She looks about ready to bolt out. I can’t blame her. She really, really doesn’t like to be here. But this thing with Jack, it can’t go on any longer. It’s a small wonder that the fucker hasn’t killed her yet. I squeeze her shoulder and she jumps.
“Calm down. I’ll take you to Ororo and then go to see your mom. When you’re done with her, you can go and wait for me in the library. I won’t be long.”
“Promise?”
“Yeah. I promise.”
Jean looks more tired than usually. Sharp lines around her eyes deeper, grey hue on her cheeks. Oh, fuck.
“Rough night?”
“The usual. But I had to sedate her. She’s still a little groggy.”
“Okay…”
“Try not to disturb her. She’s… She’s fragile.”
“I fucking know that! Don’t you think I’d rather have her with me than…”
“I’m sorry, Logan. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to sound so…”
“Shit. Forget it. I shouldn’t have snapped at you like that. It’s just… Anna came home last night.”
“I know.”
“Yeah. I took her to see Ororo.”
“That’s good to hear. Maybe she can persuade her to stay with us.”
“I kind of doubt that. But it doesn’t hurt to try.”
“Just… Don’t mention it to her, okay? She’s still quite shaken after last night.”
“I won’t.”
No restraints this time. Good. She’s sitting by the window, hands folded on her lap, staring out. I know she’d like to go there. She misses the sun and the wind, scent of flowers, but last time we tried that, tried to take her out, she freaked out completely. Took fucking weeks to get her calm down after that.
“Hi, Marie.”
“Oh, Logan. Where’s Anna? I haven’t seen her for the whole day.”
One of these days, huh?
“She’s outside. I think she was playing hide-and-seek with bunch of other kids.”
“Oh… Just make sure she comes in for the lunch, okay?”
“I will. I will.”
“And tell her that she should watch out that new skirt I bought for her. If she wants to go climbing trees she should change her clothes.”
“I’ll make sure that she does. So… What have you been up to while I was away?”
“Nothing special. I thought I could maybe bake a cake, but I felt so tired all of a sudden. No cake for you, mister. Not today.”
“Well, I just have to live with that.”
“But could you explain what it is with you men and hardware stores?”
“Huh?”
“You said you’d be gone for an hour tops, but it has been three already. What took you so long? Surely finding a few bolts couldn’t take that long…”
“Busted… Scott came with me and we decided to get some spare parts for the Blackbird as well. Then we had to go shopping for Jean. Oh, and I got something for you, too…”
“Oh! You got me a present? What is it?”
“I got that herbal tea you said you couldn’t find anywhere. I left it to the kitchen. I can go and make a cup for you, if you want.”
“No. That’s okay. I think… I think I’ll have it later. I… I’m going to take a nap now. So tired…”
”Okay. You just… Rest now, okay? I’ll come and see you later.”
“Yes… But take care of Anna, okay?”
“I will. I will, darling. Just sleep now…”
It gets harder every day. Just to walk out and lock the door behind me. To see the guilt and pity in Jean’s eyes.
“I brought her some tea. Could you make sure that she… That she gets some when she wakes up?”
“Of course. I’ll inform the kitchen staff… Logan?”
“Yeah?”
“You’re coming tomorrow again, aren’t you?”
“What the fuck do you think? She’s my fucking wife! Of course I’ll come and see her!”
“Yes… Yes, I don’t know what I was thinking…”
“You read my mind, didn’t you?”
“Logan, I…”
“Her name was Cindy. At least that’s what she told me. Almost exact look-alike. Paid her good money, and even though she called me an asshole, I’m pretty sure I could persuade her to come back for some more when I get an itch.”
“Logan! I don’t want to hear this!”
“And I don’t want to do that, but I don’t have so many choices, now do I? My fucking wife is in turn imagining to be sixteen or twenty five, some days dead on sure that I’m going to kill her, some days just not there when I sit and talk with her, and I haven’t spent a single night with her after Anna was born! I’d probably be sitting in a room next to hers, drooling and talking to the walls if I didn’t every once and a while pay for some bimbo to pretend to be my wife for one evening and night!”
“That’s… That’s not really my business…”
“Then stay the fuck out of my head!”
Some days I really miss Chuck. And hate Jean. Wheels at least had the decency to stay out of other people’s minds. Jean? She can’t resist the urge to take a peek. And then gets all high and mighty, judging my decisions and me… I fucking know, even fucking three year old would know that what I do is wrong! I don’t need her disapproval or the false support! I just wish she’d leave my mind alone!
“Ready to go?”
“I… Uh… Ororo and I talked. I think I could… I could stay here for a while. See how it goes.”
“Thank God. You need anything?”
“I left my bag at your place. And I really could use some new clothes. And umm… Pads…”
“Speaking of which, you should go and see Jean. Have her to check you up.”
“It’s not that bad…”
“Jesus fucking Christ, Anna! You’re still bleeding! What was it this time? A beer bottle? Broomstick?”
“Dad…”
“Go and see Jean. Before you’ll get an infection or fucking bleed to death. I’ll bring your stuff later.”
“Okay… But dad?”
“Yeah?”
“Leave Jack alone, okay?”
“Anna…”
“Please? I don’t want you to get in to trouble because of me.”
“Oh, fuck… Fine. The bastard gets to live. For now.”
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