Snuggling into the warmth of the body next to hers Angel waited for her heart to stop racing, waited for the same old guilty feeling to swamp her. Only, this time it didn’t. There was no guilt, no fear, nothing but the pleasant buzz of post orgasm.
She shivered at the gentle, almost mindless caress of calloused fingers on her bare shoulder. Pressing a soft kiss to Piotr’s chest, Angel closed her eyes, praying for a dreamless sleep, knowing it would be a long time to come.
Long after Piotr’s breathing had smoothed, and his chest rose and fell in a steady rhythm, Angel lay listening to the sounds around her. Sounds that did more to irritate than to soothe, yet she lay as still as possible dreading falling asleep yet loathed to wake Piotr.
“You’re such a pretty girl. Make a man burn to touch this pretty face, those beautiful eyes, such a wonder to see. Oh yeah baby, you’re so beautiful..” Jerking upright Angel inhaled slowly, hands that trembled pushing her hair out of her face. The echo in her mind still haunting her as she slid out of bed and padded to the bathroom.
Splashing water on her face she looked into the mirror and stared into familiar blue eyes. The old familiar ghosts were starting to rear their ugly heads and it bothered her. Every moment of rest was welcomed, was appreciated because she had no idea how long they’d last.
“You okay?” Piotr’s sleepy voice from behind her had Angel whirling to face the doorway.
“What?” She croaked.
“I asked if you were okay.” Piotr replied moving into the room, his hand already going to the light switch. Flicking it on he stared at the haunted, tired look before him and sighed. “Another one?”
“Uh, yeah.” Angel turned back to the sink her hands clasping the porcelain with desperation. “I didn’t mean to wake you.”
“Talk to me. Tell me what’s going on.” Piotr pleaded softly. “Are they about your time on the street?”
“No.” Angel tensed, unwilling to allow the monsters lose within her mind.
“Then talk to me. If I know what’s wrong, I don’t know but maybe I can help. Please, Angel you’re all I want, I don’t care about your past. I don’t want it to stop us from a future and…”
“They’re from before.” She whispered shakily. “When I was really little.”
With a gentle touch, Piotr guided her into the bedroom and sat down in a chair across from her. He watched her surround herself in blankets, her face pinched and pale. There was a distance about her that scared him but he refused to break the silence until she’d spoken.
Angel looked at him, her eyes swimming in tears. “My dad died when I was three. I don’t even remember him. I remember meeting mom’s new boyfriend though. I thought he was a monster. There was something about him that just didn’t sit with me. I had no idea how right I was.”
“What happened?”
“I was six I think the first time he touched me. Came in to my room late one night and sat on the edge of the bed, petted my hair like I was a cat. I was so scared, I didn’t want him touching me but I didn’t know how to make him stop.”
“He didn’t…”
“Penetrate me?” Angel looked at Piotr and shrugged before hunching further down in the blankets. “No. Just sat there and petted me while he masturbated. It got worse as time went by though. It went from petting to fondling to other things.” She shuddered and stared at him. “I ran away when I was eight. That’s when he made me watch this video, said he wanted us to do what they did. Thank god my Mom called from work. When he went to answer the phone I got up and left the house. Spent the next two nights hid under the porch listening to him beating mom up and them fighting. When I saw a little girl around my age being led toward the house by another woman I panicked. I don’t remember much about what happened after that other than spending a few days in the hospital. I remember the doctors touching me, I remember him coming and telling me not to say anything. The day they were going to release me I ran away again. I hit the streets and never once turned back.”
Piotr swallowed the harsh bile in his throat and stared at her. He felt like going back and finding the man who’d dared to hurt the beautiful girl she would have been but knew he couldn’t. Instead, all he could do was give her the acceptance she’d never found.
“I can’t do the things he did to me. It makes me sick that’s why…”
“Angel, you don’t have to explain anything to me. I know what’s what.” Piotr rose and moved over to sit next to her. “Just tell me one thing and then we’ll move on, never look back.”
“Okay.”
“The stuff he did to you, that’s why you pulled away when I touched you that first time wasn’t it? You were caught in a dark shadow and couldn’t get out.”
Angel sighed, “I love it when you touch me, but I just can’t stand anyone touching me there.”
Piotr smiled and kissed her head. He had a fairly good idea of what she’d gone through, he’d seen the small, jagged, white line that ran three inches above her tailbone and half an inch below. He’d been around too many kids who were the victims of sexual abuse not to see the signs. “Come on, back into bed with you. I think it would be a good idea to help you build new memories, build new and better experiences with being touched.” Piotr raised a hand when she opened her mouth to protest. “I’m not asking for anal sex. I’m asking you to trust me to touch you. I have to admit there have been moments when I wouldn’t mind takin’ a nibble on that curvy behind of yours.”
Angel smiled and snuggled against him. “Alright. I’ll try but I don’t promise anything.”
“Trying is good enough.” He whispered pulling her into his arms and lying listening to her breathing even out. He would find a way to help her, and he would find a way to lay the old ghosts to rest forever…even if it meant he had to get a little blood on his hands.
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