Of all the things, of all the people! Rogue raged against fate, the force that seemed to have it in for her, just when she'd gotten control of her mutation after college there had been the accident.
The accident where she'd taken Carol on board, she'd been coming home with Carol, the new teacher at the school, when the front right tyre had blown out. They'd crashed and Carol was in pieces, her mutation was near invulnerability, strength and flight she'd been the one that had taken the brunt of the crash. They'd smashed into a semi the car crushed and crumpled on her side the only thing she could see was her hand, the fingers flexing and trying to grasp her own. Carol's voice
had found her, asking her to take her gifts, to help her die, to end the pain, she'd done it, the slow burning trickle of her power had been a relief for Carol. The voice in her head giving her the company she'd missed, since that day Carol had never intruded, never shouted
only supported.
Yet now when she needed her support Carol was nowhere to be seen, as she flew the memory of Logan touching her opened in her mind, Carol was showing her the one piece she'd saved of him. She'd quashed that memory for five years, keeping it and him at bay, she'd thought about
going after him but it was pointless. What would she say to him that would make any difference anyway, he'd left her, he'd shown her what he'd thought of her and she'd decided to make the best of it where she was. There was nothing out there for her but pain and she'd had enough of that.
The touch of his fingers on her skin, the heat of him as he'd held her close to him, writhing over her body imprinting himself in her muscle memory and mind. She'd avoided touch since then, she'd had lovers, mainly one night stands with the minimum of touch and she never kissed them. Never let her lips touch theirs, never let them get close to her emotionally Rogue had locked that part of her off and now she was faced with the person who'd helped her make that choice. Unknowingly treating men the same way he'd treated women, easing the ache in her body by finding the harshest men she could find. Ones who'd think her a prize to be kept until she ended up
punching them across the room or alleyway, making sure they understood she was no-ones prize, she belonged to herself.
After the invasion of her soul from Wolverine, she didn't let anyone close not anyone male anyway.
Clearing her mind as the school came into view she saw the hanger doors open for the Blackbirds descent, wishing she could just disappear for a while but it wasn't possible she had commitments, pupils relying on her. She'd just have to deal with it, making sure that she didn't spend any time alone with him until he left again,
after all that's what he did the best, leaving.
Storm shut down the engines and did post flight checks as Logan just stared out of the cockpit windows; there was a smaller second jet in here now as well as a simulator. Things had moved on without him being here, the changes were noticeable to his eye including the amount of students, there were more, much more. Storm was reaching
between them to finish her checks when he grabbed her gloved wrist, her eyes went instantly white and the smell of ozone filled the cockpit. His bones began to ache and he released her wrist quickly, watching the soft dark brown enter Storm's eyes again. "If you want to know something Logan just ask." Her tone was all ice and he could scent her anger at him filling the small space, nodding he unbuckled himself, standing up he just turned his back on her walking away to the lowered ramp. Storm heard the sing of his blades and turned to see his hands pulled forward, the only thing she could see was the
six red points coming out of his back, from the position she knew the wounds were fatal. As Logan fell to the floor her hand hit the alarm, the sound echoing through the hanger like a banshee scream, his blades didn't snap away like they had on Lady Liberty he was holding
them open as he bled out. The smell of blood was rich in the air as she pulled the hands away from his body, the wounds sucking air into them as the blades fell out. Logan's eyes were shut tight, the tears in the corners of his eyes were falling and Storm realised for the first time just how damaged Logan really was.
Rogue had just gotten into the showers when the alarm sounded, naked she almost ran out into the hanger but she had to throw something on or she'd be a danger to whoever was in trouble. Control took effort and when her adrenaline was firing, she was patchy at best. Her mind
instantly went to their new passenger, Logan. She should never have left Storm alone with him, she wasn't defenceless but Logan was stronger, much stronger than her. Swearing a blue streak she flew over dressed in her gym outfit, tight black lycra bodysuit that velcroed together at the sides. When she arrived there were four
others hefting a body out of the blackbird, her blood sang and she lost focus for a second until she saw who was coming down the ramp running with the four. Storm, she wasn't hurt but the scent of blood was all over her, her white hair had traces of red in it as they moved as one toward the med bay. Storm seeing Rogue shouted out over the hanger, "Get Hank ready, major injuries to the spine and heart."
Storm watched Rogue hang there for a second in the air before moving, her face confused as Storm shouted at her. "ROGUE! MOVE IT OR WE'LL LOSE HIM!" The words were all she needed to hear, following an order was second nature for her now, it was only afterward she wondered
what would've happened if she'd dawdled a little. Flying off she went the quick way to med bay and informed their doc that they had a casualty coming, deciding to stick around to see the damage wrought on him by Storm. When he came in and the injuries were registered by her eyes she'd fled, Storm hadn't hurt him, she had.
