The Wolverine & Rogue Fanfiction Archive
Barely Legal Since 2000
Author's Chapter Notes:
Thanks go to CaffineYankee for the beta.
The residents of the mansion were awaken that morning by a loud scream, fearing that they were under attack The X-Men jumped into action and ran into the direction it was coming from. Bursting through the door, they stumbled at the sight that greeted them.
Hank stood in the middle of the room, wearing a pair of pajama pants, fumbling desperately to put his robe on without any luck.
“Erm Hank, what happened?” Scott asked, cautiously surveying the room.
“I do not know Scott. I went to bed last night and when I woke a few minutes ago this greeted me.” Hank said, indicating all the blue fur on the floor of the room.
“And you didn’t...” Scott started but was interrupted by Hank.
“Scott I assure you, I am not in the habit of shaving smiley faces into my chest,” he said with as much dignity as he could muster.
“Who would do this?” Ro asked while trying to keep the smile off her face.
“I do not know Ororo,” Hank replied, “However, I do intend to find out.” He added, “It is totally inappropriate.” Turning to his bathroom, he paused when he heard barely suppressed laughs “Do you find this amusing?”
“I’m sorry,” Jean snickered, “But you have a J shaved into your back.”
“A J?” he asked, “John or Jubilee.” Looking down at his chest, he groaned “Jubilee.” Before continuing into his bathroom.
*~*~*
By the time breakfast had arrived, everyone had heard of Hank’s unfortunate encounter with a razor. Ignoring the snickering, Hank attempted to eat his breakfast. Looking around, he noted that Jubilee was conveniently absent.
Looking at the head of the table he noticed the Professor was missing. Turning to Jean,
“It is unusual for the Professor to miss breakfast. Have you seen him this morning?” he asked.
“No I haven’t,” Jean answered. “I think I’ll go and check on him...” she trailed off as the Professor wheeled himself through the door.
“Oh my god!” Ro choked out, holding a hand over her month.
“Sir what happened?” Scott asked with barely concealed amusement.
“It seems that sometime during the night I had a visitor,” he explained, “and they felt the need to pimp my ride” he deadpanned. Staring at the Professor’s wheelchair Scott could no longer hold back his laughter, Xavier chair had been royally made over, reflective discs were attached to the spokes of his wheels giving the illusion of fire when they moved, the normal leather seat had been replaced with fur leopard skin print, silver tassels were hanging from the handles of the chair and seemly the most ridiculously of all was the furry dice that hung from the back of the chair.
“Who did it?” Scott asked through peals of laughter.
“I do not know for certain, but if I were to hazard a guess I would say John.” The Professor answered as he fixed himself a cup of tea.
During breakfast Scott reminder everyone of the Danger Room session planned for that morning. Looking over at the table the junior team were sitting at he informed them, “Make sure you’re on time.“ Looking at Remy he added, “And wearing clothes.”
*~*~*
“I’m telling you, they are out of control.” Scott complained, “Did you see what they did to the Professor’s chair?”
“Give it a rest Scooter,” Logan said, walking into the locker room. “They’re just blowing off steam.” Reaching the glass display cabinet where the uniforms were kept, he roared, “What the fuck?” In place of his normal black leather uniform was a brightly colored yellow and blue spandex uniform.
“Oh my god.” Jean choked, pointing to the new uniform, “It’s got a mask.”
Spinning around in horror, Logan looked closer at the uniform. And true to Jean’s word, there was a mask attached to the back of the uniform that could be pulled up over the face.
“It’s got ears on it.” Jean pointed out. “Look,” she giggled.
Logan cautiously stepped closer to the display case. Just as he was about to touch it, he got the scent of someone. Taking a deep breath, he growled, “Gambit,” and raced out of the room.
“Logan calm down,” Scott called out after him. “After all, they’re only blowing off steam!” He added before breaking down into laughter.
Logan raced down the corridor, heading for the Danger Room, his enhanced sense of hearing picking up the sound of laughter coming from the locker room. Bursting into the Danger Room he growled, “Where is he?”
“Who sugah?” Rogue asked, startled by Logan’s abrupt entrance.
“Gambit.”
“He’s not here Logan. He went into town after breakfast, and he ain’t back yet.” Rogue told him, “You ok sugah?”
“Fine,” he growled. “I’ll just wait til he gets back,” he added before storming out of the Danger Room.
“What was all that about?” Kitty asked.
“Remy swapped Wolverine’s uniform.” John answered with a smirk.
“With what?” Rogue asked.
“Yellow and blue spandex. He even put a mask on it.” He laughed.
“Nice,” Rogue said. “And nice work on the Professor’s chair John,” she told him. “It was a work of art.”
“Thanks, it was some of my best work,” he bragged, causing everyone to laugh.
*~*~*
The Danger Room session was cancelled due to Xavier getting word of a disturbance in the warehouse district; a young man had just come into his powers and was being chased by a group of anti-mutant haters. Assembling the both the junior and senior team, Scott laid out the mission plan.
“Everyone suit up,” Scott ordered. “You have five minutes.”
