Kitty settled next to Rogue on the front porch and watched the rising sun. “How you doing?”
Rogue shrugged. She didn’t know how she was doing. Didn’t know anything anymore. She felt empty, dead inside – like what had kept her alive, was no longer there.
“It’s kinda hollow isn’t it?” Kitty whispered handing her a cup of coffee. “I used to think that once we had our revenge, our justice that we could step back and feel okay. Feel like we used to but now…”
“How’s she doing?”
“She’s alive. She’ll survive this Rogue, we know that. Xavier might have a problem with things but Jean’ll live.”
“I’ve always known that she didn’t trust me but to want to get rid of me because she wanted a crack at Logan? Why? What made her think Logan would want her that badly. Doesn’t she understand that Logan’s a free spirit? No one and I mean no one is ever going to chain him down. Not even me.”
“She never wanted to tame him Rogue. She wanted him because he was good looking, because he was powerful, because he isn’t what she had.”
Shaking her head Rogue rose to lean against the railing. “Makes me think is all. Makes it harder to swallow.”
“What do you mean?” Kitty asked with a frown.
“I’ve always felt guilty about what happened. Felt like it was my fault…and I was right.” Rogue whispered sadly. “Because of me you and Jubilee went through hell on a daily basis.”
Kitty shook her head firmly and rose to hold Rogue. “No you didn’t. Don’t let her win Rogue; don’t let what she did stain your life. We’re not perfect but we’re human. We all make mistakes, let other people’s actions color our worlds, influence our decisions but you know that’s on them. You didn’t put us in that lab; you did what you were told to do. You reacted like any other person would and I want you to know that I don’t blame you. Jubilee doesn’t blame you. None of our guys do.”
“But I do.”
Kitty sighed and stared down at her feet. “We all could have done things differently Rogue. I could have told the Professor about Bobby back when we were in high school. Logan could have stayed at the mansion instead of going to look for his past. Scott could have acted on our attraction a long time ago, Jubilee well I don’t know what Jubilee could’ve done much different. She’s happy now. She’s got a man who loves her totally, the prospect of a family of her own, training, skills she didn’t have before…”
“And a shit load of nightmares and scars that nobody should ever have to have.”
“So you pity her, pity me?” Kitty stepped back shocked.
Rogue shook her head and looked at Kitty. “No. No I don’t pity you. I respect you, I’m amazed by you but pity isn’t in there.”
“Then what’s going on with you?”
Rogue sighed sadly. “I don’t know. My emotions are all over the place lately. I’m either extremely angry or on the verge of tears. My sex life is fantastic but it’s not satisfying. Poor Logan’s going to die from the amount of sex I want!”
“Rogue that’s normal. Everyone goes through phases in their life.”
“My mutations are off to.”
“Off?” Kitty gaped at her.
Rogue nodded. “I found out last night by accident that I can touch Logan. Got up this morning and nearly killed the plant on our dresser when I brushed against it. I feel like I’m in a stranger’s body and the only person who knows how to make me feel like me is Logan!”
Kitty smiled softly, “Why don’t you go ask Tank? He might have an answer for you.”
“Because what if it’s just my imagination? What if I’m losing my mind?”
“You’ll never know unless you ask. Now I’m going to go feed out ‘guests’. Come on I’ll walk with you to see Tank, I think he’s in his office. Reviewing the security tapes or something.”
“Probably trying to find out if the cameras caught him and Jubilee last night in the barn.”
“In the barn?”
“Yep. For hours.”
“No wonder she’s still asleep. He wore her out!” Kitty giggled as they walked along the corridor. “Rogue, I just wanted to say thank you.”
“For what?”
Kitty looked at the wall for a moment before shifting her gaze back to Rogue. “For seeing I needed more than what I had. For knowing that I needed to see that I was a sexual person.”
“Kitty, everyone’s a sexual person. It’s just your concept of sex got warped. For you it had always been violent, tainted by the perversions of others. I didn’t show you that it wasn’t…Scott did that.”
“Yes he does but you understood that about me. You saw beneath the veneer I had.”
“What are friends for?” Rogue asked. “Now go feed our guests. I’m gonna talk to Tank.”
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