Darkness, pain, nerves firing as they healed along his internal organs, wanting to move but finding himself restrained for the second time that day, the scent of antiseptic and fur filling his nose. Head strapped still his only view the ceiling of the med bay, going through the last few hours of his life. Waking up to see someone
dropping down into his compound, gun already in hand, the slight form not registering to him as female. Wolverine was in control out here, he called the shots, kept Logan safe from everyone and everyone safe from him. He'd scented intruders before knowing they hopped his fence
hoping to find something about the `mountain man' that only occasionally went to resupply himself at the local store. He'd come here after two years of wandering, hoping to be left alone in a small hamlet of people who thought like him, that didn't want the rest of so called civilisation interrupting their way of life. But as
everywhere else there were those who were nosy and he'd decided to deal with them permanently. So he'd fired into the back of the black clad intruder, not recognising the leather uniform until she'd turned around, when she'd
turned he'd thought all his nightmares had come true, he'd killed her. He'd killed Marie. The look of rage that had covered her face as she'd swung round to hit him, the snarl of hate across her face something he recognised as the blow stunned him.
Just beginning to feel the fire on his skin as he fell, he'd known the fire was coming but he hadn't moved, what was the point? There was none and he'd just wanted to die out there, hoping that the gun he'd had in his hands would have been enough to injure him beyond his bodies ability to repair itself and leaving the rest for the fire to dispose of. Leaving nothing but a metal skeleton behind to be buried by the ash of his home, so when the person had arrived he'd been annoyed at being denied even this piece of privacy.
Waking to see the inside of the Blackbird, the scent of rain and ozone sharp in the air mingling with the scents of the metal and plastic but underneath it all was the scent of Marie, the imprint of her still in his mind and he felt the stab of pain go through him again. His last image of her screaming at him that she'd find him and
kill him, even if it took her forever she'd find him. He knew she would find him one day and she'd kept her word, of that there was never any doubt, so when they'd landed he'd decided to finish the job he'd started in the forest. Hell he was doing her a favour, putting himself out of her misery, his last gift to her after everything else he'd taken from her. He could give her this at least, but now it seemed as if he couldn't even do this right.
Silent tears were falling from him as the large furred face hovered over his own, he didn't care anymore, Wolverine was curled up in a corner of his mind lost, alone and afraid for the first time in his life. He had nothing to live for, there was no point in trying
anymore, everything had died in him when he'd seen her eyes look at him. She hated him, hated everything he was giving him the final piece to the puzzle he'd been trying to work out since he left here. He'd turned her into him, destroyed the one piece of light in his life and turned her into a monster, he didn't care if Xavier sold him
to a lab maybe it'd be better for everyone if he went back to being an animal without a name or feelings. At least then he'd have a purpose, one where he didn't have to feel or think, watching the blue furred face of his carer pass over him again Logan made his mind up.
He'd get them to kill him, force them to destroy him utterly. He'd wait, play possum until it was time, until he was ready, let them do what they wanted to him, until it was the right moment. The blue face was talking to him but he ignored it, preferring to get lost inside his own mind, filled with images of Marie turning round with anger
written all over her face and her eyes filled with hatred. Marie, he'd get Marie to kill him, it was what she'd wanted wasn't it? The logic of it making a sick kind of sense to him, the only way to free herself of him was to kill him, to know he was dead at her hands.
Wolverine uncurled a little at that thought, yes she'd do what was right, give him a proper death like they had with Sabretooth down by the river. He could touch her again, make her drain him to near death and then kill him, using his own claws on him to take his body apart
before he could heal. A plan of action formed in his mind, a faint smile ghosting at the edges of his lips as the thoughts solidified, yes if he played this right he'd be dead within the week. Closing his eyes to the brightness he slid away into the pain, holding onto it,
cherishing it as he would something precious, like he did her once.
Jubilee found Rogue sat on the roof with a bottle in her hand, there were several others nearby, all empty. "Hey you're not planning on going flying are you? You know what happened last time you got drunk and decided to go for a joyride?" Rogue snorted over the beer bottle,
she remembered all right, she'd almost downed a jumbo jet. She'd decided in her ultimate wisdom to race it and had ended up smacked flat against the windscreen making the pilots panic and dive. Luckily she'd rolled off the plane as it dove, finally levelling off a few thousand feet lower she'd decided to head on home her buzz burned
away by the adrenaline powering through her system. Xavier had given her a lecture nearly an hour long that day, she knew she had to be more responsible with her new gifts but she needed to break free once in a while and just enjoy them. She did it sober though now and the
thought of flying at the moment only brought back the recent memory of carrying an unconscious Logan in her arms.
She could still feel the weight of him if she concentrated hard enough, could still smell him on her uniform and damn it if part of her didn't like it. That's
why she'd gotten the beer and headed for the roof, everyone knew to leave her alone when she was up here, it was her space to sort out her head. So why Jubilee was up here finally peaked her interest.
"What do you want Jube's?" She cast a sidelong glance at her usually bubbly friend, seeing her head held down and her hands picking at her clothes, something she only ever did when she was upset. "Jubes?"
Raising her head Jubilee let her see the sorrow outlined in her expression.
