'O Father where art thou?
I lay within each stone child,
Within each breath you take
and every tear you shed.'
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She'd wandered for a bit afterward, going back to her work to find a very irate Wayne her manager. She'd explained about a family emergency and he'd seemed to believe her, this time.
She worked over and was lucky to get to her small night job on time. Across the road from her little shop was a chapel, a catholic chapel, people were coming and going from the lit doors. And a sudden urge hit her, to speak to unload the feelings she was holding in ever since she'd seen Logan's eyes and the sorrow that had been inside them.
When her break came she rushed across the road to the chapel, her hands pulling on a small scarf to cover her head as she entered. The population here was Italian American and they were strict in their faith, it wouldn't do to insult them. She took her place in the queue to the confessional, many women were here, their heads bowed toward the figure on the crucifix. As she looked at the figure, his face twisted in pain and suffering, she couldn't help but notice the eyes. They looked like Logan's, deep hazel and filled with pain he wouldn't set free in case it hurt those around him. Dropping her head she prayed for the first time in her life, and not one prayer was for herself.
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He'd tracked her from the fight to the coffee shop, where he'd learned of her second job, even the address. Someone had to tell people that giving information like this wasn't safe. All he'd said was that he was looking for her and it had something to do with family and they'd given him everything he'd needed. That she'd run out of here that afternoon to deal with some family emergency and was that why he was looking for her now?
After he'd said yes they were even as helpful to point out her home address too, just in case he missed her at the store. Thanking them he just put the bike in gear and sped off, hope burning through the cold of the winds that roared through the city at night. He would find her, talk to her and see where it led him, she'd been gone for months and now she turned up out of the blue.
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It was her turn, swallowing her fear she entered the small dark chamber, closing the curtain behind her she knelt on the worn cushion at her feet.
"Bless me father for Ah have sinned." The rustle of cloth behind the pierced wooden screen told her she'd been recognised as a repentant sinner.
"Go on my child," the voice reminded her of summers spent on church socials with her family, the priest always soft spoken able to calm her fears about the devil and sin.
Swallowing her nerves Marie began.
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He'd just missed her, she was on a break, he was about to go to her home when the sweeper had grabbed his arm adn told him she went to the chapel. Something about praying for someone, a family member they'd said, suddenly clutched by fear Logan ran across the road into the chapel. He just managed to get in before the doors were locked behind him, a smiling rector told him he was the last for confession. If he would take a seat the priest wouldn't keep him long.
The perfumed air and wood filled his senses, he'd never really been in a church as far as he knew. But this one was filled with the various scents of incense and human worship. His nose picked up on Marie's scent inside the confessional, could hear her whispers just on the edge of his hearing. Going closer they became clearer, and as he seated himself he could hear every word she said.
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"Father, do you think it's fair to hate God? For what he put's us through, to suffer, to love and feel pain when it fails? When it's not enough to know your loved and want more than the people around you are willin' to give you?"
The silence was rich and filled with promise, when he did reply it was in measured tones, well thought out answers and hope measured in words.
"My child, everyone has to find their own way to God, whether he tests us or not along the way. Love is his gift to us, to even feel one ounce of love is worth the entirity of Hell's punishments. For did not God suffer to give his only son to us to save us from the sins that blacken our souls?"
She waited for her mind to clear before she answered him, pulling her breath into her painful body she spoke again. "That maybe true father, but he never gave me a chance from the moment Ah was born. Driven away from mah home when Ah wasn't 'god's child' anymore, called a devil for bein' what God made me when Ah was born." Tears were burning her eyes and she stifled them, blinking them back as she strove to finish her words that were choking her throat. "Ah made a mistake father, Ah've gone against what He made me. Ah took 'the cure' father but now Ah'm not so sure it was right."
When he spoke again the tone was much softer, much more human, "Oh child, everyone on earth is one of God's children, no matter what creed, colour, ability or race. You were one of his children and you still are even now, no one can blame you for wanting to be like those around you. The only sin in that is vanity and as a young woman there is bound to be some pride in your make-up."
He didn't understand, he wasn't seeing her, wasn't understanding what she was trying to show him, what she needed him to get from her. She went for the truth and damn her soul for allowing it a voice but she needed to tell someone.
"Ah took the cure so Ah could touch father, mah mutation made me dangerous, Ah took life when Ah touched people, or anythin that had life. Ah was death walkin'." Her voice cracked as she spoke, now the flow was started she couldn't stop it.
"There was only one person who was never afraid of me, an Ah never valued him, he gave me so much an all Ah gave him was pain. Ah even left the place where he lived so Ah could live free without seein' him and knowin' Ah'd never be what Ah wanted to be with him." The deep silence from the other side of the screen told her he was still listening to her.
"Ah saw him today, fightin' for his life. Ya know the strangest thing? Everythin' Ah thought Ah knew just left, all that mattered was that Ah got there to help him, to show him Ah hadn't forgotten him. Hadn't forgotten how much he gave to me, ya see he nearly died for me father. He saved me, like Christ on your cross he gave himself for me, he killed himself so Ah could survive. An what did Ah do? Ah left him to fight alone, so Ah could be 'normal'."
The despair in her voice was thick and he could scent her tears from where he was, every word he'd heard hammered into his ears, nailing his heart to hers. He'd heard enough of her suffering, he tore the curtain aside and pulled her out into his grip. She didn't struggle, she didn't fight him, all she did was look up into his eyes before wrapping herself around him. He hugged her tight to him, hands lost in her hair and back, hearing her breathing stutter and wince. Pulling back to see her face srunched up in pain and her hand on her ribs.
As he moved he saw the priest, his hand raised in benediction over them both, the look of calm softness in the man's gaze calming Logan's concern. Picking her up bodily Logan walked out of the chapel, her hands wrapped around his neck and shoulders.
For the first time in months she felt whole again, ever since the cure had wiped through her body she'd missed him. And now here he was holding her, taking her home, she just needed someone to remember her how she used to be, before everything changed.
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Author's Chapter Notes:
Part five of the Tarot series, we catch up with Marie and Logan in church, a confessional and a hope holding it's hand out.