How many times would it take them to notice? How many times would it take her stealing beer and going off in one of Scott's cars for them to notice something was wrong with her? Everyone was still smarting, she knew that, it was written all over their faces, the looks of
helpful nothing as she wound her way through the school. Children coming in, hoping to find something that was once here, something she once believed in before Jean fucked everything up.
She still couldn't bring herself to fully hate the woman who'd caused all this pain, the monument to her in the garden being visited by the new kids as they realised who she'd been, what she'd been and why she'd had to die and by whose hand she'd met that death.
People had pulled away from Logan, even Ororo did it, she didn't want to be alone with him, always making sure the door to her office was open when she spoke to him. Siding with Hank about the decisions that were made about security and the new younger teams. Logan was left with teaching the kids about what was important - control.
Thing was it looked like Ororo didn't beleive Logan had any himself and that made her own feelings toward the weather witch become bitter.
She'd tried talking to Bobby about it all, but he'd been in shock when she'd come back changed, different, a mutant in soul only, her body was now human. But they'd found out that the cure wasn't one, it only rewrote lower mutations, not something like hers, not a level five like she was. She'd seen the file in Ororo's office, kids
that were once settled back at home were requesting to come back, their mutations had resurfaced. She'd cried for a week in-between hiding her now scratched arms and body, knowing that sometime soon her skin would become deadly again.
Bobby had been distant from her ever since she'd slept with him, giving him everything of herself but he'd given her nothing emotional, making her feel empty and used. The mistake compounded now she knew that it would be the only memory of her sexual life, good enough to go with the other disaster of her life. The day she became a mutant, kissing the one boy that had been brave enough to
face her mother down and charm her with his own rugged good looks.
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It was three am when she pulled into the garage, silence was at a premium here now and she revelled in the deep silence not realising she wasn't the only one enjoying it. Only when her door opened did she realise she wasn't alone, her tear filled eyes not recognising who it was at first."Move over, you're in no state to drive anywhere. Suprised you didn't put yourself through the glass."
Laughing darkly she snapped the seat belt she had wrapped around her.
"Safety first Logan, just cos I hate my life don't mean I want to end it." It was too hard to do this right now, she didn't want to deal with him on her case as much as everyone else was. She made to get out and his hands just gripped her own, crushing in their strength. He snapped the belt open and flung it aside forcing her to move over as he got in, blind she just did as he'd asked.
Shifted over and wrapped herself up in her own misery as Logan turned the engine over pulling out of the garage again. Quietly, much more quiet than she'd been coming in, the silence made her own torment feel worse and she let herself get lost inside it as the silent world slid by.
Travelling in the darkness reminding her of that night that had changed so much for both of them, the unspoken things that had passed between them when she'd handed him the dogtag at her wrist. She'd worn it all the time he'd been away, against her bare skin, even when she'd been with Bobby; she'd held a piece of him closer.
His name was at her throat by day and by night he was in her hand, clutched like a raft to the drowning. He'd meant more to her than a protector and he'd known that in the moment she'd handed it over to him, the scent of Bobby had told him just how much he'd hated that she wore it at all.
They went for ten minutes before he even tried to speak to her, his even breathing becoming more erratic the further from the school they got. Using the window to reflect his image to her eyes she could see his struggle, trying to keep his emotions in check, trying not to let everything overwhelm him, trying to save her again.
Blaming himself for not noticing her fall, not seeing her until she had hit bottom or near to it. He was driving but his motions were clipped, angry, not at her but at what he hadn't done, he'd promised and he'd let her down. Which to him was something unforgivable and it was breaking him.
The darkened streets were rolling by and the late night life of Westchester was sparse, the lights from a small motel were swimming into view and she just pulled the steering wheel round before he had chance to react. He controlled the turn she'd forced them into, coming to rest in the centre of the parking lot, engine gently
ticking over and the look of anger quickly rising in Logan's eyes as he looked at her crying face. "Marie what the fuck..." He never finished his thought because she put her hand upto his mouth, the touch of her skin on his own making silence come through his body.
Making him realise how much he'd failed at the single touch of her skin, that he hadn't stopped her, that he hadn't looked for her when she'd gone. Thinking she knew what she'd wanted, that she was doing it for herself when he knew for certain it had been for Bobby. So he could touch her and she could feel worthy of his touch, when there had been nothing wrong with her in the first place.