Jubilee didn't always listen in to conversations but this one had been important to hear, Xavier was talking to the Doc about Logan, about what he'd picked up from him when he'd been to see him down in med bay. Logan had refused to talk or to look at anyone, the only way he would allow anyone near was to have him physically restrained at
all times. Doc McCoy had put several lines in him to help him recover from the self-inflicted injuries he'd sustained. He'd gone for a few moments, when he'd returned Logan had managed to chew through the long lines severing all help until he'd strapped his head down. That
had prompted him to call Xavier to scan him finding out his state of mind and the conversation Jubilee had overheard, knowing Rogue needed to know before anyone else told her what to do.
Swallowing her nerves Jubilee spoke her voice quiet and filled with a timbre Rogue had never heard before. "Rogue, Logan's ill." Rogue snorted and lifted the bottle to her lips, both of them knowing Logan
never got ill, a spike of anger flared in Jubilee to see her friend acting so callously to someone she'd once loved with everything she was. "Not physically Rogue, mentally."
That froze the bottle in mid raise as Rogue turned her head to look at Jubilee seeing her curiosity peaked, "He's given up, he wants to die." There was an
almost soft glimmer in her face before it was replaced by a drunken sneer; her mouth open to make a retort she'd regret immediately and Jubilee knew it. Beating her to the punch with her own words, "He's waiting for you to kill him, after all it was the last words you said
to him five years ago. Seems like he'd finally got tired of waiting for you to show up and had decided to do it himself before you dropped in on him. But now he's here he's just waiting for you to go and get it over with, Hank's got him strapped down and dosed up just
so he can't hurt himself." Jubilee watched her friend sink into herself as the nights of bitter talking came back to haunt her, all the times she'd wished him dead at he bottom of a mountain pass or in a lab somewhere. Jubilee's words landing heavily on her as she turned
and left her alone on the roof, "Looks like you got your wish Rogue, just he wants it to be up close and personal so he can see you kill him. Do us all a favour, put him out of his misery, he's been hurt long enough don't you think?" With that barbed comment, she left her alone on the roof, mulling over the circumstances of his departure
all those years ago.
Draining the bottle she flung the empty far out into the empty air, knowing it would land on the grass below, she'd pick up the empty before she went in. Broken glass no longer bothering her skin, even the touch of another human being no longer held any fear for her as long as she concentrated beforehand and switched her skin off. She
ran the memory through her head, this time with Carol watching her from the sidelines. She'd never looked at it when she'd been here with her; she'd stopped trying to understand why he'd left her that night.
Carol opened the memory up, spreading it wide open so she
could see everything, the way his shoulders had slumped when she'd come out of her room. The scent of despair that had hung around him as he'd moved away from her, not looking back, every muscle tight and focussed on his goal. Making her see it as an adult would, that he'd
hurt her, badly and he didn't want to hurt her again, he'd loved her, claimed her as his own and he'd almost driven her mad with his selfishness. He'd had to leave, if he'd stayed she wouldn't be Rogue she'd be a copy of him, knowing that Wolverine loved to touch her as often as he could, to imprint himself in her. Her mind flashing back to the underbrush where it had been Wolverine that had grabbed her, his bare hand on her mouth filling her with the rage he'd felt against Sabretooth. Wanting to kill his rival at any cost, even if it meant hurting her to do it, Wolverine wasn't safe to be around especially when he'd already claimed her sexually. Wolverine wanted
her and that had been his way of showing her she belonged to him, by killing the rival, any rival for her attention.
The sense hit her then, clutching at her heart like ice shards tearing it open, if he'd stayed he'd have tolerated no one near her, not even Jubilee. He'd have kept her closeted, stolen her away and hidden her from everyone, so only he could see her, only he could
touch her, talk to her, love her. Logan couldn't allow that to happen to her, she needed much more than he could give her, much more than his small world would ever provide her with. It didn't matter that he loved her, that he needed her, what mattered was `her', so he'd had
to leave, had to go away, had to lose himself in the world waiting for the day when she'd find him and kill him. Knowing he'd heard her words that night as she'd screamed them out to the darkness, her memory showing her the dark silhouette crouched behind a seat at the
far end of the garden. Logan had seen her, heard her, smelt her anger, rage after she'd told him she'd loved him, needed him, and he was leaving her. Carol's softness embracing her as she realised the truth of it all, he loved her enough to let her go, to be herself not
a puppet to his wills or desires. That's why he'd held the door shut on her, listening to her tears and words as he'd been trying to be strong enough for the both of them. One day she hoped she'd understand why he'd done it, why he'd held the door shut, keeping her from him. She'd gotten it backwards, he was protecting her from
*him*, from what he could do to her, what he wanted to do to her. He knew she loved him but he loved her more and leaving was the only option he'd had, so he'd taken it. Severing all ties with everyone, no contact, no touch of another person who knew him, alone again in a world where he'd known love and had ruined it with his own selfishness.
Tears pricked at her eyes as she stood up, pushing off the edge of the roof leaving the other bottles up there to be collected later.
Snagging the empty bottle that had thumped into the grass she went to find Xavier, if what Jubilee had told her was true then he'd know.
Carol hugged her mentally and returned to the darkness of her mind, sure that Rogue had understood the message she was trying to show her. Logan had left because he loved her, enough to protect her from
the biggest threat to her, thing was they were one and the same.
