I’m in the business of misery,
Let’s take it from the top.
My life has been one shitty disaster after another. What? You don’t believe me? Well let me count the ways.
First I had the pleasure of being born to a father that was a lousy drunk and a mother who was too scared of him to make a peep. I hope you don’t mind but that’s all the time I’m going to waste on them.
Second was Cody. Poor, poor sweet Cody. He was the cutest boy I knew and I found out he liked me. He told me so himself right before I kissed him into a coma with my mutation. I call the hospital every couple of months. They tell me the same thing every time. ‘No Ms. Rogue. We don’t believe he will ever wake up. I’m sorry.’ He doesn’t deserve this. What did he ever do except like me? After that I wasn’t welcomed at home and I was ‘asked’ to leave. I spent eight months on the road, barely eating, sleeping or showering.
Third is the mutation I mentioned. The Professor prefers the term ability. Well my ability sucks. Both figuratively and literally. You see anybody who even bumps up against my bare skin can die. You’re probably thinking ‘Rogue it can’t be that bad.’ Really? Ask Cody what he thinks if he ever wakes up. I absorb people through touch. With mutants I absorb their mutations and with prolonged exposure I start to absorb their life. With humans I just automatically start to absorb their life. Thus Cody being comatose after an innocent kiss. So I’m sentenced, because honestly it does feel like a prison, to a life without touch. Without kissing, or handshakes, or hugs. At least not without some sort of barrier.
That’s why my room looks like a glove and scarf emporium. I have every color, every length and every material you could ever imagine. And trying to find a pair of shorts or a tank top in my closet is harder than finding a needle in a haystack. Or as Jubes would say ‘harder than finding Where’s Waldo in a candy cane factory’.
Fourth, because of my ability some psycho named Magneto decided to kidnap me and use me for his warped plan. He built a machine that would turn humans into mutants, at my expense of course. I died that day. Well, almost. I felt myself gone, only the tiniest bit of me was still with my body. When Logan touched me to allow my mutation to use his mutation. The wisp of me that was left behind felt touch. No pull. No mutation beginning. Just touch. The feel of his skin just shook me and made me want to fight. I wanted to feel it again. That’s when my mutation kick started and I absorbed his healing. He saved me.
Fifth, is sort of an extension of three. When I absorb people, I get their memories and personalities for a while. It’s awful. Like when I was forced to absorb Erik and I got memories of being in Auschwitz. I woke up at night from sickening nightmares still being able to smell the burning of flesh and hear the screams. Or it can be just plain weird. Like when I absorbed Logan and got a taste for beer, cigars and … females. I know, gross. I would catch myself looking at Storm’s or even Dr. Grey’s ass. Ok. Moving on.
And those are just the major things.
But through all the shit. Through all the bad and the evil, there was one really huge good thing. Logan. That’s why I can’t hate my skin. It led me to him. I liked him because he helped me on that cold road in Canada. He promised to take care of me. He cared. I loved him for not being scared of my skin. He was the only one. I have many names for him that I don’t say to his face because he denies them, Savior and Hero are just two of them. There is one I can call him. Friend. But there’s a little problem with that. I don’t want to be just a friend. I’m in love with him.
She’s got a body like an hourglass it’s ticking like a clock.
I didn’t like her at first but since this was going to be my new home and with Logan gone searching for his past I decided to try to be nice and make some friends. Some came easy. Like Jubilee, John and Peter. They were too stubborn to let a little thing like poison skin get in the way of being my friend. I love them dearly. With others it took some convincing to trust me. Like Kitty and Bobby. Some were friendly to me because at first it was the right thing to do but then once they got to know me and see how careful I was with my skin, they were friendly because they were my friends. Like Scott, Storm, and The Professor. But one. Just one was unnaturally nice to me. Always smiling with her teeth showing. Grandma D'Ancanto always said ‘A genuine smile never shows teeth. Don’t trust ‘em if you can see the pearly whites’. I should have listened to Grandma.
