Sometimes, at night, I slip into her room. She never knows it. When she ain’t having a nightmare of some kind, the girl sleeps like the dead. Kind of cute, really. She takes up most of her bed, all sprawled out, snoring so lightly most people without my sense probably couldn’t even hear it…but I can…I can hear her little snore combined with the steady beat of her heart and it’s just about the most beautiful sound I have ever heard in my life. It’s just a peaceful sound…a comforting sound…I think it gives me a peace of some kind, listening to her and watching her sleep, knowing she’s real and warm and alive.
It’s pretty common knowledge that I’m an ass. I mean, I own up to this. I ain’t one to sugarcoat the truth. I know I am a fucked up mess. Stryker said I was an animal with claws…an experiment gone bad…got kinds of drunk one night after we got back and I told Marie that and she just about went nuts. I think if Stryker had been standing right in front of her, she would have sucked the life right from him, Lord knows she call him every nasty name in the book.
“He’s a dick, Logan.” She huffed the words, looking at me with those big brown eyes that had been my downfall from the moment we met. “I know you, I have you inside my head and you are not any of those things. You are good and strong and brave and I think you are just about perfect.”
“Hardly, kid. I’m as far from perfect as they get. Hell, even Jean said so.”
“What do you mean?”
I told her then, about how I kissed Jean after she gave me the Good Guy speech and how she walked away and Marie nodded, but looked sad.
“Maybe for Jean, you weren’t the good guy. Scott was her love, and he was hers, but I know you are good Logan.” She then got really pensive. “You know what, Jean was kind of right. You aren’t the good guy. You’re the Great Guy, Logan. You are so much better than good…to me you are just above everything…”
“Marie…” I looked at her, sensing what was coming, but she only smiled.
“I know you aren’t ready to hear me say the words, Logan, and the truth is, maybe I am not ready to say them yet.” She reached for my hand then, holding it encased in soft satin. “But I feel it and I have from the first and I…when the time is right for us, I know you will be The Great Guy. I have no worries about that. I know in my soul that you will never fail me or let me down and you will never leave me, because you are my Great Guy, Logan.” She didn’t use words to say she loved me, she was right, we were not ready for that, but her eyes told me what she felt and I felt it just as strongly as I pressed a gentle kiss to her gloved hand, suddenly think about Scott and how he had managed to survive Jean’s death.
I had seen him daily, since then, and I knew he managed to get up in the morning and go to teach his classes…but I night I can hear his tears as he cries alone in his room and I know how much he hurts. I feel bad for him. I mean, I cared for Jean, but I know what I felt for her was not love…what I have for Marie is love and because I love her every bit as much as Scott loved Jean, I know I would sooner die myself than be in the position Scott is in now.
I guess that’s why I slip into her room. I just want to look at her. I want to be sure she is still there, safe and sound…I want to remind myself that I didn’t lose her on that statue and Kurt brought her back to me when she was sucked from the plane. My sweet Marie is alive…she is alive and within reach and with each day that slowly passes, I know we move closer to the time when we will be ready to say what we feel and I know she is right. My Marie is a smart girl. She hit it dead on when she said that I will never fail her or let her down or leave her ever again…she was right when she said that I would be her Great Guy, because she inspires me to be that and for my Marie, I’m willing to be whatever he precious heart believes I can be.
Until then, though, I watch her sleep. I watch her…I love her…
The End
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Story Notes:
This is a fic born from how annoyed I felt when Jean declared that Logan was not The Good Guy. (I didn’t let my Jean Issues show too clearly in this one, and I am proud of myself for that. But like I said before, my Jean Issues are starting to pale when compared to my Hallie Berry Issues, so Storm is rarely mentioned in my fics, because I like the character Storm, and I don’t want the fact that I dislike her pain in the ass portray to color her character…I think that makes sense. I tend to ramble.