Logan had wanted to say something honest. Something heartfelt and up-lifting, but really, what was there to say? He could not even muster up the courage to ask her for the rest of the story. And honestly, did he need it?
Well, probably yes, but not as much as she needed some comfort. Unfortunately that wasn’t something he ever gave that easily. Besides, a goofy hug could not replace the encouragement only a family member could give. And for an odd reason he couldn’t muster up the courage for that either.
Not knowing what else to do he looked at her questioningly. “What now?”
It was strange, really. He had followed her, hunted her down, figured out where to search for her, but the moment he set a foot into the flat he had lost control over everything. He would have willingly excepted almost every explanation she could’ve come up with, but every time he thought she was about to admit something his mind almost shut down on its own. Though a part of him needed to, he did not really want to know the answers to the questions he came to ask. Not now that it became clear that she could destroy his entire picture of her in the blink of an eye.
“I don’t know about you, sugar, but I intend to pack my stuff and hand the landlady my notice of termination. After you accused my cousin of being a pedophile for all the neighbors to hear, I don’t think I want to stay around and come up with a cover.”
Deep down inside he knew he would let her pack and leave just like that. Standing in the way as little as possible, not offering to carry anything. Just watch the last traces of a ghost disappear from his life. Because he’d rather keep the memories of her he had, than replace them with something worse.…wouldn’t he?
In his dull musing it took him a little moment to register that she had stopped doing what ever she had been about to do, and looked in his direction.
“Can I ask you something, Logan?”
She just continued when he did not respond.
“Why are you here? I mean, did Xavier send you to get back one of his soldiers? Are you here pretending to care just because you once said you would? Or is it just some sick fascination, trying to figure out what I am about to turn into?”
There was no accusation in her voice, and the indifference with which she said these things was even more eerie to Logan than everything else that had happened so far.
“I just needed to see it before I could believe, that...”
“That I am a monster?” Grinning she turned to pack. “That kid really sold my head to get some free lodging, huh? Bright fellow. I knew he would.” But there was a angry note in her voice when she continued. ”You know Logan, if you had been around a little more often, you would have gotten that insight even back at Westchester. People treaded lightly around you, but they avoided me entirely. They knew that in the end I am far worse then you are.”
“Marie, that is not true.” There it was, his last hope: denial.
“Really? I tell you a little secret then: Marie is dead. She did not have what it takes, and when a truck driver thought himself clever, demanding to be paid ‘in natural goods’ she could not have fought him. So first I had to kill her, and then I killed him. That guy was a giant, but the last words he ever said were a pathetic cry for his mommy. So let’s face it Logan, we’re the same. Won’t say I did not learn big chunks from the you inside my head. But we are both monsters. And you never got to know Marie. So don’t pretend to feel sorry for her. All that is left is me is Rogue. And it will be so till the day I die.”
Rogue had started to collect some items while she spoke. There were already a small pile of documents on top of her laptop and she was about to move to get some clothing.
“But why did you never say anything?”
Marie paused at the door and, for the first time since the whole thing started, Logan spotted a hint of sadness.
“You didn’t nearly die to save a murderer. You did it for an innocent girl who had her whole life in front of her. Afterward everyone told me to cherish the gift you gave me. Even Scott once went so low as to use it to persuade me to learn harder. And in the end they were right. I did honor it by keeping my mouth shut.”
“But you don’t have the slightest idea what you are leaving behind. I could have helped you.”
“Don’t worry about that Logan, we already made a deal. It’s just that you are ignorant of it.”
He gave her one of his patented eye-brow-raises, which probably would have worked if Marie had not used the opportunity to get some clothes and a backpack from her bedroom. So instead he had to shout.
“What do you mean by this?”
“Just what I said. You and I made a deal. You” she was tapping her temple at that “will help me to get through and in return I won’t use any of your secrets against you.” Her finger pointed to him now.
A wry grin crossed his face. “Good to know that I am at least of some help. But are you aware of the fact that these things will get outdated one day?”
“Don’t worry. I kept your wits alive. I am counting on you to get through.”
“What else did you keep alive?”
Marie paused, straightening up. Logan could sense that she wondered how much to tell. And the smell told him that in the end she settled for honesty.
