It really hadn’t taken much to get Charles to okay her coming north. In fact a hint of a new medication, something that she’d told him interested her had resulted in permission. Of course he’d ordered Hank to come along but Hank had managed to avoid coming quite nicely.

It seemed lately that Hank was determined to avoid spending any amount of time with her and she was grateful. Noting having to look at the huge monstrous blue man was a relief. In many ways he was inferior to her, and yet she often felt off balance, out of control with him.

With a shake of her head Jean sighed softly and parked the rental car in front of the small office. Smiling she checked her appearance in the mirror before she slid out of the car. Jean strode toward the door glancing around easily.

One hand went for the front door and she pulled it open just as a shadow appeared beside her car. Completely unaware of the figure eying her from the parking lot she let the door close behind her.



With a faint smirk Scott nodded. “Target’s inside.”

“Set the canister.” Tank’s voice instructed. “Once the door’s closed it’ll kick in. Thirty seconds or less and she’s gonna be in dreamland.”

“The distraction is in place.”

“How long have we got?”

“Two more minutes. Helen said that her contact would give the information to Jean quickly and send her on her way.”

Scott nodded and quickly rigged the small canister Tank had given him. Pushing away from the car he snickered, she was going to know what hell was like that was for damn sure.



“Are you sure they won’t kill us?” Kitty asked from the back seat of the van.

“Very. Besides you’re not coming with us.” Rogue pulled into the parking lot and cut the engine. “You’re staying in the van.”

“Like hell I am!” Kitty sat up and promptly groaned even as she reached for the bucket that she’d been holding onto for the past few hours. “Ooh why did I do that?”

Rogue grinned and looked over her shoulder. “You know you had fun doing it.”

“What are you talkin’ about?” Kitty muttered desperately wishing for anything to chew on that would help with the nausea.

Rogue glanced at Jubilee then back at her friend. “You’re pregnant kiddo.”

“No I’m not. I can’t get pregnant. The army saw to that.”

“Yeah but my blood repaired the damage. And since we both know that you and Scott don’t exactly practice pregnancy-free sex…”

“Shut up. I can’t have a baby so quit teasing me.”

Jubilee sighed. “You remember that blood Tank drew before he left?”

“Yeah. Scott practically fainted at the sight of it.”

“We dug into the results. You’re pregnant Kitty.”

“I’ll stay put.” Kitty whispered softly.

“Hey we don’t have to do this.”

“Yeah we do. We need to know why if nothing else.”

Rogue nodded and opened her door. “I’m going to get us a couple of rooms. Just sit still okay.”

“No problem.” Kitty moaned even as Jubilee began digging for the box of crackers she’d packed. “I’ll be a still as stone.”

Chuckling Rogue hurried into the motel’s office and rented three rooms. A quick check proved that the men hadn’t rented rooms there…and other than the local shelter there was no other place to stay.

With the keys in hand Rogue helped the other two get settled into their rooms before she settled into her own. Dropping onto the bed she stared at her hands for a moment a feeling of rage battling with fear.

She hated Jean Grey so much, hated her for what she’d done to them. Every time she watched the water from a shower run red with her own blood. When she tensed when Logan touched her the wrong way even in passing. When she felt weak, out of control… she hated the older woman.

Pulling her gloves off she stared at the smooth, flawless skin and felt another piece of her break. Trailing a nail across the back of one hand she left red lines…lines that followed the scars left by the surgeons. For every inch of scars she wanted Jean Grey to pay. She wanted the other woman to feel the way she did in her nightmares. Wanted her know what it was like to wake up smelling stale sex, semen, urine, blood.

There were so many things that she’d tried to bury. So many touches that she’d endured. Sounds that she’d tried desperately to block out. And she’d succeeded for the most part. Only when she wasn’t near Logan did those ghosts rear their ugly heads.

Cruel twists of fate that she never really understood. Rising to her feet she walked to the window and stared out. She’d seen the effect of the abuse on Kitty – witness the darkness that swam around her and knew that this wasn’t over for them. She’d listened to Kitty’s sobs, her screams every night since the men had left them at the house. Listened to Kitty begging with the darkness to let her be.

She could see the circles under Jubilee’s eyes. See the paler in the other woman’s face. More than once she’d risen from her bed to sit in the hall next to the door and listened to Jubilee’s mutters in her native tongue. She’d watched her friend scrubbing at her skin, watched her pound on their sparring props and knew that without the warmth and love of her man beside her Jubilee was being terrorized all over again by her own set of ghosts.