I was intimidated by her at first. I felt like the ugly step-sister when ever I was next to her. She was tall, mostly legs, with a hard body from the X-men training. No, nothing jiggling on her. Beautiful long red hair. She walked and held herself in such an elegant way it made me want to puke. I was short, and puny. I was undernourished from eight months of only one meal a day. Frumpy, dull brown hair with two white stripes in it. Despite that people saw them as weird, I like the stripes. I was shy and clumsy. You can see why nobody would notice me when I’m next to her.
She kept trying to be my friend but her heart wasn’t into to it. Like someone was forcing her to. But I still didn’t listen to the nagging voice in my head telling me to forget this one, just avoid her. I tried but she kept finding me. Like when I was talking to Ororo about my feelings for Logan. I felt I could trust her so I admitted to her that I was in love with him. That it wasn’t a crush. Storm, after hearing me out gave me a hug, a kiss on top of my head and said “Yup you’re in love” She then said anytime I need to talk to come to her.
When I left her room I bumped into Jean. She heard everything and just wanted to lend her support. She told me that if Logan ever came back, to just tell him how I feel. She then hinted that there was a good chance he felt the same way. Well, naturally I was ecstatic. I felt happier than I had in months. I even became friends with Jean.
She started to become nastier and nastier to me over time. I didn’t understand what I did to her so I just started to avoid her again. Jubes had an idea why.
“You’re, like, a total fox. The hottie doctor is feeling threatened. She’s not the hottest female in the mansion anymore.” I had a vision of Jean in front of her mirror, talking to it like the evil witch from Snow White.
“Yeah right.” I laughed, shaking my head of the thought.
“Girl, yes. If I wasn’t like your best friend forever, I would be so jealous of you. Face it your hot.” I felt myself blush. That night I took a good look at myself in the mirror. I had filled out since I moved into the mansion and started eating regularly. I was a member of the X-men now, and my training made sure nothing jiggled on me neither. My hair even grew and had a healthier shine to it. And I definitely know I saw a couple of the boys staring at my chest. But did I grow enough for Jean to be jealous of? I didn’t see it.
Then the moment of truth was here. Logan came back home.
I saw the way he looked at me when I ran to give him a hug. His eyes nearly bugged out of his head. I thought I had a chance with him. I was just about to spill my feelings when she came down the stairs to say hi. I didn’t like being near her so I told him I had to talk to him and that he should find me later and I left. I left the two of them alone. Together. I know, you don’t have to say it. I’m a moron.
It’s a matter of time before we all run out,
When I thought he was mine she caught him by the mouth.
You would think that being with a guy like Scott, you wouldn’t have eyes for anyone else. I mean he’s gorgeous, sweet, smart. He’s the type of guy who’d put your feelings and wants before his own. I know because he’s like my brother and I love him dearly. That’s why when I found her in bed with Logan, I punched her. Ok that was only part of why I did it. I also did it because she’s the one who made me believe I had a shot with Logan, then she hops into bed with him. The bitch knew I was in love with him. I felt betrayed by her. My heart broke for my loss and for Scott’s. That’s why it felt great to break her nose. What can I say, I’ve been training really hard.
“That was for Scott.” I yelled when I saw how confused Logan looked. I didn’t want him to know how I felt. Especially now. Then I ran off to tell Scott. He took it hard but he had a feeling it was going to happen. He knew how I felt about Logan so he suggested we drown our sorrows. We did. Then we cried. A lot. Then we cursed them. Again, a lot. Then woke up with such a horrible hangover it made us forget why we were drinking in the first place. We quickly remembered when we overheard Jean and Ororo arguing in the hallway. Apparently Storm was disgusted with her teammate’s cheating ways. They stopped being friends after that. Not that they were that close to begin with. Storm was always closer to Scott.
Jean moved out into her own room. Logan, my new best friend, confided in me that she wanted to move in with him. I asked him why didn’t she.
“It’s not a serious relationship. Sure we’re faithful, but I don’t want to share my space or have her sleeping over. I like her but she’s annoying after a while. Always trying to change me. I rather hang out with you.”
I waited eight long months,
She finally set him free.
I told him I couldn’t lie he was the only one for me.
