After he had helped Marie to bed he had been too wound up to go to sleep. He returned outside instead and sat on the porch, wishing, hoping, and craving for a cigar. Just one lousy cigar. As it was, he didn’t have a cigar. He had Sam, who was venturing out from the stable, questioning look on his face.
“I heard you guys arguing. What happened?”
“None of your concern. Mommy and daddy had some grownup’s things to discuss. Go back to sleep,” Logan grunted, keeping his eyes averted from Sam.
“No. I’m in this as well as you. I need to know.”
“Et tu, Brute…”
“What?”
“Nothing. Go back to sleep, Sam.”
“No. It might have been a shitty idea to come here. Even shittier to stay after I noticed you were here, but I deserve to…” Sam didn’t have the chance to finish his sentence. Logan barreled against him with a loud roar, sending him stumbling backwards.
“You deserve jack shit. Marie? She’s your mother. Me? I’m your father. That’s where this all ends. We didn’t exactly plan to have kids. I know it’s fucked up to blame you from what happened. You had even less to say over the matter when they doped me up and threw your mother in that cell with me, but it’s hard to go on and live our lives when you remind us both of the Hell we went through back there. I have tried my hardest not to cut you up because of Marie. Get off from my face before I change my mind about that.”
“No.” Sam stood up from the ground, defiant gleam in his eyes, swiping off dust from his clothes. Logan tilted his head.
“Excuse me?”
“I said ‘no’. I won’t get off from your face. I won’t go away.”
“You keep telling me that I know nothing. You keep telling me that I’m no good. But there’s one thing that I’m not. I’m not stupid. You don’t like me. Mom… Maybe she doesn’t like me either. I don’t care. You’re my family. If anything happens, I want to be there for my family. I want to be able to do something. I know nothing? I’m no good? Then teach me!” Sam shouted, both of his hands curled to tight fists on his sides. Boy was barely keeping himself in check. It was much more than what Logan had been able to do lately. Even when he suddenly lunged towards Sam, his own fists raised, ready to punch, the boy stood on his ground, not flinching, not even blinking his eyes.
“Teach me, old man.”
Instead of punching Sam right away he lowered his hands. Forced his right one open and extended it towards Sam who took it on his own. Logan closed his hand to crushing grip around Sam’s palm and swiped him down with swift kick to his knee.
“Teach you? Why the fuck should I bother?” Sam was still holding his hand and tried to yank him off from balance. He succeeded. Move toppled Logan on top of him, claws from his left hand braced over Sam’s bare throat. A smirk started spreading on Logan’s face, but it quickly disappeared when he felt something sharp tapping his thigh. Sam’s left hand was lodged between their bodies, and in that hand the boy was holding a knife.
“Won’t do you any good. I’ll heal,” he grunted, adding pressure on Sam’s throat. Knife dug deeper to his thigh tip actually parting his skin.
“You’ll stay down long enough for somebody else to finish you off when I’m gone,” Sam spat, dropping the knife and bringing his knees up, throwing Logan off from him.
“You’re a fucking moron. There’s nobody…” Logan snarled and tackled Sam, pinning him to the ground again and bringing them face to face again.
“There’s nobody who can take me down. You think they haven’t tried, little boy? You think I haven’t tried it myself?”
“Mom could take you down,” Sam argued. Logan’s eyes narrowed.
“With that blue stuff. She could take you down with it.”
“She could take me down any day, any way she likes. Leave her out of this,” Logan huffed, pushed off from Sam, raising on his feet and turning away.
Just like his mother. Just like Marie. Sam knew exactly what buttons to push.
“I’m not going to teach you.” He could hear Sam shuffling, getting up and brushing his clothes.
“Why not?”
“You have fresher knowledge about Army and how it operates. Things I do know, things I think I remember… They’re outdated. Blurred. I’m fucking obsolete, Sam! I have tried to keep in touch with the world, but the way they keep censoring the news and anything that comes from the front, there’s just no way of telling what is bullshit, and what is complete bullshit.”
She could hear Logan and Sam fighting. Sam demanding Logan to teach him. Then the last blow. The one that made Logan retreat.
“Mom could take you down.” She laughed bitterly in the darkness of their bedroom. Sam was wrong. To do something, to do anything at all required not only skill and means to do it. First of all it required the will to do it. She couldn’t take Logan down even when her life had depended on it. When it had seem that everything was lost, and there was nothing left of Logan inside of the Destroyer, she couldn’t take him down.
She could hear Logan answering to Sam, but he spoke so low and hushed tone that she couldn’t discern any words. Next thing she really heard was when Logan raised his voice.
“…I’m fucking obsolete, Sam!…” Obsolete? Was that how he saw himself? She had to close her eyes and bite her lip to stop herself from getting up and telling both of them to just shut up and stop their childish bickering. Obsolete?
She could hear the stable door opening and closing. Logan sitting on the front porch and sighing wearily. She could see him sitting there, as clear as if he was sitting right in front of her in this room. Elbows propped against his knees. Jaw lowered resting on his palms. Eyes staring to nothing, and to everywhere from under bangs that had gotten all too long for his tastes, but he hadn’t gotten around to ask her to cut his hair because there had been million other things to take care of before he could take care of himself. Not tomorrow.
Tomorrow nobody would do anything. She’d take care of it. They would sit down and talk things through before anything bad happened. Before Sam would try to take on Logan in real. Before Logan lost his temper. Before she’d lost what little was there left of her temper. They’d all sit down and talk things through together, even if it killed them all to the spot.
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Author's Chapter Notes:
Stupid, stupid... left the last paragraphs out when I posted this... Well, here's all of them now.