I told her I wasn't runnin' but I couldn't meet her eyes. Eyes that know me. Know me better than I do myself I think. As I dare glance at them and see her understanding shining there. She knows. Which really doesn't surprise me. I knew she would. She knows I am lyin' to her. To myself. Hell, to everyone in this school.
She is so real. I think as she looks me in the eyes her feeling out there for me to see. I think it is her way of putting us back on even ground. She knows what I think and why all because of the two times we have touched. That last time I gave up more than I bargained for. That is the truth. I gave her more of myself of my demons and I told myself that she wouldn't go through anymore of my pain, but seeing her like that limp, lifeless. I couldn't stand it. For one moment in time. I felt the horror of being alone. Soul deep alone! I would have given anything to save her in that soul rending moment. When I pressed my cheek to her face my soul torn and my heart breaking. I was shocked and relieved that it had started working. I gloried in the pain of our connection.
I know that is the moment that I knew. That I gave her all of my thoughts and feelings. That I gave her life. I knew that moment that she was more to me than just a frightened kid I felt compelled to rescue. When Jean told me that Rogue was a little taken with me. I felt my heart leap and because of it had to toss that bit out about it belonging to someone else.
I stopped before I walked out this door and I almost willed her to know. To follow me. I had so many things inside me that I needed-no wanted to say to her. I wasn't at all surprised when she followed after me.
"Hey?" I stopped and looked at her. Had she heard my silent plea? "You runnin' again?"
"Not really, I have some things to take care of up north." It was a lie. I want so much to say the words that are hammering through my veins, but I can't because I am runnin' again. Runnin' from my own need. My own desires. I glance at her and heel the need to touch her.
So i run one finger over the streak of white hair and look at quirk an eyebrow at her. Give her my own small smile. I would have thought she would color it to its natural shining brown. She gives a sort of half smile and says, "I kinda like it." I nod. I like it, too. It gives her a mature look. Which is one of the reasons I have to get out of here now, before the animal in me forgets she is really only seventeen.
"I don't want ya to go," she says the words I long to here. Honest. Innocent and sweet. Her eyes say words, too. Words that make me wish I could stay. She has the courage to say what she feels. i wish I could do the same. I am so astounded by her honesty that I have to look at her, but soon glance away again. When I see the look of love that shines in her eyes. I drink it in and then reach for my dog tag.
I know I will be back. I couldn't stay away from her for long. I take her warm hand in mine. And slowly slip the one thing that has been with me for as long as I can remember into her hand. Using the fingers from my other to curl her finger's closed around them. She rolls her eyes at the token I have given her. I meet her eyes dead on and say, "I'll be back for this." The meaning of the words clear in my eyes. Hers widen and then slide into a seductive little smile. We understand each other perfectly.
I leave with a smile on my face at the thought of that day in the future. A day that will bring an end to my travel, but until then I am runnin' again.
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