“The first time I only took your powers and the thoughts foremost in your mind. The second time I was not prepared. So I guess I took pretty much everything, save of your life force.”
“You didn’t kill me off right away?”
“Logan, you pretty much wreaked havoc in there. It is a miracle you didn’t kill me. After all the Wolverine does not like to be caged.”
And just for a second things seemed right again. This was the girl he had almost died to protect. She had her wits, her humor, and she was able to tell friends from foes, at least on some level. If he accepted that she was 34, it was not his place to patronize her anymore, even if he still was decades older.
He had not been fooled by a monster, nor had she been kidnapped, even if it still shocked him how easy she took these things. Not that any of his murders weighted him down, but he had never really thought she had it in her. And no matter how much she killed, with all the things he had done in his time, he could not condemn someone who only wanted to survive.
But with all these things checked, that annoying bastard gone and his instinct to run or kill finally ebbing away, there finally was space for another thought of his. And he wasn’t really sure how to approach that one.
“Look, kid... I mean, Marie.”
“I told you she is gone.”
“Rogue?”
“What?”
“I know it is not really my business, but how do you plan to get through? You’re not really the type to always be on the run.”
“Don’t worry. I’ll use the Logan way: a small cabin somewhere really solitary. I have a job now. Only problem will be to find something that is still in reach of at least some civilization, so I can have at least some life and people around me.”
“And any other master plans? I mean, not that you can obviously... touch?”
“Don’t be stupid Logan. I can’t. I tried it once on Bobby. It does not work. Xavier had all his high theories about me craving touch too much and all that nonsense. Truth is, I would need to trust that someone And really, with my history, how could I?” There was another of her laughs, and this time there was a lot of humor in it.
“On the other side, Bobby wasn’t the best lab rat either. Did you know he only dated me because one of his friends dared him into it? And then the idiot really thought he fell for me. I am lucky it only took him two weeks before he started to eye Kitty again. Things could have gotten really ugly otherwise. I mean, I wanted to be young again, not to get engaged to one of Xavier’s next generals. Least of all I wanted to spend the rest of my life in that wanna-be-military camp he calls a school. Really, sometimes I can’t stop to wonder what keeps you there. I mean free meals and a roof aren’t worth all the times you got used.”
“It’s something to call home Marie. You will miss it when you get older.”
“No Logan. All I need is a place for myself, a bed and a shower that even runs warm water from time to time. A TV or some DVDs, a little music and some borrowed books and you can feel home anywhere if you want. The only thing that is important is to stay there long enough for the feeling to develop.”
“Times are getting harder, kid. There will always someone who discovers you.”
“There won’t be. I am willing to take the chances.”
“What makes you so sure?”
“I don’t want to kill anymore, Logan. I’m really tired of that. But if this is what it takes, I will do it. Because the only alternative we have is to be used in laboratories or in some army-bunker. I don’t have anyone but myself, ‘cause everyone else would sooner or later betray me or sell my head for his own. It is a temptation no one can resist. To avoid this I will make damn sure to be careful.”
“It does not matter how careful you are.”
“That’s why I will be living somewhere in solitude. I can’t always keep focus. But for the few hours it takes to shop and live I will have to focus on only taking the thoughts foremost in peoples head. It will be hard, but I can do that.”
“I’m not half as confident as you. But... Should you ever need anything...”
“Don’t worry Logan, I won’t bother you.”
“Feel free to, should you need it, anyway.”
They both gave a knowing smile. Rogue got the rest of her stuff ready.
Things had been good while they lasted. But they were over now. And while Logan might have wished to have used the time a little better, there was nothing that could be done about it anymore. It only took her five minutes. Her last look was to the sofa.
“What a waste of money, really.”
“Looks comfy, though.”
“You can have it if you want to, Logan. Can’t really take it with me. Not enough space on a bike, you know?”
And here the ways were to part, just like that.
As a farewell Rogue extended her bare hand.
Logan took it and this time there was no pain.
The Wolverine & Rogue Fanfiction Archive
Barely Legal Since 2000
Author's Chapter Notes:
wow, the last one
Amazing how much time went into this story and how fast it was posted...
Anyway. I hope you like the end ^^
And if not: just rant away. ;P
Amazing how much time went into this story and how fast it was posted...
Anyway. I hope you like the end ^^
And if not: just rant away. ;P