By the sound of the yells, I thought World War Three was well under way. It was summer so most of the kids were home but there was still a nice size crowd around Jean’s door. I managed to get through the to the front easily, poison skin remember. What I saw left my jaw on the ground. Once I picked it up, I was trying my best not to smirk, though my eyebrows were raised giving me away. Logan was standing at the foot of the bed, claws out, screaming profanities I never even knew existed. Jean was in bed. Naked. With an equally naked Remy. She was screaming back at him. Something about reading his thoughts, and never spending time with her.
I could tell that Logan wasn’t heartbroken, just had his pride wounded. Plus for some reason, from the moment he saw him, he really didn’t like Remy. I ran forward to calm him down. I would hate it if he got into trouble for murdering two of the mansion teachers. He claws went in the moment he saw me. I told him to calm down, she wasn’t worth it. He nodded once then left the room quickly. Once he left I turned to the redheaded adulterer in the bed.
“It hurts, doesn’t it bitch.” I smiled.
“Maybe but he still will never want you. Nobody will” Remy gave me a once over and gave me a look that said it wasn’t true. I laughed because the guy was in bed with Jean but was seriously considering me. As if.
“Well if that was true, why is your little friend here looking at me like that.” I left just as she slapped him. I was looking for Logan, asking anyone I saw if they knew where he went. Peter saw him going to the garage. I ran there in time to see him mounting his, I mean Scott’s, bike.
“Where you going?”
“Just for a drive. Don’t worry I’m not leaving again.”
“Logan.” I said out of breath. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t worry about it. No big deal.” He shrugged. “Not like it’s your fault.”
“I should have warned you she was such a bitch. She’s been impossible the whole time you were gone.”
“What did she do to you?” He seemed to get more agitated.
“Nothing major. I told her that I was in love with someone and she fucked me over.”
“How?”
“She slept with him”
“You’re in love with Remy?” He sounded hurt and disgusted. Men can be such morons sometimes.
“No you idiot. You. I’m in love with you.” He looked so confused, then just when I was going to slap myself for believing he liked me, he smiled and held out his helmet for me.
“You coming?” I shook my head and put the helmet on. Getting on the bike behind him, he reached for my arms pulling them around his waist. “So, you in love with me?” he asked as he started the engine.
“Yeah.”
“Good.” And he drove off.
Two weeks and we caught on fire,
She’s got it out for me,
But I wear the biggest smile.
After that night my virginity was just a distant memory. He admitted to me that he had feelings for me but he didn’t think I would return them. Especially after Jean took it upon herself to tell him I only saw him as a brother. Bitch. Bitch. Bitch. Can you believe her?
We spent our days teaching our classes, training and eating together. Flirting. And we spent our nights in his bed. I can’t believe how non-shitty my life is right now. It’s a first.
He told me to move in with him. Said I already spend all my time in his room might as well make it official. I said yes. Actually, I may have screamed it.
In one of the few trips it took me to move my stuff in, I bumped into Jean.
“What are you doing?” She’s so nasty.
“None of your business.”
“He’ll never love you enough to stay. Just wait until he gets that itch to leave. Your going to look like a fool.” I just smiled as sweet as I could.
“I’m not going to look like a fool. That’s your job.”
Whoa, I never meant to brag
But I got him where I want him now.
Whoa, it was never my intention to brag
To steal it all away from you now.
But God does it feel so good,
Cause I got him where I want him now.
And if you could then you know you would.
Cause God it just feels so,
It just feels so good.
“You had him, Jean and you lost him. Despite all the lies and backstabbing and hearts you broke to get him. You are so sad. I’m not even sure if you ever really wanted *him*. You just wanted something you couldn’t have and the moment you had it, it lost it’s appeal to you. Then you found Remy. Well go find Remy and leave us alone. We’re happy and you can’t ruin that.”
“We’ll see about that.”
“What are you going to do throw yourself at him? Go ahead. It won’t work. He loves me. You were just a guarantied lay.” I walked a little closer to her and whispered loudly, “And from what he told me, it wasn’t even that good.” Then I walked back to my new room.
Second chances they don’t ever matter, people never change.
