“You do know that I wouldn’t hurt you, right?” She gazed up from the book she was reading. Logan was sitting on a chair next to hers, his eyes cast to flickering flames in the fireplace.
“You know that I wouldn’t… I wouldn’t hurt you like I did back then?” He had just gotten back home from watering the field and they had eaten in complete silence. His sudden questioning made her flinch.
“I know.”
“Good. Because I wouldn’t. I won’t… If anything happens, if they come, I want you to take care of it. You have to make sure that they can’t use me like that anymore.”
She didn’t like the way this conversation had taken.
“And how exactly I’m supposed to do that?” She asked, throwing the book she had been reading aside. It landed with a soft thud near the fireplace. Logan leaned forward and picked it up. Fiddled through few pages.
“If it happens, if they come, I want you to take me down. You can do it. With the blue mist. Just make sure that there’s nothing left from me to recover.”
“Logan, no. I can’t…”
“Yes. You can. Yes. You will. They fucked up us both the last time for good. I’d rather die than put you through that hell again. At least that way they can’t use me…”
“Logan, no!”
“Yes. I will not rape you. Never, ever again. I will not mate with you in a cage like some fucking animal. And that’s exactly what they’re after. Either I find a way to kill you, or you do me in. And I’m that much of a selfish coward that I don’t want to be the one left behind. I’m afraid of what I’d become without you.”
“I don’t even know how to use it!” Marie noted triumphantly. She didn’t know what triggered the reaction that drew forth the deadly mist from her pores, ergo it was impossible for her to use it against Logan.
“You don’t have to know how to use it. You have to be scared enough. That’s all what it takes. And I’m nearly pissing my pants from even the thought of getting caught again. Can’t be much different for you. I’m going to glue myself to you if I see even one armored vehicle approaching.”
“You might as well rape me. Right here, right now,” she spat.
“Marie, no…”
“No! Now you listen to me! I will not kill you! I won’t do it! You can’t make me!” She hated how her voice started to crack, but she had to make him understand.
“You were probably the only reason I got through that whole mess.”
“If it wasn’t for me, you wouldn’t even have gotten in there in the first place.”
“No. I would have died with my father without you. But that’s not the point. I learned something important from you. No matter what happens, we can get through it. We will get through it, together.”
“Marie…”
“When… No. If they come, we’ll fight. We’ll fight as long as we can. The way I see it, we’re both pretty darn durable. We can take almost anything they have to throw against us. We’ll fight until there’s nobody left to fight against. I’ll die before I let them get their hands on us again. I’ll die fighting, not bawling my eyes out because I accidentally killed the man I love.” With that said she rose from where she sat and walked stiffly in to the bedroom, closing the door after her.
Surprisingly she slept through the night. When she woke up she felt good and rested. For the first time in years she hadn’t woken to ugly memories from the past. Logan hadn’t come to bed, but that was nothing new. Whenever they got in to disagreement he would slink back and sulk on his own until he got his thoughts cleared. It was a good, nice morning up until she walked in to the kitchen and found a note lying on the table, written with Logan’s strong, no-nonsense hand. He never left notes. Never.
‘Out on the field. Don’t wait up, I’ll be getting back late.’
Was it stupid to get worried over few words scribbled on to paper? Few words telling her that she shouldn’t bother herself with cooking because Logan had probably taken his lunch and dinner with him, and he’d be getting back home late in the night. Except that he never left notes. Usually he came to talk with her in person.
She threw her clothes on hastily. She’d have to find him. Something was wrong.
Sun was rising. She could hear Ug and Glug mooing in the stable. Irrigation trolley sat next to stable. She could see Logan in the distance, at the end of the field. He was sitting on the ground; his back turned towards their home. She started to run to his direction. Sand was scorching hot under her bare feet, sinking under every step she took. Crop Logan had been tending with utter care prickled the soles of her feet, sharp, dried up twigs snapping under her weight. Dry sand. Dead crop. There was something wrong.
Logan wasn’t moving. She called his name, but there was no reaction from his part. When she got to him and laid her hand on his shoulder he started to crumble under her touch. Clothes sagged, and dark blue sand poured out from every hole, revealing gleaming metal bones underneath.
She woke up screaming. For a moment she couldn’t stop it. Couldn’t stop the agonized wail that tore forth from her throat. Then Logan was there, his strong hands curling around her, pulling her against his solid chest.
“I’m sorry. I’m sorry, Marie. I shouldn’t have asked you to do it. I’m sorry. You don’t have to do it. I’m sorry…”
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