“She needs to pay.”

Pulling out her ‘night clothes’ Rogue laid them out over the bed and stared hard at them. Dark pants with multiple pockets, a long sleeved dark shirt that was made of lightweight material. Her duster, her boots, her gloves, her mask…all were tools to hide her identity to hide herself from the outside world and she hated them. Hated that she had to have them to be able to face the coming of the day.

A knock on the door roused her from her vigil. With a quick jerk she pulled the door open and stared at the face she knew as well as her own.

“She sleeping?”

“Yeah. I gave her the box of crackers, Scott’s t-shirt, and that stupid bear she picked up for the baby.”

“Seems to me she’s used it more than our baby has.”

“Yeah.” Jubilee settled into a chair. “I don’t get it.”

“Get what?”

“What we did. Why we were so expendable, so useless to them that they chose us.”

Rogue shrugged. “I don’t get it either. I know I feel it though. Every minute that Logan isn’t there, that I can’t reach out and touch him I feel it. It’s like a part of me is missing.”

“So what do we do?”

“I don’t know.” Sinking onto the end of the bed she stared at her friend. “How do I make myself believe that I can be that girl again Jubes? How do I face myself in the morning knowing that I didn’t get you guys out of there?”

“You didn’t put us there.”

“I know that she hated me. Hated that Logan cared about me…”

“That was on her not you.”

“Still I want to know why. I want an explanation for her callousness. Because of some unknown reason Kitty learned to associate sex with violence. Because of a transgression no one knows anything about you lost…”

“You didn’t rape us. You didn’t cut, and torture us.”

“But I walked out of there with my virginity in tact!” Rogue stormed before sobbing softly. “And I never felt so dirty in my life.”

Jubilee moved to pull her into a hug. “Sometimes you have to accept that thing aren’t perfect. You didn’t walk out of there innocent Rogue. Someone carried you out a battered, broken mess just like Kitty and I. You have nothing and I do mean NOTHING to feel guilty about.”

“Saying it doesn’t make it so.”

Jubilee nodded. “No but the truth is the blame rests on one set of shoulders. And as strong as yours are they aren’t it.”

“I need to talk to Logan. Need to see him…touch him.” Rogue whispered painfully. “I can’t shake this bad bad feeling.”

Jubilee glanced up at the sound of a heavy tread outside the door. Reaching for the waist of her jeans she pulled her gun a moment before the door swung open and a familiar man stood there watching them.

“Remind me again where you’re suppsed to be?” Logan growled as Rogue launched herself into hisarms.

“With you.” Rogue sobbed.

“Guilt complex.” Jubilee explained. “Did you get her?”

“Scott’s setting her up in the bunker. I knew you three wouldn’t stay home so I did a drive by and recognized the van.”

“You mad at us?”

Logan shook his head. “No. This is your fight to. I knew you’d want in on it.”

“You better talk to her.” Jubilee mouthed softly. “Before she does something dangerous like confront Jean Grey all on her own.”

“I’ll take care of my girl.” Logan promised as his pseudo daughter walked away. “Hey Marie, baby listen to me. Tonight we’re gonna have a chat with Jean Grey and you can get all the answers you want.”

Rogue nodded slowly. “I belong with you Logan. We couldn’t let you face her by yourself.”

“So a pregnant woman and two emotional basket cases figured they’d just drive down here and help out?”

Rogue giggled through her tears. “Hey I resent that. I’m not into baskets.”

“Come on. It’s gonna be a late night and you’re gonna need to be well rested. Let’s have a nap.”

“Don’t let go.” Rogue pleaded as he wrapped his arms around her. With him next to her she slipped into a deep sleep, unaware of the rage broiling in Logan’s eyes or the figure standing just outside the door listening.

Walking down the sideway Tank caught Jubilee’s eye. Tonight would be a brutal night and he wasn’t about to stand in his girl’s way. All he had to do was close his eyes to remember the scars, the screams, the attacks on him from her when she’d first arrived. No, he would give anything in this world to be sure that his Jubilee lost that shadow in her gaze, the tremble in her body at a touch.

“Let’s get some sleep.”

“Scott?”

Tank glanced behind him at the roar of an engine. “Which room is Kitty in?”

“113.” Jubilee pointed.

Tank glanced at Scott who nodded his understanding before facing Jubilee. “Come on.”

Following Tank without protest Jubilee glanced once at Scott as he walked tiredly into the hotel room where Kitty slept. Tonight would either kill them all or heal them – she could only pray that it was the latter.
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