Blinking Charles glanced at the others in the room. They all slept soundly, as though safe within their confinement. Shuddering he shifted on the floor his skin crawling as he realized exactly what was going to happen if Jean got out.
The woman down the hall wasn’t the girl he’d watched grow up. She had become a twisted, malevolent person so bent on a power grab that she’d forgotten who and what she was. If he didn’t do something she would ultimately destroy anyone who crossed her…up to and including those who were at one time her friends.
Staring through the semi darkness at Storm and Hank who were curled around each other Charles wondered idly if they knew just how lucky they were. Yes Storm was haunted by phantom thoughts but she didn’t really know what had happened to her, and Hank was supportive in spite of everything. He offered acceptance something many would not do, not in this situation.
He couldn’t explain it to them what he knew. How could he tell his team that what had happened to Rogue, Kitty, and Jubilee was so much worse than just being made into a victim. They’d been broken, twisted until they had accepted what had been done to them.
It was only now, through the love and devotion of the men in their lives that they’d found worth. Men who for all intents and purposes should have walked away, sold them out, betrayed them in some manner but they hadn’t.
Logan had done the one thing he’d never believed the other man capable of. He’d given Rogue his heart, his mind, his body and he was obviously thriving on it. He’d surrendered his past to his future, enveloped Rogue within the circle of his love and devotion and made her whole again.
Scott had turned away from Jean completely. It had nothing to do with Logan, nothing to do with a competition for the doctor’s affections. Rather it had be the realization that he’d contributed to what the girls had suffered that had awakened his sense of responsibility. When Kitty had taken Scott’s control, taken his leadership, his standing away and made him into a victim it had awakened old desires, old memories that he’d pushed away. Now there was a steady bedrock of love and devotion for the young woman to fall back on.
He hadn’t seen Jubilee yet but Charles was sure that she was almost back to herself…perhaps a bit stronger, a bit more determined to be a woman in the fullest sense of the word.
Jean would destroy all of that. She would take their worlds and twist and mangle them until the girls themselves were no more. She would exploit their weaknesses, their fears to turn them into cold, impersonal objects…then she would kill them. Of that he was certain.
No he knew what she needed, what she had to see. The only problem was he couldn’t bring himself to open the gates to the memories to the pain and degradation that had been forced into his mind.
“You should get some sleep.” Ororo’s soft voice had him glancing at her.
“Why?”
“Morning around here comes very early. And I don’t think they’re going to be nice and let us sleep in. They want it over with.”
Charles nodded slowly. “Yes they do.”
Curling up as best he could Charles closed his eyes. He would give this some thought in the morning. Perhaps Rogue would be willing to force the memories into Jean’s mind…if not he’d have to do it. He would have to destroy her mind to save all that he loved, all that he had worked so hard to build.
With a low groan Logan rolled over and blinked as his hand encountered a cold sheet. “Marie?”
“Right here.” The soft whisper drew his attention to the window seat where Rogue sat staring out at the moonlit yard.
“What’s wrong?” Logan asked walking up to her and wrapping her in a hug.
“I’m tired.”
“Then come to bed.”
Rogue smiled up at him and shook her head. “No not that kind of tired. I’m tired of hurting, of feeling guilty. I’m tired of having no control over who and what I am.”
“What do you mean?” Logan choked out. “Are you saying you don’t want us? You and me?”
Rogue turned and stared at him. “No. No I’m not saying I don’t want you. I’m saying I don’t want to know anymore. I don’t want my mind. Since we caught up with Jean I haven’t slept more than a couple of hours. The moment my guard slips, the minute I sink into a deep sleep the nightmares begin. I wake up smelling the stench of semen, of stale sex. My head echoes the sounds of my best friends’ screams. I’m so tired of it Logan.”
Carrying her back to their bed Logan curled around her. “So how do we make it stop?”
“We can’t. You still have your nightmares.”
“Perhaps but I know that when I wake you’re there. I smell your scent long before they get too bad.” Logan whispered.
“I want to go down there and choke her until she quits breathing.” Rogue whispered shamefully. “I want to beat her so badly that she can’t scream. I want to hurt her like they hurt us! I want to make her bleed from places she’s not supposed to bleed. If I could I’d impale her and leave her to bleed to death. I want to twist her mind, turn it into the tangled mess that mine is. And I feel so guilty for it. I feel like I’m betraying everyone and everything we stand for by wanting to hurt her so badly.”
“But you aren’t betraying us. Marie, we all want to see her pay.”
“But you don’t fantasize about raping her until she’s bleeding so badly that she drowns in it. You don’t picture cutting into her flesh with tiny little scalpels and pouring hot metal over her bones. Why can’t I let it go? Why can’t I just…”
Logan nuzzled into her neck. “You want to know what I’d like to do to her. You want to know what I think is a just penalty for her sins?”
Inhaling he exhaled slowly. “I want to lock her in a tiny cell in the dark and let anyone who wants to play go in there. I want to listen to her scream and beg and plead with them not to touch her. I want her to taste blood, taste the excrement that they put all over you, all over our girls. I want her to know what it’s like to be eight, nine years old and have a grown man forcing himself into her body. I want her to know what it feels like to breathe water, to listen to the distorted sounds of champagne glasses being tapped together.” Logan paused. “I don’t feel guilty about it Marie. I don’t feel like I should be punished for wanting her to suffer. I look at you; I look at Kitty, at Jubilee. I hear the sounds of silent sobs from locked bathroom doors. I see the shadows in Scott’s face. See the pain in Tank’s eyes and it just makes me want it even more. All I have to do is smell the pain radiating from your skin when you shower, see the way you scrub it until it’s raw in places and it’s like a burning rage that just keeps boiling within me.”
“But you don’t…”
“I don’t think it’s your fault. I think she deserves to suffer. Marie if we let her go, if we let her out into the world she isn’t going to stop. The others are controllable. They can be manipulated into leaving us alone but she won’t ever. She wants to destroy what she can’t have.”
“She wants you.”
Logan gave a harsh bark of laughter. “She wants what I represent.”
“What’s that?” Rogue whispered staring out the window her body tense, unyielding, a fine tremble to her limbs.
“Power.”
Rogue rolled onto her back and stared at him. “If she wants it so badly perhaps she should have it.”
“What do you mean?”
“Electrify her cell. If she touches anything, the walls, the door, it would fry her.”
Logan smiled down at her as he leaned on his elbow. “But you can’t live with that. You and I both know your heart is too good to do that.” He said when she started to object. “You love as openly and honestly as you hate. You want her to pay and well she should but not at the expense of those we love. If that were the case you’d have killed her back in Calgary.”
“So how do we make this stop? How can I make what I feel go away? I have to think of our child Logan, I have to think of its future and I’m not going to fool myself into thinking he or she’ll have one if Jean’s around.”
“We’ll have a meeting in the morning with the rest of the team. We’ll see what they think.”
Rogue nodded. “Can we make love now? Can I touch you?”
Logan grinned at her. “Baby you can do anything you want to me. Touch me, take me…because I’m yours and yours alone.”
Rogue smiled shakily. “Good. I love you Logan.”
“I love you to.” Logan whispered kissing her passionately. Come morning he was going to figure out a way to get rid of Jean Grey for good…he’d be damned if he was going to let her destroy the woman he loved or the life he’d built.
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