A few minutes later, Rogue and Jubilee entered the Blackbird finding Scott already there. Taking their usual seats, John and Kitty arrived just as they buckled themselves in.
Jean, Ro and Bobby walked into the Blackbird. Just as Ro was about to about to take her seat, Bobby shouted out, “Shotgun,” and jumped into Ro’s usual seat.
Staring at Bobby in shock, Ro spluttered, “Bobby get out of my seat.”
“But I called shotgun,” Bobby whined.
“Get out Bobby,” Scott ordered.
“Does calling shotgun mean nothing these days?” Bobby asked.
“BOBBY!” Scott yelled.
“Fine.” He said taking his usual seat as Hank and Logan entered the plane.
*~*~*
Returning to the mansion an hour later - the mission a success, the boy rescued and offered a place at Xavier’s. The team went to Xavier’s office for the post mission briefing. Scott gave his detailed report of the mission before seating down.
Xavier was just about to ask about the young man that they had rescued, when Jubilee stood up and moved in front of Jean, “Hey Doc,” she greeted before she started to move her body up and down, grinding down on the shell shocked doctor’s lap.
“Jubilee, stop that this instance,” Ro ordered, as John and Bobby started cheering and whistling.
“Shake your thang girl,” Rogue shouted to Jubilee, shaking her own at the same time.
“Enough!” Scott yelled, dragging Jubilee of the shock ridden Jean.
“Come on Scooter” Rogue said, “Ya spoiling mah girl’s fun.”
“I don’t know what’s gotten in to you lot, but enough. It ends now,” Scott ordered. “Or you’ll be sorry.”
“We’ll all be sorry?” John said, “What, you gonna punish us?”
“Yeah, yeah,” Rogue said, raising her arms up above her head, swaying her hips side to side, “Spank me til Tuesday. I’ll promise to be bad if you do.” She added, causing Kitty to phase through her chair in hysterics.
“Everyone out now.” Xavier ordered. The junior team quickly left before anyone could stop them.
*~*~*
By the time dinner had arrived all the madness seem to be over, but just to be on the safe side Professor Xavier had decided to avoid the dinning room and retire to his room for the rest of the night.
Logan was stalking down the hallway chomping on a cigar, keeping a look out for Remy, who was somehow managing to keep out of his way. Spotting Rogue and John walking towards him he asked, “Hey kid, you seen Gumbo?”
“No, sorry sugah.” Rogue replied.
Grunting in reply he carried on down the hallway spotting Kitty coming out of the dinning room. “Hey...” he started but was cut off when Kitty looked at him and shot out three fingers, made a SNIKT sound and growled, “I’m a sexy beast.” before phasing through the wall. Leaving a stunned Logan behind cigar dangling from his lips, and a laughing Rogue and John.
*~*~*
A few hours later everyone was in the rec room, except the Professor, watching a news special on mutants.
“This is biased reporting,” Ro said, “their making out that all mutants are dangerous, that we should all be locked-up.”
“I know Ro,” Jean replied.
Getting up, Ro turned of the T.V and turning to the room. “Their trying to say that being a mutant is wrong. It isn’t. There is nothing wrong with us. Having the powers that we have does not make us evil, an affront to God like they claim...” she trailed off, staring at Bobby. “Bobby, put that tequila down.”
Downing a shot he waved her off, nearly falling out of his chair.
“How much has he drunk?” Ro asked Jubilee who was seating beside him.
“Well the bottle was full an hour ago.” Jubilee answered, indicating to the half empty bottle of tequila on the table.
Ro opened her mouth to say something, but the words died on her lips, as John burst through the door heading straight to Scott and started singing:
I don’t like you
But I love you
Seems that I’m always
Thinkin’ of you
Oh, ho, ho you treat me badly
I love you madly
You’ve really got a hold of me
(You really got a hold of me)
You’ve really got a hold of me
(You really got a hold of me)
Baby
I don’t want you
But I need you
Don’t wanna kiss you
But I need to
Oh, ho, ho you do me wrong now
My love is strong now
Scott cut John off before he could sing anymore. “John what the hell are you doing?” he asked, his face the same color as Jean hair.
Looking at him, John answered, “Trying to tell you I love you,” before doubling over in laughter.
Scott looked at Rogue, who was trying to support John’s laughing form, “Rogue, what is going on?” he asked.
“’Col Mustard did it in the library with the candlestick.” Rogue answered.
“What?” Scott asked
“’Col Mustard did it in the library with the candlestick.” She repeated.
“Remy, stop that!” Scott heard Jean yell behind him. Spinning around he was shocked at the scene that greeted him: Remy was bent over the couch dry humping it.
“In a minute chere, Gambit nearly there. Yeah, (grunt), almost…” he panted.
“REMY STOP THAT NOW!” Scott shouted, “That’s it, all of you out now,” he ordered.
Rogue, Jubilee and Kitty all walked out giggling like crazy, as Remy and John helped drag out the passed out Bobby.
“They’ve all gone crazy,” Scott stated. Walking over to the table, he picked-up the half empty bottle of tequila. “Drink?” he asked Jean, Ro, and Hank.
“God yes,” came the chorus of replies.