To be entirely honest, she felt like sinking into a corner, hugging her knees and crying her eyes out. But that wasn’t the least like the 32 year old she was trying to be. She had been through so much and it had been okay, because in all that time she rarely ever looked back. But she knew what Patrick had to be telling Logan right now, and she did not want to be known like that.
It wasn’t for all the ideals that Xavier had tried to implant in her and the others. And it wasn’t about Logan, because as soon as this was over she would pack her stuff and get lost right away. It was about re-living all the things that could have broken her back then.
Just take the first guy she ever kissed.
Yes, all the sexual ideas had been new and shocking to her, but she wasn’t entirely stupid either. Back then she
had known what sex was like. At least in theory.
The thing that had made it so hard was the fact that this kid had been the first one she had ever allowed into her skull. She took everything back then. Not thinking, not really caring. And he had stayed. Not only where his likings a constant reminder of what she had done to him. It was that his personality inside her head was determined that she should make it up.
He wanted her to touch herself. As well as a number of other things she wasn’t really prepared for.
Her cousin had tried to help as much as he could, but in the end she had to solve it herself.
His demands had started to consume her. Not only did they take up time and forced her to do things she did not really want to, she also started to lose her own personality under the pressure to live his.
So what could she do?
She had killed him. Every last bit. Just shown him that this was her head and her life. His body lived on. And she had no reason to feel guilty.
Out of nowhere she had started to turn into a monster. She had shown him that he could not move a muscle without her permission. And then she had withdrawn that permission. She had withdrawn him the right to move, the right to speak, to think, yes, even to be present.
Just like that she had killed the spirit and soul of someone who accidentally had become a part of her. It wasn’t right. Not if you asked God about his opinion. And the process gave her a one week long headache.
But then it was over. And it was over for good.
Logan had listened. There was that challenging stare in that man’s eyes, daring him to stand up, to go while he still could.
Logan had stood up. But he didn’t head for the exit. He knocked at the bathroom door.
“Get out of there, kid.”
When Rogue opened the door she could see Patrick leave through the front door. Her head turned to the table violently and sure enough there was an envelope. Well, not really. It was more like a folded note, light and paper-thin as she picked it up.
“I am sorry Marie. I don’t know when you were planing to show me the envelope or if at all, but I found it two days ago. And I am not sure how much of it to believe or not. But when you left I thought you broke your promise. After reading all this stuff it feels hollow to say I’ve broken mine. The doc said I might have six months till it gets ugly. And I really wanted to see you before then, though I wasn’t even sure if you were still alive. I am glad you still manage to keep your life on track. You managed yours far better then I did mine. I’m sorry I said nothing. Maybe I should have. But you know where to find me.”
On the back stood in a way hastier scribble.
“I am not judgmental, but I guess you might want to tell it to him in private. All the best to you sunshine. And honestly: never return home.”
Logan grunted in annoyance, tempted to catch that idiot, when the fact that Marie didn’t do anything caught up with his brain.
“What was that fucker all about?”
“That, Logan, was my cousin. He is the only person I could ever touch without anyone getting hurt. He just wanted me to know that he has a terminal disease. We probably won’t meet again. Therefore I am glad he took this as a parting visit.”
“What...?”
“What he has? Nothing, he’s just HIV positive.”
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Author's Chapter Notes:
One more after that one.
Thanks again to wonderful and helpful September, just to make sure she get's the credit she deserves. ^_~
Thanks again to wonderful and helpful September, just to make sure she get's the credit she deserves. ^_~