She found Logan from the flat roof of the mansion. He was just sitting there, staring at the full silvery moon. She walked to him and sat down.
“Guess what, darling? It’s not you. It’s me,” he said, tossing the words out like he was about to choke on those. She didn’t know what to say. Curiosity and worry were eating her alive, there were several questions to be asked, but she didn’t have the slightest clue of how to ask them. She waited silently for Logan to continue.
“Jean hadn’t even started properly yet. She came back with the damn cup and told me to sit down. That she had something to discuss with me…” Logan spoke with a low voice, keeping his gaze locked to the moon.
“She told me that she couldn’t do even the sperm count. Or that she could, but there was no point in doing that. It just… They died too quickly.”
She tried to wrap her arm around his shoulders but he shrugged it off.
“I asked her to find out the reason. At first she didn’t want to. I told her to do it.”
It took a long moment before he was able to continue. He kept staring at the moon, his face a blank mask.
“It’s my mutation. My cells, they divide faster than normal cells. Too fast. My sperm dies long before it reaches the final destination.”
“But I’m sure that…”
“Hush, darling, I wasn’t finished yet.”
Again they sat in silence. Logan kept staring at the moon and swallowing uneasily, obviously trying to find a way to keep going.
“There is a chance… A very slim chance that we… That you could get pregnant with me. If that happens, there’s very slim chance that you could carry full term. And that probably would be a bad thing.”
“What the hell are you talking about? I thought you wanted more children with me?” She asked perplexed. Logan snorted, and then finally turned to look her in the eye.
“I was born with active mutation. Healing, senses, bone claws, the whole fucking shebang…” His claws slid out from their sheaths silently and he turned his gaze, regarding them at the shimmering light of moon.
“You really don’t want to have children with me.”
“But… I still don’t understand… Why wouldn’t I…” She stuttered, realization dawning her slowly but surely.
“I wasn’t born like other kids. When the time was right I came out on my own. Instincts, I guess…” There was a casual tone in Logan’s voice, but there was nothing casual in his gaze as it slid over her body, stopping only until his eyes reached her abdomen. He placed his hand there, palm flat and claws out.
“Now I know what happened to my mother. I tore her apart. I love you too much to let it happen to you. And if there’s a chance… Even the slightest chance that it could happen to you… I can’t risk it.”
For a long while they sat side by side, in complete silence. She didn’t know what to say. She didn’t know what to think. Only thing she knew for sure was that having children with Logan was suddenly the only thing she didn’t want.
“We could… I could make it sure that it won’t happen,” she breathed out. She knew that she’d have to convince Logan to follow her plan; otherwise she’d be doomed to spend the rest of her life without him.
“Yeah. Condoms worked really well for you and Ice-Prick. Pills are exactly as fool-proof as condoms. My pecker would heal from vasectomy faster than you can say ‘pregnant’. Abstinence… Well, it could work, but I’m not as sure as hell going without, not as long as I live with you…” Logan prattled on, bitter disappointment coloring his voice.
“I could get fixed.”
Upon hearing her words Logan grew silent, then turned to look at her.
“Over my dead body.”
“But Logan…”
“You’d get neutered just so that we can have some fun between sheets?”
“No, I didn’t mean it like that. Logan, let me…”
“What the hell are you thinking, Marie? Getting fixed? Are you fucking nuts? That shit is irreversible! You couldn’t have kids, ever! Not even if you wanted to! And for what? It’s not worth it! I’m not worth it!”
“Me not having the kids is the whole point of it! If we shouldn’t have kids, why would it matter if I can or cannot get pregnant?”
“Uh…”
“Come to think of it, why would it matter? I’m not going to have kids with you. But I’m going to live with you. You honestly can’t think that I’d sleep around just to get pregnant!”
“Marie!”
She stood up and stormed back inside. She practically run to the suite she had been sharing with Logan for the past months. She’d have to find a way to convince him, or she’d have to let him go.
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Author's Chapter Notes:
Eep! This problem truly is far from solved. But thanks to all of you who have been bugging me about it. I think that I'm at the verge of finding a solution. :)