The office door was already open when she got there, the voices inside were raised and Rogue slid inside without being noticed. "What you're asking me to do is despicable Charles, I won't do it. I don't care how badly his mind is damaged I'm not going to induce a coma from which he might never recover." Doc McCoy was angry, his
shoulders were hunched his hands pushing down on the elderly desk of Xavier making it creak ominously. Xavier's calm voice wound out across the room as Rogue slid into a seat at the opposite end of the room, "My dear Hank, I think you're underestimating our friends
regenerative abilities. I've seen him take physical damage much worse than the injuries he's sustained and pull through within a week. Even as much as to be a bother to the staff down there making them discharge him early, all I'm asking is that you give his mind a
chance to rest, to come to terms with being here."
Rogue knew what Xavier wasn't saying, to come to terms with seeing her. Doc McCoy blew out a huge sigh, all the tension dropping from his body as the tone deepened and set in the rich tones of the doctor.
"I'd do it if it would any good Charles, but it won't." Rogue watched Xaviers face change as she listened to the diagnosis with him, "He's not responding to stimulus, even his body is beginning to reject the fluids I'm putting in him. It's as if he's given up, there's nothing
I could do if I put him into such a state, in fact it'd just shorten the expectancy I have of him at the moment." The shock registered across Xaviers face, McCoy continued. "If he keeps going downhill like this I doubt he'll last the week." The silence that followed the
statement was complete, as was the guilt that landed directly at Rogues feet, she'd brought him here, she'd saved him from the fire, she'd stopped his plan only to cause him more pain. A long slow drawn out death instead of the quick relatively pain free one he'd had in store for himself in his own home, alone away from the eyes of those who'd judged him and found him wanting. Her included. Her voice split the silence making both men turn to look in her direction, the pale mask of her face burning into their minds, "I'll do it. If he wants
to die, I'll do it."
Xavier looked within her mind and saw the guilt laying high in her mind, feeling his presence Rogue showed him the memory of the night he left, her words, her anger, the pain in him as he'd left her. Her eye shed one tear which she quickly wiped away forcing a smile onto her face as she stood up, the look of compassion on McCoy's face something she really didn't want to see.
Dropping her gaze, she walked out carrying the empty bottle with her, her soul feeling as empty as the glass in her hand. Xaviers thoughts still touching her own, telling her to go when she was ready but not to have a closed mind to Logan, to just see him first. She nodded
silently in agreement before taking the stairs two at a time as she ran for her room, her safe haven from the rest of the world and the memories of a night where a glass door had separated her from the one thing she'd needed in the whole wide world. Eye's blurring as she
opened her door, lungs burning with the weight of emotion resting on her, the pain of knowing it was her decision. Her actions that had brought the one person she'd loved trusted with her very soul to this point, to this desperate level. She knew if Wolverine had given up
there was nothing on earth that could keep him here, he'd kill himself by degree's, shutting out everything he could. Forcing his body to reject the nourishment they put into him, even at the lab they'd never managed to break him but she had. When she'd seen his eyes before she'd laid him out everything had been there for her to
see the despair in his eyes as she'd swung for him.
The resignation that their appointment had been met finally, that she'd found him and so it was natural to let her win, to give her what he thought she wanted from him. His actions in the Blackbird had solidified that;
she couldn't run away from him any longer, her words had finally come back to haunt her. Thing was she hadn't meant any of them, not a single one.
Curling up on her bed, she wished for the comfort she'd felt when she'd known he was just down the hall, he was here but the Logan that had left wasn't the same as the one that was here now. Her own guilt wouldn't allow her to seek relief from the pain she felt of her actions and words of five years ago, even Jube's her partner in crime
was on Logan's side. She'd sat and listened to every bitter word that had flowed from her mouth, her anger at Logan leaving her after taking her body, showing her he didn't care about her skin, about her ability to kill him with a touch. He gave her everything, then took it away again, leaving her bereft and adrift in a world of sensation she couldn't understand or fathom.
Even after Xavier had removed Wolverine from her mind, she still had some of his habits, his mannerisms; she'd scrubbed them from herself when she'd found herself
doing them. Hating the memory it made her remember, that someone had jilted her, seen her and found her lacking, thing was she'd been wrong. He'd never seen her like that, only she had and the truth had been hard to swallow, it had been there all along but she'd never had
the sense to look at it from his perspective until now. Biting her gloved hand Rogue cried like she'd never done before, rocking back and forth on her bed wishing for all the world she'd had the sense to look for him before now. But it was too little too late and inside she knew the strength Wolverine had inside himself, if he wanted to
die he would and nothing she or anyone else could do would stop him.
It wasn't so bad lying here, Jean had been to see him, her voice sweet and syrupy trying to get his attention, trying to get him to focus on her. Her hand had touched his skin but the sensation was dry, without fire or spark, the touch of a professional, a doctor's cool embrace on his skin. She didn't matter, the goal was in sight and nothing would keep him from it, even her soft voice inside his head telling him she'd loved him wasn't heard. He just closed his mind to her by throwing up images of the lab, of the things he'd gone through, seeing her face pale at the sight of the torture; the sight of exposed bones and flayed nerves. His face screaming in agony past endurance, losing to the beast that lurked inside his mind, the one that roared forward making Jean pull away as he flinched on the bed, his blades firing into the restraints he had on his hands locking them out. Jean drifted away; his ears catching the conversation between the two doctors, discussing his treatment, how they could keep his kidney's functioning when his body refused to expel waste.