Once a whore you're nothing more, I'm sorry, that'll never change.
And about forgiveness, we're both supposed to have exchanged.
I'm sorry honey, but I'm passin' up, now look this way.
Well there's a million other girls who do it just like you.
Looking as innocent as possible to get to who,
They want and what they like it's easy if you do it right.
Well I refuse, I refuse, I refuse!
We’ve been together for almost a year now. Every so often Jean finds me and tells me he’ll be leaving soon. She’s become something of a joke in the mansion. Peter said she flirted with him. He told her he wasn’t that desperate. Jubes even caught her a little too close to John so she sent out a couple of sparks as a warning. She hasn’t come near him since.
But I almost hurt her this past week. I was in the kitchen with Jubes and Kitty when Peter ran in.
“You better get upstairs now. I think Wolverine is going to lose it.” We all ran up to my room. I heard him as soon as I got to the landing.
“Get the HELL OUT! Have you lost your mind? I already told you NO!” I walked through the open door to see Jean in *my* room in skimpy underwear and a silk robe.
“What the fuck is going on?” I yelled looking at the new resident mental case.
“I just wanted to know if he got tired of all the layers and was ready for some skin on skin action.” Logan just rolled his eyes at her. She didn’t even seem embarrassed to be standing in her underwear in front of her former students. “You know he’ll get tired of you and your skin eventually” she spat.
I lost it. I started towards her. I was going to punch her. I would have except she used her telekinesis to push me back. I fell on my back and slid across the room. There was at lot of noise next, as several things happened at once. Logan growled and his claws shot out. Peter turned to metal and held back Logan. Kitty gasped, shocked that Jean would use her powers on a teammate. Jubes called her a bitch before she shot sparks at her, catching her in the arm, neck and leg.
By the time Scott and the professor got there, everyone had calmed down some. Too shocked at the turn of events. I was holding on to Logan, reassuring him that I was alright. I smirked when Scott suspended Jean from the team. I couldn’t help it. Then the professor moved her into the west wing, as far away from us as possible while still being in the same house. He order her to have no more personal contact with any of us.
Jubes was punished also. She used her ability on a teammate. The professor agreed it was because she was defending a friend so he only gave her three days of kitchen duty.
“It was worth it” she told me.
I watched his wildest dreams come true
Not one of them involving you
Just watch my wildest dreams come true
Not one of them involving.
I waddled down the aisle. Dressed in a lavender empire gown that managed to cover my five month belly and still let me look cute. I took my spot near the alter as I waited for the bride. Ororo. We became close friends over the years. She was my matron-of-honor at my wedding, when I married Logan three years ago. Now I was returning the favor.
Scott was staring at the closed doors, knowing the moment they opened he would see his soon-to-be bride. Logan slapped him on the back and gave him a quick squeeze of the shoulder as a sign of support. The two became friends despite Jean. Scott understood that even if Logan would have shot her down all those years ago, she would have found someone else to cheat with.
In the middle of the ceremony, a child’s voice could be heard. ‘Psst.’ ‘psst, daddy. I’m bored.’ Sure enough that was my little angel, Ava. Ororo and Scott laughed as Logan walked over to her, picked her up and walked back to his spot as best man. She’s two years old and a daddy’s girl. I gained control of my skin a month after my wedding and we wasted no time in starting our family. Soon we’ll be having a boy.
I can’t believe how blessed I am. My life may have started off shitty but it’s not going to end that way. I have Logan. I have my kids. I have my friends. That’s all I need. I will no longer focus on the bad.
Jean?
Jean who?
Whoa, I never meant to brag,
But I got him where I want him now.
Whoa, I never meant to brag
But I got him where I want him now.
Whoa, it was never my intention to brag
To steal it all away from you now.
But God does it feel so good,
Cause I got him where I want him now.
And if you could then you know you would.
Cause God it just feels so,
It just feels so good.
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Author's Chapter Notes:
Jean's a bitch in this one. Sorry.(ok not really. lol)
Song lyric in italics. Hope you like it.
i don't own anything. :(
Song lyric in italics. Hope you like it.
i don't own anything. :(