around my skin. He said he could be creative when he needed to be and I laughed as I fell into his arms and he held me close, telling me again and again that he loved me.
It was a dream come true, to hear him say those words and he said them a lot, as we drove back to Westchester just so we could retrieve his tags and he could have a few chosen words with Jean.
Words that half the mansion heard.
Logan told her she was a bitch, and a fool, and he said he was tempted to forget that she was supposedly a lady so he could give her the ass kicking she deserved…he told her I could have been killed, Sabs or Mags could have gotten to me and Logan assured her, had that happened, he would have killed her.
He then told her and the professor that we were out of there and they would never see either of us again.
Naturally, the professor tried to stop him, but Logan had no desire to hear anything he had to say and I was on the same page as him…I wanted to be only with Logan, what anyone else thought didn’t matter.
He have Scott back his motorcycle, told him to take care and we were gone.
That was about two years ago and neither me nor Logan have any contact with any of the people back at the mansion and that is cool with me. I’m happy with my life, with the little cabin in the mountains where Logan and I spend the winter…I love traveling with him and going to the fights with him (he still loves those) and I paint and from time to time, I sale a piece for a decent profit.
Oh, yeah, I can control my skin.
It took time, but Logan taught me some meditation skills and it helped me find the switch I needed.
I’ve come a long way, since that day my mutation came about, I have faced a lot of things and some have not been good, but a lot have and all in all, the good and the bad combined has been worth it, cause it all resulted in me finding Logan not once, but twice.
Funny, but fate has a way of leading you where you need to go even when you don’t know for sure where you are going or what you will find there.
Me, I found my soul mate.
I found my Logan.
THE END.
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(I have a serious sickness so if anyone out there has a cure for this obsession I have, please let me know)