Poisoning himself from the inside out, destroying the tissues of his body on purpose, his mutantcy giving him some protection but the cumulative effects were beginning to take their toll on him. He'd been there for three days already and his body was beginning to eat itself, he knew the burn of his muscles was his own system running flat out to live. Yet Wolverine was in control of his mind, the
stubborn will to die was everything, there was nothing left to live for, he knew she wouldn't come to see him. The hope had been dashed on the first day he'd been down here, Jubilee had come to look at him, listened to her small footsteps as she'd gone around him. Smelt her tears as they'd flowed from her knowing she was grieving for him
while he was still alive, it gave him some hope that one thing. That someone understood, that this was what he wanted, to be left alone to die, to give up, to stop fighting, he'd heard her small voice whispering in the darkened room as she'd left, echoing around his sensitive ears. "Don't leave us Logan, we still need you. I still
need you."
The words had hurt to hear but they didn't matter in the end, the one person he'd hoped to tell him she cared wouldn't come here, not until she was certain he was dying. His own inner sense told him that, the animal part of his soul knew she'd come when he was close to death
just to see him fade away or nudge him over the edge. Personally he couldn't wait, maybe then she'd forgive him, when he was dead and gone she'd maybe understand why he did what he did to her. Letting out a deep breath, he felt the soft touch of Doc McCoy rest on his arm as the door swung open the scent of Jean leaving the room. The
swinging door bringing another scent closer to him, of someone out in the corridor, someone he wasn't ready to see yet, Marie.
Doc McCoy was resetting the drips in his arms when she looked through the small window of the med bay, Logan looked so small lying there, so frail, nothing like the man she'd once known. So full of life he'd made everyone else fade into the background, so alive he'd made the
room spark with his energy, everyone knew when he was home, the whole school felt different he was that much of a force.
Yet now he looked a shell, he looked like a dead body, her mind throwing up an old memory from Magneto of the camp. You could tell those who'd given up already when the train had pulled in, they looked the same way Logan
looked now, tired, defeated, drained. Steeling herself, she walked through the doors, seeing Jean's face look away as she passed into the room knowing she blamed her for all of this. She was right of course but it didn't help her cope with her own fear of his reaction to her presence. Her footsteps echoed around med bay as she came
closer and she could see Logan beginning to struggle against the straps that held him down. McCoy turned to see her, his heavy gaze quickly running between the two of them, coming to her just before she got to the bed and turning her away taking her further into the med bay. "Rogue," his whisper was soft and she knew it was something Logan would hear no matter how softly they talked. "Please, give him a chance, if you can help him back do it. At the moment we've got him stable but if he continues to slide we have five days at the most."
Her eyes met Hank's and she saw him wince at the look in her eyes, she hated herself for this, for what she'd done to him, for what her love had created.
"Doc, I'm not promising anything. I'm not even sure he wants me here," Hank turned her to see Logan moving slowly on the bed testing the straps that were holding him down.
"That's the most movement I've seen from him since he came down here Rogue, I think he wants to see you don't you."
Hank let her go and walked away through the far door, knowing he'd come running if she shouted for him, leaving her alone with him, alone with her guilt and pain.
It took her nearly four minutes to get to the side of the bed, she could smell his sweat, and the feral taint that she'd craved in the months he'd been absent. Her gloved hand touched his thigh through the scrubs they had him in and he stilled his voice dry and shallow making her eyes blur with tears as it reached her ears, "Marie?"
He still called her Marie, the last time she'd heard that name he was above her grinding his erection into her willing body, making her wish she could stop time so she could never have to lose this feeling of closeness, of utter surrender. His eyes had burned with possession; it had scared her to be under that gaze, under the weight
of him feeling so vulnerable but safe at the same time. He'd never hurt her intentionally she knew that but there was a part of him neither of them had reckoned on, Wolverine.
She was surrounded by other males all the time, team mates, friends, students, Wolverine wouldn't allow that, she knew that now and so he'd left her, the only choice he'd had left.
"Rogue Logan, my name is Rogue," Logan shook his head eyes closed and his throat tight, his lips trembling as he smelt her sorrow, her pain at seeing him here. He'd expected her to be happy, to want to see him like this, not to scent her distress, feeling her hands slide down to
his hands and the locked out blades there. The scent of copper filled the room as she undid the strap on his left wrist keeping the arm down, she'd nicked herself on the sharp edge of the blade, it was funny how her invulnerability worked. She could be knocked back by a
truck and she'd have nothing to show from it but a knife could still cut her skin if she wasn't careful and that was what she was counting on.
Her touch on his skin was making him hope, the gloved hand
touching him wishing her hand was naked so she could end this, so he could give her what she'd wanted.