She got out, wiped her eyes and made for the office, paid for a room coming back with a key her body moving with determination. If he wanted to follow her he would, she knew that and nothing she said would change what he thought or what he did. HE was the Wolverine for gods sake, the man who'd killed the woman he loved because she
was destroying the world. He'd been the only one who could've done it, the only one Jean would have let near enough to her. No one asked about the cost to Logan though did they, not even Ororo when they'd prised his hands from her body. They'd left him to suffer alone as they'd taken Jean from him, not even Hank had had time to
talk to him, she'd been too wrapped up in Bobby and Kitty to look his way either. Not until the funeral, then it had seemed too late for her to try, but now maybe there was a chance. He'd come to her and she'd make him do it again.
It was an hour later when he finally came inside the room; darkness was losing to the rising sun and he looked like he'd travelled all the way here on his back he looked so haggard. He sat on the bed, the weight of him sending creaks through the shoddy frame. Turning into the comforting size of him she let herself breathe him in, her
hands tightening on the solidity of him. Feeling the metal on his bones as sure as she'd put it there herself.
"Logan," Her voice was small, quiet almost so unlike the one she'd used to scream at the others in the hallways of the mansion. She felt his breath shudder, the wreckage of his body as he finally let go of the burden he was carrying. Collapsing into her softness, feeling the razor slide of his tears on her skin, his grip bruising, her ribs creaking with the pressure of him. She'd accept the pain gladly; she'd dealt her own wounds to him that had been just as bed but hadn't been visable until now.
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Neither of them remembered how they became naked,or how they'd managed to pull the other into the embraces they had on each other.
Her legs wrapped around his waist as he moved inside her, hands either side of her head, his body arched above her own. Trying to hold back from hurting her, knowing he needed to, to show her what she'd done to him by her giving what had been his to someone else who hadn't cared about her. She'd touched his face then, when his eyes had darkened just before he'd gone over pulling her with him
with the friction and force of his body against her own. Her whispers caught by his ears, as loud as a hurricane to him. "I'm sorry, it should have been you. I never stopped loving you."
Those simple words, snapped all she'd felt wide open, laying her bare to him, to do what he wanted with. He owned what was left of her and he knew it, just as much as she owned what was left of him. He'd shuddered above her as she'd gripped him never wanting to lose him but knowing she would. Her traitorous skin would turn against
her soon and she'd be untouchable once again but at least she'd have this. He'd have what he deserved, what she'd promised him at the beginning, on the train, in the machine, in the tunnel, in the same car he'd driven them here in, in the hallway that day when she'd left to get the cure.
He'd given her life once and she'd been wanting to throw it away again because she couldn't have what she'd thought was hers to have.
Bobby.
He'd been safe, a little boy to the men in her mind, only when she'd seen him in the hallway after Alcatraz did she see exactly what this had cost him, what her running away had cost him. He'd made a decision and she hadn't been the one he'd chosen, even then she tried to trap him. Giving him what she'd thought he'd wanted, her body but it wasn't enough, hadn't been enough and she'd remembered
the look on his face from the memories of Logan after he'd fucked a hooker. Blank but satisfied, no emotion, no feeling but relief and then she'd known exactly what she'd done to herself and the one man who did love her, Logan.
They rested there the entire day, both of their phones vibrating and ringing but they ignored them. They needed this, this time together, alone, away, healing together, touching, holding, tasting, making memories that might never be repeated but it didn't matter. Only when they checked out that night did Logan speak to her, the tone
filled with extra meaning only she could pick up on. "When we get home move your stuff over," she'd looked at him about to argue when he'd just shifted his stance and growled. There was no arguement with this, it wasn't a request,it had been an order and she'd follow it or else.
The journey back was just as quiet but she knew the next few hours wouldn't be; especially when she moved her things into his room.
He'd taken what he'd earned and she deserved whatever he wanted to give her both good and bad. They'd both made bad choices but life went on didn't it? After all, all we can ever ask for is what we deserve don't you think?
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Author's Chapter Notes:
This one started out as a single story but it morphed into a kind of chaptered series, I just wrote what they wanted me to write on this one. It may seem a little jumpy in places later on but I hope you'll stick with it to the end.