"Logan, look at me." He shook his head, keeping his eyes closed. Gathering her strength she pulled his bladed hand up to her chest, her voice shaking as she guided the three blades to the correct spot hoping he was too locked up in his own mind to not notice. Ready at last she blew out a deep shaky sigh, her mind at rest and her mind
calm even though Carol was screaming at her not to do this. "Logan, look at me," shaking his head he kept his eyes away from her, the glint of hazel showing under the dark lids. "Well at least you can hear me," holding the wrist firm in her new strength she carried on. "Logan, I understand why you left, you were protecting me, keeping me safe from him, you couldn't control him here I know that now." She saw his eyes open a little and her grip increased on his wrist keeping it still in place, "I never wanted to hurt you Logan, I love you and if you're going to leave me again; I want to go first. At
least then I'll have someone to wait for."
The words spoken she stepped forward, the slide of the metal entering her flesh was something she'd remembered, the closeness of the touch, the feel of warmth running down her body as her blood flowed through the open
wounds. Hazel eyes snapped forward to her own as he felt her move, the warmth on his hand familiar, too familiar as the scream was thrown out of his throat to the calm sterile air of the med bay.
She watched him struggle, her hand still holding him tight to her, the one thing she wanted from him, release. She smiled through the pain as she felt her heart stutter, half raising her hand to his straining face and throat, the fire in him awakened again. The rage in him forcing itself forward, Wolverine snapping the blades back
away and out of her body, his hand reaching to her skin grasping it and finding nothing, no pull no healing being passed to her. She'd won, he was back and willing to live, thing was she wasn't, not after this, not after seeing what she'd done to him.
It was a small thing, a circle coming closed, she'd taken him the first time she'd touched him and now she was giving him back. Falling forward, she heard the straps strain and snap, blackness filling her world as she finally gave in to the siren song that was calling her. Free to wait for him, free from her skin, from the guilt, from everything a small smile resting on her pale blue lips.
It seemed like hours but it was only a second at most, the movement so soft he never even realised until she was on his blades and the blood was flowing down his hand. The smell of copper and iron rich in his lungs as she flowed out over him, his eyes focussed on her totally imprinting her every inch. Even down to the smudge of grease on her shirt from breakfast, the scream was out before he even knew it, the bellow loud enough to raise the dead. Snapping the blades away and straining to touch her with his bare hand the strap at his elbow keeping him from grabbing her. Her face drifted lower and he
touched the pale skin waiting for the draw of her gift, to give her everything he had to give. He waited but there was no draw, no drain of his gift, just a smile on her face as her eyes drifted shut, the words she'd spoken ringing around his head.
"I love you and if you're going to leave me again I want to go first. At least then I'll have someone to wait for."
Hope burned through every single cell of his body, Wolverine surged forward, the restraints feeling like cotton as he snapped them catching her fall to the floor, listening to her body dying as the stain of blood ran down her front. Knowing he'd hit her heart dead on
and she was almost gone, holding her bare skin and wishing for a miracle, for her to take what he had to give her.
Hearing Hank run through the doors toward them both, knowing that he was too late to save her, neither of them aware of the third party watching all of this, Carol. As Rogue's control slid away Carol pushed herself
forward, slipping the switch of her skin, firing the deadened nerves into overdrive as her body sought life, any life. Hearing the first breath enter Rogue's lungs, the heart beating again and the rush of another mind entering the darkness with her.
Logan's mind.
The rush was total, her body took everything he had to give her, every emotion, every piece of healing, everything he was. Hank just scooped the two bodies up Logan holding onto Rogue tightly with his damaged arms, blood slick on the floor, the sound of the medical
emergency klaxon bouncing around the med bay.
Jean flying through the doors her face set being followed by Scott and several others including Jubilee. Hank dropping the pair on the floor next to the emergency equipment, Hank separated them gently, both of them
breathing shallowly, the deep wounds now only surface cuts on her chest and back. Obvious to everyone what she'd done, the only question was why, Jean's face looked shocked as she saw the damage healing up before her eyes and the weak smile that was on Logan's
face. Probing his mind to feel the self satisfaction of Wolverine knowing he'd brought her home again, he'd saved his mate. Pulling away she left Hank and his team of helpers as she went to the wall, her mind a jumble of emotion as she called her mentor. He had to know
what had happened, Rogue had tried to kill herself using Logan as the weapon, he blamed himself enough for her state she could only guess at what his reaction would be when they both woke up. She wanted them separated just in case and she was going to insist if necessary, Rogue was unstable as was Logan and Jean could see this pulling
everyone else into it if they weren't careful.
The grey blankness of this place wasn't what she'd expected but it was something to start from, looking around herself she saw the figure of Carol stood watching her, her blonde hair perfectly tied back. Her gaze solid on her and her graceful form strong, Rogue went toward her smiling hoping to touch and speak to the woman who'd given her the strength to carry on when everything had seemed to go wrong.
"Carol?" She didn't answer her she just turned her back on her and walked into the grey distance, fading through a section of the grey. Rogue ran after her, straight into a room she wished she'd never see again.
They were stood in her old room, the couple on the bed were locked together in passion, she could see the fire in their gazes as they touched, rocking against each other in their need to lose themselves in the other's body. Recognising herself held under Logan's frame,
bite marks covering her skin, bruises peppering her pale skin especially around her hips, long finger marks and crescent scars where his nails had dug into her soft flesh. He was brutal with her, his hands locked around her wrists as he fucked her hard into the bed, the selfish behaviour of his own pleasure at her expense was
obvious to her gaze. This wasn't Logan it was Wolverine, this would have been her fate if he'd stayed, if he'd allowed himself to touch her again. She tore her gaze away from the couple on the bed and the moans that were issuing from her mouth, ones she knew she'd make if
he'd touched her like that. A needy whine coupled with a wheedling tone of compliance, she needed him and she'd let him do anything to her as long as she had him, be anything for him as long as he needed her.
Logan's voice came over the couple in the bed and Rogue saw Logan stood there looking at the animalistic side of himself with utter disgust and disdain. "Do you understand now? Do you get it?" Her eyes wide as she realised what this meant, it meant she wasn't dead, Logan was in her head with Carol, Carol had used her skin on
Logan. As the realisation passed her eyes Logan was there holding her bare skin in his hands, his presence large and comforting in her mind. "She did it for us, for both of us. I didn't want to lose you."
The shock was total, she'd thought she'd succeeded, that she'd died, she'd ended this mess but she'd ended up trapping Logan inside her again. Carol rounded on her, eyes blazing and the tone of her voice scathing.
"You're one selfish little bitch do you know that? I gave you everything I was, every gift I had so you could use it to help everyone around you and what have you done with it? I should have just let it go, you don't understand how selfish you've been by doing this. You'd have let Logan remember his last few days filled with the
guilt of knowing that your death had been at his own hands? All you were thinking of was your own comfort, your feelings of guilt, not that you'd leave him with a memory that he couldn't forget, another reason to hate himself. You really are a piece of work Rogue, a real
piece."
Carol turned her back on them both leaving her in the grip of Logan the true enormity of what she'd done falling into sense. She'd hurt him again, made him into the killer he'd always thought himself, killing the one person he never wanted to harm because she couldn't cope with seeing him or learning how much she'd destroyed him. Logan felt her try to bolt out of his grip and he just wrapped her up in his solid strength, her struggles to get free only gave him more chance to hold onto her, to wrap himself around her further until there was no separation between them.
He was rocking her gently backwards and forwards, like a mother does to a new born, his breathing calming her slowly as she came down from her panic. It was enough to break her wide open, her mind screaming for release she
found it in the embrace of the one man she thought she'd driven away from her. Her rock, the stability she'd been lacking for so long the piece of her that had been torn from her mind unknowingly by Xavier had been the one piece she'd needed above all else. She needed him, all of him, and that revelation made her understand why she'd risked everything by grabbing the last memory of his touch from Xaviers wraith like embrace of her mind.
Snatching the memory of his love, his touch on her skin, the moment when she knew beyond all doubt that he loved her, needed her and she'd acted like a child when the true
enormity of his desire for her became known to him. Here she could touch him, hold him, feel him next to her, understand his need for her to live even if he died doing it. Her head snapped up and the words died in her throat as he understood her question, the look in his gaze unsure as she saw his last image of her before she'd drained the consciousness out of him. Her in his arms, the look of peace on her face and the ache in his chest enough to crack his ribs wide open, then the rush of her skin and he'd pushed everything into her not knowing if he was alive or dead, only that she'd be alive and that was what mattered. Getting her mind under control she
concentrated on waking up, of forcing herself awake leaving the warmth of his embrace knowing she could cope with him being here in her head if he was still alive. If not she'd cross that bridge when it came to it.
She was in a cell, clear plastic but a cell none the less, through the clear wall she could see Logan, his eyes wide open and watching her. He was moving even before she blinked, his hand resting on the wall between them the look of despair in his eyes so deep and strong
that she almost shut her eyes to it. He slid down the wall between them his hand still laid against the plastic wall, the need in him palpable but the small camera's in the ceiling were beginning to turn as the others realised they were awake. Hearing them coming and knowing in some part what they would want to do with them both she moved quickly. Concentrating she felt the curious itch in her hands as the blades fired, bringing her hands back she struck the wall between them, her strength and power driving the bone through the plastic. Listening as Logan did the same, her mind concentrating at getting to him, to touch him, to feel his skin under her fingers,
tearing at the plastic wall that had separated them not knowing how long she'd been apart from him but it wouldn't last much longer. His scent was strong in her nose when she pulled down half of the wall, he'd been there a while, there were foodtray's in his half of the
cell uneaten and set solid with age. She'd been out for a while then, as soon as he was able Logan dove through the gap to her almost impaling himself on her claws, his body wrapping around hers and holding her as the sobs wracked through him triggering her own stumbling rush of words.
Hank was there she could hear him, smell him through the door but he didn't enter he was watching them both
through the screen outside. He went up in her estimation when he fended off both Xavier and Jean, his voice raising and thundering through the lower level as he fought for their privacy, for their needs. After they'd all left Logan finally spoke his voice still raw as he held onto her, the word he spoke making her fall apart at the seams to be remade in his embrace. "Marie."
Rogue had been made; she'd been a construct, a wall to hide behind, a face to show to the rest of the school. The thing to be in the hallways and the open spaces of the school, Rogue took the blows, rolled with the punches, understood the need to be cruel when the
situation needed it. How to choose between teammates when there was something undefeatable in front of them, how to best use her skills to win, to beat the enemy at any cost. Logan had never been part of Rogue, she was something else entirely, Marie was someone who'd needed Logan, someone who'd expected love from all those around her because that was what she gave. She'd given up being Marie after Liberty Island, thing was Logan hadn't given up on her, he still wanted her and that was what Rogue couldn't understand. An what Rogue couldn't understand she destroyed like a spoiled child would, thing was she almost brought Logan down with her.
Her voice was dry as if she'd been asleep for a long time, the words almost sticking in her throat but she managed to get them out, "Ah'm here sugar, ah'm here." Lost in his embrace she let herself go, let the grief go, let the hurt die inside her soul, feeling Logan and
Carol inside her head retreat so she could be alone, be herself, be Marie again. His bare skin touched hers and she could feel his almost regret as his fingers passed over her, the words he spoke to her registering somewhere as she lost herself in his arms. "I can't heal
you anymore darlin' your skin it don't affect me anymore. Looks like third time was the charm…." His voice melted into a dour note, as if this was something she didn't want, that she didn't want him to touch her, to hold her close to him and breathe her into his very heart.
"Ah don't care," she felt his arms stiffen as he listened to her, about to move her away from him when she grabbed hold of him and pulled herself deeper into his shirts and body. "Ah don't care because ah have you in here," she pointed inside her head, "An your ahlive out here too. That's all that matters to me Logan." She found his reddened eyes and the wetness still on his skin her heart wide open to him as she spoke, "Your ah'll that's ever mattered to me Logan an that's why ah hated you for leavin' me, even when it was for mah own good." She'd never felt so raw, so open, so vulnerable than
with him right now, stood in the wreckage of the quarantine cells, both of them barely hanging onto sanity, needing the other to be honest with them, to say what they felt without price or judgement.
To know it had been worth the pain, to have this moment of clarity between them when everything would either fall apart or into place. The three words dropped onto his skin like rain in the desert, soaked up immediately and cherished for the precious gift they were, "Ah love you."
After that, there were no more words, only sleep; him wrapped up behind her on her bed. Both clothed but aware of the camera above them in the ceiling watching their every move, knowing it wouldn't be long before someone came to see them. When the visit came it wasn't who they thought it would be, Jubilee and Hank with clothes and packs in their hands, Jubilee gave Marie a set of keys and an envelope.
Hank destroyed the camera's with a quick twist and reach, ushering them out silently Jubilee took the back route to the garage. Getting behind the driving seat of the large truck Logan had commandeered for himself when he'd first arrived she told them to hide until they were clear of the grounds. Seated together in the back seat they hid in
each other as Jubilee drove them into New York, wrapped up together, each piece of the other so intertwined that there was no sense in keeping them apart any longer.
Jubilee just prattled on as she drove telling Marie that she'd been out for a week, that she'd been kept in isolation with Logan since she'd tried to kill herself. Jean was worried that Logan would attack people if he was left alone with her without protection, she told her
that she'd been the one trying to get him to eat. He'd refused everything she'd brought him, letting the food go rotten and not bothering to pass the old trays out to her, she could slide food in but not enter without alerting everyone else.
When they arrived at Grand Central she hopped out, making Logan take the driving seat, giving him the pink slip and insurance for the truck. Her last words were hopeful, "Come back when you make me a auntie. Not until you hear me, that's an order from Wheels himself."
With a flurry of yellow, she was gone, back into the crowds that were passing the truck as if the world hadn't just changed for the two of them. Nervously Logan looked at her, waiting for some sign of her acceptance, she gave it willingly, resting against him and putting her head on his shoulder as his arm crept over her own shuddering
body. Nothing was the same yet it was; they were back where they'd begun, just the two of them, a truck and the whole world ahead of them. Opening the envelope Jubilee had thrust at her earlier Marie saw a map and money, a letter with directions and a deed. A home waiting somewhere out there for them to find, seeing Logan's fingers go over the map, recognising the names and places, his brows knitting together as he looked at her. "Far?" Logan nodded, licking his lips before speaking to her.
"You wanna go straight there?" Marie shook her head, they'd know where they were going, she wanted some time alone with him before they came back into the fold. Seeing the relief in his gaze as he gunned the trucks engine, his small smirk coming back and the small
light in his eye that she knew she'd put there by her answer. "Long way it is," and as the buildings slowly faded into grassland Marie felt the ghost of Rogue finally fall away from her shoulders. She could be Marie again, find out who she was and exactly what the
relationship between her and Logan was, it wouldn't be easy but then the best things never were.
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Author's Chapter Notes:
He made a promise, she made a promise, time to see which one gets honoured and which one falls by the wayside.